Marte Meo in der Paarberatung

MARTE MEO Magazine 2009/1&2-VOL.42/43
18
Maria: This is fantastic!
Hildegard: And then it went on.
13.3. Hildegard asks Maria:
What led you in the development of the
process?
Hildegard: Maria, you developed the concept for
this training and again and again you have found
customized tasks for Patrick. What led you?
Maria: MARTE MEO is always tailor-made. I developed
basic information about possibilities to support
the development of all kinds of abilities – social
abilities, emotional abilities – and we always do it
in a customized way. So it is in Patrick’s case.
What moves us is that we see in the beginning of
the diagnosis: What did Patrick develop the least?
What buggers him the most? What is his question?
This is always a »guiding idea«, and Patrick
states: »I don’t know what to answer.« That we
call a »motivation point« in MARTE MEO, that one
thinks to oneself, there I want to do something
with.
And secondly: When we watch the video recording
for the diagnosis, we see that Patrick hasn’t
got many words in connection with experiences,
he can’t name himself very well yet – that we
observed in the diagnosis –; then I know from
what I studied that normally communication skills
start here.
And since I saw that Patrick is not very good at
empathising with another person, it is very
important that he gets to know another person’s
world. Therefore, he got the task to ask questions.
Another guiding idea of MARTE MEO is: When I let
him ask questions, then one can see, how many
questions he has and he can react to what the
other person says.
One can observe that …; in Patrick’s case one could
observe that: When he began to ask questions,
they were factual questions and not very emotional
ones. One could see that he managed to do it in
one moment; that we can show him.
So, this is on the one hand the diagnosis, which
we can do in the everyday life, in situations of
interaction. What is missing? What should he still
learn?
And thirdly: every time we have a review and new
video material, one can recognise first signs. So
we can’t say: »We always begin with this and then
we do that.« There are certain things that always
occur. But when they occur depends on the new
video recordings and Patrick’s development initiatives.
Hildegard: You always followed them?
Maria: Yes, exactly. One accompanies his development
and recognises: »Here he tries it.« He can’t
handle it very well yet but currently he tries to.
This shows that he is ready for such a step. And
when one then gives the information, that we also
know from our life, if one is really interested in
something and gets some more information, you
are totally with it.
13.4. Maria asks Hildegard:
How did you find the suitable pictures for the
review?
Maria: Hildegard, what is always hard for most of
the people – I was so impressed by the way you
did it – which pictures you precisely chose for the
review. How did you do that? How did you know
which pictures would be suitable?
Hildegard: Well, that was not so very easy. In the
beginning I felt quite helpless. I can remember
when watching the first film I only saw the things
Patrick couldn’t do. That means I could have done
a whole list of the abilities that are not developed
yet. But I wanted to show him what he is able to
do. MARTE MEO ties in with the capabilities, and I
also wanted to win him with the first pictures so
that he would continue.
Well then – what did I do? At first, I looked for the
MARTE MEO checklists again, which you have developed
for the work with isolated children( 4 ) so that
I had an idea at all and points of contact how I
should observe. That was the first thing.
And then I put on the capabilities glasses and
went very thoroughly through the film another
time on the search for little positive signs. In the
end, I was astonished at how many I managed to
find. These I then sent you via »Long Distance
SuperVision«.
Maria: And how was it for you, the rethinking?
How many experiences do you have with foster
families?
Hildegard: Well, I’m also a foster mother; I have
the experience as well. Counselling I have done now
for 10 to 12 years and have accompanied many
families so far. And there it is really important to
find the positive things because – until I begin
with counselling, the situation is often already
quite problematic and the people are in a negative
circle. Then finding positive signs, that helps a lot.
By using film material, this can be done so well.
Maria: And what I mostly hear then is, that one
normally waits until many negative experiences
are there. Therefore it is good that we work in
Ireland. There, we film children before they go to
foster families – in the home or in their family –