The Duchy of Jerald

REBT for Loss of Family
REBT Self-Help Form
What is the situation that you are upset about?
Answer: Realized it wasn't my families behavior: the abandonment by my mother, her
downloading my care onto siblings, their resentment over becoming my parents, their guilt, and
forced obligation and subsequent abandonment, that caused my lifelong feeling of hurt, it was
how I looked at it that caused the major sting.
What are the unhealthy negative emotions that you are experiencing?
Answer: Hurt, shame, rage, jealousy, depression, anxiety.
What self-defeating behaviors would you like to change?
Answer: Withdrawal and avoiding social contact, procrastination, in the past I used drugs, I
was unassertive for years, exercise avoidance and emotional eating as well.
What demand are you making about the situation?
Answer: I must perform well and win the love and approval of my siblings who see me as a
source of guilt and obligation, or else I am an unworthy inadequate person. They should do the
right thing and help me.
Dispute: Why must I? Where is the evidence that I am a no good shit. Where is it written that
others should anything?
Rational Belief: There is no evidence. Nowhere is it written. I highly prefer they act loving and
sane but they don't have too.
In what way are you awfulizing about the situation?
Answer: It's awful to be so abandoned
Dispute: How is it awful? Am I dying from this?
Rational Belief: I am not dying from this being on my own and solving my own problems.
What are you saying to yourself about the situation that indicates low frustration tolerance?
Answer: I'm so lost and alone, I can't stand it.
Dispute: Where is the evidence that I can't stand it.
Rational Belief: There is no evidence. I am standing it so I will stand it. I've been standing it all
my life so I'm really good at standing it. Mostly by focusing on my various satisfactions.
What beliefs show that you are rating people instead of rating their actions?