January 2015 - UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST
The Most Unusual Digest in America
FREE
January 2015
Voted best International
Restaurant AND Best Sushi
Restaurant by You, via Market
Surveys of America,
2 years running!
Best wishes in
FREE Dessert
when you celebrate your
birthday at Sea 40!
We want to THANK YOU
for your support this past year!
Open Mic Night
Every Wednesday at 7pm
Japanese Cuisine
40 East Ave., Lewiston • 795-6888
www.sea40me.com
Armandsab@aol.com

Money in
the Bank
Submitted by Jimbo
“New Years parades have a lot in common with Santa Claus. Nobody is awake
to see either of them.” – Melanie White
Father O’Malley
answers the phone:
“Hello, is this Father
O'Malley”
“It is!'”
“This is the IRS. Can
you help us”
“I’ll do my best, said
Father O’Malley.”
“Do you know a Ted
Houlihan” asks the
IRS.
“I do!” responds Father
O’Malley.
“Is he a member of
your congregation”
“He is!”
“Did he donate
$10,000 to the
church” asked the
IRS agent.
“He will,” the Father
responds.
Zippy
Submitted by Jimbo
An elderly man went to
his doctor and
said,”'Doc, I think I'm
getting senile. Several
times lately, I have forgotten
to zip up.”
“That's not senility,”
replied the doctor. “Senility
is when you forget
to zip down.”
Uncle Andy’s Digest
2
January 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
Don't Honk - I'm pedaling as fast as I can.

At my age, flowers scare me. – George Burns
MODERN WOODMEN
OF AMERICA
January 2015
Tuesday, Jan 6th
Luiggi’s 4 – 7pm
(Chapter 14437)
67 Sabattus St., Lewiston
$4.50 Member; 5.50 Guest
Sunday, Jan 11th
KC Breakfast 8 – 10am
(Chapter 7938)
Columbus Drive, Brunswick
$5 M; $6 G; Child / 10 free
Tuesday, Jan 13th
Dairy Queen 4 – 7pm
(Chapter 14346)
661 Minot Ave. Auburn
$5 Member; $6 Guest
Saturday, Jan 17th
KC Sacred Heart Bean
Supper 4:30 – 5:30pm
(Chapter 8609)
8 Sacred Heart Place,
Auburn $5 Member;$6 Guest
Tuesday, Jan 20st
Roy’s Breakfast 7 – 10am
(Chapter 12749)
5 Washington St. Auburn
$2 Member; $3 Guest
Tuesday, Jan 21st
Chick-A-Dee 11:30am – 1pm
(Chapter 12907)
1472 Lisbon St., Lewiston
$8 Member; $9 Guest
Dick Courtemanche
207-786-3622
Lewiston
Art Chamberlain
207-514-7003
Lewiston
Paul Colasante*
207-782-8823
Lewiston
Michael Courtemanche*
207-783-8921
Lewiston
Tuesday , Jan 27th
Applebee’s 11:30am – 1pm
(Chapter 10929)
Rt. 26, Oxford
$6 Member
Forest Cluff*
207-725-4606
Brunswick
Ron Ouellette*
207-786-3612
Lewiston
Kim Pelkey*
207-786-2573
Lewiston/Norway
*Registered representative. Securities offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC.
I'm so old they've canceled my blood type. – Bob Hope
Deb Wagemann*
207-783-8804
Auburn
TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RE-
TURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED
Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to change. If
additional info is needed, please call our office,
please do not call restaurants. All activities can
only be attended at the times listed.
*************************
Tickets need to be purchased at the
Modern Woodmen District Office,
184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all
activities and can only be picked up the
week prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs
9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon
(excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
January 2015 UncleAndys.com 3

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST
is published by the first
Friday of every month by
Maine Mountain Ocean
Group, Inc. with offices at
9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME.
It is distributed free throughout
Central Maine and mailed
to subscribers all over the
world. Subscriptions are
$30/year. Send a $30 check
made out to
UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST to:
P.O. Box 3363,
Auburn, ME 04212
Staff
JIMBO
Slightly Famous
TIM
The Total Package
MAGGIE
If B.S. Were a
Penny a Pound...
THOMAS
Appreciation
Marketing Guru
PAM
No Perm Needed
UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST
MAILING ADDRESS:
PO Box 3363
Auburn, ME 04212
EMAIL: editor@UncleAndys.com
PHONE: 207 783-7039
FAX: 207 777-3898
UncleAndysDigest.com
Dear Luck, can we be friends in 2015 please
AFFORDABLE DENTURES
Like our name implies, we’ll make you Smile Again!
We now offer Citi Health Card • Most Dental Insurances Accepted
We also accept Credit & Debit Cards • Not a MaineCare Provider
FREE CONSULTATIONS
SMILE AGAIN DENTURES
801 Webster Street, Lewiston
514-0660
SmileAgainDentures.com
Or email us at:
smileagaindentures@gmail.com
Poorly fitting or broken
dentures repaired
on-site, usually
same-day service!
Also see us for:
• Full Dentures
• Immediate Dentures
• Partial Dentures
• Rebases
• Relines
• Repairs
• All work done in house,
including metal frameworks
Mike & Joe
Adkins,
licensed
denturists
While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to
ensure the accuracy of the information in our
client’s advertisements and our publication in
general, we are not responsible for vendor
availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies,
product pricing errors, or omissions.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
4
January 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.

This New Year’s I resolve to be less awesome since that is really the only thing I do in excess.
Some of us are just wired differently. And between us... I think you should
sue the contractor.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
January 2015 UncleAndys.com 5

Out ’n About with
Community Credit
Union
A pencil is just a pen that can't commit.
REFRESH YOUR SMILE
FOR THE NEW YEAR!
Live Well, Look Good & Feel Great.
The Grinch limbers up prior
to working the crowd at the
Chamber breakfast.
Dental Hygiene & Wellness
Dental Cleanings
Oral Cancer Assessments
Sealants
All Ages Welcome
New Patients Receive
10% OFF
First Visit with ad.
Early evening &
Saturday appointments
available!
Fluoride Treatments
Athletic Mouth Guards
Most Insurances Accepted
No Referrals Needed
SassevilleHealthySmile.com
Lisa-Marie Sasseville, IPDH
241-0667
137 East Avenue
Lewiston
I put on a layer of fat for the winter. Unfortunately, I put it on in the winter of '98.
Out ’n About with Community Credit Union
The Grinch
puzzling with his overworked
puzzler.
Young Wonder
Submitted by Thomas Hill
The sight of my mother
cleaning her dentures
fascinated my young
son. He sat riveted as
she carefully took them
out, brushed and
rinsed them, and then
popped them back in.
"Cool, Grandma!" he
said. "Now take off
your arm."
Uncle Andy’s Digest
6
January 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
Community Credit Union staffers: Andrew Lunn, Jen Hogan,
Grinch, Kerry Wood & Bria Duncan
As a judge in the ugly sweater contest, Jimbo awards Andrew with the title of the ugliest sweater
ever. Andrew, you win a lifetime subscription to Uncle Andy’s Digest. Be sure to grab one in your
lobby each month.
Automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects
seemed scared of me.

