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<strong>UNCLE</strong> <strong>ANDY’S</strong> <strong>DIGEST</strong><br />
The Most Unusual Digest in America<br />
FREE<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
Voted best International<br />
Restaurant AND Best Sushi<br />
Restaurant by You, via Market<br />
Surveys of America,<br />
2 years running!<br />
Best wishes in<br />
FREE Dessert<br />
when you celebrate your<br />
birthday at Sea 40!<br />
We want to THANK YOU<br />
for your support this past year!<br />
Open Mic Night<br />
Every Wednesday at 7pm<br />
Japanese Cuisine<br />
40 East Ave., Lewiston • 795-6888<br />
www.sea40me.com<br />
Armandsab@aol.com
Money in<br />
the Bank<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
“New Years parades have a lot in common with Santa Claus. Nobody is awake<br />
to see either of them.” – Melanie White<br />
Father O’Malley<br />
answers the phone:<br />
“Hello, is this Father<br />
O'Malley”<br />
“It is!'”<br />
“This is the IRS. Can<br />
you help us”<br />
“I’ll do my best, said<br />
Father O’Malley.”<br />
“Do you know a Ted<br />
Houlihan” asks the<br />
IRS.<br />
“I do!” responds Father<br />
O’Malley.<br />
“Is he a member of<br />
your congregation”<br />
“He is!”<br />
“Did he donate<br />
$10,000 to the<br />
church” asked the<br />
IRS agent.<br />
“He will,” the Father<br />
responds.<br />
Zippy<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
An elderly man went to<br />
his doctor and<br />
said,”'Doc, I think I'm<br />
getting senile. Several<br />
times lately, I have forgotten<br />
to zip up.”<br />
“That's not senility,”<br />
replied the doctor. “Senility<br />
is when you forget<br />
to zip down.”<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
2<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Don't Honk - I'm pedaling as fast as I can.
At my age, flowers scare me. – George Burns<br />
MODERN WOODMEN<br />
OF AMERICA<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
Tuesday, Jan 6th<br />
Luiggi’s 4 – 7pm<br />
(Chapter 14437)<br />
67 Sabattus St., Lewiston<br />
$4.50 Member; 5.50 Guest<br />
Sunday, Jan 11th<br />
KC Breakfast 8 – 10am<br />
(Chapter 7938)<br />
Columbus Drive, Brunswick<br />
$5 M; $6 G; Child / 10 free<br />
Tuesday, Jan 13th<br />
Dairy Queen 4 – 7pm<br />
(Chapter 14346)<br />
661 Minot Ave. Auburn<br />
$5 Member; $6 Guest<br />
Saturday, Jan 17th<br />
KC Sacred Heart Bean<br />
Supper 4:30 – 5:30pm<br />
(Chapter 8609)<br />
8 Sacred Heart Place,<br />
Auburn $5 Member;$6 Guest<br />
Tuesday, Jan 20st<br />
Roy’s Breakfast 7 – 10am<br />
(Chapter 12749)<br />
5 Washington St. Auburn<br />
$2 Member; $3 Guest<br />
Tuesday, Jan 21st<br />
Chick-A-Dee 11:30am – 1pm<br />
(Chapter 12907)<br />
1472 Lisbon St., Lewiston<br />
$8 Member; $9 Guest<br />
Dick Courtemanche<br />
207-786-3622<br />
Lewiston<br />
Art Chamberlain<br />
207-514-7003<br />
Lewiston<br />
Paul Colasante*<br />
207-782-8823<br />
Lewiston<br />
Michael Courtemanche*<br />
207-783-8921<br />
Lewiston<br />
Tuesday , Jan 27th<br />
Applebee’s 11:30am – 1pm<br />
(Chapter 10929)<br />
Rt. 26, Oxford<br />
$6 Member<br />
Forest Cluff*<br />
207-725-4606<br />
Brunswick<br />
Ron Ouellette*<br />
207-786-3612<br />
Lewiston<br />
Kim Pelkey*<br />
207-786-2573<br />
Lewiston/Norway<br />
*Registered representative. Securities offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC.<br />
I'm so old they've canceled my blood type. – Bob Hope<br />
Deb Wagemann*<br />
207-783-8804<br />
Auburn<br />
TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RE-<br />
TURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED<br />
Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to change. If<br />
additional info is needed, please call our office,<br />
please do not call restaurants. All activities can<br />
only be attended at the times listed.<br />
*************************<br />
Tickets need to be purchased at the<br />
Modern Woodmen District Office,<br />
184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all<br />
activities and can only be picked up the<br />
week prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs<br />
9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon<br />
(excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 3
<strong>UNCLE</strong> <strong>ANDY’S</strong> <strong>DIGEST</strong><br />
is published by the first<br />
Friday of every month by<br />
Maine Mountain Ocean<br />
Group, Inc. with offices at<br />
9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME.<br />
It is distributed free throughout<br />
Central Maine and mailed<br />
to subscribers all over the<br />
world. Subscriptions are<br />
$30/year. Send a $30 check<br />
made out to<br />
<strong>UNCLE</strong> <strong>ANDY’S</strong> <strong>DIGEST</strong> to:<br />
P.O. Box 3363,<br />
Auburn, ME 04212<br />
Staff<br />
JIMBO<br />
Slightly Famous<br />
TIM<br />
The Total Package<br />
MAGGIE<br />
If B.S. Were a<br />
Penny a Pound...<br />
THOMAS<br />
Appreciation<br />
Marketing Guru<br />
PAM<br />
No Perm Needed<br />
<strong>UNCLE</strong> <strong>ANDY’S</strong> <strong>DIGEST</strong><br />
MAILING ADDRESS:<br />
PO Box 3363<br />
Auburn, ME 04212<br />
EMAIL: editor@UncleAndys.com<br />
PHONE: 207 783-7039<br />
FAX: 207 777-3898<br />
UncleAndysDigest.com<br />
Dear Luck, can we be friends in <strong>2015</strong> please<br />
AFFORDABLE DENTURES<br />
Like our name implies, we’ll make you Smile Again!<br />
We now offer Citi Health Card • Most Dental Insurances Accepted<br />
We also accept Credit & Debit Cards • Not a MaineCare Provider<br />
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SMILE AGAIN DENTURES<br />
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Poorly fitting or broken<br />
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• Repairs<br />
• All work done in house,<br />
including metal frameworks<br />
Mike & Joe<br />
Adkins,<br />
licensed<br />
denturists<br />
While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to<br />
ensure the accuracy of the information in our<br />
client’s advertisements and our publication in<br />
general, we are not responsible for vendor<br />
availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies,<br />
product pricing errors, or omissions.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
4<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.
This New Year’s I resolve to be less awesome since that is really the only thing I do in excess.<br />
Some of us are just wired differently. And between us... I think you should<br />
sue the contractor.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 5
Out ’n About with<br />
Community Credit<br />
Union<br />
A pencil is just a pen that can't commit.<br />
REFRESH YOUR SMILE<br />
FOR THE NEW YEAR!<br />
Live Well, Look Good & Feel Great.<br />
The Grinch limbers up prior<br />
to working the crowd at the<br />
Chamber breakfast.<br />
Dental Hygiene & Wellness<br />
Dental Cleanings<br />
Oral Cancer Assessments<br />
Sealants<br />
All Ages Welcome<br />
New Patients Receive<br />
10% OFF<br />
First Visit with ad.<br />
Early evening &<br />
Saturday appointments<br />
available!<br />
Fluoride Treatments<br />
Athletic Mouth Guards<br />
Most Insurances Accepted<br />
No Referrals Needed<br />
SassevilleHealthySmile.com<br />
Lisa-Marie Sasseville, IPDH<br />
241-0667<br />
137 East Avenue<br />
Lewiston<br />
I put on a layer of fat for the winter. Unfortunately, I put it on in the winter of '98.<br />
Out ’n About with Community Credit Union<br />
The Grinch<br />
puzzling with his overworked<br />
puzzler.<br />
Young Wonder<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
The sight of my mother<br />
cleaning her dentures<br />
fascinated my young<br />
son. He sat riveted as<br />
she carefully took them<br />
out, brushed and<br />
rinsed them, and then<br />
popped them back in.<br />
"Cool, Grandma!" he<br />
said. "Now take off<br />
your arm."<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
6<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Community Credit Union staffers: Andrew Lunn, Jen Hogan,<br />
Grinch, Kerry Wood & Bria Duncan<br />
As a judge in the ugly sweater contest, Jimbo awards Andrew with the title of the ugliest sweater<br />
ever. Andrew, you win a lifetime subscription to Uncle Andy’s Digest. Be sure to grab one in your<br />
lobby each month.<br />
Automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects<br />
seemed scared of me.
