UAD October Digest 2021
Hot off the digital press... Here is our October 2021 edition of the Digest! We hope you enjoy our all “pink” edition. This is our shout out to Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Supporting the fighters. Admiring the survivors. Honoring the taken. Never, ever giving up hope. Uncle Andy’s Digest stands with all those affected by breast cancer. Grab your copy TODAY at nearly 1,000 locations in 19 area towns.
Hot off the digital press... Here is our October 2021 edition of the Digest! We hope you enjoy our all “pink” edition. This is our shout out to Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Supporting the fighters. Admiring the survivors. Honoring the taken. Never, ever giving up hope. Uncle Andy’s Digest stands with all those affected by breast cancer.
Grab your copy TODAY at nearly 1,000 locations in 19 area towns.
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UNCLE
ANDY’S
DIGEST SINCE
GET REAL. GET HYUNDAI.
Sales • Lease • Rentals • Parts & Service
DAILY, WEEKLY, &
MONTHLY RENTALS
AVAILABLE!
Call Ryan Kennard
207-346-0279
OCTOBER
2021
1996
Whited Equipment Co. is your
New Factory Authorized Hyundai
Construction Equipment dealer
for Central & Southern Maine.
New & used available!
whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn
207-782-7113
Get Your FREE
Quote Today!
31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com
Live your most balanced, centered life
CRYSTALS
TUMBLED STONES
SALT LAMPS
FIGURINES
JEWELRY
CANDLES/INCENSE
SPIRIT ANIMALS
CHAKRA ITEMS
And More!
120 Center Street #107, Auburn • 207-241-2356
Maine Mall, South Portland • 207-274-2539
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
1
After the wild game dinner, the taxidermist felt stuffed.
Ask about our
Referral Bonus program!
We’ll pay YOU when they
hire us.
207.712.2765 • www.deepcleanjs.com
PROFESSIONALISM | QUALITY | RELIABILITY
Excellence in commercial cleaning &
janitorial services when you choose
Deep Clean Janitorial Services
Commercial/Office
Construction Sites
Apartment Turnovers
Floors/Tile/Carpets
Call for a
free quote!
Call for details!
Who Doesn’t Want the Ultimate
STAYCATION?
We can help create yours…give Pool Builders of Maine a call TODAY
to schedule a time to get your free estimate to make this happen!
Slots are filling fast for next year so don’t miss out on your opportunity.
Pool Builders
OF MAINE
10 Business Parkway Turner • 207-225-2013
A kiss is a pleasant reminder that two heads are better than one.
Never lend money to a friend; it ruins their memory.
MODERN WOODMEN
OF AMERICA
OCTOBER
ACTIVITIES
Tuesday, October 12th
Roy’s Breakfast 7-10:00am
5 Washington Street, Auburn
Members: $5 Guests: $6
Purchase Tickets:10-6-21
(9-11am & 1-3pm)
Thursday, October 14th
KP’s Place 4-7:00pm
245 Center Street, Auburn
M: $7.50 G: $8.50
Purchase Tickets:10-6-21
(9-11am & 1-3pm)
Tuesday, October 19th
Dairy Queen 4-7:00pm
661 Minot Ave, Auburn
M: $4.00 G: $5.00
Purchase Tickets:10-6-21
(9-11am & 1-3pm)
Friday, October 22nd
Poise Yoga Studio 5:30pm
351 Lisbon Street, Lewiston
Try for Free ( limited space)
Pick up Ticket: 10-20-21
(9-11am & 1-3pm)
Saturday, October 23rd
Italian Bakery (Bean Special)
10:00-12:00pm
225 Bartlett Street, Lewiston
M: $4.00 G: $5.00
Purchase Tickets: 10-20-21
(9-11am & 1-3pm)
Tuesday, October 26th
Fielder’s Choice (Auburn
Location Only) 4-7:00pm
680 Minot Ave, Auburn
M: $2.50 G: $3.00
Purchase Tickets: 10-20-21
(9-11am & 1-3pm)
In order to attend any activity,
you must purchase tickets
at the MWA District Office
at 184 Webster Street Lewiston,
ME. Please purchase
tickets at the designated
date/time listed for each activity.
Any questions please
call the office.
“He who knows all the answers has not been asked all the questions.” – Confucius
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
3
Uncle Andy’s Digest
is published by the first
Friday of every month by
Maine Mountain Ocean
Group, Inc. with its world
headquarters located at
9 Grove Street, Auburn,
Maine, USA.
Published and distributed
since 1996 throughout
Central Maine and mailed to
subscribers all over the Free
World. Subscriptions are
$36/year.
UncleAndysDigest.com
Office: 207-783-7039
UAD Super Heroes
Microchips: what’s left at the bottom of the bag when it reaches you.
SMILE AGAIN DENTURES
CAPTAIN
JIMBO
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
4
SPIDERMAN
RYAN
BATGIRL
STEPHANIE
IRONSIDES
STEVE
While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries
very hard to ensure the accuracy
of the information in our clients’
advertisements and our publication
in general, we are not responsible
for vendor availability, typographical
errors, technical inaccuracies, product
pricing errors, or omissions.
Jimbo
Oct. 2021 783-7039
Smile In
Comfort
Call us today for:
• Full Dentures
• Immediate Dentures
• Partial Dentures
• Rebases
• Relines
• Repairs
Like Our Name Implies,
We’ll Make You
SMILE AGAIN
All work done on-site.
Repairs usually same day service!
Call today
for a
FREE
consultation!
Joe & Mike
Adkins
Licensed
Denturists
801 Webster Street, Lewiston
smileagaindentures@gmail.com • SmileAgainDentures.com
514-0660
Behind every successful working woman is an enormous pile of laundry!
The Institute of Unfinished Research has concluded that 6 out of 10 people
NOW OFFERING
BREAKFAST
WEDNESDAY – SUNDAY!
Out ‘n About at
the Fire & Slice
Golf Tourney
at Poland Spring Resort
Feeling
good...
Feeling strong...
Down and through...
Be the ball...
Wed: 7am-3pm • Thurs: 7am-8pm
Fri: 7am-9pm • Sat: 7am-9pm
Sun: 7am-3pm
Scan here
to see our
menu!
Download
our app for
takeout and
delivery!
Check out our Daily Specials
like this one:
Meatloaf Crossing. YUM!
103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston
207-333-5062 • www.stationgrillrestaurant.com
Jeremie St. Pierre
Allegiance Trucks
Hmm...
that’s not the
shot I visualized in
my head!
Monday - Thursday: 4:00pm-11:00pm
Friday - Saturday: 4:00pm-1:00am
Cornhole Tournament
Fundraiser
OAKHILL
CLASS OF 2022
PROJECT GRADUATION
Saturday, Oct. 23rd
Registration 11:00am
Bags fly at 1:00pm
$20 per person
Guaranteed 5 games!
Prize raffles, airmail contest & More!
Jess Ouellette
Rent space on Sundays
Birthdays • Baby Showers • Office Parties
551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 207-777-1155 • www.schemengees.com
My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.