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.
Upscale Comfort Food and Home Style Hospitality
in a Historically Distinct Setting.
Our menu features a modern
twist on traditional Lewiston
& Auburn favorites, alongside
innovative railroad inspired
comfort food dishes.
Out ’n About at
Logan Ames’
B’day Bash
Happy Birthday,
Logan!
• Locally Owned
• Thoughtfully Sourced
• Made from Scratch
• Maine Craft Artisans
Reserve our
function room for
your next party or
event!
103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 333-3070 • RailsMaine.com
Monday - Thursday 11am - 9pm; Friday & Saturday 11am - 10pm
Abby
When one door closes another one opens. I should really get this cabinet fixed.
Join our challenge and YOU could WIN!
• 8 week challenge
• 2 launches: 1st is January 12-15; 2nd is January 19-23
• $60 entry fee - over $300 in prizes to top 2 finishers
• Winners based on total percentage of fat lost
• Call TODAY to enter!
10% Discount on Training
& Nutrition Services
Ava
They grow
up so fast!
Group Classes • One-on-One Training
Nutrition Services • Team Training
272 Lewiston St., Mechanic Falls • 577-5979
Prime360Training.com
I can take a hint. If you hit me with it about ten times.
BJ Grondin, CSCS
Chrissy Ames with
her dad, Reed Lizotte
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
January 2015 UncleAndys.com 7

Out ’n About at
Center Street
Dental
MAKE(ing) A WISH
come true
Center Street Dental
transformed their office into
a Disney palace to make
Delilah’s wish come true
One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you're toast.
Just
Awesome!
Delilah & Dr. Rose
Chelsi Ricker &
Nikki Woodman
Uncle Andy’s Digest
8
Brittney Bell &
Katlyn Gardiner
January 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
If we get rid of all the margarine the world will be a butter place.

A group of eavesdroppers is called a heard.
From Our Family to Yours...
Happy New Year!
Resolutions
Over the Years
Submitted by Jimbo
2011 - I will get my
weight down below 160
pounds.
2012 - I will follow my
new diet religiously
until I get below 180
pounds.
2013 - I will develop a
realistic attitude about
my weight.
2014 - I will work out
every day.
2015 - I will try to drive
past a gym at least
once a week and eat
fewer cookies.
We look forward to serving you in 2015!
See our coupons
on the Just Darn
Good Deals page
Dad’s Place
There’s NO PLACE like...
23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info
It’s not too early to book your spring and summer events!
Weddings • Summer Events • Reunions
Company Parties
Indoors or Outdoors – We do it all!
Dad’s Catering
Division
345-9009 DadsPlace.info
Call Diana or Larry for
more info and pricing!
Never let a medical procedure scare you. That's what the bill is for.
Password
Submitted by Thomas Hill
While a father was visiting
his son, he asked
for the password to his
Wi-Fi.
“It’s taped under the
modem,” he said.
After three failed attempts
to log on, he
asked, “Am I spelling
this right T-A-P-E-D-
U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-
O-D-E-M”
“Deer readers, my gnu
years resolution is to
tell you a gazelleon
times how much I
caribou you!
Sorry. Bad puns.
Alpaca bag and leave.”
– Greg Tamblyn
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
January 2015 UncleAndys.com 9

Jackpot
Submitted by Jimbo
The Senate is investigating
deceptive
sweepstakes practices.
These companies
target the elderly and
make them think they
will receive a bunch of
money,
but in reality they never
see any of it.
I don't like to be difficult but I'm good at it.
BEST OF THE BEST!
Debbie
Bodwell
The most popular of
these scams is called
Social Security.
Wife: “Do you want
dinner”
Husband: “Sure! What
are my choices”
Wife: “Yes or no.”
Golden Years
Uncle Andy’s Digest
10
Submitted by Jimbo
I sure have gotten old.
I've had 2 by-pass surgeries,
a hip replacement
and new knees.
Fought prostate cancer,
and diabetes. I'm
half blind, can't hear
anything quieter than a
jet engine, take 40 different
medications that
make me dizzy,
winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts
with dementia. Have
poor circulation, hardly
feel my hands and feet
anymore. Can't remember
if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my
friends.
But.....Thank God, I still
have my Florida driver's
license!
January 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
NMLS ID# 1760, ME Supervised Lender License No. SLM2537
Equal Housing Opportunity
Debbie Bodwell, NMLS#280336
VP, Mortgage Banker
181 Center Street | Auburn, ME 04210
P 207-777-1551 | F 207-777-1933
Debbie.Bodwell@RMSmortgage.com
www.RMSmortgage.com/DebbieBodwell
Voted Greater
Lewiston/Auburn’s
Best Mortgage
Company for 2014!
Contact Debbie TODAY for all your mortgage needs!
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.

Because Business Should Lead To Abundance
Business is no laughing matter
(unless you’re Jimbo)
Business Quiz
MATCH THE NAME
Let’s make a Dill
Flantastic
A Slice Is Right
Hunan Resources
Silent but Dehli
Jockular
Spruce SpringClean
Lord of the Fries
Tequila MockinBird
WITH THE BUSINESS
New Mexican restaurant
An old-fashioned deli
Mexican desert bar
A pizza joint
A sports bar
An up-scale Mexican restaurant
A new Lewiston fast food joint
A large Chinese restaurant
An up-scale cleaning firm
That fun quiz was just to get you in the mood – to look at your business. If you really
look at YOU and YOUR BUSINESS, what do you see Are there changes/improvements
you need to make If you have had these challenges for a while; working too hard,
managing time, cash, people or the work itself, Please give us a call. You know your
business better than anybody! WE ARE BUSINESS COACHES – LET US HELP YOU
MAKE IT GREAT!!
Kurk Lalemand, Business Coach;
Erna Koch, CPBC; Rose Creps, Financial Analyst
NEXT Level Business Coaching . biz
207-754-2003
Because Business Should Lead To Abundance

Out ’n About with
the Great Falls
Model RR Club 2014
ExTRAINaganza
Mondays are the root of all evil.
WINTER IS HERE!
We are a professional collision repair and painting facility.
All work is guaranteed! Free estimates!
Anita & Moe Dube
COLLISION REPAIR & PAINTING
1111 Center Street, Auburn
782-6515
Tasha Pelletier, Model
’Tis the season to have your life choices mocked at the dinner table.
If you're willing to overlook an untold number of flaws I am the perfect man.
Augustus & Tavin
White
winner of Thomas the
Tank Engine
Out ’n About at Center Street Dental
MAKE(ing) A WISH come true
Center Street Dental transformed their office into a Disney palace to make Delilah’s wish come true!
Avaya Desjardins
Uncle Andy’s Digest
12
January 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
Center Street Dental staff with Delilah
If it ain’t broke, my children haven’t touched it yet.

I'd try to look on the bright side more often but it hurts my eyes.
Honesty. Tenacity. Courage.
Realistic Solutions for Your Legal Needs!
Ask About Home Visits!
We specialize in:
Litigation, Divorce, Family Matters,
Evictions for Landlords, Estate Planning
& Court-Appointed matters.
The Law Offices of
Kimberly A. Levesque, Esq.
207-440-2130
87 Essex Street, Lewiston
(inside the Action Computer Services building)
Call for your FREE
consultation!
Out ’n About with
the Great Falls
Model RR Club 2014
ExTRAINaganza
Bob & Denise
Purington
If you can
guess what’s in my hands,
you’ll win a free model
train ride.
Once you start talking to dogs, it's almost impossible to go back to people.
Carmen
Coulombe
Nancy Weeks
I don't know what it is either, but it was on sale.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
January 2015 UncleAndys.com 13

