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L. Marie Adeline- S.E.C.R.E.T

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people want to know a little bit more about each other. So. What I can tell you is this: I<br />

can facilitate a meeting between you and Jesse. But if that’s your choice, you’d be done.<br />

Your journey would end at Step Three. You’d be out of S.E.C.R.E.T. So would he.”<br />

I gulped.<br />

“Truthfully,” she added. “I didn’t think Jesse is your type. I mean, he’s sexy, but<br />

he’s …”<br />

“Married?”<br />

“Divorced. But I can’t say anything more than that, Cassie. You think about it. I’ll give<br />

you a week.”<br />

“Is he … Does he … want to see more of me?”<br />

“Yes. He does,” she said, a little sadly. “He’s made that clear. Listen, Cassie. I can’t tell<br />

you what to do, but I will say this: you’re thriving. I can see it. I’d hate to see you stop<br />

this momentum for a man you know nothing about, so soon into your journey, based on<br />

one great night.”<br />

“Does it happen a lot?”<br />

“Many women do end self-exploration prematurely. Most regret it. Not just in<br />

S.E.C.R.E.T. but in life.”<br />

Matilda placed her hand over mine, just as Will made his hurried way from the kitchen<br />

through the dining area, past us to where Tracina was attempting to parallel-park his<br />

truck in a small spot on the street in front of the restaurant. Even from where I was<br />

sitting, I could see it was a bad idea.<br />

“Jesus! Stop! I told you to wait for me!” he yelled out the door.<br />

I couldn’t make out what Tracina said in reply, but it was loud and animated; the truck<br />

was askew and blocking traffic out front.<br />

This is what it’s like to have a boyfriend, I thought, and this is what it’s like to be<br />

someone’s girlfriend. You spend your days careening between bliss and disappointment,<br />

love and a bit of loathing, your every action weighed against the approval and<br />

disapproval of someone else. You don’t own them and they don’t own you, yet you’re<br />

responsible for their every want and desire, some you can satisfy, some you never, ever<br />

will. Did I want that right now? Did I want to be some man’s girlfriend? Did I even<br />

know anything about this man Jesse? A tattooed pastry chef who lives God-knows-where<br />

and has a kid? Sure, we had chemistry. But still. I hardly knew him!<br />

Just as I was going over all of these things in my mind, outside the window I saw<br />

Tracina get out of the awkwardly parked truck and slam the door. I watched her as she<br />

dangled the keys in front of Will’s face and then threw them at his feet.<br />

Will picked up the keys and stood still for a few seconds, staring straight ahead.<br />

“You know what?” I said, turning to Matilda once more. “I don’t need any more time<br />

to think this through. I know what I want to do. I want more. I want S.E.C.R.E.T.”<br />

Matilda smiled. She gently placed my Step Three charm in my hand and patted it shut.<br />

“Jesse forgot to give this to you. But I think I’m the right person to offer it.”<br />

I looked at the word on the charm: Trust. Yes. But did I trust that I had made the right<br />

choice?

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