Krista Comis
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
5
I did a little mechanical work today.
I put a rear end in a recliner.
Give your home the protection it deserves.
Your home is where you make some of your
best memories, and that’s worth protecting.
LET’S TALK TODAY.
Supporting the
fighters.
Admiring the
survivors.
Honoring the taken.
Never, ever giving
up hope.
Uncle Andy’s Digest stands with all
those affected by breast cancer. We
hope you enjoy our all “pink” edition.
Sisters
Submitted by Jimbo
Have you heard about
the latest new drug?
When administered to
women, it gives them
the irresistible urge to
join a convent.
The FDA refuses to
approve it, though.
They fear it will be
habit-forming.
Whenever there’s an outage, your KOHLER generator keeps
your internet on, your fridge cold and your family protected.
• Generator Sales and Installations
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Electrical Service
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WE NEVER LOSE POWER.”
- ALEX L., KOHLER ® generator owner
1033 Sabattus Street, Lewiston
www.debloiselectric.com
207-783-6512
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
6 Oct. 2021 783-7039
A load of irons were stolen from a laundromat. Police want to do a press conference.
Actually, I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me...
The second one didn’t!
The Chandler
Funeral
Group
207-743-2561
Dedicated to providing personalized, professional and compassionate
services to help lighten your burden and support you through the
difficult times that follow the loss of a loved one.
Lewiston Mechanic Falls Rumford
Other funeral home locations
Bethel ❖ Bridgton ❖ Fryeburg ❖ Oxford ❖ South Paris
My wife and kids are threatening to leave me because of my obsession with horse-racing.
And they’re off!
Out ‘n About at Corporate Intelligence
Harsh Reality
Submitted by Jimbo
A golfer, now into his
golden years, had
a lifelong ambition
to play one hole at
Pebble Beach, the
way the pros do it. The
pros drive the ball out
over the water onto the
green that is on a spit
of land that juts out off
the coast.
It was something he
had tried hundreds of
times without success.
His ball always fell
short, into the ocean.
Because of this he
never used a new ball
on this particular hole.
He always picked out
one that had a cut or
a nick.
Recently he went to
Pebble Beach to try
again. When he came
to the fateful hole, he
teed up an old cut
ball and said a silent
prayer.
Before he hit it however,
a powerful voice
from above said,
“WAIT...REPLACE
THAT OLD BALL
WITH A BRAND-NEW
BALL.”
It’s our
pleasure to donate to the
Summer Block Party and support
such a great cause like Make-
A-Wish!
Nicole Dube, Jessica Reid, Claire Anctil, and Natalie Michaud
Can a person die from constipation? I’m a little concerned how full of crap
some people are.
He complied, with
some slight misgiving,
despite the fact that
the Lord seemed to be
implying that He was
going to let him finally
achieve his lifelong
ambition.
As he stepped up to
the tee once more, the
voice came down
(continued on next page)
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
7
(continued from previous page)
again: “WAIT...STEP
BACK... TAKE A
PRACTICE SWING.”
So he stepped back
and took a practice
swing.
I didn’t realize my wife was burying her cooking mistakes in the backyard,
until the flowers, grass and trees died.
Out ‘n About at Rusty Lantern Market in Sabattus
The voice boomed out
again, “TAKE AN-
OTHER PRACTICE
SWING.”
He did. Silence followed.
Then the voice spoke
out again: “PUT BACK
THE OLD BALL.”
Out ‘n About at
the Fire & Slice
Golf Tourney
at Poland Spring Resort
Right
down the middle.
Easy game!
(said no one ever)
We
are so excited to now to
be a distribution point for the
Digest! And here we are right
on page 8!
SUSAN MORGAN & DEBBIE DANIELS
Vacation: What you take when you can no longer take what you’ve been taking all along!
Poland Spring Resort
Golf! Mini Golf, Disc Golf, Swimming, Dining, Entertainment,
Boat Rentals, Museums, Tennis, Bocce, Hiking and so Much More!
Heather Printup
Info at polandspringresort.com
or call (207) 998-6002
Info at dockside.me
or call (207) 998-5008
Garrett Copp
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
8 Oct. 2021 783-7039
Info at polandspringresort.com or call (207) 998-4351
“Since I have the shape of a yeast roll, don’t you think I would make a good roll model?”
– Lawrence Brotherton
HAS IT ALL
Your one-stop shop for:
• Amazing food (eat in or take out)
• Agency liquor store with beer cave
• Lottery tickets
• Redemption center
207-345-5551
23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com
Catering
Dad’s Redemption Center
Full serve catering at the
location of your choice.
Book Your
2022
Events
Now!
DadsPlaceCatering.com
6¢ a
bottle for
Make-A-Wish
Donations!
Redemption Center is
directly behind Dad’s Place
DONATE YOUR
BOTTLES TO
Help grant a wish to a local child
battling a critical illness
See our redemption ad on page 45.
Bump in the
Night
Submitted by Steve Simard
After trick or treating,
a teen takes a short
cut home through the
cemetery.
Half way across, he’s
startled by a tapping
noise coming from
the misty shadows.
Trembling with fear, he
spots an old man with
a hammer and chisel
chipping away at a
headstone.
“I thought you were
a ghost!” says the
relieved teen. “What
are you doing working
so late?”
“Oh those idiots,”
grumbled the old man.
“They misspelled my
name...”
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
10
Infereior Bags
Submitted by Jimbo
It was very crowded at
the supermarket, and
the customer in front of
me had a large order.
As the harried looking
clerk lifted the final
bag for her, its bottom
gave way, sending the
contents crashing to
the floor.
“They just don’t make
these bags like they
used to,” the clerk
blurted to the
customer.
“That was supposed
to happen in your
driveway!”
Jimbo
Oct. 2021 783-7039
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
NOW OFFERING DAILY LUNCH SPECIALS!
• 22 Lanes of
10-pin bowling
• 12 Lanes of candlepin
bowling
• Full menu
• Full bar
FUN for
the whole
family!
Sun 10a-9p; Mon-Thur 9a-10p; Fri-Sat 9a-11p
Local Arborist with over
20 Years experience!
Sit-down Restaurant area •
24 Mollison Way, Lewiston
207-786-2695
www.justintimebowl.com
The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.
Birthday Parties •
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Bowling Leagues •
Glow Bowling •
Fishermen’s Net Gray
Bringing the Ocean to your Table
Take out, Dine in, Live Lobster,
& Homemade Goods
207-657-3474
59c Portland Road, Gray
√ Difficult Tree
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√ Storm Damage
Clean up
√ Pruning
√ Trimming
√ Chipping
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Servicing all of Androscoggin & Cumberland counties
Call us
TODAY for a
FREE Quote!
Hours:
Mon. 11a-5p
Tues.-Thurs. 10a-6p
Fri.-Sat. 10a-7p
Sun. 10a-5p
MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSE
Steaks • Premium Entrees • Burgers • Great Salads • Tasty appetizers • And More!
Shown here:
Coconut Shrimp & Bull Chips Appetizers
We proudly support
Breast Cancer Awareness Month
We cater!