Uncle Andy’s Digest
14
Salesmanship
Submitted by Jimmy Benson
The kids filed into class
Monday morning.
They were all very excited.
Their weekend
assignment was to sell
something, then give a
talk on salesmanship.
Little Sally led off. “I
sold Girl Scout cookies
and I made $30,” she
said proudly, “My sales
approach was to appeal
to the customer's
civil spirit and I credit
that approach for my
obvious success.”
“Very good,” said the
teacher.
Little Debbie was next.
“I sold magazines,” she
said, “I explained to
everyone that the magazines
would keep
them up to date on current
affairs, I sold
heaps and I made
$45.”
“Very good, Debbie,”
said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little
Jimbo's turn. The
teacher held her
breath. Little Jimbo
walked to the front of
the classroom and
dumped a box full of
cash on the teacher's
desk. “$2,467,” he
said.
“$2,467!” cried the
teacher. “What in the
world were you selling”
“Toothbrushes,” said
(continued on next page)
January 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
I'm an adult. I don't cry over spilt milk unless it has coffee in it.
Pick a Proven Winner
Choosing a Real Estate Agent can be difficult.
Rollie Heckethorn
FREE CLASS for you
and a friend!
Choose one with a proven track record!
Office: 729-7297
Cell: 344-0007
All my passwords are protected by amnesia.
Rollie Heckethorn:
• Licensed in Real Estate since 1988
• Past President of the Androscoggin
Board of Realtors
• 2014 AVBOR Realtor of the Year
• Assisting buyers & sellers of residential,
commercial & investment properties all
over the state of Maine
SPRQ Studio
with Full Class schedules for the whole family!
SAVE $25 on Your
1st Month Unlimited
Out ’n About at
Logan Ames’
B’day Bash
Mike, Chrissy,
Mackenzie &
Logan Ames
SAVE $5 on a
10 Class Punch Card
Check out Our New Location at 181 Sabattus Rd., Sabattus
Check Out Our Class Schedule By Visiting Our Website www.SPRQstudio.com

L
I may be older than dirt, but I'm still above it.
K
WINTER SCHEDULE
Thursday Nights - Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm
Friday Nights - All Skating 7:30 - 10:00
Saturday & Sunday - 1:30 - 4pm
Saturday Nights - Family Night 7:30 - 10pm
Sunday Night - All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm
Available for private parties
Don’t spend $18 + at the
beauty salon, get your...
Mens & Boys CUTS for
All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.
Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts
Marcel’s
Barber Shop
54 Mill Street, New Auburn • 783-3444
OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm
$
12
A Maine Tradition You Can Count On!
64 Lewiston Road, Gray
657-4714 • ColeFarms.com
Rollodrome
Where
Good Skaters
Meet
Some days, I feel like flypaper for idiots.
• Happy Hour 3-6pm daily
• 14 Beers on Tap & Full Bar
• Daily Specials
• Open Mic on Wednesday Nights
• Live Music on Friday Nights
Since 1954
12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940
www.rollodrome.com
(continued from previous page)
Little Jimbo.
“Toothbrushes,”
echoed the teacher,
“How could you possibly
sell enough tooth
brushes to make that
much money”
“I found the busiest
corner in town", said
Little Jimbo, “I set up a
Chip & Dip stand and I
gave everybody who
walked by a free sample.
They all said the
same thing, ‘“Hey, this
tastes like dog poop!’”
Then I would say, “It is
dog poop, you wanna
buy a toothbrush”
“I decided to use a
politicians method of
giving you some crap,
dressing it up so it
looks good, telling you
it's free, and then making
you pay to get the
bad taste out of your
mouth.”
Little Jimbo got five
stars for his assignment.
Bless his heart.
"It's not because I'm
lonely, and it's not because
it's New Year's
Eve. I came here
tonight because when
you realize you want to
spend the rest of your
life with somebody, you
want the rest of your
life to start as soon as
possible.''
– Billy Crystal to
Meg Ryan in
When Harry Met Sally
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
January 2015 UncleAndys.com 15

Out ’n About with
the Great Falls
Model RR Club 2014
ExTRAINaganza
God grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I will not read.
We Have the Loan for YOU!
Low Rates • Fast Approvals
Call Dane, Michele or Ken today!
Cynthia
Hunnewell
It might be
cold out here, but
our great loans will
warm you up!
Gayle Flagg
Uncle Andy’s Digest
16
Diane & Annabelle
Keller
"Content makes poor
men rich; discontent
makes rich men poor."
– Benjamin Franklin
January 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
Great Falls
Federal Credit Union
34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 l 760 Minot Ave, Auburn • 753-0500
*Restrictions & qualification apply
GreatFallsfcu.com
Did you know a large group of baboons is called a Congress

I need a new bank account. This one has run out of money.
Out ’n About with
the Great Falls
Model RR Club 2014
ExTRAINaganza
Dick Rubin &
Jerry Johnston
2010 Lisbon Rd. Lewiston • 782-1514 • premierpoolsandspas.com
I love Chinese food as
much as the next guy,
but you'll never convince
me a chicken
fried this rice.
A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee.
I don’t think my inner child is ever moving out.
THOMAS BAUER, DDS, MS
1 Willow Run, Mt. Auburn Ave,
Auburn
784-8587 or (888) 895-6801
AndroscogginOrtho.com
I'll remember 2014 like it was yesterday.
Put on
Your Happy
Face!
I'm not arguing. I'm explaining why I'm correct.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
January 2015 UncleAndys.com 17

My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.
New Year’s Resolution #1: Learn to play an instrument
Offering lessons in:
Call
376-3376
Today!
Authorized
Service
Center
• Guitar • Piano • Bass
• Voice • Banjo • Mandolin
• Violin • Music theory • Brass & woodwinds
We also sell and service all types of instruments
Main St. Music Lessons
& Instrument Repair
134 Main Street, Auburn • 376-3376 • www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com
Starting
Off Right
Submitted by Jimbo
Dear God,
So far this has been
great! I haven't gossiped
about my friends.
I haven't lost my temper.
I haven't been
greedy, grumpy, nasty,
cruel, or rude. I'm very
thankful. But in a few
minutes, Lord, I'm
going to get out of bed,
and from then on I'm
probably going to need
a lot more help to get
through the New Year.
My 5 Hour Energy Drink worked for twenty minutes.
NOW A STATE INSPECTION STATION!
ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL...
ANY PROBLEM...
NO PROBLEM!
• Appointments required
• Fully warranteed & certified
• $60/hr labor rate
Brad’s Precision Auto
144 Riverside Dr., Auburn
333-0364
Happy
New Year!
Front Row L to R: Mallory & Dan
Middle Row: Penny, Marek, John, Eli & Gavin
Back Row: Sarah, Brad, Ryan & Steve
Pediatricians tend to have very little patients.
Come see us
at our
NEW Location!
We’re now at
61 Mill Street in Auburn
(in the old Pontbriand
Hardware building)
61 Mill Street, Auburn • 783-6927 or 1-800-834-5706
Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4 • MySelco.com
Walk-ins
Welcome
740-6316
$
10 CUTS
184 Turner St. Auburn
(Next to Coastal T-shirts)
hwilliamsbarber.com
Hours: Tue. Wed. Fri. 8-4
Thurs. 8-5 • Sat. 8-12
Uncle Andy’s Digest
18
January 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
How do they even grow a boneless chicken

