The Duchy of Jerald

American people, are all worried and stressed, because symbolic Dad, is a golf/sex addict and
can't do his job. Everyone is freaking out or turning to religion and hard core hate of those in
need.
I remember the Brad Pitt movie, Moneyball, where he says to his kid, don't worry about your
Dad..and I broke into tears, him telling the kid who is the parent and who gets to be the kid.
That's the real American Dream.
So her eyes got wider, the bar teller lady, as she recognized this very common pattern, and her
role in her family. She is now, for a career, caretaking a bunch of drunks in a bar and her
aspiration is to care for all humanity, so Mom will like and accept her so she will have some self
esteem which she will lose at the first harsh word to come her way. Co-dependance means
having your own strategies for satisfaction, as second best, others approval as first best.
"If you have self esteem you can lose self esteem, so drop the notion, the slavery really, of
getting perpetual good ratings of yourself to get esteem. Rate just your strategies for satisfaction
instead. The purpose of life is satisfaction."
"Your Mom ain't ever gonna like you, in fact she hates you, you didn't cause that to happen."
"It's not your fault."
"You don't have secret mind powers that control others likes and dislikes."
"Others likes and dislikes only describe them, never you"
and then the big one:
"If you could put yourself first, if all things were reasonably possible, what would you do just
for your own satisfaction, if the purpose of life were your own satisfaction, not others?"
Holy fuck I never thought of that..... DANCE! I would study DANCE!, she said. For a moment
you could see the chains of emotional slavery fall away. The lost joy of childhood return.
Ya when the family therapist asked me that question I dropped everything and went to art
school, and while I was there a prof, Alan Dunning, took one look at my work, first day in my
studio visit crit, said to me, you are still making images to go on your Mom's fridge so she will
like you. Ouch.
What would you do if you could do anything that satisfied just you, if you were an artist and
could do anything you want? (remember this is a pretty common issue). Oh! I like computers and
the internet and screwing with photo. OK then, so Alan and I learned Photoshop version 2 and
web building together, he stayed one step ahead of me, building bigger more powerful