No event too big or
small, give us a call!
Football
season is here, come
enjoy the game at
Mac’s!
for experienced
cooks
APPLY WITHIN
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com
Out ‘n About at
Just in Time
Recreation
for their Open House
Super
excited to be
the new owners of
this recreation center!
There’s no better
way to celebrate my
birthday than an
Open House here!
Come check us
out!
I really hate my job as a waiter but at least it puts food on the table.
ROEBUCKS ANGUS
Tell us
you saw us
in Uncle Andy’s
Digest!
Visit, Call, Or Text - Open 7 Days a Week!
JAY 207.754.1558 • SUE 207.754.6558
783 UPPER ST. • TURNER
• REGISTERED ANGUS
INSPECTED
• NATURAL ANGUS BEEF
• MEAT PACKAGES
• GIFT CERTIFICATES
Justin & Sam
Juray
Owners
Just
In Time
Recreation is
a great place for
the whole family! We
have 22 10pin lanes of
bowling and 12 candlepin
lanes of bowling. There
is a newly installed bar
with a sit down restaurant
area for eating
and an expanded
kitchen!
Welcome to the SAUSAGE KITCHEN
Old Fashioned, Premium Quality Meat Products Made in Maine
vvv
Celebrating our first year!
TASTING EVENT
October 16th
11am - 4pm
Door prizes • Samples • Specials
Help name our pig
Class of 2023 Car Raffle ticket sales
20% OFF
Sausage purchases
w/this coupon
DAY OF EVENT ONLY
The Sausage Kitchen | 36 Main St, Lisbon Falls | 207-353-5503 | thesausagekitchen.com
Josh Nadeau
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
12 Oct. 2021 783-7039
YOUR HUNTING
HEADQUARTERS FOR:
• Guns
• Hunting Gear
• Sporting Equipment
• Rental Center
• Garmin products
186 Sabattus Road, Sabattus • (207) 375-6253
My friends keep saying I’m the cheapest person they know but I’m not buying it.
I forgot to give my book on paranoia back to the library and now they’re after me.
Out ‘n About at
Just in Time
Recreation
for their Open House
It
was a lucky
strike to cover the
open house for Just In
Time Recreation.
Bill Barton
WGME TV 13
When inmates fall in love do the finish each others sentences?
Just
In Time
Recreation is right up
our alley.
MONDAY
Ham Italians
Sm $2.29 Lg. $3.99
WEDNESDAY
Chicken Salad
Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99
FRIDAY
Tuna Italian
Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99
SUNDAY
$2.00 OFF
Any large pizza
MAIN STREET MARKET
2 Main Street, Sabattus • 207-375-8502
Hours: 6am - 8pm • Seven days a week
TUESDAY
Small 1-topping Pizza
10" pizza $4.99
THURSDAY
Bowl of Chili
$4.49
B.L.T.
Sm. $2.99
Lg. $4.99
SATURDAY
Baked Beans
Pint $3.99 Quart $4.99
Full beans ’n franks meal $9.49
Breakfast Sandwiches $2.29
Hash browns 2/$1.59
Coffee all sizes $0.99
We accept cash, checks,
major credit/debit cards, & EBT
Before the crowbar was invented most crows drank at home.
Eric, Paige &
Sean Taylor
Leave
no pin standing.
Janet Allen
Carbonite
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
13
Tell Tale Signs
You Have
Nothing to do
at Work
• You’ve read the entire
Dilbert page-a-day
calendar for 2021
• You discover that
staring at your cubicle
wall long enough
produces images of
Elvis.
• You’ve definitively
figured out a way to
get Gilligan off the
island.
• People come into
your office frequently...
to borrow pencils
from your ceiling.
• The 5th Division of
Paperclips has completely
overrun the
Pushpin Infantry, and
General White-Out
has called for reinforcements.
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
THE CHAMPOUX GROUP
CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS
I N S U R A N C E
Locally Owned & Operated Since 1999
Home
Auto
Business
and more!
...Your Security is Our Concern!
We’ve Got
You Covered
150 East Avenue, Lewiston • 207-783-2246
Lisa is a seasoned professional
in the insurance
industry and brings to
our organization a robust
skill set in the world of
commercial insurance.
Some of her many areas
of expertise are in sales,
underwriting, customer
retention, and customer
satisfaction. Due to her
keen attention to detail,
she is regularly sought after
for advice. She has the
Lisa Doucette
unique ability to interface
with the client in a creative way to find the solution that
most accurately meets their needs. Born and raised in
the Portland area, and now having been in the greater
Lewiston area for over 10 years. Lisa enjoys deep roots in
the local community and truly understands the business
climate and the specific needs of her clients.
When not busy focusing on her clients, Lisa enjoys
spending time with her children, grandchildren and the
rest of her family, soaking up some sun on one of Maine’s
beautiful lakes or reading the newest Dean Koontz book.
Please join us in welcoming Lisa to the team, and please
don’t hesitate to call the Champoux Insurance Agency to
say hello to her.
If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now.
• You take a picture of
this joke and text it to
friends.
Showing
His Age
Submitted by Steve Simard
The other day I got
carded at the liquor
store. While I was
taking out my ID, my
old Blockbuster card
fell out.
The clerk shook his
head and said, “Never
mind,” and rang me
up.
Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!
Serving Breakfast All Day!
LOADED OMELETTE
Our Loaded Omelette
comes with home fries,
grilled onions, and toast.
87 Mill Street, New Auburn • 753-0171
RollysNewAuburn.com
Mon – Sat 6 am – 2 pm,
Sunday Closed
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
14 Oct. 2021 783-7039
I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time. So I ordered French toast
during the Renaissance.
I’m leaving my wife. Recently, she started categorizing animals by height and weight.
I’m tired of her critter-sizing.
DREAM BIG.
NEVER QUIT.
STAY HUMBLE.
Out ‘n About at
Just in Time
Recreation
for their Open House
Everyone
here is so friendly.
GRAND OPENING
October 23rd
Tom Girberti &
Michael Torok
I
love having a
place to bowl again in
the Lewiston/Auburn
area.
Chloe
Beauchesne
HIGH QUALITY MEDICAL CANNABIS
Check out our website for weekly deals & discounts.
humblefamilyfarmsmaine.com
415 Sabattus Street, Lewiston
207-241-0279
retail@humblefamilyfarmsmaine.com
Has anyone here ever tried to milk a Magnesia?
Rock
and bowl.
John Bisognani
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
15
Out ‘n About at
Just in Time
Recreation
for their Open House
Eat,
sleep, bowl.
Mike Racine
It’s
not how you
bowl, it’s how you roll.
Miranda Smith &
Natalie Thomsen
Have
your
next birthday
party at Just In
Time Recreation. It
includes shoe rental,
2 pieces of pizza, a
fruit cup, unlimited
soda, and bowling
for 2 hours.
Alien: “Take me to your leader.” Me: “Ummmm....... Now is not a good time.”
John Blanchette
• RISK CONSULTING
• BUSINESS ANALYTICS
PROTECT Your Business.