You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.<br />
Upscale Comfort Food and Home Style Hospitality<br />
in a Historically Distinct Setting.<br />
Our menu features a modern<br />
twist on traditional Lewiston<br />
& Auburn favorites, alongside<br />
innovative railroad inspired<br />
comfort food dishes.<br />
Out ’n About at<br />
Logan Ames’<br />
B’day Bash<br />
Happy Birthday,<br />
Logan!<br />
• Locally Owned<br />
• Thoughtfully Sourced<br />
• Made from Scratch<br />
• Maine Craft Artisans<br />
Reserve our<br />
function room for<br />
your next party or<br />
event!<br />
103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 333-3070 • RailsMaine.com<br />
Monday - Thursday 11am - 9pm; Friday & Saturday 11am - 10pm<br />
Abby<br />
When one door closes another one opens. I should really get this cabinet fixed.<br />
Join our challenge and YOU could WIN!<br />
• 8 week challenge<br />
• 2 launches: 1st is <strong>January</strong> 12-15; 2nd is <strong>January</strong> 19-23<br />
• $60 entry fee - over $300 in prizes to top 2 finishers<br />
• Winners based on total percentage of fat lost<br />
• Call TODAY to enter!<br />
10% Discount on Training<br />
& Nutrition Services<br />
Ava<br />
They grow<br />
up so fast!<br />
Group Classes • One-on-One Training<br />
Nutrition Services • Team Training<br />
272 Lewiston St., Mechanic Falls • 577-5979<br />
Prime360Training.com<br />
I can take a hint. If you hit me with it about ten times.<br />
BJ Grondin, CSCS<br />
Chrissy Ames with<br />
her dad, Reed Lizotte<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 7
Out ’n About at<br />
Center Street<br />
Dental<br />
MAKE(ing) A WISH<br />
come true<br />
Center Street Dental<br />
transformed their office into<br />
a Disney palace to make<br />
Delilah’s wish come true<br />
One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you're toast.<br />
Just<br />
Awesome!<br />
Delilah & Dr. Rose<br />
Chelsi Ricker &<br />
Nikki Woodman<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
8<br />
Brittney Bell &<br />
Katlyn Gardiner<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
If we get rid of all the margarine the world will be a butter place.
A group of eavesdroppers is called a heard.<br />
From Our Family to Yours...<br />
Happy New Year!<br />
Resolutions<br />
Over the Years<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
2011 - I will get my<br />
weight down below 160<br />
pounds.<br />
2012 - I will follow my<br />
new diet religiously<br />
until I get below 180<br />
pounds.<br />
2013 - I will develop a<br />
realistic attitude about<br />
my weight.<br />
2014 - I will work out<br />
every day.<br />
<strong>2015</strong> - I will try to drive<br />
past a gym at least<br />
once a week and eat<br />
fewer cookies.<br />
We look forward to serving you in <strong>2015</strong>!<br />
See our coupons<br />
on the Just Darn<br />
Good Deals page<br />
Dad’s Place<br />
There’s NO PLACE like...<br />
23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info<br />
It’s not too early to book your spring and summer events!<br />
Weddings • Summer Events • Reunions<br />
Company Parties<br />
Indoors or Outdoors – We do it all!<br />
Dad’s Catering<br />
Division<br />
345-9009 DadsPlace.info<br />
Call Diana or Larry for<br />
more info and pricing!<br />
Never let a medical procedure scare you. That's what the bill is for.<br />
Password<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
While a father was visiting<br />
his son, he asked<br />
for the password to his<br />
Wi-Fi.<br />
“It’s taped under the<br />
modem,” he said.<br />
After three failed attempts<br />
to log on, he<br />
asked, “Am I spelling<br />
this right T-A-P-E-D-<br />
U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-<br />
O-D-E-M”<br />
“Deer readers, my gnu<br />
years resolution is to<br />
tell you a gazelleon<br />
times how much I<br />
caribou you!<br />
Sorry. Bad puns.<br />
Alpaca bag and leave.”<br />
– Greg Tamblyn<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 9
Jackpot<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
The Senate is investigating<br />
deceptive<br />
sweepstakes practices.<br />
These companies<br />
target the elderly and<br />
make them think they<br />
will receive a bunch of<br />
money,<br />
but in reality they never<br />
see any of it.<br />
I don't like to be difficult but I'm good at it.<br />
BEST OF THE BEST!<br />
Debbie<br />
Bodwell<br />
The most popular of<br />
these scams is called<br />
Social Security.<br />
Wife: “Do you want<br />
dinner”<br />
Husband: “Sure! What<br />
are my choices”<br />
Wife: “Yes or no.”<br />
Golden Years<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
10<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
I sure have gotten old.<br />
I've had 2 by-pass surgeries,<br />
a hip replacement<br />
and new knees.<br />
Fought prostate cancer,<br />
and diabetes. I'm<br />
half blind, can't hear<br />
anything quieter than a<br />
jet engine, take 40 different<br />
medications that<br />
make me dizzy,<br />
winded, and subject to<br />
blackouts. Have bouts<br />
with dementia. Have<br />
poor circulation, hardly<br />
feel my hands and feet<br />
anymore. Can't remember<br />
if I'm 85 or 92.<br />
Have lost all my<br />
friends.<br />
But.....Thank God, I still<br />
have my Florida driver's<br />
license!<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
NMLS ID# 1760, ME Supervised Lender License No. SLM2537<br />
Equal Housing Opportunity<br />
Debbie Bodwell, NMLS#280336<br />
VP, Mortgage Banker<br />
181 Center Street | Auburn, ME 04210<br />
P 207-777-1551 | F 207-777-1933<br />
Debbie.Bodwell@RMSmortgage.com<br />
www.RMSmortgage.com/DebbieBodwell<br />
Voted Greater<br />
Lewiston/Auburn’s<br />
Best Mortgage<br />
Company for 2014!<br />
Contact Debbie TODAY for all your mortgage needs!<br />
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
Because Business Should Lead To Abundance<br />
Business is no laughing matter<br />
(unless you’re Jimbo)<br />
Business Quiz<br />
MATCH THE NAME<br />
Let’s make a Dill<br />
Flantastic<br />
A Slice Is Right<br />
Hunan Resources<br />
Silent but Dehli<br />
Jockular<br />
Spruce SpringClean<br />
Lord of the Fries<br />
Tequila MockinBird<br />
WITH THE BUSINESS<br />
New Mexican restaurant<br />
An old-fashioned deli<br />
Mexican desert bar<br />
A pizza joint<br />
A sports bar<br />
An up-scale Mexican restaurant<br />
A new Lewiston fast food joint<br />
A large Chinese restaurant<br />
An up-scale cleaning firm<br />
That fun quiz was just to get you in the mood – to look at your business. If you really<br />
look at YOU and YOUR BUSINESS, what do you see Are there changes/improvements<br />
you need to make If you have had these challenges for a while; working too hard,<br />
managing time, cash, people or the work itself, Please give us a call. You know your<br />
business better than anybody! WE ARE BUSINESS COACHES – LET US HELP YOU<br />
MAKE IT GREAT!!<br />
Kurk Lalemand, Business Coach;<br />
Erna Koch, CPBC; Rose Creps, Financial Analyst<br />
NEXT Level Business Coaching . biz<br />
207-754-2003<br />
Because Business Should Lead To Abundance
Out ’n About with<br />
the Great Falls<br />
Model RR Club 2014<br />
ExTRAINaganza<br />
Mondays are the root of all evil.<br />
WINTER IS HERE!<br />
We are a professional collision repair and painting facility.<br />
All work is guaranteed! Free estimates!<br />
Anita & Moe Dube<br />
COLLISION REPAIR & PAINTING<br />
1111 Center Street, Auburn<br />
782-6515<br />
Tasha Pelletier, Model<br />
’Tis the season to have your life choices mocked at the dinner table.<br />
If you're willing to overlook an untold number of flaws I am the perfect man.<br />
Augustus & Tavin<br />
White<br />
winner of Thomas the<br />
Tank Engine<br />
Out ’n About at Center Street Dental<br />
MAKE(ing) A WISH come true<br />
Center Street Dental transformed their office into a Disney palace to make Delilah’s wish come true!<br />
Avaya Desjardins<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
12<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Center Street Dental staff with Delilah<br />
If it ain’t broke, my children haven’t touched it yet.