If 2014 was a person, I’d sue him for pain and suffering and lost wages.
Now Available!
Fresh Wrapped Pastries
at MARDENS!
161 Lincoln St. • Lewiston
784-7042
LabadiesBakery.com
Mon. 6am-noon • Tues-Fri 6am-3pm
Every Friday
Buy 1 dozen donuts at
regular price ( $ 7.50)
and get the 2nd dozen
at half price!
$
11.25 for both
$
1 OFF
Dozen Donuts
with coupon
Not to be combined with
any other special.
✃
Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)
May I have all I need and want all I have. Happy New Year!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Make Heidi’s one of your resolutions, we’ll make it stick!
Out ’n About
Some might say
I’m a little Twisted.
I say I resemble that
remark.
Includes soup,
1/2 sandwich, choice of
potato salad, coleslaw
or chips, & pickle
Mon-Sat 7am-9pm
Sun 10am-8pm
Locally Owned
& Operated
600 Turner Street, Auburn • 784-3434 • heidisauburn.com
Andy Carrier
enjoying a summer day with
an ice cold Twisted Tea
So far, this is the
oldest I've been.
– George Carlin
A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
January 2015 UncleAndys.com 19

All Smiles
Every salad can be a Caesar Salad, you just have to stab it enough times.
Lisa-Marie Sasseville
Independent dental
practice hygienist Lisa-
Marie Sasseville is the
owner/operator of Sasseville
Healthy Smile &
Wellness. They’re located
at 137 East Ave. in
Lewiston, directly across
from the YWCA.
They offer a range of
services, including dental
cleaning, nutritional counseling,
oral cancer evaluation,
periodontal
evaluations, children’s
sealants and professional
strength fluoride treatment.
Lisa-Marie also fabricates
custom athletic
mouth guards for athletes
and is a Shaklee independent
distributor.
Facials and teeth
whitening are also available
at the office from
Debra Smith by appointment.
The office accepts
most insurances, with
discounts for self-pay
customers. For an appointment,
call the office
at 207-241-0667 or go to
sassevillehealthysmile.co
m. You can also connect
with them on their Facebook
page.
See their ad on page 6.
So I called up the spiritual
leader of Tibet,
and he sent me a large
goat with a long neck.
Turns out I phoned
dial-a-llama.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
20
January 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
My phone auto-corrects "killed" to "kilt." Well plaid, phone. Well plaid.

Every year I make a resolution to change myself...
This year I’m making a resolution to be myself!
PROTECTING
What You Love.
What You Do.
What You Cherish..
Out ’n About at
Lost Valley with
the Chamber
Take my pic
one more time and
I’ll stuff you in the
bus.
Kerrie Robbins
Commercial Insurance
Specialist
Jet lag is nature's way of making sure you look like your passport photo.
Happy New Year from All of Us!
Brad, Kaitlyn, Drew, Lauren & Angela
SABATTUS
MAIN STREET MARKET
For take-out, groceries, fresh meats, cold beer & more!
2 Main Street, Sabattus • 375-8502
OPEN 7 Days 6am - 8pm
Come
Join
the
Family!
232 Center St., Auburn
786-0417
VarneyAgency.com
Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm
commercial home auto recreational umbrella life health
“Try us once,
you’ll be a regular!”
$
3 OFF
ANY LARGE PIZZA!
Limit one per customer per visit
(UAD) Expires 1.31.15
All that extra air in potato chip bags we complain about really serves a purpose - it’s
Nitrogen and prevents the chips from breaking.
Dan
Bartender at Lost Valley
This food is
delicious but I just
have a thing for
hot dogs...
Linda & Jimmy
Simones
Nick & Mya
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
January 2015 UncleAndys.com 21

Bull Talk
Submitted by Thomas Hill
2014 was the first year in nine years that Pixar did not release a new film.
Three bulls heard that
the rancher was going
to bring yet another
bull onto the ranch,
and the prospect
raised a discussion
among them.
Since 1953
Mon-Sun: 9am - 10pm
LuiggisPizzeria.com
First Bull: "Boys, we all
know I've been here 5
years. Once we settled
our differences, we
agreed on which 100 of
the cows would be
mine. Now, I don't
know where this newcomer
is going to get
his cows, but I aint'
givin' him any of mine."
Second Bull: "That
pretty much says it for
me, too. I've been here
3 years and have
earned my right to the
50 cows we've agreed
are mine. I'll fight 'im till
I run him off or kill 'im,
but I'm keeping all my
cows."
Third Bull: "I've only
been here a year, and
so far you guys have
only let me have 10
cows to take care of. I
may not be as big as
you fellows (yet) but I
am young and virile, so
I simply must keep all
my cows."
They no sooner finished
their big talk
when an eighteenwheeler
pulls up in the
middle of the pasture
with only one animal in
it: the biggest baddest
bull these guys had
ever seen! At 4,700
Uncle Andy’s Digest
22
(continued on next page)
January 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
SUNDAY
Baked Ziti
$
6.00
THURSDAY
Mini Pizza
1 topping $
2.99
2 toppings $
3.99
MONDAY
The Fergy
sm $
2.50
lg $
5.00
TUESDAY
Meatball Subs
WEDNESDAY
Spaghetti Dinners
1 meatball, salad,
sm $
3.35 w/ch $ 3.99
garlic bread, drink
lg $
6.50 w/ch $ 7.50 $
5.25
FRIDAY
$1.00 OFF
Any Large Pizza
SATURDAY
2 Ham or Salami
Italians
$
7.99
EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $ 5.50
Jimbo to Tim: You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised the Earth’s
temperature by 3 degrees.
Brain Teaser Time
The One That Got Away
Can you find seven number words hidden in
this paragraph Underline the number words in
the phrase at the bottom.
Example: the word eight could be hidden inside
one word, height, or between two words, like
this... We will ride in a sleigh tonight.
Ready... go!
Where has the fat worm gone He was wriggling away from
my reel even before I had the hook on it! If I’ve lost him, I’ll be
sorry. This evening I came prepared with reel, line and bait hoping
to catch plenty of fish. It’s not often that a worm of ours gets away!
Answer is on
page 34. But
at least give
it a shot first!
Tim to Jimbo: You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white.

I'm actually feeling pretty okay about not accomplishing anything this year.
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• Maine SBI Criminal History
• Interpol / FBI Most Wanted
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(continued from previous page)
pounds, each step he
took toward the ground
strained the steel ramp
to the breaking point.
First Bull: "You know,
it's actually been some
time since I really felt I
was doing all my cows
justice, anyway. I think
I can spare a few for
our new friend."
Second Bull: "I'll have
plenty of cows to take
care of if I just stay on
the opposite end of the
pasture from him. I'm
certainly not looking for
an argument."
They look over at their
young friend, the 3rd
bull, and find him pawing
the dirt, shaking his
horns, and snorting.
First Bull: "Son, let me
give you some advice
real quick. Let him
have some of your
cows and live to tell
about it."
Third Bull: "Heck, he
can have ALL MY
COWS. I'm just making
sure he knows I'm a
bull!"
I knew that my husband’s
hearing had deteriorated
after our
friend, new to the city
asked where he could
meet some singles.
"Well," said my husband,
"I see them in
the Kmart parking lot
diving for fries."
"Dear," I intervened.
"Singles, not seagulls."
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
January 2015 UncleAndys.com 23

Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s 20 th
Y
O
UR
V
Best Chinese Restaurant:
Chopsticks
37 Park St., Lewiston • 783-6300
#1 Jeweler in the area:
600 Center St.,
Auburn • 784-6766
Best Auto Body
Shop in the area:
1524 Minot Ave.,
Auburn • 784-6121
19
17
20
Best Pool & Spa
Company:
1975 Lisbon St.,
Lewiston • 783-0858
Best Sports
Pub:
120 Center St.,
Auburn • 786-0715
9
Best Breakfast Place:
Rolly’s
87 Mill Street Auburn
753-0171 7
DINER
8
#1 In Dining Excellence:
775 Washington St N,
Auburn • 784-2110
17
Best Community
Bank/Credit Union:
391 Main St.,
Lewiston • 784-5435
6
O
TES
Best Dance Studio:
Mary Jane’s School of Dance
675 Main St. Lewiston • 946-7302
15
Best Convenience
Store:
484 Center St.,
Auburn • 622-1609
6
Best Automotive Service:
1122 Center St,
Auburn • 753-0433
14
Best Chiropractor:
Dr. Gerald Nadeau
6
336 Center St., Auburn • 777-1104
Best Pizza:
95 Lincoln St.,
Lewiston • 786-2020
Best Casual
Restaurant:
120 Center St.,
Auburn • 786-0715
13
Lewiston
House of Pizza
13
Best Roofing Contractor:
99 Spring St.,
Lewiston 784-1819
Best Prime Rib
775 Washington St N,
Auburn • 784-2110
St. Hilaire
Contractors
6
6
#
A
RE
I
N
Indicates
number of years
as winner.
Best Banquet Facility:
490 Pleasant St, Lewiston
330-3775 13
Best Landscape Company:
78 Lisbon St, Lisbon
353-4848
Best Insurance Agency:
Bilodeau Insurance
541 Lisbon St, Lewiston, • 784-4029
Vote online at:
BESTOFSURVEYS.COM
Inn &
Conference
Center
10
12
Best Facial/Skin Care Salon:
Healthy Beauty
Wellness Spa
Best Burger:
120 Center St.,
Auburn • 786-0715
Market Surveys of America, an independent survey com
Best Businesses for 2014 Survey. The above winners are the r
5
486 Sabattus St.,
Lewiston • 333-3235
Best Eye Care Professionals:
Optometric Associates
Dr. Pauline Beale, Dr. Douglas Henry, Dr. Stephen Ebersole
168 East Ave., Lewiston (784-3564)
5
5

Annual Best Businesses for 2014
Best Financial Planners:
541 Lisbon St
Lewiston
786-0651
Best
Wait Staff:
120 Center St.,
Auburn • 786-0715
5
Poirier Associates
4
Best Sushi
Restaurant: 2
40 East Ave. #2
Lewiston • 795-6888
Best Bar/Lounge:
490 Pleasant St.,
Lewiston • 330-3775
2
Japanese Cuisine
at the Ramada Inn
Best Heating Oil Service:
3 Conant Rd
Turner
225-3588
Best Day Spa:
71 East Ave., Lewiston
783-3321
www.cassiels.com
Best Attorneys:
75 Park St.,
Lewiston • 795-5000 3
Best Boutique:
866 Main St., Lewiston
754-3057
Best Acupuncturist:
12 Highland Spring Rd.,
Lewiston • 783-2016
Best Contract
Security Company:
86 Main St.,
Auburn • 800-292-4965
Best Car Wash:
1103 Lisbon St.,
Lewiston
333-3655
2
Best International
Restaurant:
40 East Ave. #2
Lewiston • 795-6888
Blanchard’s Cash Fuel, INC
2
3
3
Diane
Ford
Best Place To Buy Carpet/Flooring:
675 Main St.,
Lewiston
782-0831
3
3
4
4
J&S Oil/Ultra
Clean Car Wash
Japanese Cuisine
Best Martini Bar:
490 Pleasant St.,
Lewiston • 330-3775
Best Real Estate Company:
22 Strawberry Ave.
Lewiston • 782-0670
Best Mortgage Company:
181 Center St.,
Auburn • 777-1551
Best Massage
Therapy:
600 Turner Rd. #3
Auburn • 376-3233
14 Millett Dr.,
Auburn • 782-3457
2
Best Towing Service:
940 Washington St.,
Auburn • 784-4619 1
336 Center St.,
Auburn • 784-3800
Best Dental Care Facility:
Best Buffet:
279 Center St.,
Auburn • 241-0870
Best Seafood
Restaurant: 1
245 Center St.,
Auburn • 376-4295
1
1
Best Flower
Shop: 1
at the Ramada Inn
Don’s
Towing
1
1
Dr. James P.
Herbert, DMD
1
Ann’s
Flowers
Y
O
UR
V
O
TES
A
RE
I
N
Paid for by Market Surveys of America
pany, is proud to announce the winners of the 20th annual Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s
esult of public ballots and internet voting for the Lewiston/Auburn small business community.

Out ’n About at
Rails
Lewiston’s newest
restaurant
Jimbo to Tim: You are so old, you fart dust.
Local Radio... The Way It Should Be!
The first FM Station just for the L/A Area!!
Uncle Andy’s Digest
26
First Customer
Roy L'Italien
Team L'Italien Real Estate
Jared Lussier
Current Media
Justin Nadeau
Grow L+A
January 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
• Hear the Hits of Today
Shake It Off, Stay With Me, Maps, Rude, Am I Wrong, Animals,
Try, I’m not the Only One, Boom Clap, Cool Kids, and much more!
• And Classic Hits
Songs from the 80’s thru Today!
• Breakfast Club with Matty B
Live interviews with local guests Monday – Friday 6-10am.
• Local News & Sports
10am-2pm: “Rush Hours” with Jeremy Rush. “Retro Lunch” 12-1pm
2-6pm: The “Dean” of Radio, Dave Dean LIVE weekdays.
4-5pm: “Friday Free For All” featuring local artists.
6pm-12am: The “Night Shift” with L/A’s own Gene Cassidy.
Sat 8-11am: Z105.5 Top 30 Countdown.
4 WAYS TO LISTEN:
Around L/A at 105.5-FM & 1240-AM,
Online at www.z1055.com & Tune-In App.
Tim to Jimbo: You are so old, you sat next to Jesus in school.

Presented by:
All I know for sure is one of us is right and one of us is you.
Local Music Line-up
FRIDAY FREE FOR ALL
Live on the air every Friday 4–5pm. Tune into Z105.5FM
MAINE BLUES SOCIETY
ERIC FRENCH
THE BLOOD ORANGE MARTINIS
January 9th
JOE
BRIEN
January 16th
MIKE
WILLETTE
January 23rd
Out ’n About at
Rails
Lewiston’s newest
restaurant
We’re right
on track!
"Aunt Joline
& Uncle Bill"
A special thanks to
Eddie & Emmanuel Boucher of
EAB International
(music line-up and graphics)
BROKEN:51
January 30th
If the universe is expanding, why can't I find a parking space
Out ’n About at the Grand Opening of Rails
Claudette Ledoux
& John Pothier
You know Steve,
this might be my first
appearance in Uncle
Andy’s Digest!
That’s probably
because you’re such
an intravert! You need
to get Out ‘n About
more!!
Steve Dick & Governor Paul LePage
reminiscing about their old school days and playing sports together in Lewiston
The next time there's an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line"
Dan Earle
& Susie Beck
Kitchen Manager
My 2015 resolution is
for everyone else to
gain the 50 pounds I
refuse to lose.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
January 2015 UncleAndys.com 27

Out ’n About at
Rails
Lewiston’s newest
restaurant
When I’m not
thinking about food,
I’m thinking about
other things.
Jimbo to Tim: You are so old, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you.
Assisted Home Care II
“Our Family
Assisting Your Family”
Assisting Families since 1997.
• Registered Home Health Care Service Agency
• Private Duty Care & Staff Relief
• 24 hour Personal Care and Response
• Guarantee Continuity of Caregivers
• Assist with Independent Living at Home
Now expanding
our services to the
Midcoast Region!
11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org
Out ’n About at Rails
Fern & Heidi
Langlois
Lewiston/Auburn
is full of little gems.
We’re excited to be
part of it!
Steve & Claire Dick
Owners of Rails Restaurant
Lil & Gerry
Castonguay
all the way from
San Antonio, TX
I really like
Fern’s taste in
wardrobe.
Marc & LuAnn
Frenette
Trafton, Matzen, Belleau & Frenette
Uncle Andy’s Digest
28
January 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
Tim to Jimbo: You are so old, your birth-certificate expired.

