Loss and Grief in Dementia

Key Considerations
ii. people respond and cope with grief in different ways
“Grief is based upon the unique perception of loss by the griever” (51).
Although there are commonalities in grief, each person’s grief is unique. There is no ‘normal’ or ‘right
way’ to grieve. How a person grieves and deals with their loss will depend on a number of factors
such as the nature and extent of their grief, their relationship with the person, their culture, their
personality, their gender and their own personal history, the support they receive, the meaning they
find in their loss and their own internal resources (30,52,53). Researchers have identified a number
of grieving styles based on how a person experiences their loss internally and how they express their
loss to the outside world (8). The three major types of grieving styles are as follows: intuitive,
instrumental and blended.
Intuitive grievers tend to experience their grief as waves of feeling and they show their feelings externally
to others by crying, talking about their loss and connecting with others about their experiences. Intuitive
grievers tend to cope by taking time to grieve and sharing feelings with others (54).
Instrumental grievers tend to experience their grief in a more cognitive way and are less likely to
display emotions as overtly as intuitive grievers. They tend to try and keep their feelings under control
and tend to engage in problem–solving activities related to the loss instead of focusing on the pain
of the loss itself. They may seek out social support but are unlikely to spend this time sharing their
feelings. They may show grief by becoming anxious/agitated/hyper energetic or by immersing
themselves in tasks and projects (31).
In summary, Intuitive grievers ‘feel’ the grief while instrumental grievers ‘do’ the grief (31)
Blended grievers experience and express their grief using a mix of both cognitive and emotional
coping styles.
While some people may be very strongly oriented towards one style, many people will fall somewhere
along the continuum below:
Intuitive
Grieving
Style
Blended Grieving Style
Instrumental
Grieving
Style
In addition to grieving styles, there are some common tasks which people generally need to attend
to in the grieving process (55). People do this in their own time and in their own way. The tasks
usually involve constant reworking. These tasks are as follows:
1. Accepting the loss: this means accepting that the loss has occurred.
2. Experiencing the pain: there is no shortcut through grief. It is only by experiencing the pain
of grief that a person can start to heal and adjust to the loss.
Loss and Grief in Dementia
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