Cosmopolitan Bride Magazine Australia - Summer 2014-2015

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Worldmags.net 'Maid OF horror Avoiding tantrums, upstaging and tears… Dawn O’Porter ponders why choosing your bridesmaids can be harder than selecting a husband
Worldmags.net *NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED. SNAPPER MEDIA W hen I got married last year, I was determined not to have bridesmaids. I just couldn’t think of anything scarier than turning around and seeing my best friends staring at me, all wearing the same dress like a scene from The Shining. Anyway, isn’t wearing the same outfit as someone else every girl’s nightmare? So why do so many “friends” put each other through it? I just wanted my sister, my best friend and my cousin to get ready with me, wear whatever they wanted, and deliver silly gifts to my husband-to-be. Even though I didn’t have bridesmaids (which didn’t stop every other person from saying, “I love what you did with your bridesmaids,” to which I’d scream, “They’re not br… oh, forget it!”), I did want the people closest to me to be involved. But no matching frocks, no up ’dos, no unnecessary poofing of my dress – and if anyone said the “B” word, I made them do a shot. If you do want bridesmaids, picking the people who follow you up the aisle should be simple – just choose the girls you’re closest to, right? But if you’ve got sisters (and future sisters-in-law) that you may have to consider, you might not be able to afford to have them and your best mates. So maybe you only have one mate. Or one sister. Or no sisters and only friends… And don’t get me started on being told by your new in-laws who your bridesmaids should be! “Choosing bridesmaids is so stressful, because rejection is painful in any form,” says clinical psychologist Anna Symonds. “And it’s especially hard when it’s coming from somebody you care about or respect. It’s also a blatant form of public rejection – if you’re not chosen as a bridesmaid, it will be painfully obvious on the day.” But the whole point, for the bride at least, is to be surrounded by people who make you happy and who’ll send you off into married life feeling loved and secure – not ones who stress you out and make you wobbly before you even say “I do”. “At a wedding where I was bridesmaid, I made the hairdresser redo my hair four times, taking longer in total than the entire bridal party. #divaBM? Yep.” Emma, 30 “I had a diva bridesmaid who insisted on having her dress altered two weeks before the wedding, despite initially saying she loved it. This caused the other bridesmaids to get stroppy about their dresses – the day before the wedding. Now when I look at the pictures, I scowl inside.” Jo, 29 Ouch, that hurts “When I was passed over as bridesmaid by a close friend, I couldn’t help feeling hurt”, says Leah*, 35. “I’d been her best mate at school, but she chose friends from uni to be bridesmaids, while I was asked to be a witness. To make things worse, I was asked several times on the day why I wasn’t a bridesmaid! But I had to face the fact that we weren’t as close as we’d once been, and that it was her day to do what she wanted – so I smiled my way through it. The nerves I felt having to sign the register actually made me glad I hadn’t had a bigger part to play, and it turned out to be one of the best weddings that I have ever been to.” To avoid people feeling left out, it’s worth trying to allocate as many different roles as you can. “You need to think outside the box with what you decide to ask people to do,” says Kate Thompson of wedding site confetti.co.uk. “If you can’t have many bridesmaids, then could you get some of the others to be ushers? Do a reading? Help with the cake? And if you want a ‘best woman’, then have one.” Extreme bridesmaiding Even if you find it easy to choose who’ll follow you down the aisle in the first place (congratulations by the way!), that’s still no guarantee you’re in for an easy ride. A bridezilla is a beast to be reckoned with – but a bridesmaidzilla is even more of a threat to the party. Turning to Twitter to see if anyone else had nightmare experiences, my computer crashed from the sheer volume of horror stories I received. It turns out that choosing bridesmaids – something that’s supposed to be an act of friendship – can leave you friendless, abandoned, bitter and quite possibly thanking God that you’re about to marry a man who’ll hopefully be less of an oversensitive fruit loop than your supposed best friends. One woman revealed how her maid of honour (and BFF of 12 years) sulked through the hair trial, missed the dress fitting and refused to come to her hens’ night. “She told me I wasn’t the first person ever to get married. We had a huge fight and haven’t spoken since.” Another, who’d asked her school friends to be her bridesmaids, said, “They refused to come to pick a wedding dress with me, and on the day itself they failed to show up on time. I actually had to ask where they were!” The thing about getting married is that it’s your day. But you’ll find that as soon as that gorgeous engagement ring’s on your finger, compromising and peoplepleasing is half the battle towards the big event. The other half? Well, that’s the easy part – trying on pretty things, caketastings… My advice is don’t rush into anything. The friends you ask to share your special day with shouldn’t be any less carefully selected than your bloke. Because, let’s face it, having a husband can be stressful enough. # “At a wedding I went to, when the bride threw her bouquet, one of her work colleagues caught it. Suddenly, out of nowhere, one of the bridesmaids ripped it out of her hands, threw it back at the bride and screamed, ‘I was meant to catch it – you threw it wrong!’” Kim, 28 COSMOPOLITANBRIDE.com.au 185
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SUMMER 2014/15 Dress, veil, shoes!
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Cosmopolitan Bride Magazine Australia - Summer 2014-2015

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