I'd try to look on the bright side more often but it hurts my eyes.<br />
Honesty. Tenacity. Courage.<br />
Realistic Solutions for Your Legal Needs!<br />
Ask About Home Visits!<br />
We specialize in:<br />
Litigation, Divorce, Family Matters,<br />
Evictions for Landlords, Estate Planning<br />
& Court-Appointed matters.<br />
The Law Offices of<br />
Kimberly A. Levesque, Esq.<br />
207-440-2130<br />
87 Essex Street, Lewiston<br />
(inside the Action Computer Services building)<br />
Call for your FREE<br />
consultation!<br />
Out ’n About with<br />
the Great Falls<br />
Model RR Club 2014<br />
ExTRAINaganza<br />
Bob & Denise<br />
Purington<br />
If you can<br />
guess what’s in my hands,<br />
you’ll win a free model<br />
train ride.<br />
Once you start talking to dogs, it's almost impossible to go back to people.<br />
Carmen<br />
Coulombe<br />
Nancy Weeks<br />
I don't know what it is either, but it was on sale.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 13
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
14<br />
Salesmanship<br />
Submitted by Jimmy Benson<br />
The kids filed into class<br />
Monday morning.<br />
They were all very excited.<br />
Their weekend<br />
assignment was to sell<br />
something, then give a<br />
talk on salesmanship.<br />
Little Sally led off. “I<br />
sold Girl Scout cookies<br />
and I made $30,” she<br />
said proudly, “My sales<br />
approach was to appeal<br />
to the customer's<br />
civil spirit and I credit<br />
that approach for my<br />
obvious success.”<br />
“Very good,” said the<br />
teacher.<br />
Little Debbie was next.<br />
“I sold magazines,” she<br />
said, “I explained to<br />
everyone that the magazines<br />
would keep<br />
them up to date on current<br />
affairs, I sold<br />
heaps and I made<br />
$45.”<br />
“Very good, Debbie,”<br />
said the teacher.<br />
Eventually, it was Little<br />
Jimbo's turn. The<br />
teacher held her<br />
breath. Little Jimbo<br />
walked to the front of<br />
the classroom and<br />
dumped a box full of<br />
cash on the teacher's<br />
desk. “$2,467,” he<br />
said.<br />
“$2,467!” cried the<br />
teacher. “What in the<br />
world were you selling”<br />
“Toothbrushes,” said<br />
(continued on next page)<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
I'm an adult. I don't cry over spilt milk unless it has coffee in it.<br />
Pick a Proven Winner<br />
Choosing a Real Estate Agent can be difficult.<br />
Rollie Heckethorn<br />
FREE CLASS for you<br />
and a friend!<br />
Choose one with a proven track record!<br />
Office: 729-7297<br />
Cell: 344-0007<br />
All my passwords are protected by amnesia.<br />
Rollie Heckethorn:<br />
• Licensed in Real Estate since 1988<br />
• Past President of the Androscoggin<br />
Board of Realtors<br />
• 2014 AVBOR Realtor of the Year<br />
• Assisting buyers & sellers of residential,<br />
commercial & investment properties all<br />
over the state of Maine<br />
SPRQ Studio<br />
with Full Class schedules for the whole family!<br />
SAVE $25 on Your<br />
1st Month Unlimited<br />
Out ’n About at<br />
Logan Ames’<br />
B’day Bash<br />
Mike, Chrissy,<br />
Mackenzie &<br />
Logan Ames<br />
SAVE $5 on a<br />
10 Class Punch Card<br />
Check out Our New Location at 181 Sabattus Rd., Sabattus<br />
Check Out Our Class Schedule By Visiting Our Website www.SPRQstudio.com
L<br />
I may be older than dirt, but I'm still above it.<br />
K<br />
WINTER SCHEDULE<br />
Thursday Nights - Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm<br />
Friday Nights - All Skating 7:30 - 10:00<br />
Saturday & Sunday - 1:30 - 4pm<br />
Saturday Nights - Family Night 7:30 - 10pm<br />
Sunday Night - All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm<br />
Available for private parties<br />
Don’t spend $18 + at the<br />
beauty salon, get your...<br />
Mens & Boys CUTS for<br />
All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.<br />
Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts<br />
Marcel’s<br />
Barber Shop<br />
54 Mill Street, New Auburn • 783-3444<br />
OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm<br />
$<br />
12<br />
A Maine Tradition You Can Count On!<br />
64 Lewiston Road, Gray<br />
657-4714 • ColeFarms.com<br />
Rollodrome<br />
Where<br />
Good Skaters<br />
Meet<br />
Some days, I feel like flypaper for idiots.<br />
• Happy Hour 3-6pm daily<br />
• 14 Beers on Tap & Full Bar<br />
• Daily Specials<br />
• Open Mic on Wednesday Nights<br />
• Live Music on Friday Nights<br />
Since 1954<br />
12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940<br />
www.rollodrome.com<br />
(continued from previous page)<br />
Little Jimbo.<br />
“Toothbrushes,”<br />
echoed the teacher,<br />
“How could you possibly<br />
sell enough tooth<br />
brushes to make that<br />
much money”<br />
“I found the busiest<br />
corner in town", said<br />
Little Jimbo, “I set up a<br />
Chip & Dip stand and I<br />
gave everybody who<br />
walked by a free sample.<br />
They all said the<br />
same thing, ‘“Hey, this<br />
tastes like dog poop!’”<br />
Then I would say, “It is<br />
dog poop, you wanna<br />
buy a toothbrush”<br />
“I decided to use a<br />
politicians method of<br />
giving you some crap,<br />
dressing it up so it<br />
looks good, telling you<br />
it's free, and then making<br />
you pay to get the<br />
bad taste out of your<br />
mouth.”<br />
Little Jimbo got five<br />
stars for his assignment.<br />
Bless his heart.<br />
"It's not because I'm<br />
lonely, and it's not because<br />
it's New Year's<br />
Eve. I came here<br />
tonight because when<br />
you realize you want to<br />
spend the rest of your<br />
life with somebody, you<br />
want the rest of your<br />
life to start as soon as<br />
possible.''<br />
– Billy Crystal to<br />
Meg Ryan in<br />
When Harry Met Sally<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 15
Out ’n About with<br />
the Great Falls<br />
Model RR Club 2014<br />
ExTRAINaganza<br />
God grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I will not read.<br />
We Have the Loan for YOU!<br />
Low Rates • Fast Approvals<br />
Call Dane, Michele or Ken today!<br />
Cynthia<br />
Hunnewell<br />
It might be<br />
cold out here, but<br />
our great loans will<br />
warm you up!<br />
Gayle Flagg<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
16<br />
Diane & Annabelle<br />
Keller<br />
"Content makes poor<br />
men rich; discontent<br />
makes rich men poor."<br />
– Benjamin Franklin<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Great Falls<br />
Federal Credit Union<br />
34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 l 760 Minot Ave, Auburn • 753-0500<br />
*Restrictions & qualification apply<br />
GreatFallsfcu.com<br />
Did you know a large group of baboons is called a Congress
I need a new bank account. This one has run out of money.<br />
Out ’n About with<br />
the Great Falls<br />
Model RR Club 2014<br />
ExTRAINaganza<br />
Dick Rubin &<br />
Jerry Johnston<br />
2010 Lisbon Rd. Lewiston • 782-1514 • premierpoolsandspas.com<br />
I love Chinese food as<br />
much as the next guy,<br />
but you'll never convince<br />
me a chicken<br />
fried this rice.<br />
A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee.<br />
I don’t think my inner child is ever moving out.<br />
THOMAS BAUER, DDS, MS<br />
1 Willow Run, Mt. Auburn Ave,<br />
Auburn<br />
784-8587 or (888) 895-6801<br />
AndroscogginOrtho.com<br />
I'll remember 2014 like it was yesterday.<br />
Put on<br />
Your Happy<br />
Face!<br />
I'm not arguing. I'm explaining why I'm correct.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 17
My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.<br />
New Year’s Resolution #1: Learn to play an instrument<br />
Offering lessons in:<br />
Call<br />
376-3376<br />
Today!<br />
Authorized<br />
Service<br />
Center<br />
• Guitar • Piano • Bass<br />
• Voice • Banjo • Mandolin<br />
• Violin • Music theory • Brass & woodwinds<br />
We also sell and service all types of instruments<br />
Main St. Music Lessons<br />
& Instrument Repair<br />
134 Main Street, Auburn • 376-3376 • www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com<br />
Starting<br />
Off Right<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
Dear God,<br />
So far this has been<br />
great! I haven't gossiped<br />
about my friends.<br />
I haven't lost my temper.<br />
I haven't been<br />
greedy, grumpy, nasty,<br />
cruel, or rude. I'm very<br />
thankful. But in a few<br />
minutes, Lord, I'm<br />
going to get out of bed,<br />
and from then on I'm<br />
probably going to need<br />
a lot more help to get<br />
through the New Year.<br />
My 5 Hour Energy Drink worked for twenty minutes.<br />
NOW A STATE INSPECTION STATION!<br />
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ANY PROBLEM...<br />
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• Appointments required<br />
• Fully warranteed & certified<br />
• $60/hr labor rate<br />
Brad’s Precision Auto<br />
144 Riverside Dr., Auburn<br />
333-0364<br />
Happy<br />
New Year!<br />
Front Row L to R: Mallory & Dan<br />
Middle Row: Penny, Marek, John, Eli & Gavin<br />
Back Row: Sarah, Brad, Ryan & Steve<br />
Pediatricians tend to have very little patients.<br />
Come see us<br />
at our<br />
NEW Location!<br />
We’re now at<br />
61 Mill Street in Auburn<br />
(in the old Pontbriand<br />
Hardware building)<br />
61 Mill Street, Auburn • 783-6927 or 1-800-834-5706<br />
Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4 • MySelco.com<br />
Walk-ins<br />
Welcome<br />
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184 Turner St. Auburn<br />
(Next to Coastal T-shirts)<br />
hwilliamsbarber.com<br />
Hours: Tue. Wed. Fri. 8-4<br />
Thurs. 8-5 • Sat. 8-12<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
18<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
How do they even grow a boneless chicken
If 2014 was a person, I’d sue him for pain and suffering and lost wages.<br />
Now Available!<br />
Fresh Wrapped Pastries<br />
at MARDENS!<br />
161 Lincoln St. • Lewiston<br />
784-7042<br />
LabadiesBakery.com<br />
Mon. 6am-noon • Tues-Fri 6am-3pm<br />
Every Friday<br />
Buy 1 dozen donuts at<br />
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and get the 2nd dozen<br />
at half price!<br />
$<br />
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$<br />
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Dozen Donuts<br />
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Not to be combined with<br />
any other special.<br />
✃<br />
Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)<br />
May I have all I need and want all I have. Happy New Year!<br />
HAPPY NEW YEAR!<br />
Make Heidi’s one of your resolutions, we’ll make it stick!<br />
Out ’n About<br />
Some might say<br />
I’m a little Twisted.<br />
I say I resemble that<br />
remark.<br />
Includes soup,<br />
1/2 sandwich, choice of<br />
potato salad, coleslaw<br />
or chips, & pickle<br />
Mon-Sat 7am-9pm<br />
Sun 10am-8pm<br />
Locally Owned<br />
& Operated<br />
600 Turner Street, Auburn • 784-3434 • heidisauburn.com<br />
Andy Carrier<br />
enjoying a summer day with<br />
an ice cold Twisted Tea<br />
So far, this is the<br />
oldest I've been.<br />
– George Carlin<br />
A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 19
All Smiles<br />
Every salad can be a Caesar Salad, you just have to stab it enough times.<br />
Lisa-Marie Sasseville<br />
Independent dental<br />
practice hygienist Lisa-<br />
Marie Sasseville is the<br />
owner/operator of Sasseville<br />
Healthy Smile &<br />
Wellness. They’re located<br />
at 137 East Ave. in<br />
Lewiston, directly across<br />
from the YWCA.<br />
They offer a range of<br />
services, including dental<br />
cleaning, nutritional counseling,<br />
oral cancer evaluation,<br />
periodontal<br />
evaluations, children’s<br />
sealants and professional<br />
strength fluoride treatment.<br />
Lisa-Marie also fabricates<br />
custom athletic<br />
mouth guards for athletes<br />
and is a Shaklee independent<br />
distributor.<br />
Facials and teeth<br />
whitening are also available<br />
at the office from<br />
Debra Smith by appointment.<br />
The office accepts<br />
most insurances, with<br />
discounts for self-pay<br />
customers. For an appointment,<br />
call the office<br />
at 207-241-0667 or go to<br />
sassevillehealthysmile.co<br />
m. You can also connect<br />
with them on their Facebook<br />
page.<br />
See their ad on page 6.<br />
So I called up the spiritual<br />
leader of Tibet,<br />
and he sent me a large<br />
goat with a long neck.<br />
Turns out I phoned<br />
dial-a-llama.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
20<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
My phone auto-corrects "killed" to "kilt." Well plaid, phone. Well plaid.
