Eatdrink #63 January/February 2017

62 www.eatdrink.ca
№ 63 | January/February 2017
the lighter side
A Piece of Cake?
By KYM WOLFE
This might sound fishy but …
I love word play and I
have a mind that tends to
trap trivia, so I’ve collected
snippets of interesting word combos
and mispronunciations along the way. I
thought that pulling out the ones related to
food would be a piece of cake, and I even
expected that I would be able to cherry pick
the best of the bunch.
Alas I found myself in a pickle when
my memory would not cooperate as
selectively as I had hoped. I tried
to butter it up, I threatened it
with a knuckle sandwich, but in
the end this is all I could
manage to cook up.
Toddlers are always a
good source of adorable
word accidents. What parent
hasn’t been asked for pasghetti
noodles or cimmanon toast? Your young one
might adore the sweepy toes (sweet potatoes)
but hate the spigalous (asparagus).
Then kids graduate to a higher level of
punniness, mostly silly and nonsensical.
Hilarity ensues.
“What did the salad say to the dressing?”
“Lettuce be friends!”
“Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm?”
“Because the potatoes have eyes and
the corn has ears.”
“Why did the apple go out with the prune?”
“Because he couldn’t find a date.”
“What is black and white and green and
bumpy?”
“A pickle wearing a tuxedo.”
And of course there are the knock-knock
jokes.
“Knock, knock!” — “Who’s there?” —
“Banana.” — “Banana who?” — “Ba-na-nana-na,
na-na-na-na… [to the tune of an old
vaudeville act]. Repeat three times.
By now you as a parent are getting a little
exasperated, but you’re game to go one
more round.
“Knock, knock!” — “Who’s there?” —
“Orange” — “Orange who?” — “Orange you
glad I didn’t say banana?”
Hysterical stuff.
Next we move on to idiomatic phrases,
which must stymie every newcomer who
has to learn English. Why does a bread
winner bring home the bacon? Why
shouldn’t you put all your eggs in one
basket? Why might a bad smell mean
someone has cut the cheese?
You might egg someone on, get
in a beef with them, or walk on
eggshells around them. Your
sweetheart is the apple of your
eye. If a bean counter is a
bad egg, he might cook
the books. Politicians
might talk about bread
and butter issues.
Even a big cheese might end up
with egg on his face or eating humble pie,
but he’ll still act cool as a cucumber. After
all, there’s no use crying over spilt milk — he
has bigger fish to fry.
Your sister-in-law has a bun in the oven.
You only know because your brother spilled
the beans. Your brother is a bit of a couch
potato, so you think, “That’s a fine kettle of
fish!” But they say cream rises to the top, so
maybe he can cut the mustard. Just don’t
say anything, because they might think you
have sour grapes.
So there you have it. My trivial memory
well has run dry. It may not be your cup of
tea, and some might be a little too corny
or cheesy for your taste. But if you find
word play as delicious as I do, maybe this
will prompt you to send me some of your
favourites. Piece of cake, you say? Well,
maybe … but the proof of the pudding is in
the eating!
KYM WOLFE is a London-based writer who would love to
hear your favourite foodie word play. kym@kymwolfe.com