Sleeping-with-ROCD

Much of my recollection of my childhood involves being
locked in my bedroom. In thinking back, the majority of my
memories are of moments that took place while I was isolated
in my room. These are simply things that I did to pass
the time, such as experimenting with the effects the Sun
had on my eyesight due to over-exposure, determining the
average length of a song on the radio, and other things one
does when bored. I spent a lot of time alone and bored.
When locked in my room, I would lay down beside the
door and watch through the crack between the floor and the
door out of boredom. When I needed to go to the bathroom,
getting attention usually required 10 to 15 minutes of repeated
calls to him that I had to go. I would even see him
walk by the door as I was calling out, not responding to me.
The experiences directly involving my step-father were
usually troublesome. One, in particular, was what I encountered
when asking for more water at supper. I was
about 7 years old when this occurred. When I sat down to
dinner, I noticed that my glass of water was low. I asked
him if I could have more water. His response was that I
should be happy with what I got. I was then punished by
being forced to drink water, by the pitcher-full, until I
threw up.
From that time, I never asked him for anything. I feared
asking him for anything. I think this developed into a belief
that I didn't deserve much, which had an effect on my selfesteem
for much of my earlier years – even into adult-hood.
I recall another experience, wherein I snuck a cookie from
the kitchen when no one was watching. I don't remember
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