Every year I make a resolution to change myself...<br />
This year I’m making a resolution to be myself!<br />
PROTECTING<br />
What You Love.<br />
What You Do.<br />
What You Cherish..<br />
Out ’n About at<br />
Lost Valley with<br />
the Chamber<br />
Take my pic<br />
one more time and<br />
I’ll stuff you in the<br />
bus.<br />
Kerrie Robbins<br />
Commercial Insurance<br />
Specialist<br />
Jet lag is nature's way of making sure you look like your passport photo.<br />
Happy New Year from All of Us!<br />
Brad, Kaitlyn, Drew, Lauren & Angela<br />
SABATTUS<br />
MAIN STREET MARKET<br />
For take-out, groceries, fresh meats, cold beer & more!<br />
2 Main Street, Sabattus • 375-8502<br />
OPEN 7 Days 6am - 8pm<br />
Come<br />
Join<br />
the<br />
Family!<br />
232 Center St., Auburn<br />
786-0417<br />
VarneyAgency.com<br />
Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm<br />
commercial home auto recreational umbrella life health<br />
“Try us once,<br />
you’ll be a regular!”<br />
$<br />
3 OFF<br />
ANY LARGE PIZZA!<br />
Limit one per customer per visit<br />
(UAD) Expires 1.31.15<br />
All that extra air in potato chip bags we complain about really serves a purpose - it’s<br />
Nitrogen and prevents the chips from breaking.<br />
Dan<br />
Bartender at Lost Valley<br />
This food is<br />
delicious but I just<br />
have a thing for<br />
hot dogs...<br />
Linda & Jimmy<br />
Simones<br />
Nick & Mya<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 21
Bull Talk<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
2014 was the first year in nine years that Pixar did not release a new film.<br />
Three bulls heard that<br />
the rancher was going<br />
to bring yet another<br />
bull onto the ranch,<br />
and the prospect<br />
raised a discussion<br />
among them.<br />
Since 1953<br />
Mon-Sun: 9am - 10pm<br />
LuiggisPizzeria.com<br />
First Bull: "Boys, we all<br />
know I've been here 5<br />
years. Once we settled<br />
our differences, we<br />
agreed on which 100 of<br />
the cows would be<br />
mine. Now, I don't<br />
know where this newcomer<br />
is going to get<br />
his cows, but I aint'<br />
givin' him any of mine."<br />
Second Bull: "That<br />
pretty much says it for<br />
me, too. I've been here<br />
3 years and have<br />
earned my right to the<br />
50 cows we've agreed<br />
are mine. I'll fight 'im till<br />
I run him off or kill 'im,<br />
but I'm keeping all my<br />
cows."<br />
Third Bull: "I've only<br />
been here a year, and<br />
so far you guys have<br />
only let me have 10<br />
cows to take care of. I<br />
may not be as big as<br />
you fellows (yet) but I<br />
am young and virile, so<br />
I simply must keep all<br />
my cows."<br />
They no sooner finished<br />
their big talk<br />
when an eighteenwheeler<br />
pulls up in the<br />
middle of the pasture<br />
with only one animal in<br />
it: the biggest baddest<br />
bull these guys had<br />
ever seen! At 4,700<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
22<br />
(continued on next page)<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
SUNDAY<br />
Baked Ziti<br />
$<br />
6.00<br />
THURSDAY<br />
Mini Pizza<br />
1 topping $<br />
2.99<br />
2 toppings $<br />
3.99<br />
MONDAY<br />
The Fergy<br />
sm $<br />
2.50<br />
lg $<br />
5.00<br />
TUESDAY<br />
Meatball Subs<br />
WEDNESDAY<br />
Spaghetti Dinners<br />
1 meatball, salad,<br />
sm $<br />
3.35 w/ch $ 3.99<br />
garlic bread, drink<br />
lg $<br />
6.50 w/ch $ 7.50 $<br />
5.25<br />
FRIDAY<br />
$1.00 OFF<br />
Any Large Pizza<br />
SATURDAY<br />
2 Ham or Salami<br />
Italians<br />
$<br />
7.99<br />
EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $ 5.50<br />
Jimbo to Tim: You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised the Earth’s<br />
temperature by 3 degrees.<br />
Brain Teaser Time<br />
The One That Got Away<br />
Can you find seven number words hidden in<br />
this paragraph Underline the number words in<br />
the phrase at the bottom.<br />
Example: the word eight could be hidden inside<br />
one word, height, or between two words, like<br />
this... We will ride in a sleigh tonight.<br />
Ready... go!<br />
Where has the fat worm gone He was wriggling away from<br />
my reel even before I had the hook on it! If I’ve lost him, I’ll be<br />
sorry. This evening I came prepared with reel, line and bait hoping<br />
to catch plenty of fish. It’s not often that a worm of ours gets away!<br />
Answer is on<br />
page 34. But<br />
at least give<br />
it a shot first!<br />
Tim to Jimbo: You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white.
I'm actually feeling pretty okay about not accomplishing anything this year.<br />
Mid Maine Drug Screening & Investigations<br />
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Violent Offender Search All States<br />
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Ask about<br />
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discounts!<br />
(continued from previous page)<br />
pounds, each step he<br />
took toward the ground<br />
strained the steel ramp<br />
to the breaking point.<br />
First Bull: "You know,<br />
it's actually been some<br />
time since I really felt I<br />
was doing all my cows<br />
justice, anyway. I think<br />
I can spare a few for<br />
our new friend."<br />
Second Bull: "I'll have<br />
plenty of cows to take<br />
care of if I just stay on<br />
the opposite end of the<br />
pasture from him. I'm<br />
certainly not looking for<br />
an argument."<br />
They look over at their<br />
young friend, the 3rd<br />
bull, and find him pawing<br />
the dirt, shaking his<br />
horns, and snorting.<br />
First Bull: "Son, let me<br />
give you some advice<br />
real quick. Let him<br />
have some of your<br />
cows and live to tell<br />
about it."<br />
Third Bull: "Heck, he<br />
can have ALL MY<br />
COWS. I'm just making<br />
sure he knows I'm a<br />
bull!"<br />
I knew that my husband’s<br />
hearing had deteriorated<br />
after our<br />
friend, new to the city<br />
asked where he could<br />
meet some singles.<br />
"Well," said my husband,<br />
"I see them in<br />
the Kmart parking lot<br />
diving for fries."<br />
"Dear," I intervened.<br />
"Singles, not seagulls."<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 23
Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s 20 th<br />
Y<br />
O<br />
UR<br />
V<br />
Best Chinese Restaurant:<br />
Chopsticks<br />
37 Park St., Lewiston • 783-6300<br />
#1 Jeweler in the area:<br />
600 Center St.,<br />
Auburn • 784-6766<br />
Best Auto Body<br />
Shop in the area:<br />
1524 Minot Ave.,<br />
Auburn • 784-6121<br />
19<br />
17<br />
20<br />
Best Pool & Spa<br />
Company:<br />
1975 Lisbon St.,<br />
Lewiston • 783-0858<br />
Best Sports<br />
Pub:<br />
120 Center St.,<br />
Auburn • 786-0715<br />
9<br />
Best Breakfast Place:<br />
Rolly’s<br />
87 Mill Street Auburn<br />
753-0171 7<br />
DINER<br />
8<br />
#1 In Dining Excellence:<br />
775 Washington St N,<br />
Auburn • 784-2110<br />
17<br />
Best Community<br />
Bank/Credit Union:<br />
391 Main St.,<br />
Lewiston • 784-5435<br />
6<br />
O<br />
TES<br />
Best Dance Studio:<br />
Mary Jane’s School of Dance<br />
675 Main St. Lewiston • 946-7302<br />
15<br />
Best Convenience<br />
Store:<br />
484 Center St.,<br />
Auburn • 622-1609<br />
6<br />
Best Automotive Service:<br />
1122 Center St,<br />
Auburn • 753-0433<br />
14<br />
Best Chiropractor:<br />
Dr. Gerald Nadeau<br />
6<br />
336 Center St., Auburn • 777-1104<br />
Best Pizza:<br />
95 Lincoln St.,<br />
Lewiston • 786-2020<br />
Best Casual<br />
Restaurant:<br />
120 Center St.,<br />
Auburn • 786-0715<br />
13<br />
Lewiston<br />
House of Pizza<br />
13<br />
Best Roofing Contractor:<br />
99 Spring St.,<br />