PROTECT Yourself.
We are Maine’s largest
resource for background
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You just never see it coming.
You just never
Don’t let this be you!
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PROTECT YOUR COMPANY WITH THE
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Contact John today at at 207-784-9358
• INDUSTRY EXPERTISE
• CLAIMS SUPPORT
www.nfp.com
Insurance services provided through NFP Property & Casualty Services, Inc.
(PC-19126-16) Copyright © 2016 NFP. All rights reserved.
207-783-0000783-0000
corporateintelligenceinc.comtelligenceinc.com
We proudly support
Breast Cancer Awareness Month
• ENTERPRISE RISK MANAGEMENT
•ALTERNATIVE RISK TRANSFERS
Garret, Charlotte
& Kristen Trundy
RoySnow.com
207.782.3734
Serving Maine since 1947
11 Library Ave.
Auburn
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
16 Oct. 2021 783-7039
My clothes were having a competition to decide which one is the coolest.
It ended up being a tie.
2
My wife found out I was cheating when she found letters I was hiding. She said she’s never playing
Scrabble with me again.
EDUCATION
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Dental insurance - Physicians Mutual Insurance Company. Covers 350
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Attention oxygen therapy users! Inogen One G4 is capable of full 24/7
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The Generac PWRcell solar plus battery storage system. Save money,
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Whoever took my anxiety medication, I’m worried about you.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
17
Now
Hiring
Passing Advice
Submitted by Jimbo
A man is driving up a
steep, narrow mountain
road. A woman is
driving down the same
road.
As they pass each other,
the woman leans
out of the window and
yells “PIG!!”
The man immediately
leans out of his
window and replies,
“WITCH!!”
They each continue on
their way, and as the
man rounds the next
corner, he crashes into
a pig in the middle of
the road.
If only men would
listen.
Flattery vs.
Truth
Submitted by Steve Simard
A retiring pastor was
saying farewell to his
congregation at the
church doors for the
last time. He shook
the hand of an elderly
lady as she walked
out. She said, “Your
successor won’t be as
good as you.”
“Nonsense,” said the
pastor, in a flattered
tone.
“No, really,” said the
old lady, “I’ve been
here under five different
ministers, and
Uncle each Andy’s one has Digest been ...with
worse than the last.”
18 Oct. 2021 783-7039
Jimbo
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES
Be sure to ask about NO
on-call / weekends!
CONTACT MIKE TODAY! 207-754-4556
Mike@upwi.net
COME JOIN OUR TEAM!
You’ll be glad you did!
We’re hiring Direct Support Professionals
To apply:
www.jfmhomes.org or 207-783-2726 x202
• Licensed
Plumbers
• Oil Tech
• Gas Tech
• HVAC Techs
United Piping & Welding
Plumbing & Heating • Oil • Gas
Residential • Commercial / 24 hour Emergency Service
I had a bird named Enza and when I opened the window in flew Enza.
I was delighted when I got home the other day and found out all my light bulbs
had been stolen.
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES
Moved two miles
up the road!
10 Memorial Drive,
Lisbon
Now
Hiring
Out ‘n About at
Champoux
Insurance
Rosie
Girl makes it
doggone fun to work
here.
Now
Hiring!
Lynn Lowe &
Rosie Girl
I had a dog named Tax. One day I opened the door, and income Tax.
WANTED: Year Round Flaggers
Androscoggin,
Cumberland,
and Oxford
County Areas
I love
my job!
Jeff Carleton
We
are always here to
help.
Call Today 207-225-5627
Easter egg hunts teach kids to become golfers.
www.atwork.com
No Experience Necessary! Train Today, Work Tomorrow!
Starting Pay: $15.00+/hr
Lisa Croft
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
19
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
20
Now
Hiring
A Survivor
Submitted by Jimbo
“I’ve had laryngitis,
tonsillitis, hepatitis,
meningitis, appendicitis,
tendinitis, and colitis.
I’ve also suffered
from gastritis, bronchitis,
gingivitis, bursitis,
and arthritis.
I’ve been held up, held
down, hung up, strung
up, stood-up, bulldozed,
bloody-nosed,
blackjacked, hijacked,
squeezed, frisked, and
mooched. Stuck with
excess profits tax, personal
property tax, utility
tax, inheritance tax,
sales tax, school tax,
gasoline tax, income
tax, excise tax, surtax,
liberty bonds, savings
bonds, a couple of bail
bonds, and the bonds
of matrimony.
I’ve helped the Red
Cross, the White
Cross, and often
been double-crossed.
Helped the Girl Scouts,
Boy Scouts, and a few
Talent Scouts. Helped
children’s hospitals,
mental hospitals, VA
hospitals, spoke out for
civil rights, women’s
rights, animal rights,
men’s relief, and stomach
relief.
I have worked for a
dog, and worked like a
dog, and still lost all
(continued on next page)
Jimbo
Oct. 2021 783-7039
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES
PRO-TECH REFRIGERATION IS GROWING!
We are seeking experienced
service technicians to join our team!
PLEASE CALL 207-777-5600
protechoffice11@yahoo.com
I’ve never been married, but I’ve had a few near Mrs.
NOW HIRING PRODUCTION WORKERS!
Call Today 207-225-5627
www.atwork.com
Air Conditioning & Heating
24 Hour
Service
Fully Insured
Variety of Shifts Available!
Starting Pay: Days $15.50, Nights $17.00
Some people manage stress with yoga, long walks and meditation. I manage it with
carbs, sarcasm, and swearing.
Just had breakfast at the Pelican Café, the food was good, but the bill was enormous.
The Chapman House has private rooms available
for residents, aged 65 and older, that need
assistance with bathing, medications, and meals.
We provide a warm and
comfortable home for our residents
41 Pleasant Street, Auburn
207-783-0961
Bonnie Iwans
(continued from previous page)
I had. I’ve been set
aside, pushed aside,
hit broadside, and had
to sit outside. Demoted
and misquoted.
Walked on, jumped on,
dumped on, rained on,
snowed on, stomped
on, spit on, cut on, and
ratted on.
I’ve been put off, ran
off, and ripped off.
Intimidated, interrogated,
berated, separated,
and violated. I’ve
been cussed, and
discussed, boycotted,
stunned, shunned, and
shocked. Criticized,
despised, ostracized,
victimized, brutalized,
capsized, analyzed,
and ill-advised.
Slapped, trapped, and
wire-tapped. I’ve been
used, abused, bruised,
refused, confused, but
never excused. Talked
about, lied about, lied
to, bawled out, chewed
out, kicked out,
knocked out, but never
bailed out.
I’ve been assailed,
derailed, and blackmailed.
Scammed,
slammed, burned,
stung, stoned, robbed,
cheated, booed, sued,
misconstrued, and
almost drowned.
And the only reason
I’m sticking around
is...???
I just want to see
what’s gonna happen
next!”
I always say “Thank you” to Alexa so that when the machines take over
they know I’m nice.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
21
Out ‘n About at
Champoux
Insurance
True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class
is running the country. – K. Vonnegut
Eligible for Medicare?