Jimbo to Tim: You are so old, if you acted your age, you'd die.
New Patient Special
$
88
“Affordable Dental Excellence”
Out ’n About at
Rails
Lewiston’s newest
restaurant
Stop in for
lunch or dinner.
You won’t be
disappointed!
Includes: Cleaning, Exam, and Xrays.
Caring family dentist and specialists
with a Pediatric Dentist & Periodontist on staff!
488 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 783-8800
www.androscoggindentalgroup.com
Hours: Mon. 8am-5pm
Tues & Wed. 8am-7pm
Thurs 8am-5pm
Fri. 8am-1pm
Sharon White
General Manager of Rails
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
– Erma Bombeck
Out ’n About
at...
Yummy,
if you thought you were famous
before... watch what happens
once everyone sees you in the
Digest!
Mike Bilodeau &
Scott Duplissis
Bilodeau Insurance
Mitchell & Yummy Raubesen
Made slightly famous by appearing on the History Channel’s show, Downeast Dickering
Tim to Jimbo: You are so old your birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
Sam Davidson
& Bob Boulette
Bob's Finish Carpentry
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
January 2015 UncleAndys.com 29

CALL THE PROS
Assisted Home
Care II
“Our Family Assisting Your Family”
Now expanding our services to the
Midcoast Region!
See page 28 to learn more about
the services we offer.
11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org
Affordable Office Solutions | 550 Lisbon St., Lewiston
cubiclesinmaine.com | 783-4820 or Toll Free 866-464-CUBE
No Separating
Required!
743-3891
• Driveways
• Patios
• Walkways
• Porches
• Steps
• Poolscapes
Now serving
Lewiston & Auburn!
Call us for a FREE quote.
Serving: Norway • West Paris
Minot • Mechanic Falls • Oxford
& NOW Lewiston/Auburn!
70 Main Street, South Paris • harrisbrosrubbishremoval.com
GIVE YOUR WARDROBE
A MAKEOVER
with custom handmade bracelets by Jackie
Jackie’s Bracelets, Etc.
61 Albert Street, Lewiston
333-2763
jackiesbraceletsetc.com
Join us for some Affordable FUN!
$
10 up to 48 cards - Games pay $ 50 - $ 100
Sunday at 6:00PM
Wed., Thurs, & Friday
at 6:30PM
Pleasant Street Bingo Hall
475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394
1761 Lisbon Road, Lewiston
(next to the Elks Lodge)
956-1793
Hours: Tues - Fri 10am - 5pm
Sat 10am - 1pm
Like us on
Bookkeeping
Plus
QuickBooks Classes Offered
Bookkeeping Services
9 Grove Street, Auburn • 782-8124
You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through
Congress. – Will Rogers
Rolly’s Diner
Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!
Breakfast & Lunch
Specials Daily
CELEBRATING 21 YEARS IN BUSINESS!
It’ll be
4 generations
real soon!
Thank you L/A for
21 wonderful years! Our family
looks forward to serving you for
many more!!
3 Generations: Sadie, Jordan, Ken & Rolly
Cat: A lap warmer with a built-in buzzer.
• Unusual Omelettes
• Crepes
• Breakfast All Day
• Extensive Menu
If you robbed a kissing booth you'd make out like a bandit.
87 Mill St.
New Auburn
753-0171
(for take-out)
Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm
Sunday 7 am – noon
Out ’n About at Mac’s
Grill for the Dad’s Place
Christmas Party
Which one of these
is not like the other
(Hum that Sesame Street tune)
Leslie Sweatt,
Candace Frederick
& Lisa Millett
IF YOU CAN READ THIS WITH EASE THEN
YOU ARE INCREDIBLY TALENTED AT
READING BACKWARDS, WHICH IS AN
INCREDIBLY POINTLESS TALENT TO HAVE.
Young Love
Submitted by Jimbo
A Scottish lad and lass
were sitting together on
a heathery hill in the
Highlands.
They had been silent
for a while, when the
lass said, "A penny for
your thoughts."
The lad was a bit
abashed, but he finally
said, "Well, I was thinking
how nice it would
be if ye'd give me a
wee bit of a kiss."
So she did so.
But he again lapsed
into a pensive mood
which lasted long
enough for the lass to
ask him, "What are ye
thinking now"
To which the lad grumbled,
"Well, I was hoping
ye hadn't forgotten
the penny!"
Trip Advisor
Submitted by Thomas Hill
An American and his
wife were traveling
around Ireland by car
when the tire developed
a slow puncture.
He managed to find a
small local garage
where he asked the
owner if they had an air
line.
The owner replies, "an
air line You must be
joking; we don't even
have a bus station!"
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
January 2015 UncleAndys.com 31

Out ’n About at
Rails
Lewiston’s newest
restaurant
Sharon White
Director of Operations at
Rails
Jimbo to Tim: You are so old it looks like the Wrinkle Fairy tap danced on your face.
10% OFF Your First Snow Plowing
FREE
QUOTES
Commercial & Residential
SNOW PLOWING • SANDING & SALTING
SNOW REMOVAL
Morin
excavating
Inc.
Andy Morin
207.784.8293
cell: 207.576.4714
amorinexc@roadrunner.com
Mystery Photo
Where in the world was Russ for this picture
Winning contestant gets a $10 gift card to
Dunkin Donuts from Russ.
Ahhh... Jimbo, shouldn’t it be you
supplying the prize
Russ Dillingham
Professional photographer for the Sun Journal
Stacey Thurston
Central Distributors
& Cathy Rainor
Morin's Fine Furniture
& Finishing
The day after visiting a
fair, my wife was in
agony.
"You know you’re past
your prime," she said,
"when you hurt all over
and all you rode was
the massage chair."
Welcome Peg Montoya
to our team!
Booth Rentals Available
Tues – Thurs 9am - 7pm; Fri 9am - 5pm; Sat 9am - 12pm
232 Center Street, Auburn
753-9368
(next to Play It Again Sports)
Michelle Higgins, Lynn Norris & Peg Montoya
Stylist Owner/Stylist Stylist
Uncle Andy’s Digest
32
January 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
Tim to Jimbo: You're so old I've seen stale raisins with less wrinkles.