Lewiston 784-1819<br />
Best Prime Rib<br />
775 Washington St N,<br />
Auburn • 784-2110<br />
St. Hilaire<br />
Contractors<br />
6<br />
6<br />
#<br />
A<br />
RE<br />
I<br />
N<br />
Indicates<br />
number of years<br />
as winner.<br />
Best Banquet Facility:<br />
490 Pleasant St, Lewiston<br />
330-3775 13<br />
Best Landscape Company:<br />
78 Lisbon St, Lisbon<br />
353-4848<br />
Best Insurance Agency:<br />
Bilodeau Insurance<br />
541 Lisbon St, Lewiston, • 784-4029<br />
Vote online at:<br />
BESTOFSURVEYS.COM<br />
Inn &<br />
Conference<br />
Center<br />
10<br />
12<br />
Best Facial/Skin Care Salon:<br />
Healthy Beauty<br />
Wellness Spa<br />
Best Burger:<br />
120 Center St.,<br />
Auburn • 786-0715<br />
Market Surveys of America, an independent survey com<br />
Best Businesses for 2014 Survey. The above winners are the r<br />
5<br />
486 Sabattus St.,<br />
Lewiston • 333-3235<br />
Best Eye Care Professionals:<br />
Optometric Associates<br />
Dr. Pauline Beale, Dr. Douglas Henry, Dr. Stephen Ebersole<br />
168 East Ave., Lewiston (784-3564)<br />
5<br />
5
Annual Best Businesses for 2014<br />
Best Financial Planners:<br />
541 Lisbon St<br />
Lewiston<br />
786-0651<br />
Best<br />
Wait Staff:<br />
120 Center St.,<br />
Auburn • 786-0715<br />
5<br />
Poirier Associates<br />
4<br />
Best Sushi<br />
Restaurant: 2<br />
40 East Ave. #2<br />
Lewiston • 795-6888<br />
Best Bar/Lounge:<br />
490 Pleasant St.,<br />
Lewiston • 330-3775<br />
2<br />
Japanese Cuisine<br />
at the Ramada Inn<br />
Best Heating Oil Service:<br />
3 Conant Rd<br />
Turner<br />
225-3588<br />
Best Day Spa:<br />
71 East Ave., Lewiston<br />
783-3321<br />
www.cassiels.com<br />
Best Attorneys:<br />
75 Park St.,<br />
Lewiston • 795-5000 3<br />
Best Boutique:<br />
866 Main St., Lewiston<br />
754-3057<br />
Best Acupuncturist:<br />
12 Highland Spring Rd.,<br />
Lewiston • 783-2016<br />
Best Contract<br />
Security Company:<br />
86 Main St.,<br />
Auburn • 800-292-4965<br />
Best Car Wash:<br />
1103 Lisbon St.,<br />
Lewiston<br />
333-3655<br />
2<br />
Best International<br />
Restaurant:<br />
40 East Ave. #2<br />
Lewiston • 795-6888<br />
Blanchard’s Cash Fuel, INC<br />
2<br />
3<br />
3<br />
Diane<br />
Ford<br />
Best Place To Buy Carpet/Flooring:<br />
675 Main St.,<br />
Lewiston<br />
782-0831<br />
3<br />
3<br />
4<br />
4<br />
J&S Oil/Ultra<br />
Clean Car Wash<br />
Japanese Cuisine<br />
Best Martini Bar:<br />
490 Pleasant St.,<br />
Lewiston • 330-3775<br />
Best Real Estate Company:<br />
22 Strawberry Ave.<br />
Lewiston • 782-0670<br />
Best Mortgage Company:<br />
181 Center St.,<br />
Auburn • 777-1551<br />
Best Massage<br />
Therapy:<br />
600 Turner Rd. #3<br />
Auburn • 376-3233<br />
14 Millett Dr.,<br />
Auburn • 782-3457<br />
2<br />
Best Towing Service:<br />
940 Washington St.,<br />
Auburn • 784-4619 1<br />
336 Center St.,<br />
Auburn • 784-3800<br />
Best Dental Care Facility:<br />
Best Buffet:<br />
279 Center St.,<br />
Auburn • 241-0870<br />
Best Seafood<br />
Restaurant: 1<br />
245 Center St.,<br />
Auburn • 376-4295<br />
1<br />
1<br />
Best Flower<br />
Shop: 1<br />
at the Ramada Inn<br />
Don’s<br />
Towing<br />
1<br />
1<br />
Dr. James P.<br />
Herbert, DMD<br />
1<br />
Ann’s<br />
Flowers<br />
Y<br />
O<br />
UR<br />
V<br />
O<br />
TES<br />
A<br />
RE<br />
I<br />
N<br />
Paid for by Market Surveys of America<br />
pany, is proud to announce the winners of the 20th annual Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s<br />
esult of public ballots and internet voting for the Lewiston/Auburn small business community.
Out ’n About at<br />
Rails<br />
Lewiston’s newest<br />
restaurant<br />
Jimbo to Tim: You are so old, you fart dust.<br />
Local Radio... The Way It Should Be!<br />
The first FM Station just for the L/A Area!!<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
26<br />
First Customer<br />
Roy L'Italien<br />
Team L'Italien Real Estate<br />
Jared Lussier<br />
Current Media<br />
Justin Nadeau<br />
Grow L+A<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
• Hear the Hits of Today<br />
Shake It Off, Stay With Me, Maps, Rude, Am I Wrong, Animals,<br />
Try, I’m not the Only One, Boom Clap, Cool Kids, and much more!<br />
• And Classic Hits<br />
Songs from the 80’s thru Today!<br />
• Breakfast Club with Matty B<br />
Live interviews with local guests Monday – Friday 6-10am.<br />
• Local News & Sports<br />
10am-2pm: “Rush Hours” with Jeremy Rush. “Retro Lunch” 12-1pm<br />
2-6pm: The “Dean” of Radio, Dave Dean LIVE weekdays.<br />
4-5pm: “Friday Free For All” featuring local artists.<br />
6pm-12am: The “Night Shift” with L/A’s own Gene Cassidy.<br />
Sat 8-11am: Z105.5 Top 30 Countdown.<br />
4 WAYS TO LISTEN:<br />
Around L/A at 105.5-FM & 1240-AM,<br />
Online at www.z1055.com & Tune-In App.<br />
Tim to Jimbo: You are so old, you sat next to Jesus in school.
Presented by:<br />
All I know for sure is one of us is right and one of us is you.<br />
Local Music Line-up<br />
FRIDAY FREE FOR ALL<br />
Live on the air every Friday 4–5pm. Tune into Z105.5FM<br />
MAINE BLUES SOCIETY<br />
ERIC FRENCH<br />
THE BLOOD ORANGE MARTINIS<br />
<strong>January</strong> 9th<br />
JOE<br />
BRIEN<br />
<strong>January</strong> 16th<br />
MIKE<br />
WILLETTE<br />
<strong>January</strong> 23rd<br />
Out ’n About at<br />
Rails<br />
Lewiston’s newest<br />
restaurant<br />
We’re right<br />
on track!<br />
"Aunt Joline<br />
& Uncle Bill"<br />
A special thanks to<br />
Eddie & Emmanuel Boucher of<br />
EAB International<br />
(music line-up and graphics)<br />
BROKEN:51<br />
<strong>January</strong> 30th<br />
If the universe is expanding, why can't I find a parking space<br />
Out ’n About at the Grand Opening of Rails<br />
Claudette Ledoux<br />
& John Pothier<br />
You know Steve,<br />
this might be my first<br />
appearance in Uncle<br />
Andy’s Digest!<br />
That’s probably<br />
because you’re such<br />
an intravert! You need<br />
to get Out ‘n About<br />
more!!<br />
Steve Dick & Governor Paul LePage<br />
reminiscing about their old school days and playing sports together in Lewiston<br />
The next time there's an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line"<br />
Dan Earle<br />
& Susie Beck<br />
Kitchen Manager<br />
My <strong>2015</strong> resolution is<br />
for everyone else to<br />
gain the 50 pounds I<br />
refuse to lose.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 27
Out ’n About at<br />
Rails<br />
Lewiston’s newest<br />
restaurant<br />
When I’m not<br />
thinking about food,<br />
I’m thinking about<br />
other things.<br />
Jimbo to Tim: You are so old, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you.<br />
Assisted Home Care II<br />
“Our Family<br />
Assisting Your Family”<br />
Assisting Families since 1997.<br />
• Registered Home Health Care Service Agency<br />
• Private Duty Care & Staff Relief<br />
• 24 hour Personal Care and Response<br />
• Guarantee Continuity of Caregivers<br />
• Assist with Independent Living at Home<br />
Now expanding<br />
our services to the<br />
Midcoast Region!<br />
11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org<br />
Out ’n About at Rails<br />
Fern & Heidi<br />
Langlois<br />
Lewiston/Auburn<br />
is full of little gems.<br />
We’re excited to be<br />
part of it!<br />
Steve & Claire Dick<br />
Owners of Rails Restaurant<br />
Lil & Gerry<br />
Castonguay<br />
all the way from<br />
San Antonio, TX<br />
I really like<br />
Fern’s taste in<br />
wardrobe.<br />
Marc & LuAnn<br />
Frenette<br />
Trafton, Matzen, Belleau & Frenette<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
28<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Tim to Jimbo: You are so old, your birth-certificate expired.
