Happiful August 2020

More documents

Recommendations

Info

THE CASE OF A Friend, partner, sibling, colleague, dog-person, cat-person, reader, walker, French horn player. Can you sum up your identity with tick-boxes, or is there a deeper ‘you-ness’ bubbling below the surface? With help from a psychotherapist, we explore what happens when we lose our sense of identity, and look at the ways we can get back in touch with the person we truly are Writing | Kathryn Wheeler MISSING IDENTITY We all fit into different ‘boxes’, capturing our relationships, our roles in the world, and our interests – and from these boxes, we start to build an idea of our characters. But when it comes to developing a healthy and strong sense of identity, boxticking and labels can only take us so far, occasionally limiting our understanding of the mosaic, multifaceted people we are. And because our sense of identity is right at the core of everything we do – helping us stay away from things that cause us harm or inner-conflict, and connecting us with those who share our values – taking time to tune in couldn’t be more important. “Having a sense of identity means knowing what makes us tick,” integrative psychotherapist Anne-Marie Alger explains, “what we like or don’t like, having an idea of where we fit in and belong in our lives, being able 84 • happiful.com • August 2020
to connect with people, and being able to initiate and sustain healthy relationships. It means that we can make the right choices for ourselves in meeting our needs, in choosing how we spend our time, and who we spend this with.” A good understanding of our core qualities helps us navigate the world around us, and yet many of us will experience periods in our lives when our sense of identity slips – perhaps through patches of poor mental health, when our feeling of who we are is shaken as we’re less sure of our needs. As a result, we might experience an increase in social anxiety, low-confidence, and emotional numbness, or perhaps struggle to settle on an external image – drastically changing up our interests or our appearances. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with shopping around and trying new things. And we should neither beat ourselves up about being unsure about what we like or dislike, nor judge others who go through phases themselves. But for many, losing a sense of self can cause problems when it begins to undermine the boundaries we set with other people. “People with a low sense of identity have a tendency towards peoplepleasing, at their own expense,” Anne-Marie explains. “They may seek constant approval from others, and worry excessively about what other people think of them.” Anne-Marie goes on to explain how this may lead to emotional dependency. For example, we might only feel OK when someone close to us is feeling happy. This can quickly become a problem as, when The most important relationship we can ever have is the one with ourselves, but we don’t always protect the time we need to invest in it we get to the crux of it, our overall wellbeing is dependent on how we feel about ourselves, and we need to get these cues from within rather than from others, who may not always be available and who may become drained over time. Beyond this, Anne-Marie suggests that those struggling with identity may find maintaining relationships difficult, either because they’re wrapped up in a fear of rejection and so hold people at arm’s length, or – on the other end of the spectrum – may over-invest in relationships, merging into their partners, neglecting their values, and losing sight of who they are. Cultivating a strong sense of ourselves is vital, so if we’re lacking, how can we get back on track? “Spend some time getting to know yourself,” Anne-Marie suggests. we can ever have is the one we have with ourselves, but we don’t always protect the time we need to invest in it. True investment in yourself is not about retail therapy or money, it’s about reflection, self-awareness, and personal growth. Creating a space to explore who you really are is essential.” To do this, Anne-Marie recommends activities to increase our self-awareness and, by default, our sense of identity. “Simple questioning and journaling can be a starting point to the ‘who am I?’ journey,” she advises. “Think about all the labels that you have attached to yourself over time. Are they ‘your’ labels or have you taken them on from other people – parents, family, friends, work colleagues? How do these labels fit? How do you ‘wear’ them? How true and valid are “The most important relationship they? How stuck are they? >>> August 2020 • happiful.com • 85
Page 1:
THE MAGAZINE DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEAL
Page 4 and 5:
Features 17 Care for a metaphor? Fo
Page 6 and 7:
Expert Panel One undeniable truth i
Page 8 and 9:
The Uplift ART Museum reimagines po
Page 11 and 12:
COMMUNITY Volunteers use their gree
Page 13 and 14:
NASA plans to land the first woman
Page 15 and 16:
Discover the power of forest bathin
Page 17 and 18:
METAPHORS FOR ANXIETY It’s often
Page 19 and 20:
THE ROLLERCOASTER Everyone experien
Page 21 and 22:
@GRACEFVICTORY Looking back, I have
Page 23 and 24:
ACTIVE AND ENGAGED LISTENING Voice
Page 25 and 26:
‘COMPASSION IS THE RADICALISM OF
Page 27 and 28:
Time in a flotation tank can lower
Page 29 and 30:
1. SLOWING IT DOWN One of the first
Page 31 and 32:
Top tips for those feeling lost in
Page 33 and 34: What is vaginismus? It’s an intim
Page 35 and 36: • Primary vaginismus is when putt
Page 37 and 38: TRUE LIFE Breaking the taboo of men
Page 39 and 40: Katie’s ‘My Menopause - An Inte
Page 41 and 42: So how can it be a less stressful l
Page 44 and 45: us using them through exploiting ou
Page 46 and 47: “ How wonderful it is that nobody
Page 48 and 49: Sourdough & going slow Ella Mills m
Page 50 and 51: As human beings we have an unbeliev
Page 52 and 53: TAKE EACH DAY AT YOUR OWN PACE Alth
Page 54 and 55: HAPPIFUL TOP 10 August Make now the
Page 56 and 57: £57 £40 ENTER CODE: HAPPINATURE A
Page 58 and 59: To find out more about Tamara and h
Page 60 and 61: 8 tips for beating the bloat Most o
Page 62 and 63: Keep a food diary Up your fibre Cut
Page 64 and 65: Robert Douglas: Joy, laughter, and
Page 66 and 67: But we drove alongside them on part
Page 68 and 69: You know that amazing mood boost yo
Page 70 and 71: Time to relax Are you sitting comfo
Page 72 and 73: “ Nothing we do can change the pa
Page 74 and 75: When I get those moments when I fee
Page 76 and 77: Find a nutritionist near you on the
Page 78 and 79: “ Knowing what must be done does
Page 80 and 81: within six months of graduating, no
Page 82 and 83: How to deal with comparison Whether
Page 86 and 87: A healthy sense of identity provide
Page 88 and 89: I’m a very competitive, performan
Page 90: Mental health matters In 2016, Ruqs
show all

Happiful August 2020

Create successful ePaper yourself

Delete template?

Save as template?