Falconer+-+John+Cheever

Falconer 147
worse and then she suggested that maybe he would like a bath. So
then he suddenly got angry and said that he was looking for a
cunt, not a mother, that his mother told him when he needed a
bath, that he didn’t go around looking for sluts in saloons in order
to be told when he needed a bath and when to get his hair cut and
when to brush his teeth. So he got dressed and went away and she
told me this to illustrate how to be a round heels takes all kinds of
courage.
“But I did lousy things too. When I came off the road once I said
hello and went upstairs to take a crap and while I was sitting there
I noticed that there was this big pile of hunting and fishing
magazines beside the toilet. So then I finished and pulled up my
pants and came out shouting about this constipated fisherman she
was fucking. I yelled and yelled. I said it was just her speed to pick
up with a boob who couldn’t cast a fly or take a shit. I said I could
imagine him sitting there, his face all red, reading about catching
the gamy muskallonge in stormy northern waters. I said that was
just what she deserved, that just by looking at her I could tell it was
her destiny to get reamed by one of those pimply gas pumpers
who do their fishing in magazines and can’t cut a turd. So she
cried and cried and about an hour later I remembered that I had
subscribed to all these hunting and fishing magazines and when I
said that I was sorry she really didn’t care and I felt shitty.”
Farragut said nothing—he seldom said anything to the Cuckold—
and the Cuckold went back to his cell and turned up his radio.
Ransome came down with the flux one Tuesday morning and by
Wednesday afternoon everyone but the Stone had it. Chicken
claimed that it came from the pork they had been eating all week.
He claimed that a fly had flown out of his meat. He claimed to
have captured the fly and offered to show it to anyone who asked,
but no one asked. They all put in for sick call, but Walton or
Goldfarb announced that the infirmary was overworked and that
no doctor’s or nurse’s appointment could be made for ten days.
Farragut had the flux and a fever and so did everyone else. On