Jimbo to Tim: You're so old your social security number is 1.
Out ’n About at
Mac’s Grill for the
Dad’s Place
Christmas Party
Fern & Louise Roy
We asked Sam if she approved
of her nickname.
Sam “Babycakes” Roy
Tim to Jimbo: You're so old you co-wrote one of the Ten Commandments.
DAD’S PLACE
REDEMPTION
23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551
Located in the building behind Dad’s Place
Hours: Monday - Sunday 9am - 5pm
(closed Tuesdays & Major Holidays)
Bottle Drives
Welcome!
MORE FOR YOUR $$
Get more for your returns
at Dad’s!
6¢
on all 5¢ returns
with this coupon.
(must present coupon at
Redemption Center prior to counting)
✃
Dad’s Redemption
UAD expires 1.31.15
Jimbo to Tim: You're so old you knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
No one will ever
guess who I am...
Cassie Roy
"Everything’s starting
to click for me!" said
my father-in-law at dinner.
"My knees, my elbows,
my neck … "
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
January 2015 UncleAndys.com 33

Out ’n About at
Mac’s Grill for the
Dad’s Place
Christmas Party
Hmmm... a new
sandwich called
the “Elwood”
Deb & Elwood Strout
I fainted at the doctor's office last week. It happened when they called my name
within 5 minutes of my appointment time.
CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE
Scooter
FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983
We can do it:
• Wheel alignment
& balancing
• Complete brake work
• Engine tune-up
• Lube-oil-filter
• State Inspections
$10 OFF
ANY Service
with Coupon!
Happy New Year!!
OUR TIRES
60 Minot Ave • Auburn
782-6666 or 783-2026
A PROUD MEMBER OF THE
NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM
It's ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity, too.
Nate Verville
Just a small
prayer for the
Patriots to go all
the way this
year!
Brain Teaser Time
The One That Got Away
Answer to brain teaser puzzle
on page 22.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
34
Caleb Banker
January 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
Where has the fat worm gone He was wriggling away from
my reel even before I had the hook on it! If I’ve lost him, I’ll be
sorry. This evening I came prepared with reel, line and bait hoping
to catch plenty of fish. It’s not often that a worm of ours gets away!
I have one of those unlimited cell phone plans. There's no limit to how much
they’ll charge me.

RETAIL • WHOLESALE • REDEMPTION • LIQUOR STORE
5 Locations for Your Convenience
ROOPERS
LISBON ST.
Now Selling
Liquor!
ATM’s onsite & Lottery/Megabucks!
Sabattus Street, Lewiston Lisbon Street, Lewiston Main Street, Auburn
Minot Ave, Auburn
WHAT’S BREWING
AND ALWAYS NEW
YOUR BETTER BEER PIONEERS
Since 1992
Main Street, Lewiston
Gold Crown Coffee Brandy 1.75L
$16.99
Save $3
Beer Specials
Coors/Bud/Bud Lt/Lite 6pk 16oz cans .$4.99
Bud/Bud Lt 16oz 18 packs . . . . . . . . .$14.99
Baxter Variety 12 pks . . . . . . . . . . . . .$16.99
Shipyard 12 pks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99
Twisted Tea 12 pks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99
Wine Specials
Yellowtail 1.5L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $9.99
Cavit 1.5 L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12.99
Dreaming Tree 750 ml . . . . . . . . . . . .$11.99
GFV Twin Valley 750ml . . . . . . . . . .2 for $10
Naked Grape 3L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$16.99
Vueve Clicquot Brut 750ml . . . . . . . . .$49.99
Crown Royal
Maple/Apple
750ml
$21.99
Save $4
Tullamore Dew
12Yr. 750ml
$38.99
Save $7
Belevedere
Vodka 750ml
$23.99
Save $6
Naked Grape
3L
$16.99
Bulleit
Bourbon
750ml
$24.99
Save $4
George Dickel 8Yr
750ml
$19.99
Save $2
694 Main St.
Lewiston • 782-1482
794 Sabattus St.
Lewiston • 783-6353
1420 Lisbon St.
Lewiston • 333-3095
545 Minot Ave.
Auburn • 783-2047
303-311 Main St.
Auburn • 783-9098

Fast Friends
Submitted by Jimbo
Two guys, one old, one
young, are pushing
their carts around the
grocery store when
they collide.
The old guy says to the
young guy, "Sorry
about that. I'm looking
for my wife, and I
guess I wasn't paying
attention to where I
was going."
The young guy says,
"That's okay, it's a coincidence.
I'm looking for
my wife, too. I can't
find her and I'm getting
a little desperate."
The old guy says,
"Well, maybe I can
help you find her. What
does she look like"
"Well, she is 27 years
old, tall, with red hair,
blue eyes, long legs,
and is wearing a tank
top with short white
shorts. What does your
wife look like"
The old guy replies, "It
doesn't matter, let's
look for yours."
Jimbo to Tim: You're so old the Lewiston fire department is on standby when they light
your birthday cake.
New Auburn Social Club
Wishes Everyone a
Happy New Year!
Mark Your Calander!
Join Us at the United New Auburn Association Monthly Meeting on the
Last Tuesday of the Month at Rolly’s Diner with Special Guest Speakers
We would like to recognize our newly elected Officer:
Fred Mitchell
As well as our Re-elected Officers:
Pat Legee, Joe Walker, Heather Quintal & Mike LaPlante
Join us Monday, January 5th at 6:00pm
For the Inauguration of our newly elected Officer
and our Re-elected Officers!
Stop in and help us welcome them!!
New Auburn Social Club • 7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039
TOWNLINE
ANTIQUES
Buying & Selling
837-3784
Uncle Andy’s Digest
36
January 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
Tim to Jimbo: You're so old the candles cost more than the birthday cake.

Join us for our
Super Bowl Party!
$50 pp (all inclusive)
Pig Roast, Tailgate Hors d'oeuvres & includes
2 beverages of your choice! Tons of giveaways!!
Super Bowl Sunday!
Multiple Grand Prizes!
• 40” Flat Screen TV
• 4 hr Casco Bay Sailing Trip
(for 4 people; includes steak & lobster dinner)
and MUCH, MUCH MORE!!
No better
place to be on
Super Bowl
Sunday!
Happy
New Year!
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com

Out ’n About at
Mac’s Grill for the
Dad’s Place
Christmas Party
What do you
call a dog with
no legs
Doesn’t
matter. He won’t
come anyway.
Thomas Callahan
2015
is gonna be a
great year!
Tim to Jimbo: You're so old you knew Captain Crunch while he was still a private.
Happy New Year
We look forward to serving you in 2015!
The Vallee Family and whole team
at the Village Inn wish to extend our
sincere thankfulness to our community
for their continued support
throughout the year.
We really appreciate our friends
and our guests and we look forward
to serving you all in the New Year!
Village Inn, 165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796
Open Tuesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com
Jimbo to Tim: You're so old you knew Mr Clean when he had an afro.
Laurie &
Liz “Goose” Callahan
Melissa Noel &
Adam Downs
Uncle Andy’s Digest
38
January 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
My life GPS is recalculating.

✃
I haven't gained weight. I'm just retaining cookies.
Service
Rental
Sales
G.A. DOWNING
CO., INC.
111 Woodman Hill RD
Minot, ME 04258
207.782.4508
800.924.4500
Liquid Waste Pumping • Portable sanitation facilities
Do not neglect
your Septic System
For proper maintenance, it should be pumped periodically.
CALL US TODAY TO SET UP AN APPOINTMENT
We carry risers, covers,
baffle replacements, septic additives.
Remember when conversations didn't involve typing
Trivia
Time!
Q: How can you
make a library
bigger
A: By adding more
stories to it.
Q: When do bad
days usually fall
apart
A: Daybreak
Q: What cannot run
although it has
three feet
A: A Yard.
Out ’n About at
Mac’s Grill for the
Dad’s Place
Christmas Party
Why do I get
the feeling we’re
about to get photo
bombed
Vikki Rogers &
Kevin Mcbean
Q: If a dad gives
fifteen cents to one
of his sons, and a
dime to another,
what time is it
A: A quarter to two.
Q: Where were the
first donuts fried
Okay, who wants to gimme a push on my mood swing
A: In Greece.
Now offering
Brazilians!
January Special
$10 OFF
Brazilians or Foils!
Expires 1.31.15
Cassie & Diana
Roy
with mystery photo
bomber
Kelley Darcy Amanda Christopher
336 Center St. • Auburn • 777-1611 777-1611
Jimbo to Tim: You're so old you left your man-purse on Noah’s Ark.
Q: What’s the quickest
way to make a point in
your writing
A: Sharpen your pencil.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
January 2015 UncleAndys.com 39

