Smart & Good High Schools - The Flippen Group

CHAPTER 5: Fostering the 8 Strengths of Character—Outcome 8Iused to be a jerk, one of the biggest in the world. Ihated everyone. I didn’t care about your race or religionor your sexuality. All you had to do was be human, andyou were a target of my hate.My few friends were ones of convenience; they were thesame as I was. Our greatest aspiration in life was to geteven with the entire human race for what we felt weregreat offenses committed against us.The worst thing was that I was proud of myself. I wasproud of the hate. I was proud of the negative attention Ireceived from everyone.On June 11, 1998, my mother and I took a trip out westto visit an old friend in Seattle. I still wore my deep scowleven though I was glad to see my good friend Steve afterall these years. My mother traveled down the coast, and Istayed with Steve for ten days.During those ten days, I watched Steve simply live hislife. He had friends, money, and a permanent smile on hisface. And a small part of me wished I could have that,too.Then something happened that changed everything. Iremember the exact moment. I was sitting on the porchof his apartment. I was watching him as he waved toevery passing car, knowing who was inside and commentingon them as they waved back. Seeing him sit therehappy and friendly, I suddenly realized . . . I was an a—hole.That realization took less than one second, but it felt likeTHE EPIPHANY (ABRIDGED)BY ARLISS FEATHERGILLan eternity. In that one second, my entire life changed. Allthe sounds around me were drowned out by the tumultuousthoughts inside. My body was filled with a searingpain brought on by a terrible shame.That night when Steve went to bed, I sat up and ponderedwhat had happened to me earlier. I did something Ihad not done in three long tortuous years . . . I cried. Mybody shook with convulsions as I shed tears of shame andsadness. I cried until no more tears would come.That night I decided I would bury my former self andemerge as someone new, someone who led a life of good.That morning I began my journey of redemption.It has been almost two years since that day, and it hasnot been an easy road. In the months following thatnight, I spent time erasing my old life. I threw awaymaterial possessions. I ended friendships. I slowly erasedwho I had been inside and began starting over.Although I still don’t believe I am truly as good a personas I could be, I am far better off than I was. I do nothate anyone. There are people I don’t like, but I havecome to accept and respect anyone who accepts andrespects my and other people’s rights to our own beliefs. Inow have friends and a broad smile, which I nearly alwayskeep. I spend a lot of my time trying to make otherssmile and laugh, and am oftentimes successful.The road of redemption and repentance is harsh. But ifyou find yourself in the situation I was in, it is well worthit. I hope that what I write here helps just one personlearn from my mistakes. 333. Economic success (billfold). This comes later in life, when“being a man” is judged by how much you make or by thetitle you have at work. 36Ehrmann elaborates:As a young boy, I’m going to compare my athletic abilityto yours and compete for whatever attention that brings.When I get older, I’m going to compare my girlfriend toyours and compete for whatever status I can acquire bybeing with the prettiest or the coolest or the best girl I canget. Ultimately, as adults, we compare bank accounts andjob titles, houses and cars, and we compete for the amountof security and power that those represent. We will evencompare our children and compete for some sense of fatherhoodand significance attached to their achievements. 37The three-fold progression of falsemasculinity: from ball field tobedroom to billfold.This straight-shooting assessment of masculinity may notcharacterize every young man, but most of us would agreethat it fits many in today’s culture. That this is how theculture tends to shape males’ understanding of masculinityis all the more reason to have young men reflect ontheir laws of life. The “Season of Life” philosophy arguesthat “being a man means emphasizing relationships andhaving a cause bigger than yourself.” We think havingboys first read portions or all of Season of Life, then writeabout their laws of life, would be a good way to help them201Smart & Good High Schools