The Duchy of Jerald

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Having A Narcissist For A Parent Well, the first thing is, you tend to marry someone exactly like your parent. Trying to get back that feeling of being loved and cared for that they continually took away as they groomed you to be their slave. My Dad, who died at 40, had married a copy of his mom, whom uncle Charlie, medicating being a slave with booze and AA, lived with their mom till she died at 90 or so. I was the youngest and destined to take care of my mom, but I left 'home' and got help at 14 with the advice of strict non contact. Family has scorned me ever since for dumping the burden of this adult 4 year old 'parent' on them. It's addicting, love addiction essentially. The need ever present. Like crack. I must be liked and accepted and do well, or else I am a worthless inadequate human being is the programming. The craving never goes away, it is accompanied by waves of panic, those of a child forced to care for itself, emotionally, and often physically, living on the street, vulnerable, robbed and beaten. So later in life, when I meet the new love-bomber, feeding my addiction, then withholding love, affection, sex I feel right at home. Then they get bored with the game and seek a new adventure and I am devastated. You fucked John!!? Or they stay and manipulate with guilt if you try to leave, threatening self harm with FOG: fear, obligation and guilt. Dwayne Johnston, the family therapist I sought out in desperation and loneliness, said 'Well, you were essentially an orphan, might as well accept that. You lived in the library, learned to read way above your age group, and discovered a different normal. The normal at home began to look crazy to you because it was. Essentially you deprogrammed yourself.' Oh. Much has been written about getting rid of crazy, how they send you messages continually, guilting you with their pain, or else they dump you and start a smear campaign. I recently had the former, basically reliving my mother, I was hooked when vulnerable during stroke recovery, lonely and abandoned by family, and I ended it when I saw what I had on my hands. It's hard to spot, at first, but as soon as the evidence of their needs not your becomes, well, evidently the priority, I find it's pretty obvious pretty fast. Talk to strangers and ask for what you want, is healthy but the narcs panic when you express you preferences, bereft of any empathy, only seeming to care, they tend to fuck off, or bomb you with guilt.
So I set up the blocks on the net, and this supposedly unsophisticated computer user found a way around most of them, fake accounts, strange ip.'s, all the usuals. The naked pics were interesting and if they weren't sent with manipulation in mind, they might have been fun. The rational response to the programmed demand that I must have love or I am worthless is of course: I have love because I self care, besides, others likes and dislikes only describe them. Some folks have lovable traits, and that's fun to hang out with and build intimacy and trust over time, but I don't need it like heroin, I just prefer it, highly prefer it with some. In the meantime I have hobbies and other enjoyable pursuits with which I am happy and when I meet a love, I am doubly happy, especially when she sends pics. *wink*
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Picking the Flowers The Grow in The
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The Art of Being Alone Rational Tho
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The Case Against Religion - Albert
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Awfull-izing Pimps for Parents and
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About I was born in the Kananaskis,
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What is REBT? Rational Emotive Beha
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Narcissism Overvalue, Undervalue, D
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Emergence emergence: love is not an
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Mark and Menha Sitting in the coffe
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Spiritual Girl So. She asked me if
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ToeNails I ran a narcissist test by
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Spotting the Spots So Ellis says pe
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Last Night....my Mind Healed Woke u
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Grow your happiness in your own gar
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When they immediately called a jury
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The Guilty Conscience of the Surviv
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The Art of Being Alone It is ironic
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Rational Thoughts for Today I dodge
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the love, approval and empathy of m
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Stroke Sept 12 2017 I woke up confu
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4 months later Sept 12 2016, 10 day
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A Good Thing I sent out updates on
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You May Rise to Find the Sun I'm ro
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There is no reason why they should.
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This resulted in the following emot
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I Have Found Me A Home I've found m
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Our system of ill-health and wellne
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Seeking Satisfactions Last Day List
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3 days Out 3 days out of hospital,
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Facebook the Friendly Fascist Well,
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The Purpose of Life is Satisfaction
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Carol, My Wife From a Former Time S
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Tears for a Saturday Afternoon So.
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So this relationship goes out to th
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Typical anxious and hostile ‘Chri
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esteem is the worst disease known t
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Happy Sunday Hi. It's Sunday and I
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So, my new friend, if you are going
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feel this way I talk to my Lord Jes
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It boils down to they hate us for o
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Hassles not Horrors Letter to a new
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Virtue Signaling & Hard Luck Rivalr
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The Case Against Religion - Albert
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e, any absolute certainties, and sh
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If religion, therefore, is largely
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humanly experienced, and that their
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If we want to look at the problems
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Mind Reading to read a book, to lis
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American people, are all worried an
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Cancer and Cameras My father was a
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Street Sausage Saw an interview wit
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Self Pity is a Consequence Had coff
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Sub-beliefs I must have love and ap
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Behavioral Consequences Aggression
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Friendly Fascists The wind was 100
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You may not be able to get Anything
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Mothers Day What is the situation t
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Daily Life The cab driver arrived o
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The Nutmeg of Consolation 1.I poste
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10. I have taught painting and draw
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A Real Treasure There is only one o
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I chose these consequences of cours
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Sheri I met you at Deb's and Maddi'
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Graphic Design I like design that i
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Oh the mother and child reunion Is
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Answer: My siblings are a waste of
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•B) Other people may look down on
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Rational Belief: The experts are sa
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The Duchy of Jerald

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