CALL US TODAY
to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.
I know a good
insurance company
that can cover this.
30+
Years of
Experience!
Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston
Anita Penley
I
am here to
help with all your
insurance needs.
“I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.” – Steven Wright
•Brewery•taproom•Café•Pinky D’s Food truck•Coffee by Design•
We have 15+ delicious beers on tap
- and to go -
Brewed Right here,
For you.
1110 MINOT AVE., AUBURN
207.689.3030
/SIDEBYEACHBREWING
WWW.SIDEBYEACHBREWING.COM
* PLEASE VISIT OUR WEBSITE FOR SUMMER HOURS
Stephen Nagy
“I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.” – Rodney Dangerfield
EST
1950
783-3444
54 Mill Street
New Auburn
Shuga Shak Country Store
Wine • Local Products
Honey • Pickles • Jams
Candies • Crafts...
and much more!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
22
Appointments
and walk-ins
welcome!
Booth Rentals Available
Jimbo
Oct. 2021 783-7039
Welcome to
OPEN:
Uncle Andy’s,
Tues-Fri Ryan!
7:30a-5:30p
Sat 7:30a-2p
Ryan Jones
October
YUM!!
Pumpkin Soft Serve
ice cream!
Open Thurs.-Sun. 10a-5p
Maple Baked Beans
every Saturday!
450 Pigeon Hill Road
(Rte 26), Mechanic Falls
207-576-7886
“Challenges are what make life interesting. Overcoming them is what makes
life meaningful.” – Joshua J. Marine
Plan
Performances
What’s made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
“A shoe.”
YOUR
Franco Center event today!
Out ‘n About at
Champoux
Insurance
Not
all superheroes
wear capes. We are
the dynamic duo!
Conferences
Graduations
Concerts
Events
Corporate Parties
Celebrations of Life
Weddings
Retirements
Birthdays
Showers
Nikki Moreau &
Chris Reynolds
What
kind of
chocolate
do insurance
agents love? They
love premium
chocolates.
For Performances - production@francocenter.org
For Events - events@francocenter.org
or Call: 207-783-1585
(207) 783-1585 * FRANCOCENTER.ORG * 46 CEDAR ST., LEWISTON
My going out clothes have missed me so much; I put them on yesterday
and they hugged me so tightly I couldn’t move!
Chantal
St. Laurent
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
23
Phone a Friend
Submitted by Jimbo
I just got kicked out of the flat earth Facebook group because I asked if the 6 foot social
distancing rule had pushed anyone over the edge yet.
A goober named
Jimbo is appearing on
“Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire” with Regis
Philbin.
Regis: “Jimbo, you’re
up to $500,000 with
one lifeline left: phone
a friend. If you get it
right, the next question
is worth one million
dollars. If you get it
wrong, you drop back
to $32,000. Are you
ready?”
Jimbo: “Yes.”
Regis: “Which of the
following birds does
not build its own nest?
Is it
A) Robin,
B) Sparrow,
C) Cuckoo, or
D) Thrush.”
Jimbo: “I’d like to
phone a friend. I’d like
to call Steve.”
Steve (also a Goober)
answers his phone:
“Hello?”
Regis: “Hello Steve,
it’s Regis Philbin from
Who Wants to be a
Millionaire. I have your
friend Jimbo here who
needs your help to
answer the one million
dollar question. The
next voice you hear
will be Jimbo’s...”
Jimbo: “Steve, which
of the following birds
does not build it’s own
nest?
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
24
(continued on next page)
Jimbo
Oct. 2021 783-7039
We like to take every opportunity
to highlight the dedicated, innovative
direct support workforce that is the heart
& soul of supports for people with disabilities.
Thank you for all that you do!
2021 MAINE DSP OF THE YEAR
Our own
Cindy Berube
Congratulations, Cindy!
JOHN F. MURPHY HOMES
800 Center Street, Auburn • 207-782-2726
JFMhomes.org
When you have a friend that’s going thru a personal storm, instead of being a weatherman
and spreading the news, try being an umbrella and cover them with love.
“I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes
with his freedom.” – Bob Dylan
We Have MOVED
(continued from previous page)
Is it:
A) Robin,
B) Sparrow,
C) Cuckoo, or
D) Thrush.”
Steve: “Oh, Jimbo.
That’s simple. It’s a
cuckoo.”
Jimbo: “Are you sure?”
Steve: “I’m sure.”
Regis: “Jimbo, you
heard Steve. Do you
keep the $500,000 or
play for the million?”
Check out our new space at 1896 Lisbon Street, Lewiston
(attached to Dunkin’ Donuts building)
207-333-3626 • www.treworgy-baldacci.com
“The remarkable thing about God is that when you fear God, you fear nothing else,
whereas if you do not fear God, you fear everything else.” – Oswald Chambers
Out ‘n About at the 7th Annual Summer Block Party
We
L O V E
Make-A-Wish!
Tabatha Berube, Janet Cassidy, Denis Webber, Michelle Ames, & Rhonda Webber
The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child
sitting behind me on Delta flight 963 from LA to Tokyo.
Jimbo: “I want to play;
I’ll go with C) Cuckoo.”
Regis: “Is that your
final answer?”
Jimbo: “Yes.”
Regis: “Are you
confident?”
Jimbo: “Yes; I think
Steve is pretty smart.”
Regis: “You said C)
Cuckoo, and you’re
right! Congratulations,
you have just won one
million dollars!”
To celebrate, Jimbo
flies Steve to New
York. That night they
go out on the town.
As they’re celebrating,
Jimbo looks at Steve
and asks him, “Tell me,
how did you know that
it was the cuckoo that
does not build its own
nest?”
“That’s easy, everybody
knows they live in
clocks.”
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
25
Out ‘n About at
Sturdy Hardware
in Sabattus for their
Community Appreciation Days
It’s
definitely a
family affair here
at Sturdy, and we
LOVE it!
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local
swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
Great Rates, Great Service
Transfer Loan • Refinance • New Auto Financing
Katie Sturtevant
Great Falls
Federal Credit Union
HOME OF THE ONE HOUR LOAN!
34 Bates St, Lewiston • 782-7192 | 760 Minot Ave., Auburn • 753-0500
www.GreatFallsfcu.com
Give some people an inch and they think they’re rulers.
Out ‘n About at Champoux Insurance
Jonais Yoder
Reggie Bauer
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
26 Oct. 2021 783-7039
Nicole Lajoie, Michelle Augello, Lisa Croft,
Jane Belanger, and Tanya Strout
When a teenager is watching TV, listening to her music, and talking on the phone,
she is probably doing her homework.
Now Hiring
ALL positions!
Come in and
apply today!
They don’t allow laughing in Hawaii, only a low ha.
The Village Inn
BEST SEAFOOD RESTAURANT
10 years in a row!
Out ‘n About at
Sturdy Hardware
in Sabattus for their
Community Appreciation Days
Just
make sure
you prime the
carburetor and she’ll
purr like a kitten.