Jimbo to Tim: You are so old, if you acted your age, you'd die.<br />
New Patient Special<br />
$<br />
88<br />
“Affordable Dental Excellence”<br />
Out ’n About at<br />
Rails<br />
Lewiston’s newest<br />
restaurant<br />
Stop in for<br />
lunch or dinner.<br />
You won’t be<br />
disappointed!<br />
Includes: Cleaning, Exam, and Xrays.<br />
Caring family dentist and specialists<br />
with a Pediatric Dentist & Periodontist on staff!<br />
488 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 783-8800<br />
www.androscoggindentalgroup.com<br />
Hours: Mon. 8am-5pm<br />
Tues & Wed. 8am-7pm<br />
Thurs 8am-5pm<br />
Fri. 8am-1pm<br />
Sharon White<br />
General Manager of Rails<br />
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.<br />
– Erma Bombeck<br />
Out ’n About<br />
at...<br />
Yummy,<br />
if you thought you were famous<br />
before... watch what happens<br />
once everyone sees you in the<br />
Digest!<br />
Mike Bilodeau &<br />
Scott Duplissis<br />
Bilodeau Insurance<br />
Mitchell & Yummy Raubesen<br />
Made slightly famous by appearing on the History Channel’s show, Downeast Dickering<br />
Tim to Jimbo: You are so old your birth certificate is in Roman numerals.<br />
Sam Davidson<br />
& Bob Boulette<br />
Bob's Finish Carpentry<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 29
CALL THE PROS<br />
Assisted Home<br />
Care II<br />
“Our Family Assisting Your Family”<br />
Now expanding our services to the<br />
Midcoast Region!<br />
See page 28 to learn more about<br />
the services we offer.<br />
11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org<br />
Affordable Office Solutions | 550 Lisbon St., Lewiston<br />
cubiclesinmaine.com | 783-4820 or Toll Free 866-464-CUBE<br />
No Separating<br />
Required!<br />
743-3891<br />
• Driveways<br />
• Patios<br />
• Walkways<br />
• Porches<br />
• Steps<br />
• Poolscapes<br />
Now serving<br />
Lewiston & Auburn!<br />
Call us for a FREE quote.<br />
Serving: Norway • West Paris<br />
Minot • Mechanic Falls • Oxford<br />
& NOW Lewiston/Auburn!<br />
70 Main Street, South Paris • harrisbrosrubbishremoval.com<br />
GIVE YOUR WARDROBE<br />
A MAKEOVER<br />
with custom handmade bracelets by Jackie<br />
Jackie’s Bracelets, Etc.<br />
61 Albert Street, Lewiston<br />
333-2763<br />
jackiesbraceletsetc.com<br />
Join us for some Affordable FUN!<br />
$<br />
10 up to 48 cards - Games pay $ 50 - $ 100<br />
Sunday at 6:00PM<br />
Wed., Thurs, & Friday<br />
at 6:30PM<br />
Pleasant Street Bingo Hall<br />
475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394<br />
1761 Lisbon Road, Lewiston<br />
(next to the Elks Lodge)<br />
956-1793<br />
Hours: Tues - Fri 10am - 5pm<br />
Sat 10am - 1pm<br />
Like us on<br />
Bookkeeping<br />
Plus<br />
QuickBooks Classes Offered<br />
Bookkeeping Services<br />
9 Grove Street, Auburn • 782-8124<br />
You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through<br />
Congress. – Will Rogers<br />
Rolly’s Diner<br />
Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!<br />
Breakfast & Lunch<br />
Specials Daily<br />
CELEBRATING 21 YEARS IN BUSINESS!<br />
It’ll be<br />
4 generations<br />
real soon!<br />
Thank you L/A for<br />
21 wonderful years! Our family<br />
looks forward to serving you for<br />
many more!!<br />
3 Generations: Sadie, Jordan, Ken & Rolly<br />
Cat: A lap warmer with a built-in buzzer.<br />
• Unusual Omelettes<br />
• Crepes<br />
• Breakfast All Day<br />
• Extensive Menu<br />
If you robbed a kissing booth you'd make out like a bandit.<br />
87 Mill St.<br />
New Auburn<br />
753-0171<br />
(for take-out)<br />
Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm<br />
Sunday 7 am – noon<br />
Out ’n About at Mac’s<br />
Grill for the Dad’s Place<br />
Christmas Party<br />
Which one of these<br />
is not like the other<br />
(Hum that Sesame Street tune)<br />
Leslie Sweatt,<br />
Candace Frederick<br />
& Lisa Millett<br />
IF YOU CAN READ THIS WITH EASE THEN<br />
YOU ARE INCREDIBLY TALENTED AT<br />
READING BACKWARDS, WHICH IS AN<br />
INCREDIBLY POINTLESS TALENT TO HAVE.<br />
Young Love<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
A Scottish lad and lass<br />
were sitting together on<br />
a heathery hill in the<br />
Highlands.<br />
They had been silent<br />
for a while, when the<br />
lass said, "A penny for<br />
your thoughts."<br />
The lad was a bit<br />
abashed, but he finally<br />
said, "Well, I was thinking<br />
how nice it would<br />
be if ye'd give me a<br />
wee bit of a kiss."<br />
So she did so.<br />
But he again lapsed<br />
into a pensive mood<br />
which lasted long<br />
enough for the lass to<br />
ask him, "What are ye<br />
thinking now"<br />
To which the lad grumbled,<br />
"Well, I was hoping<br />
ye hadn't forgotten<br />
the penny!"<br />
Trip Advisor<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
An American and his<br />
wife were traveling<br />
around Ireland by car<br />
when the tire developed<br />
a slow puncture.<br />
He managed to find a<br />
small local garage<br />
where he asked the<br />
owner if they had an air<br />
line.<br />
The owner replies, "an<br />
air line You must be<br />
joking; we don't even<br />
have a bus station!"<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 31
Out ’n About at<br />
Rails<br />
Lewiston’s newest<br />
restaurant<br />
Sharon White<br />
Director of Operations at<br />
Rails<br />
Jimbo to Tim: You are so old it looks like the Wrinkle Fairy tap danced on your face.<br />
10% OFF Your First Snow Plowing<br />
FREE<br />
QUOTES<br />
Commercial & Residential<br />
SNOW PLOWING • SANDING & SALTING<br />
SNOW REMOVAL<br />
Morin<br />
excavating<br />
Inc.<br />
Andy Morin<br />
207.784.8293<br />
cell: 207.576.4714<br />
amorinexc@roadrunner.com<br />
Mystery Photo<br />
Where in the world was Russ for this picture<br />
Winning contestant gets a $10 gift card to<br />
Dunkin Donuts from Russ.<br />
Ahhh... Jimbo, shouldn’t it be you<br />
supplying the prize<br />
Russ Dillingham<br />
Professional photographer for the Sun Journal<br />
Stacey Thurston<br />
Central Distributors<br />
& Cathy Rainor<br />
Morin's Fine Furniture<br />
& Finishing<br />
The day after visiting a<br />
fair, my wife was in<br />
agony.<br />
"You know you’re past<br />
your prime," she said,<br />
"when you hurt all over<br />
and all you rode was<br />
the massage chair."<br />
Welcome Peg Montoya<br />
to our team!<br />
Booth Rentals Available<br />
Tues – Thurs 9am - 7pm; Fri 9am - 5pm; Sat 9am - 12pm<br />
232 Center Street, Auburn<br />
753-9368<br />
(next to Play It Again Sports)<br />
Michelle Higgins, Lynn Norris & Peg Montoya<br />
Stylist Owner/Stylist Stylist<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
32<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Tim to Jimbo: You're so old I've seen stale raisins with less wrinkles.
