The Duchy of Jerald

ToeNails
I ran a narcissist test by my re-connected sister.
Simply I asked for what I wanted, a relationship deepening exercise, and waited to see what
happened.
I hadn't seen her for 14 years since my wife died. At that time I asked for support, emotional
and material, promises were made and nothing was forthcoming. I was devastated, loss
compounding loss. I sought help at the hospital, saw a therapist and was taught REBT and
learned that the anxiety, well terror really, I was experiencing was a consequence of the notion
that things must go the way I expected and I couldn't stand it if they didn't.
Oh.
I was professionally advised to avoid my sister for there was a very real danger of harm. So for
14 years I did just that. No family at Xmas birthdays etc. Often I spent them in tears missing a
family.
Of course I never had one. My mother also being a narcissist and agoraphobic had not much to
offer and my father was dead, coal miner with lung cancer when I was two. I remember being
age 6 or so getting my tonsils out and the nurse bathed me and trimmed my toenails remarking
on how they had never been cleaned, the nails black with dirt. I was so ashamed and embarrassed
and scared, all alone in the hospital.
So here I am in the hospital asking to have my toenails cut because I'm half paralyzed and I
can't do it myself. We don't do that, your family will have to. I don't have one. Sorry but the
rules......
So I recently reconnected with my sister cause I'm in real trouble with a stroke and I'm scared
and she's all I got. I've been trained by experts tho, ask for what you want, narcissists will leave
blaming you for exposing their emptiness friends will stay and negotiate.
I want companionship as I'm lonely especially on the weekends. Maybe buy some art as I'm
broke. Stuff like that. Oh ya and trim my toenails.
Uh no no and no. I'm much too busy, a lot going on. Money is out of the question for the wife
of a rich oil man in Calgary. I dont do toenails. But I'll come by with chocolate chip cookies
(anxiety comfort food) sometime during the week maybe.