BEST OF THE BEST
Tim to Jimbo: You're so old you recall when the
Grand Canyon was just a ditch.
WHEN
YOU’RE
TIRED OF
THIS...
Debbie Bodwell
Debbie Bodwell of Residential Mortgage Services was
named the 2014’s best mortgage company for the Greater Lewiston/Auburn
area by Market Surveys of America. Market Surveys
of America is an independent survey company and the winners
are the result of tallied public ballots taken throughout the Lewiston/Auburn
area for the small business community.
Debbie has been originating residential mortgages for homebuyers
in the Lewiston Auburn area for over 27 years. For the
past 7 years as a Vice President for Residential Mortgage Services.
Have a conversation with Debbie and you immediately feel
comfortable, she is a down-to-earth person and super relatable.
All important qualities in someone who is helping you through
one of the biggest investments you’ll ever make in buying your
home.
Debbie specializes in Conventional, FHA, VA and Rural Development
financing. She really enjoys dealing with first time
home buyers.
She has been a top producer for seven years with RMS. She
received the Affiliate of the Year award from the Androscoggin
Board of Realtors four times. More impressive than that, she has
closed over 14,500 residential loans in her career!
Debbie would like to send out a special thanks all of the people
who have entrusted her to finance the biggest purchase they will
ever make. And also a big thank you to the Realtors for their ongoing
referrals and loyalty. She is looking forward to 2015 being
another great year.
Contact Debbie at RMS, 181 Center St, Auburn • 777-1551.
See her ad on page 10.
Sometimes, I can't figure out if I'm in pre-school or high school. Oh wait, I'm at work.
GIVE US
A CALL!
Fully Insured
Free Quotes
Servicing the Mechanic Falls,
Minot & Poland areas.
JMAR
PLOWING
Reasonable Rates
576-4844
Uncle Andy’s Digest
40
January 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
Jimbo to Tim: You're so old you were a waiter at the last supper.

Tim to Jimbo: You're so old when you ran the 100 meter dash they timed you with a sundial.
Jimbo to Tim: You're so old when you were born the Dead Sea was just getting sick.
We wish all of our clients a Happy New Year!
Thank YOU for a successful 2014.
We look forward to serving you in 2015!
The Movie
of Your Life
Submitted by Jimbo
A man and his wife
were having a very hypothetical
discussion:
$
Beat the winter blues!
10 OFF
Any chemical service with
Kelly D. or Camille
We are a full service salon!
14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A
Highland Spring Road, Lewiston
Ann Kelly Sue
Lysa Kelly D. Camille
786-4311
Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm • Fri. 8am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm
In the unlikely event
that Hollywood made a
movie based on their
lives, they wondered
what stars would play
them.
"Who would you pick to
portray you" she
asked him.
He thought about it for
a minute, then answered,
"Dennis
Quaid."
"In that case," she
said, "I’ll play myself."
Tim to Jimbo: You're so old, the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to your apartment.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
January 2015 UncleAndys.com 41

Out ’n About with
the Great Falls
Model RR Club 2014
ExTRAINaganza
When I was growing up, selfies were accidental Polaroids of our thumbs.
Just Darn Good Deals
✃
1/2 PRICE PIZZA!
Buy any small pizza,
Get second @ 1/2 price!
(2nd pizza equal or lessor value)
Not to be combined with other specials
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)
Inside
Lewiston
Variety
145 College St, Lewiston • 786-0785
50¢ OFF
✃
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)
Grant’s Bakery
525 Sabattus St. Lewiston
783-2226
GrantsBakery.com
Landon Desjardins
1/2 OFF DINNER
FREE SMALL BREAD STICKS
✃
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)
✃
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)
at the Ramada
490 Pleasant St. Lewiston • 784-2331
85 Center Street,
Auburn • 784-8221
PatsAuburn.com
Larry Cannon
Wind & Fire Bracelet
Giveaway!
Stop in to enter our drawing to
win a Wind & Fire Bracelet!
Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)
✃
We’re more than purses!
Large
selection!
Most are just
$
25
785 Main St.
Lewiston
$
3 OFF
ANY LARGE
PIZZA!
Limit one per customer per visit.
Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)
✃
Sabattus
Main Street Market
2 Main Street, Sabattus • 375-8502
Jerry Johnston
“This New Years I resolved
to lead a better
life. Now all I have to
do is find someone
who will trade lives with
me.”
– Melanie White
FREE Coffee
or Soda
✃
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)
The Library Cafe
49 Spring St. Auburn
784-2300
AuburnLibraryCafe.com
20% OFF
✃
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)
808 Main St. Lewiston
753-3054
KellysFabricConnection.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest
42
January 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
At the restaurant, a sign read "Karaoke Tonight!" Grandma studied it before asking,
"What kind of fish is that"

✃
The larger the lake of knowledge the longer the shore of wonder.
Just Darn Good Deals
10% OFF
Total Order
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)
20 %
OFF
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)
Out ’n About at
Mac’s Grill for the
Dad’s Place
Christmas Party
Ewwww Dad!!!
Why are you picking my
polar bear’s nose
770 Main St. Lewiston (Marden’s Plaza)
783-4500 • SaucyPots.com
34 Center St.
Auburn
333-3069
yourbestskinofmaine.com
✃
✃
$
25 OFF
Any service of
$100 or more.
Limit one per customer per visit. (UAD)
Complete Auto Care
147 East Ave, Lewiston • 782-1125
BerubesAutoCare.com
BREAKFAST $ 3.75
Includes: Egg Breakfast Sandwich (ham, bacon
or sausage) with cheese on fresh baked roll,
hashbrown, small coffee & a donut!
Just mention this ad!
GEORGIO’S
740 Minot Ave, Auburn
783-2981
myGeorgios.com
Larry & Cassie
Roy
BOTTOMLESS BOWLING
All-You-Can-Bowl
Wednesdays 1PM – Close
2 hours only $6pp.
✃
(shoe rental extra)
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)
24 Mollison Way, Lewiston • 786-2695
Sparetimerec.com
FREE DESSERT
✃
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)
40 East Ave. Lewiston • 795-6888
Sea40me.com
Liz Callahan &
Hailee Cote
with mystery photo
bomber
10 %
OFF
✃
All Adult
Novelties
& Lingerie
(Must be 18 years old)
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)
675 Main St, Lewiston • 804-615-7451
CHICKEN CORDON BLEU
SANDWICH
✃
Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)
ONLY
$
5
Dad’s Place
23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls
345-5551 • DadsPlace.info
Chuck Mundell
& Jenn Boston
If I knew grandchildren were going to be this much fun, I would have had them first!
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
January 2015 UncleAndys.com 43

Come Experience a Real Hand Car
Wash Done the Old Fashioned Way!
Happy New Year from All of Us!
LIQUID SUNSHINE
CAR WASH & DETAIL
865 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 333-3004
Hours: Mon- Fri 8:30am - 5:00pm • Sat 8:30am - 4:00pm
To kick start my New Year, I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Mon.-Thurs. 7am-5pm
Fri. by appointment
Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D.
Dr. Chen and his staff are dedicated to providing a pleasant, stress-free visit
with results that you will be proud to show off.
Visit us at our state of the art office at:
730 Center St • Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza
783-1351
Same Day Emergency Care
We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider
auburnplazafamilydentistry.com
WWW.UNCLEANDYSDIGEST.COM