Jimbo to Tim: You're so old your social security number is 1.<br />
Out ’n About at<br />
Mac’s Grill for the<br />
Dad’s Place<br />
Christmas Party<br />
Fern & Louise Roy<br />
We asked Sam if she approved<br />
of her nickname.<br />
Sam “Babycakes” Roy<br />
Tim to Jimbo: You're so old you co-wrote one of the Ten Commandments.<br />
DAD’S PLACE<br />
REDEMPTION<br />
23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551<br />
Located in the building behind Dad’s Place<br />
Hours: Monday - Sunday 9am - 5pm<br />
(closed Tuesdays & Major Holidays)<br />
Bottle Drives<br />
Welcome!<br />
MORE FOR YOUR $$<br />
Get more for your returns<br />
at Dad’s!<br />
6¢<br />
on all 5¢ returns<br />
with this coupon.<br />
(must present coupon at<br />
Redemption Center prior to counting)<br />
✃<br />
Dad’s Redemption<br />
UAD expires 1.31.15<br />
Jimbo to Tim: You're so old you knew Burger King while he was still a prince.<br />
No one will ever<br />
guess who I am...<br />
Cassie Roy<br />
"Everything’s starting<br />
to click for me!" said<br />
my father-in-law at dinner.<br />
"My knees, my elbows,<br />
my neck … "<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 33
Out ’n About at<br />
Mac’s Grill for the<br />
Dad’s Place<br />
Christmas Party<br />
Hmmm... a new<br />
sandwich called<br />
the “Elwood”<br />
Deb & Elwood Strout<br />
I fainted at the doctor's office last week. It happened when they called my name<br />
within 5 minutes of my appointment time.<br />
CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE<br />
Scooter<br />
FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983<br />
We can do it:<br />
• Wheel alignment<br />
& balancing<br />
• Complete brake work<br />
• Engine tune-up<br />
• Lube-oil-filter<br />
• State Inspections<br />
$10 OFF<br />
ANY Service<br />
with Coupon!<br />
Happy New Year!!<br />
OUR TIRES<br />
60 Minot Ave • Auburn<br />
782-6666 or 783-2026<br />
A PROUD MEMBER OF THE<br />
NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM<br />
It's ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity, too.<br />
Nate Verville<br />
Just a small<br />
prayer for the<br />
Patriots to go all<br />
the way this<br />
year!<br />
Brain Teaser Time<br />
The One That Got Away<br />
Answer to brain teaser puzzle<br />
on page 22.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
34<br />
Caleb Banker<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Where has the fat worm gone He was wriggling away from<br />
my reel even before I had the hook on it! If I’ve lost him, I’ll be<br />
sorry. This evening I came prepared with reel, line and bait hoping<br />
to catch plenty of fish. It’s not often that a worm of ours gets away!<br />
I have one of those unlimited cell phone plans. There's no limit to how much<br />
they’ll charge me.
RETAIL • WHOLESALE • REDEMPTION • LIQUOR STORE<br />
5 Locations for Your Convenience<br />
ROOPERS<br />
LISBON ST.<br />
Now Selling<br />
Liquor!<br />
ATM’s onsite & Lottery/Megabucks!<br />
Sabattus Street, Lewiston Lisbon Street, Lewiston Main Street, Auburn<br />
Minot Ave, Auburn<br />
WHAT’S BREWING<br />
AND ALWAYS NEW<br />
YOUR BETTER BEER PIONEERS<br />
Since 1992<br />
Main Street, Lewiston<br />
Gold Crown Coffee Brandy 1.75L<br />
$16.99<br />
Save $3<br />
Beer Specials<br />
Coors/Bud/Bud Lt/Lite 6pk 16oz cans .$4.99<br />
Bud/Bud Lt 16oz 18 packs . . . . . . . . .$14.99<br />
Baxter Variety 12 pks . . . . . . . . . . . . .$16.99<br />
Shipyard 12 pks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99<br />
Twisted Tea 12 pks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99<br />
Wine Specials<br />
Yellowtail 1.5L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $9.99<br />
Cavit 1.5 L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12.99<br />
Dreaming Tree 750 ml . . . . . . . . . . . .$11.99<br />
GFV Twin Valley 750ml . . . . . . . . . .2 for $10<br />
Naked Grape 3L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$16.99<br />
Vueve Clicquot Brut 750ml . . . . . . . . .$49.99<br />
Crown Royal<br />
Maple/Apple<br />
750ml<br />
$21.99<br />
Save $4<br />
Tullamore Dew<br />
12Yr. 750ml<br />
$38.99<br />
Save $7<br />
Belevedere<br />
Vodka 750ml<br />
$23.99<br />
Save $6<br />
Naked Grape<br />
3L<br />
$16.99<br />
Bulleit<br />
Bourbon<br />
750ml<br />
$24.99<br />
Save $4<br />
George Dickel 8Yr<br />
750ml<br />
$19.99<br />
Save $2<br />
694 Main St.<br />
Lewiston • 782-1482<br />
794 Sabattus St.<br />
Lewiston • 783-6353<br />
1420 Lisbon St.<br />
Lewiston • 333-3095<br />
545 Minot Ave.<br />
Auburn • 783-2047<br />
303-311 Main St.<br />
Auburn • 783-9098
Fast Friends<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
Two guys, one old, one<br />
young, are pushing<br />
their carts around the<br />
grocery store when<br />
they collide.<br />
The old guy says to the<br />
young guy, "Sorry<br />
about that. I'm looking<br />
for my wife, and I<br />
guess I wasn't paying<br />
attention to where I<br />
was going."<br />
The young guy says,<br />
"That's okay, it's a coincidence.<br />
I'm looking for<br />
my wife, too. I can't<br />
find her and I'm getting<br />
a little desperate."<br />
The old guy says,<br />
"Well, maybe I can<br />
help you find her. What<br />
does she look like"<br />
"Well, she is 27 years<br />
old, tall, with red hair,<br />
blue eyes, long legs,<br />
and is wearing a tank<br />
top with short white<br />
shorts. What does your<br />
wife look like"<br />
The old guy replies, "It<br />
doesn't matter, let's<br />
look for yours."<br />
Jimbo to Tim: You're so old the Lewiston fire department is on standby when they light<br />
your birthday cake.<br />
New Auburn Social Club<br />
Wishes Everyone a<br />
Happy New Year!<br />
Mark Your Calander!<br />
Join Us at the United New Auburn Association Monthly Meeting on the<br />
Last Tuesday of the Month at Rolly’s Diner with Special Guest Speakers<br />
We would like to recognize our newly elected Officer:<br />
Fred Mitchell<br />
As well as our Re-elected Officers:<br />
Pat Legee, Joe Walker, Heather Quintal & Mike LaPlante<br />
Join us Monday, <strong>January</strong> 5th at 6:00pm<br />
For the Inauguration of our newly elected Officer<br />
and our Re-elected Officers!<br />
Stop in and help us welcome them!!<br />
New Auburn Social Club • 7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039<br />
TOWNLINE<br />
ANTIQUES<br />
Buying & Selling<br />
837-3784<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
36<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Tim to Jimbo: You're so old the candles cost more than the birthday cake.
Join us for our<br />
Super Bowl Party!<br />
$50 pp (all inclusive)<br />
Pig Roast, Tailgate Hors d'oeuvres & includes<br />
2 beverages of your choice! Tons of giveaways!!<br />
Super Bowl Sunday!<br />
Multiple Grand Prizes!<br />
• 40” Flat Screen TV<br />
• 4 hr Casco Bay Sailing Trip<br />
(for 4 people; includes steak & lobster dinner)<br />
and MUCH, MUCH MORE!!<br />
No better<br />
place to be on<br />
Super Bowl<br />
Sunday!<br />
Happy<br />
New Year!<br />
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com
Out ’n About at<br />
Mac’s Grill for the<br />
Dad’s Place<br />
Christmas Party<br />
What do you<br />
call a dog with<br />
no legs<br />
Doesn’t<br />
matter. He won’t<br />
come anyway.<br />
Thomas Callahan<br />
<strong>2015</strong><br />
is gonna be a<br />
great year!<br />
Tim to Jimbo: You're so old you knew Captain Crunch while he was still a private.<br />
Happy New Year<br />
We look forward to serving you in <strong>2015</strong>!<br />
The Vallee Family and whole team<br />
at the Village Inn wish to extend our<br />
sincere thankfulness to our community<br />
for their continued support<br />
throughout the year.<br />
We really appreciate our friends<br />
and our guests and we look forward<br />
to serving you all in the New Year!<br />
Village Inn, 165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796<br />
Open Tuesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com<br />
Jimbo to Tim: You're so old you knew Mr Clean when he had an afro.<br />
Laurie &<br />
Liz “Goose” Callahan<br />
Melissa Noel &<br />
Adam Downs<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
38<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
My life GPS is recalculating.
