Marte Meo in der Paarberatung

MARTE MEO Magazine 2009/1&2-VOL.42/43
30
want to support the development of their children,
which is a wonderful thing. I do not want to criticise
the many courses offered for children, they
are good offers, but for the children the quantity
is of great importance.
Frequently, one forgets that the development of
the children is supported in the little things, the
daily communication in the best way. A few
examples to this:
• When I show children a friendly face, they feel
accepted. Mum and dad love me, I am okay. The
friendly face strengthens the self-confidence,
the basis of every development. By looking at a
kind face, the children are encouraged to show
their own initiative as well. This, we also know
very well. Our job performance becomes better
while working under a friendly boss.
Lately, a mother of three children reckoned in
the course: »How can I expect the children to
greet me smiling in the morning when I look at
my face in the mirror.«
• Or to show the children, how they can do something.
Very often, children only get to hear what
they are not supposed to do: »Don’t stand on
the chair; don’t scream/shout so loud; don’t hit
your brother; don’t run away from the table.«
But if I tell children what they must do, they can
display the wished behaviour, as: »Please
remain seated; speak more quietly,« etc. At the
same time, the tone is of great importance.
In the future broadcasts, you will hear how you
can support the children’s development in everyday
life by means of concrete examples.
By the way: The association »Familienbegleitung«
»(family attendance«) ( 1 ) also offers courses. One
object is, how we as parents can support the
children’s development in the daily routine. These
courses are titled »Supporting development: But
how? Introduction to MARTE MEO for parents.«
Third Broadcast:
Wait And See, What The Child Does
I enter the playroom of Stefan, who is three years
old. His father is currently playing with him. He tries
to put the rails of the »Briobahn«( 4 ) together. The
father shows Stefan, how he wants to have it done,
but Stefan has other ideas. He shouts: »I want to
do myself.«
But daddy also has a clear picture of how he
wants to arrange the rails. Soon, a conflict erupts.
Sulking, Stefan withdraws and begins to play with
the »Playmobil«. Now, the father is frustrated as
well: »But don’t you want to play with me?« he
asks him. But Stefan does not want to play anymore.
Intervention:
The father meant well with Stefan. He spends time
with his son, plays with him, and Stefan is so
ungrateful.
Here and there, I enter a kid’s room and see how
nice mum and dad have played. Lovely Lego landscapes
can be marvelled at. Playing along can be
wonderful, but there should be also other
moments in the children’s play: Being able to wait
at a time, to see what the kid does, is very important
to the children’s development. Often, we are
amazed what kind of ideas the child has.
During pre-school age, it is also fundamental to
say, what the child is doing, in that way we not
only support the linguistic development, the child
gets to know words for what it is doing, but you
also show the kid: Mum and dad are seeing me.
Thus, the child gains confidence in its own abilities,
the basis of every development. To wait and
see, what kind of ideas the child has is often not
that easy, but it is worth it. Full of joy, one father
told in the course: In the past, he had built sand
castles in the sandpit for his son. It had been frustrating
that his son had always destroyed them.
Now he has discovered, what it would give him
and his son, to only sit and watch him what he is
doing. Suddenly he could see, how many ideas
his son has. He would not have the feeling anymore
to have to do something all the time, but he
would be able to enjoy his son even more.
Fourth Broadcast:
Setting Boundaries Or To Say How
I watch a mother with her two little ones on the
playground. Both slip up and down the slide. The
mother catches each own when coming down.
Again, the two stand at the top of the slide. Now,
the little brother wants to push to the front. The
sister is already sitting on the slide and her little
brother tries to get ahead of her. Then the girl
begins to scream and to hit her brother. The
mother watches the scene for a moment and then
goes to the two of them, looks at the girl and
says: »I know you don’t want that your brother
gets ahead of you, but I don’t want you to hit
him; you can tell him, that he shouldn’t get ahead
of you.« And to her little son: »Did you hear, she
doesn’t want you to.«