Welcome to The Club v3.3 Summer 2023

Retirement To-Do List: 1) Wake Up.... NAILED IT!
Welcome to ...
THE Club
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When you truly love someone, are
married or in a close partnership, there
are few of us who want to admit we are
unable anymore to care for that other
person. Like me, however, they may
finally have to face the reality unless
they find alternate living arrangements
for the person needing care. Their own
health will be compromised, which is
not good for either one of them. It is
one of the most difficult life decisions a
lot of spouses face. I know, because it’s
one I was forced to make.
I dreaded November 18th, 2014.
That was the arranged day to place my
93 year old husband in a long term
care home. I was fearful my elderly
husband, suffering with dementia and
several physical ailments, would create
a terrible fuss. It was fortunate I had the
wonderful support of a close friend, and
our adult grandson, who both assisted
me with the move.
When we arrived at the facility our
grandson took my husband gently
by the arm as he guided him into the
home. We were met in the foyer by a
staff member who escorted us up to
Norway Spruce, his assigned floor, and
then into his semi-private room.
Harvey smiled as he looked around
and appeared to like what he saw; he
even said, “This is nice.” He was warmly
The mailman
bringeth
and the
trashman
taketh away.
Did I Do The Right Thing?
By Victoria Stirling, London • from Daytripping Nov-Dec 2015
greeted by more staff members as they
busied getting him admitted, and he
was affable and cheerful. Because of my
earlier fears I was astonished, as well as
relieved, at how well all of it was going.
My grandson and I were invited to
stay and have lunch in the dining hall
with him. It was reassuring to see this
was a brightly lit area with the tables
pleasantly laid. The meal had been
prepared in the home’s own kitchen
and it was good; enjoyed by all of us.
After his noon meal we returned to his
room, and as my husband wanted to
take his usual afternoon nap, we told
him we loved him, would see him again
soon, and left.
Yet as we drove away from the home
that day part of me remained there
with him. The feeling of guilt, that I had
somehow let him down, continued to
be a personal burden during most of
the seven months he lived in the long
term care home. Even though I really
knew I could not manage him at home
it was always still there.
Since July 6th, 2015 when my
623 Broadway St., Wyoming • 519-845-9915 • VillageFireplaceShop.com
beloved husband passed peacefully
away with quiet dignity and pain free,
I’ve learned he did have quality time in
that facility.
In many of the staff’s condolences
since, I’ve read, as well as heard, of
the effect my husband had on them.
He had enjoyed a unique camaraderie
I hadn’t been aware of with other
residents, some relatives of residents,
and those special staff members.
Harvey had participated in
recreational activities; among them
the twice monthly happy hour which I
know, having gone with him, was one
of his favourite. While he was able,
he’d done some walking in the halls
with Dan, a male physiotherapist. As
they walked they chatted. Dan told me
how interesting he found my husband,
especially hearing about all the things
he had achieved in his life: his 26 years
in the Royal Navy, the many countries
he’d visited, and how he’d met and
married me.
When Harvey talked about his life
in Scotland it reminded some listeners
of their own heritage. A resident at the
home said how much she’d enjoyed
his company at the dining table they
shared; how she would miss him, he
always made her laugh.
This was not how his life had been
for the previous two years which he
spent all and every day sitting, watching
TV, just doing nothing. It didn’t matter
how much I tried to encourage him
that there was more to life, he wouldn’t
budge.
So how do I feel now? I’m sad for
myself, as having been married to him
for nearly 63 years his life and mine
are united. He’ll always be a part of it.
Still I’ve found much solace in learning
about his experiences in the home. Just
knowing the people he came in contact
with, how they got to share a part of
the man I knew, before Dementia had
changed him. This has also erased
some of the guilt I’ve carried all this
time because now I know, for both of
us, I did do the right thing. My hope is
these words of mine may bring comfort
to anyone else going through a similar
experience.
Publisher’s Note:
Thank you Victoria, for having the
bravery to share your experience with
us. I hope your words may help another
reader in some way.
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Summer 2023 “All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close-up.” -Sunset Boulevard, 1950 P A G E 39