✃<br />
I haven't gained weight. I'm just retaining cookies.<br />
Service<br />
Rental<br />
Sales<br />
G.A. DOWNING<br />
CO., INC.<br />
111 Woodman Hill RD<br />
Minot, ME 04258<br />
207.782.4508<br />
800.924.4500<br />
Liquid Waste Pumping • Portable sanitation facilities<br />
Do not neglect<br />
your Septic System<br />
For proper maintenance, it should be pumped periodically.<br />
CALL US TODAY TO SET UP AN APPOINTMENT<br />
We carry risers, covers,<br />
baffle replacements, septic additives.<br />
Remember when conversations didn't involve typing<br />
Trivia<br />
Time!<br />
Q: How can you<br />
make a library<br />
bigger<br />
A: By adding more<br />
stories to it.<br />
Q: When do bad<br />
days usually fall<br />
apart<br />
A: Daybreak<br />
Q: What cannot run<br />
although it has<br />
three feet<br />
A: A Yard.<br />
Out ’n About at<br />
Mac’s Grill for the<br />
Dad’s Place<br />
Christmas Party<br />
Why do I get<br />
the feeling we’re<br />
about to get photo<br />
bombed<br />
Vikki Rogers &<br />
Kevin Mcbean<br />
Q: If a dad gives<br />
fifteen cents to one<br />
of his sons, and a<br />
dime to another,<br />
what time is it<br />
A: A quarter to two.<br />
Q: Where were the<br />
first donuts fried<br />
Okay, who wants to gimme a push on my mood swing<br />
A: In Greece.<br />
Now offering<br />
Brazilians!<br />
<strong>January</strong> Special<br />
$10 OFF<br />
Brazilians or Foils!<br />
Expires 1.31.15<br />
Cassie & Diana<br />
Roy<br />
with mystery photo<br />
bomber<br />
Kelley Darcy Amanda Christopher<br />
336 Center St. • Auburn • 777-1611 777-1611<br />
Jimbo to Tim: You're so old you left your man-purse on Noah’s Ark.<br />
Q: What’s the quickest<br />
way to make a point in<br />
your writing<br />
A: Sharpen your pencil.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 39
BEST OF THE BEST<br />
Tim to Jimbo: You're so old you recall when the<br />
Grand Canyon was just a ditch.<br />
WHEN<br />
YOU’RE<br />
TIRED OF<br />
THIS...<br />
Debbie Bodwell<br />
Debbie Bodwell of Residential Mortgage Services was<br />
named the 2014’s best mortgage company for the Greater Lewiston/Auburn<br />
area by Market Surveys of America. Market Surveys<br />
of America is an independent survey company and the winners<br />
are the result of tallied public ballots taken throughout the Lewiston/Auburn<br />
area for the small business community.<br />
Debbie has been originating residential mortgages for homebuyers<br />
in the Lewiston Auburn area for over 27 years. For the<br />
past 7 years as a Vice President for Residential Mortgage Services.<br />
Have a conversation with Debbie and you immediately feel<br />
comfortable, she is a down-to-earth person and super relatable.<br />
All important qualities in someone who is helping you through<br />
one of the biggest investments you’ll ever make in buying your<br />
home.<br />
Debbie specializes in Conventional, FHA, VA and Rural Development<br />
financing. She really enjoys dealing with first time<br />
home buyers.<br />
She has been a top producer for seven years with RMS. She<br />
received the Affiliate of the Year award from the Androscoggin<br />
Board of Realtors four times. More impressive than that, she has<br />
closed over 14,500 residential loans in her career!<br />
Debbie would like to send out a special thanks all of the people<br />
who have entrusted her to finance the biggest purchase they will<br />
ever make. And also a big thank you to the Realtors for their ongoing<br />
referrals and loyalty. She is looking forward to <strong>2015</strong> being<br />
another great year.<br />
Contact Debbie at RMS, 181 Center St, Auburn • 777-1551.<br />
See her ad on page 10.<br />
Sometimes, I can't figure out if I'm in pre-school or high school. Oh wait, I'm at work.<br />
GIVE US<br />
A CALL!<br />
Fully Insured<br />
Free Quotes<br />
Servicing the Mechanic Falls,<br />
Minot & Poland areas.<br />
JMAR<br />
PLOWING<br />
Reasonable Rates<br />
576-4844<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
40<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Jimbo to Tim: You're so old you were a waiter at the last supper.
Tim to Jimbo: You're so old when you ran the 100 meter dash they timed you with a sundial.<br />
Jimbo to Tim: You're so old when you were born the Dead Sea was just getting sick.<br />
We wish all of our clients a Happy New Year!<br />
Thank YOU for a successful 2014.<br />
We look forward to serving you in <strong>2015</strong>!<br />
The Movie<br />
of Your Life<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
A man and his wife<br />
were having a very hypothetical<br />
discussion:<br />
$<br />
Beat the winter blues!<br />
10 OFF<br />
Any chemical service with<br />
Kelly D. or Camille<br />
We are a full service salon!<br />
14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A<br />
Highland Spring Road, Lewiston<br />
Ann Kelly Sue<br />
Lysa Kelly D. Camille<br />
786-4311<br />
Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm • Fri. 8am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm<br />
In the unlikely event<br />
that Hollywood made a<br />
movie based on their<br />
lives, they wondered<br />
what stars would play<br />
them.<br />
"Who would you pick to<br />
portray you" she<br />
asked him.<br />
He thought about it for<br />
a minute, then answered,<br />
"Dennis<br />
Quaid."<br />
"In that case," she<br />
said, "I’ll play myself."<br />
Tim to Jimbo: You're so old, the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to your apartment.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 41
Out ’n About with<br />
the Great Falls<br />
Model RR Club 2014<br />
ExTRAINaganza<br />
When I was growing up, selfies were accidental Polaroids of our thumbs.<br />
Just Darn Good Deals<br />
✃<br />
1/2 PRICE PIZZA!<br />
Buy any small pizza,<br />
Get second @ 1/2 price!<br />
(2nd pizza equal or lessor value)<br />
Not to be combined with other specials<br />
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)<br />
Inside<br />
Lewiston<br />
Variety<br />
145 College St, Lewiston • 786-0785<br />
50¢ OFF<br />
✃<br />
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)<br />
Grant’s Bakery<br />
525 Sabattus St. Lewiston<br />
783-2226<br />
GrantsBakery.com<br />
Landon Desjardins<br />
1/2 OFF DINNER<br />
FREE SMALL BREAD STICKS<br />
✃<br />
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)<br />
✃<br />
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)<br />
at the Ramada<br />
490 Pleasant St. Lewiston • 784-2331<br />
85 Center Street,<br />
Auburn • 784-8221<br />
PatsAuburn.com<br />
Larry Cannon<br />
Wind & Fire Bracelet<br />
Giveaway!<br />
Stop in to enter our drawing to<br />
win a Wind & Fire Bracelet!<br />
Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)<br />
✃<br />
We’re more than purses!<br />
Large<br />
selection!<br />
Most are just<br />
$<br />
25<br />
785 Main St.<br />
Lewiston<br />
$<br />
3 OFF<br />
ANY LARGE<br />
PIZZA!<br />
Limit one per customer per visit.<br />
Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)<br />
✃<br />
Sabattus<br />
Main Street Market<br />
2 Main Street, Sabattus • 375-8502<br />
Jerry Johnston<br />
“This New Years I resolved<br />
to lead a better<br />
life. Now all I have to<br />
do is find someone<br />
who will trade lives with<br />
me.”<br />
– Melanie White<br />
FREE Coffee<br />
or Soda<br />
✃<br />
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)<br />
The Library Cafe<br />
49 Spring St. Auburn<br />
784-2300<br />
AuburnLibraryCafe.com<br />
20% OFF<br />
✃<br />
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)<br />
808 Main St. Lewiston<br />
753-3054<br />
KellysFabricConnection.com<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
42<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
At the restaurant, a sign read "Karaoke Tonight!" Grandma studied it before asking,<br />
"What kind of fish is that"
✃<br />
The larger the lake of knowledge the longer the shore of wonder.<br />
Just Darn Good Deals<br />
10% OFF<br />
Total Order<br />
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)<br />
20 %<br />
OFF<br />
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)<br />
Out ’n About at<br />
Mac’s Grill for the<br />
Dad’s Place<br />
Christmas Party<br />
Ewwww Dad!!!<br />
Why are you picking my<br />
polar bear’s nose<br />
770 Main St. Lewiston (Marden’s Plaza)<br />
783-4500 • SaucyPots.com<br />
34 Center St.<br />
Auburn<br />
333-3069<br />
yourbestskinofmaine.com<br />
✃<br />
✃<br />
$<br />
25 OFF<br />
Any service of<br />
$100 or more.<br />
Limit one per customer per visit. (UAD)<br />
Complete Auto Care<br />
147 East Ave, Lewiston • 782-1125<br />
BerubesAutoCare.com<br />
BREAKFAST $ 3.75<br />
Includes: Egg Breakfast Sandwich (ham, bacon<br />
or sausage) with cheese on fresh baked roll,<br />
hashbrown, small coffee & a donut!<br />
Just mention this ad!<br />
GEORGIO’S<br />
740 Minot Ave, Auburn<br />
783-2981<br />
myGeorgios.com<br />
Larry & Cassie<br />
Roy<br />
BOTTOMLESS BOWLING<br />
All-You-Can-Bowl<br />
Wednesdays 1PM – Close<br />
2 hours only $6pp.<br />
✃<br />
(shoe rental extra)<br />
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)<br />
24 Mollison Way, Lewiston • 786-2695<br />
Sparetimerec.com<br />
FREE DESSERT<br />
✃<br />
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)<br />
40 East Ave. Lewiston • 795-6888<br />
Sea40me.com<br />
Liz Callahan &<br />
Hailee Cote<br />
with mystery photo<br />
bomber<br />
10 %<br />
OFF<br />
✃<br />
All Adult<br />
Novelties<br />
& Lingerie<br />
(Must be 18 years old)<br />
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)<br />
675 Main St, Lewiston • 804-615-7451<br />
CHICKEN CORDON BLEU<br />
SANDWICH<br />
✃<br />
Expires 1.31.15 (UAD)<br />
ONLY<br />
$<br />
5<br />
Dad’s Place<br />
23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls<br />
345-5551 • DadsPlace.info<br />
Chuck Mundell<br />
& Jenn Boston<br />
If I knew grandchildren were going to be this much fun, I would have had them first!<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>January</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 43
Come Experience a Real Hand Car<br />
Wash Done the Old Fashioned Way!<br />
Happy New Year from All of Us!<br />
LIQUID SUNSHINE<br />
CAR WASH & DETAIL<br />
865 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 333-3004<br />
Hours: Mon- Fri 8:30am - 5:00pm • Sat 8:30am - 4:00pm<br />
To kick start my New Year, I took an IQ test and the results were negative.<br />
Mon.-Thurs. 7am-5pm<br />
Fri. by appointment<br />
Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D.<br />
Dr. Chen and his staff are dedicated to providing a pleasant, stress-free visit<br />
with results that you will be proud to show off.<br />
Visit us at our state of the art office at:<br />
730 Center St • Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza<br />
783-1351<br />
Same Day Emergency Care<br />
We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider<br />
auburnplazafamilydentistry.com<br />
WWW.<strong>UNCLE</strong>ANDYS<strong>DIGEST</strong>.COM