Marte Meo in der Paarberatung

and then do quite a good diagnosis. Where does
the child need a little more support? And with
such a film, we got to the foster families and from
the beginning it is clear what the child needs and
how one can give it step by step. And then we
also see, that it becomes less. After nine months,
the foster parents usually gave the children much
love and everything they have. But after nine to
twelve months this stops because they think:
»Now I’m exhausted, I can’t give anymore. Now
the boy has to do something, or the girl.«
Then I always say: »Yes, love is not enough.«
One needs to know what the children didn’t get.
They didn’t have the possibility to develop abilities
one generally needs to live in a family. Yes, how
do you participate in a family.
Hildegard: But how do you support the children
so that living together actually works? In this
point, MARTE MEO is very concrete, related to praxis
and realisable for foster parents.
Maria: And we also developed MARTE MEO together
with people from foster families so that we don’t
start with »We know it«. All the time, I have
worked together with people who know a lot
more about foster families than I do. In Ireland, in
the MARTE MEO foster family project, we have
already worked with foster families in 1993; with
people who had 20 or 22 years of experience in
the work with these families. They know everything
and get more and more ideas – as you
developed good ideas – about what we could do
for the preparation of foster parents, e.g. the
MARTE MEO parenting courses for foster parents.
And then you see – video gives such a good feedback
– how it really has an effect. Less children
are taken out of the families again. More children
are able to stay and establish a good relationship.
13.5. Hildegard asks Maria:
What contributed to the fact that Patrick had
this successful development?
Hildegard: Well, Maria, you do have a lot of
experience with MARTE MEO and have already
accompanied so many people in their development.
What do you think has worked in Patrick’s case,
what do you think contributed to him having such a
successful development?
Maria: I think, a few things accounted for that.
Patrick would like to, he felt motivated. This motivation
was supported by his foster mother. He has
made good experiences with you. I think his first
experiences were really important, as you can see
in the picture. First he thinks: »I can’t do that«. And
then he realises: »Oh yes, that’s really me.« And
that he then got the idea of a picture: »I could be
like that. I am not like it yet, but it is in me.«
This you could deliver to Patrick in a way that he
could accept and enjoy it. Hence, the motivation
grows even more; I always say: »When you love
doing something, then there is an energy flux.«
Nature is so wise. When you want to do something,
I call that »initiative«, then there is always an
»energy flux« behind it.
That we also saw in Patrick’s case. He is more and
more active, he sat more and more upright,
laughed more, trusted himself more.
And I think the fantastic combination – we didn’t
do that before – that is to say with his foster
mother, with whom you have worked longer…
Hildegard: Yes, we had already worked a year
together.
Maria: Patrick trusted his foster mother, his foster
mother trusted you. That way… everything went
right.
… he is more successful
in his apprenticeship training
position …
And also the fact, that Patrick saw himself in the
picture. I think it worked really well with the picture
that he could imagine how it could be. If he
looked back after he had practised asking questions
for one week, how much better it worked the
next time. I’m of the opinion that for development
you need hope to achieve it. Hope, courage – and
Patrick had courage. That is what I liked so much.
Hildegard: He was courageous.
Maria: And he gained hope in the process. More
and more one could see that he made own
experiences: »I manage it.« And so he got more
hope: »We’ll get through that very well.«
At the same time, I’m of the opinion that Patrick
experienced, also in school, that it helps him, that
he can use it.
Hildegard: Yes, that’s what I think as well, that he
found out how much better it works in reality.
Maria: Exactly.
Hildegard: That encouraged him to continue.
Maria: And I also found it nice to see when we did
the interview with Patrick together in the end how
self-conscious he was in the process, that he knew
so much. That he said: »From brain death I went to
life again.«
As I asked him: »The first time – did you know a MARTE
MEO Magazine 2009/1&2-VOL.42/43
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