L. Marie Adeline- S.E.C.R.E.T

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I turned to face him. “Nothing, Will. You’ve made your choice. There’s nothing more to do.” Tears spilled down my cheeks. He reached out to wipe them, but I moved his arm away. “Please don’t go, Cassie,” he whispered, begged. I plucked my coat o the rack and threw it on, leaving the door open as I walked out of Café Rose. As I went south on Frenchmen, the cold rain began to subside. My walk turned to a jog at Decatur as I made my way through the French Quarter, already waking up to the day’s festivities. At Canal, Mardi Gras madness was gearing up and I moved through the crowd at a crazed pace. I had to get out of here. At Magazine, when I bent over, gasping to catch my breath, I realized I was still wearing my waitressing apron. I didn’t care. Images of my body entwined with Will’s ashed through my mind. His kisses, his chest exing beneath me, the way he cradled my head in his hands. I clutched my side as the sobs wrenched their way to the surface. My Will, my future, dissolved. Just like that. I let a packed bus pass, then another one. I decided to walk to Third Street so I could keep crying, not caring who saw me, the throngs of tourists fighting for a prime spot on the parade route. Oh, Will. I loved him, but there was nothing to do. I couldn’t be the woman who took a father away from his baby. One perfect night, that’s what we had, and now I had to let it go. I’d learned from the other men how to be with them, then let them go. Could I do this with Will? I had to try. Crossing under the Pontchartrain Expressway, I started to feel my body relax as the tourists thinned out. The dank smell of the French Quarter gave way to the scent of owering vines snaking up the houses in the Lower Garden District. The rain had stopped and the widening sidewalks put my heart at ease. Turning up Third, I was reminded of my rst foray down this lush street and how my fear had stopped me in my tracks so many times that day. Now, I stood here again, soaking wet, my heart bruised. I was once so afraid of the world. And even though I was in pain, the fear was gone, replaced with a true and real sense of myself. I had my feet on the ground. I was heavy-hearted, but I would survive this and be made stronger. I knew what I wanted. I knew what I had to do. Danica buzzed me past the entrance. I made my way slowly across the courtyard, marveling at how spring came to New Orleans in February. Before I even knocked on the big red door, Matilda opened it, an expectant smile on her face. “Cassie. Are you here for your final charm?” “I am.” “So you’ve made your decision?” “I have.” “Are you saying goodbye to us, or are you choosing S.E.C.R.E.T?” I stepped over the threshold and handed Danica my wet coat. “I’m choosing S.E.C.R.E.T.” Matilda clapped her hands, then placed them on my cheeks. “First let’s dry those tears, Cassie. Then we’ll phone the Committee. Danica, put some
coee on. It’s going to be a long meeting,” she said, gently shutting the big red door behind us.
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This is a work of fiction. Names, c
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Contents Cover Title Page Copyright
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had passed since I’d had sex. Fiv
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a lot of thought to her feet, despi
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“When you, uh, dropped off your r
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heart, Will hinted that he could ge
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I s it possible to feel really youn
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underwater, beating out a sad echo.
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nonchalant, normal. You don’t kno
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heart-shaped face, which drew to an
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“You mean S.E.C.R.E.T.? That, my
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Garden District. I got o at Third,
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finish. The silence was painful.
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“But I don’t even know you! I d
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entire space with names and ideals.
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talk about their deepest desires, t
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“Yes,” I said. “Two, within t
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wanted. I ticked the box. I want to
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I entered as timid as a mouse to a
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I did as he asked. He seemed to kno
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drying my hair, I had a realization
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my own memories of that man’s bea
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My heart beat faster as we made tur
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practice run, moving my forearm and
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ody felt suspended in his strong ha
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E very May, the Spring Fling on Mag
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around the walls and glass, giving
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ack towards me and held my face in
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deep, his wet tongue pulling someth
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people want to know a little bit mo
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Will glanced around my disheveled p
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women who might also be going throu
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his arms rippled and revealed thems
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knew this stage name. And now, Shaw
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“Oh, Cassie,” he pleaded, my ha
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S ummer covered the city like a thi
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I took the stairs in twos, ripping
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Gulf. I alternated between watching
Page 80 and 81: maybe that was the terror. Then it
Page 82 and 83: naked woman under a blanket being k
Page 84 and 85: me. “You’ll never be afraid aga
Page 86 and 87: ago, albeit one from the South. She
Page 88 and 89: David. He wasn’t a gym rat, but h
Page 90 and 91: waved at me from the crowd forming
Page 92 and 93: happy to see this.” “Yours, may
Page 94 and 95: “Stunning, my dear. But don’t f
Page 96 and 97: him. “Good try, old friend,” Pi
Page 98 and 99: Cassie who couldn’t leave her bed
Page 100 and 101: F or days after the Ball, my mood c
Page 102 and 103: “I wish he would stop buying me t
Page 104 and 105: I dropped my hands to my sides, as
Page 106 and 107: “You look so hot with your ass in
Page 108 and 109: his jealousy, which now hovered ove
Page 110 and 111: his teeth bright white against his
Page 112 and 113: this … me … us. No. We were in
Page 114 and 115: “So what if you did? Where’s th
Page 116 and 117: “No. That’s my nal answer.” I
Page 118 and 119: Are you seeing double? Who am I? Wh
Page 120 and 121: The ones who’ve vexed you, and wh
Page 122 and 123: high on my thighs, but her kiss had
Page 124 and 125: Will turned to Pierre, who was stil
Page 126 and 127: “Shit,” he muttered, something
Page 128 and 129: H ow I left Will sleeping there I
Page 132 and 133: ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Thank you to everyo
Page 134 and 135: QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 1. What co
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L. Marie Adeline- S.E.C.R.E.T

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