Open Wednesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com • 165 High Street, Auburn
Out ‘n About at the Fire & Slice Golf Tourney
at Poland Spring Resort
Tyler Sturtevant
talks with a customer
Rain?
What rain?!
Terri Cook, Mona Leavitt, Nancy Richard, & Margie Bickford
Team Mechanics Savings Bank
Hardware galore
here at Sturdy!
And we do equipment
rental for most
any job.
Steve Marks
Why did the hippie refuse heartburn medication? Because, anti-acid would ruin the trip.
Pumpkins, Apples, Cider & other native fruits & vegetables
Baked goods & much more!
Open daily 8am - 6pm
207-225-3764 • 174 Auburn Road, Route 4, Turner
Your trusted, nonprofit resource
for assistance and information
Medicare counseling • Caregiver support
Educational programming • Meals on Wheels
seniorsplus.org • 1-800-427-1241
See our website for job & volunteer opportunities!
Having a weird mom builds character.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
27
Unsalted
Submitted by Jimbo
Two buddies are fishing,
but they haven’t
caught anything all
day. Then, another
fisherman walks by
with a huge load of
fish. They ask him:
“Excuse me, but where
did you get all those
fish?”
The other fisherman
replies, ”If you just go
down the stream until
the water isn’t salty,
there are a ton of hungry
fish.”
They thank him and
go on their way. 15
minutes later, one
fisherman says to the
other, “Fill the bucket
up with water and see
if the water is salty.”
He dips the bucket
in the stream and
drinks some. “Nope,
still salty.” 30 minutes
later, he asks him to
check again. “Nope,
still salty.” One hour
later they check again.
“Nope, still salty.”
DON’T KNOW
WHAT TO DO
NEXT? WE DO. ®
WATER FIRE MOLD
Circles are pointless.
For any disaster,
call ServiceMaster!
29 Brickyard Circle, Auburn
(800) 244-7630
(207) 539-4452 www.smfireandwater.com
www.smcarpetcleaning.com
I’ve heard and told many puns in my life, but the one about the kleptomaniac baker
really takes the cake.
Out ‘n About at the Fire & Slice Golf Tourney
at Poland Spring Resort
“This isn’t good,”
the fisherman finally
says. “We have been
walking for almost two
hours and the water is
still salty!”
“I know,” says the
other, “and the bucket
is almost empty!”
Heather Printup, Krista Comis,
Jess Ouellette, & Erica Bosse
Team Poland Spring Water
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
28 Oct. 2021 783-7039
If history repeats itself I am so getting a dinosaur.
Wish Kid
Sawyer
(aka Sonic Spider Boy)
THE HEALING IMPACT OF A WISH
A wish is much more than just a nice thing. And its reach extends far beyond a single event, or moment in time.
Wish kids, parents, medical professionals, volunteers, and others say that wish experiences can change the lives of
everyone involved, forever.
Uncle Andy’s Digest is a proud supporter of Make-A-Wish Maine.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
29
Out ‘n About at
Champoux
Insurance
Wow,
this Flo lady is
everywhere!
How can there be a national coin shortage? Makes no cents.
The Williams Broadcasting Group specializes
in the creative development of both short
format and full length Podcast shows for
radio, television, and the web.
Lynn, Flo,
Stephen, and Jeff
We are the largest producer of full
length podcasts in the country. Shows
like: In The Pits, Bruins Diehards, The
19th Hole, The Liars Club, Animal Chat,
Community, What a Concept, and
Pride Diehards!
(207)-527-2000 | www.williamsbroadcasting.net | john@williamsbroadcasting.net
Not
only is the
Digest good for
a chuckle, it’s such
a great community
resource!
Nicole Lajoie
Doesn’t
Add Up
Submitted by Steve Simard
Teacher: “Are you
good in math?”
Little Stephanie: “Yes
and no.”
Teacher: “What does
that mean?”
Little Stephanie: “Yes,
I’m no good in math.”
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
30
Jimbo
Oct. 2021 783-7039
Small Office Suites for Lease Month to Month
$350 Gross/Month • 124 Lisbon Street, Lewiston
Private Entrance on Park St. Alley, Steps from Parking
Perfect for Small Startup, Counselors, etc.
Maine Realty Advisors
FRANK CARR
Your real estate investment advisor
Brokering your buying & selling needs
207.252.4881 • Frank@MaineRealtyAdvisors.com
At the Uncle Andy’s Digest office, Jimbo texted Steve to see if he knew what ‘IDK’ stands
for. Steve texted back, “I don’t know”, and Jimbo replied, “OMG, nobody does!”
I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles and now I am experiencing constant vowel
movements. The next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster!
Make your
reservation
now!
A place the whole family will LOVE!
LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience!
40 East Avenue, Lewiston • 207-795-6888 • www.sea40me.com
I think the worst time to have a heart attack is in the middle of a game of charades.
Out ‘n About at Sturdy Hardware for their
Community Appreciation Days
SAMSON
Sturdy Hardware mascot
I love what I’m
seeing right now... But
where the heck is my
costume?
Bread is like the sun it rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
Judging
Others
Submitted by Jimbo
A woman was waiting
at an airport one night.
There were several
long hours to wait for
her flight.
She hunted for reading
in the airport’s gift shop
bought a big bag of
cookies -- found a
place she could drop.
She was engrossed
in her book, but she
happened to see
a man sat beside her
-- as bold as can be
and grabbed up a
cookie from the bag
in between which she
tried to ignore -- and
not make a scene.
She munched at her
cookies and glanced
at the clock as the
masculine cookie-thief
diminished her stock!
She was getting more
irritated as the minutes
ticked by thinking, “If I
wasn’t a lady, I’d blacken
his eye!”
With each cookie she
took, he took one or
two.
With only one left, she
watched what he’d do
With a grin on his face,
and a nice nervous
laugh
He took the last cookie
and broke it in half!
He offered her half as
he munched on the
other
She snatched from him
and murmured “Oh
Brother!
(continued on next page)
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
31
(continued from previous page)
This guy has some
nerve, and he’s also
quite rude
He never showed even
polite gratitude.”
She had never known
when she had been
quite so galled
She smiled with relief
when her flight -- it was
called.
She gathered her stuff
and marched to the
gate.
(With not even a
glance at the thieving
ingrate.)
She boarded the plane
and sank in her seat,
Then sought out her
book which was almost
complete.
As she reached in her
bag, she gasped with
surprise,
Her bag of cookies
were in front of her
eyes!
“If mine are right here,”
she moaned in despair,
then the others
were his and he was
trying to share!
Too late to apologize,
she realized with grief
That she was the rude
one, the ingrate, the
thief!
Sly Sox
Submitted by Steve Simard
Waiter: “Sox won last
night, I just wanted to
let you know kids eat
free.”
Jimbo: “Good, I’ll have
water and my daughter
will have the steak and
a light beer.”
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
32
Jimbo
Oct. 2021 783-7039
I can’t stand it when people don’t know the difference between your and you’re!
There so stupid!
Enjoy Happy Hour
Every Monday - Friday from 2p-5p!
