Loss and Grief in Dementia

Guidance and Resources
b. Validate the person's grief responses
A person who is experiencing grief may experience a range of positive and negative emotions all at
once. This can be confusing and cause them to feel guilty, anxious, angry and many other emotions.
There is a need to let people know that it's ok to feel whatever emotion that they are feeling (40).
3 The person may need reassurance that their grief is a normal reaction to the losses they are
experiencing. Saying something like ‘ I’m not surprised you feel like that...most people would’
may be helpful.
3 Respect a person’s story: do not assume you know what they believe or what they feel. While
we may identify with parts of another person’s story, we can never truly know what another
person is feeling. Be aware that the person’s story is their story and your role as a support is
to listen to and support them.
3 Emphasise that there is no ‘normal’ way to grieve – everyone has their own way of responding
to and coping with grief.
c. Interacting with a person who is experiencing loss and grief
Use active listening skills: The use of active listening skills is particularly important when talking to
a person who is grieving. This involves fully attending to the person and letting them lead without
disruptions. Some specific skills which are known to help the other person continue their story are:
3 Use conversational encouragers: these are nonverbal actions such as head nods, positive
facial expressions, open body language and minimal verbal feedback such as “mmm”.
3 Paraphrasing: this involves summarising the essence of what has been said e.g. “So you are
feeling........”
3 Clarifying or “Am I right in thinking you feel.....”
3 Silence is an important part of listening, accepting their story and being respectful.
3 Use open-ended questions such as:
• What is that like for you?
• What gets stirred up for you?
• What is most important for you now?
• How would you usually cope?
Encourage the person to think about their support needs: It is important for people to have a
balance between the demands of caregiving and/ or grieving. Prompting people to think about some
of the things below may be helpful:
• Prompt people to think about who is in their circle of support (e.g. who do they turn to
at times of crises or celebration). Prompt people to think about what support they could
realistically seek from different members of their circle
• What gives you strength and support?
• What helps to replenish your energy levels?
• What brings you joy?
Adapted from (73).
Loss and Grief in Dementia
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