Falconer+-+John+Cheever

Falconer 46
to go up and down like a piston. He fell and beat his head on the
floor, trying to achieve the reasonableness of pain. Pain would give
him peace. When he realized that he could not reach pain this
way, he began the enormous struggle to hang himself. He tried
fifteen or a million times before he was able to get his hand on his
belt buckle. His hand flew away and after another long struggle he
got it back to the buckle and unfastened it. Then, on his knees,
with his head still on the floor, he jerked the belt out of the loops.
The sweat had stopped. Convulsions of cold racked him. No
longer even on his knees, but moving over the floor like a
swimmer, he got to the chair, looped the buckle onto itself for a
noose and fastened the belt to a nail on the chair. He was trying to
strangle himself when Chisholm said: “Cut the poor prick down
and get his fix.” Tiny unlocked the cell door. Farragut couldn’t see
much, but he could see this, and the instant the cell was unlocked
he sprang to his feet, collided with Tiny and was halfway out the
cell and running for the infirmary when Chisholm brained him
with a chair. He came to in the infirmary with his left leg in a
plaster cast and half his head in bandages. Tiny was there in
civilian clothes. “Farragut, Farragut,” he asked, “why is you an
addict?”
Farragut didn’t reply. Tiny patted him on the head. “I’ll bring you
in some fresh tomatoes tomorrow. My wife puts up fifty jars of
tomato sauce. We have tomatoes for breakfast, lunch and supper.
But I still got tomatoes left over. I’ll bring some in tomorrow. You
want anything else?”
“No, thank you,” said Farragut. “I’d like some tomatoes.”
“Why is you an addict?” asked Tiny, and he went away.
Farragut was not disconcerted by the question, but he was
provoked. It was only natural that he should be an addict. He had
been raised by people who dealt in contraband. Not hard drugs,
but unlicensed spiritual, intellectual and erotic stimulants. He was
the citizen, the product of some border principality such as