47 Broad Street, Auburn
www.firehouseauburn.com
207-376-4959
Check out our September
Drink Special!
Out ‘n About at the Fire & Slice Golf Tourney
at Poland Spring Resort
Serving up hot dogs
and pizza to a bunch of
hungry golfers, piece of
cake!
Deep Eddy
lime vodka
w/ club soda
$7 .50
Monday - Saturday 11a-9p
Katelyn Burrell, Chrissy Kimball, Shannon Lessard, & Shiela Foley
Roy’s
We have supplies for your grilling needs!
FOODLAND
WEEKLY SPECIALS AT ROY’S
Saturday Bean Special
Beans, Bread/Rolls & Cole Slaw, $9.99
Wednesday Italian Special
Ham, Salami, Veggie or Pepperoni, $2.49
Pizza Pack Special
Pizza Packs only $ 9.99 • 2lb Pepperoni Pks only $ 6.99
Be sure to try our delicious
Chicken Salad Italian!
Hours:
Mon. - Thurs. 8am - 6pm
Fri. 8am - 7pm
Sat. 8am - 6pm
Sun. closed
70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471 • www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com
I’m the best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner
speech with, “Welcome back, everybody?”
Lori is shy when asked about her age. About 15 years shy.
Come visit us at our NEW home at 368 Minot Ave in Auburn!
Whether you’re looking to buy, sell, or build a home, our growing
team works with you every step of the way!
Thoughts
on Aging
Submitted by Jimbo
Don’t let anyone tell
you you’re getting old.
Squash their toes with
your rocker.
Jon
Mercier
Mark
Turner
Toni
Ferraro
Brandon
Caruso
Some people try to
turn back their odometers,
not me, I want
people to know why
I look like this. I’ve
traveled a long way
and some of the roads
were NOT paved.
Deb
Morin
Linda
Dupuis
Regina
Ritchie
Dustin
Mallar
207.333.6001
368 Minot Avenue, Auburn • mainesourcehomes.com
Mason
Dupuis
Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Patient: 0mg!
Lindsay
Wright
Maturity means being
emotionally and mentally
healthy. It is that
time when you know
when to say yes, when
to say no, and when to
say WHOOPEE!
When you are dissatisfied
and would like to
go back to youth, think
of Algebra.
Out ‘n About at Champoux Insurance
Having an
awesome staff
starts with
treating them
like family!
You know you’re getting
old when everything
either dries up or
starts to leak.
Five Minute
Drill
Submitted by Steve Simard
Diane Champoux
& Dick Albert
Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.
Agreed!
But I’d like to
take this opportunity
to tell Jimbo I
can still his butt in
racquetball!
When my wife says
she’ll be ready in five
minutes, I think like
five minutes left in the
fourth quarter of the
football game and both
teams have all their
time outs left.
My experience is
that pacing back and
forth while grumbling
about being late, only
increases the delay.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
33
Chatty
Submitted by Jimbo
One day while shopping,
my chatter bug
daughter who was
three at the time introduced
herself to the
lady behind us at the
check out.
She proceeded to tell
the lady her sister’s
name and then said
to the lady, “This is
my mom. Her name is
Mom.”
OXFORD HILLS AREA BUSINESSES
GREAT DEALS EVERY DAY!
PA’S TRADIN’
COMPANY Inc.
BUY • SELL • TRADE
PAWN
Federal Licensed Firearms Dealer
1447 Main Street, Oxford
Only 25 Minutes from
Auburn & Gray
Open Mon-Sat. 9am - 5pm
207-743-0709 or
1-877-743-0709
• VIDEOS, GAMES
• TOOLS
• FISHING SUPPLIES
• FURNITURE
• TARPS
• & MUCH MORE!
BUYING GUNS!
Gun Background
Checks/Transfers
Fire Arms Transfers $ 25/each
Always Pawning & Selling • Inventory Changes Daily!
Visit Us!
T-shirt is actually short for tyrannosaurus shirt. It’s because of the small arms.
OFFERING
Residential
Commercial
Clean Outs
Roll Offs
844-ME-TRASH
844-638-7274
F ind Y ourself
in places no one else can
The only thing we don’t throw away is our customer service!
SERVING
Oxford Hills • Lewiston/Auburn• McFalls/Minot/Poland
Bridgton/Denmark • Raymond/Naples
9 Marston St. Norway, Ste.3 • TiceWasteManagement.com
CALL OF THE WILD
RV CENTER
848 Main Street, Oxford
207-539-4410
www.callofthewildrv.com
Frantic Writing
Submitted by Steve Simard
My neighbor was bitten
by a stray rabid dog.
I went to see how he
was and found him
writing frantically.
I told him rabies could
be cured and he didn’t
have to worry about
writing a will.
He said, “Will!? What
will? I’m making a list
of the people I wanna
bite!”
OXFORD’S FAVORITE PIZZA
& SANDWICH SHOP!
Deli Sandwiches • Fresh Dough Pizzas
Breakfast Sandwiches and More!
CALL AHEAD FOR ORDERS!
POLLY’S VARIETY
115 King Street, Oxford
Voted one of
Maine’s Best
Pizza Places!
2016 WMTW
Facebook Fan poll
October Special
2 Breakfast Sandwiches
(ham, egg, cheese on English Muffin - any additions extra)
ONLY $5 .50
Expires 10/31/2021
Plus tax
207-539-8254 • www.pollysvariety.com
Monday - Tuesday: 5:30am - 7:00pm • Wednesday - Saturday: 5:30am - 8:00pm • Sunday: 6:00am - 7:00pm
I like older men because they’ve gotten used to life’s disappointments, which means,
they’re ready for me.
Adam’s girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of his motorcycle. He just rode on. Ruthless!
COOPER FARMS
We have native sweet corn!
Since 1971
We grow our own apples & vegetables
and we raise natural home-grown beef!
207-674-2200 • West Paris
The trouble with opportunity is ...
it always looks bigger going than coming.
CALL US FOR A
QUOTE TODAY!
Keep that saw
sharp, son! Now
drop and give me
twenty!
HATS
• Fall Sports
• Road Races
BAGS
David Billings
has helped run the Woodsman’s Day at the Oxford Fair for more than
40 years. At 71 years old, he still competes (Stock Saw competition)
and shows many much younger competitors how it’s done.
• Charity 5k’s
• Contractors
• Landscapers
Quality
Products
Reasonable
Pricing
205 Washington St.
South, Auburn
207-784-4184
coastaltshirts.com
I have a talking Pig. He says his name is Bacon, Chris P. Bacon.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
35
Out ‘n About at
Sturdy Hardware
My wife has a special combination of inner and outer beauty and is, most importantly, too
naive to know she’s way out of my league.
in Sabattus for their
Open House
My
motto: Let the
fork lift do the heavy
lifting!
Jeff Sturtevant
loads a pallet of wood pellets
into the back of a truck
Taking a break
from hardware for
some grillin’!
Dan Lainey
Your secret’s safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.
Ask about a
bundled special
for September on
any two services.
Mention the Uncle
Andy’s ad for up to
10% off!
Residential &
Commercial
✓ Professional Window Cleaning
Featuring Pure Water
✓ Power Washing
✓ Gutter Cleaning
✓ Solar Panels Cleaned
You’ll clearly see your satisfaction is our business!
Office: 207-353-6815 • Mobile: 207-402-5061
E-mail: info@mainewindowcleaners.com • www.mainewindowcleaners.com
Any married person should forget his mistakes. No use two people remembering the same thing.
Cool weather is coming! Be Prepared!
Call TODAY for your appointment!
We’ll check: belts/hoses,
battery, fluids, wiper blades,
brakes, tires & more!
Poisson & Sons
Auto Care
Full Service Gas Station
260 S. Main Street, Auburn
207.782.9144
October 2021
Stickers
are due!
Preorder online or mention this ad
and get 1 / 8 for $25.00!
934 Lisbon Street,
Lewiston, ME 04240
Entrance in back
Leaf it to us.
Medical Cannabis
New Patients Welcome
207-689-3626 • www.207high.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
36 Oct. 2021 783-7039
Once, my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles and for days he kept leaving little messages
around the house.
I don’t have a girlfriend, but I do know a woman who would be really mad
if she heard me say that.
Bony Friend
Submitted by Jimbo
WELCOME TO THE LA METRO CHAMBER
NEW MEMBERS!
Agassiz Village
AgassizVillage.org
Positive Change Lisbon
PositiveChangeLisbon.org
PolyLabs
PolyLabs.biz
The Third Place
TheThirdPlace.me
Aneez Aroma Therapy
AneezAromaTherapy.etsy.com
The orthopedic surgeon
I work for was
moving to a new office,
and his staff was
helping transport many
of the items. I sat the
display skeleton in
the front of my car, his
bony arm across the
back of my seat.
I hadn’t considered
the drive across town.
At one traffic light, the
stares of the people
in the car beside me
became obvious, and
I looked across and
explained, “I’m delivering
him to my doctor’s
office.”
415 LISBON STREET, LEWISTON • LAMETROCHAMBER.COM
At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who
don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
The other driver
leaned out of his window.
“I hate to tell you,
lady,” he said, “but I
think it’s too late!”
Out ‘n About at Sturdy Hardware for their
Community Appreciation Days
Finals
Submitted by Steve Simard
A student asked the
professor how many
problems there would
be on the final exam.
Front: Ashton Sturtevant, Katie Sturtevant, Tyler Sturtevant, & Jeff Sturtevant
Back: Steve Marks, Pete Dumond, & Marc Mailhot
Wouldn’t it be great if we could invoice people for wasting our time.
The professor looked
the student over and
replied, “I think you will
have lots of problems
on the final.”
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
37
BUSINESS
SP TLIGHT
New
centrifuge
area rug
cleaning!
• Carpets
• Wood Floors
• Tile & Grout
• Water Damage Drying
207-782-7141
Now Hiring! Competitive Pay!
Benefits, Great People - Apply in Person!
Students welcome!
Commercial & Residential
Call Today!
(207) 783-2933
207-333-5022
kaytdavispt@gmail.com
Therapy in the home.
Most insurances accepted.
207.577.6484
528 Lincoln Street
Lewiston
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
38
Scout Vision
Submitted by Jimbo
An old wild west
fort was about to be
attacked. The wily old
general sent for his
trusty Sioux scout.
“You must use all your
thirty years of skill in
trying to estimate the
sort of army we are up
against here.”
The trusty scout laid
down and put his ear
to the ground. “Large
war party,” he said,
“maybe three hundred
braves, four chiefs, two
on black stallions, two
on white stallions. All
have war paint; Many
many guns. Medicine
man also with them.”
“Good grief!” exclaimed
the general,
“you can tell all of that
just by listening to the
ground?”
“No,” replied the Indian,
“I can see under
the gate.”
Jimbo
Oct. 2021 783-7039
CALL TODAY TO ADVERTISE IN OUR BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT SECTION!
ONLY $ 50 PER MONTH
207-783-7039
Montreal Style Sirloin Tips,
sauteed w/onions, mushrooms,
tomatoes, & peppers in mouthwatering
spice blend w/cole slaw
Take Out
Available!
207-782-2135 Auburn Mall
Mon. - Wed., 11am - 7pm • Thurs. - Sat. 11am - 8pm • Sun. 11am - 5pm
DAILY SPECIALS
MONDAY
Wings
Cheeseburger Special
Cincinnati Spaghetti
25oz domestic drafts
TUESDAY
Wings
Fried Pickle Basket
Thatcher’s Burger
25oz domestic drafts
WEDNESDAY
3 Beef Tacos
Thatcher’s Burrito
Well Margaritas • Coronas
THURSDAY
Stuffed Peppers
Buffalo Chicken Salad
Microbrews
FRIDAY
Clam Cake Basket
Fish & Chips
Teriyaki Tips w/mashed
SATURDAY
Fried Scallops
2 Hot Dogs w/fries
Miller Lite Bottles
SUNDAY
12" Cheese Pizza
Bloody Mary’s
Domestic Light/Lite Drafts
That’s it, I’m going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow.
Locally owned & operated
Revenge sounds so mean. I prefer to call it returning the favor.
Fall is here and that means
Pumpkin Donuts are BACK!
Come experience the taste
of FALL at Georgio’s!
Every Sunday
GEORGIO’S
Serving Greater LA since the 1950s
207-783-2981
740 Minot Avenue, Auburn • www.mygeorgiosmaine.com
Out ‘n About at
Sturdy Hardware
in Sabattus for their
Open House
It’s
refreshing
to see the next
generation of
hardworking young
adults!
The road to success has so many tempting parking spaces.
Out ‘n About cleaning up after the Summer Block Party
Tyler Sturtevant
& Marc Mailhot
Ray Asselin
Getting up early
on a Sunday morning has
it privileges... like, like,
like...
Boy Scout Troop 139: Brendon Fox, Calvin Schroeder, Zac Turcotte, Rylan Blake
Back: Allen Blake, Assistant Scoutmaster
People say nothing’s impossible but I’ve been doing nothing all day.
Kevin Arel
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
39
Turtle Keeper
Submitted by Jimbo
Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it’s only Wednesday.
Martin was a slow
worker and found it
difficult to hold down
a job. After a visit to
the job centre he was
offered work at the
local zoo.
When he arrived for
his first day, the keeper
aware of his reputation
told him to take care of
the tortoise section.
NEW UNITS, CLEAN & DRY!
Later, the keeper
dropped by to see how
Martin was getting
on and found him
standing by an empty
enclosure.
“Where are the tortoises?”
he asked him.
Online Account
Management
Online
Rental
GATED ACCESS
Coming Soon!
Well Lit Facility
w/Security Cameras
“I can’t believe it” said
Martin. “I just opened
the door and then.....
Whooooosh!”
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
Out ‘n About at Sturdy Hardware for their
Customer Appreciation Days
Super Cough
Submitted by Steve Simard
Super Mario walks
into a bar and orders
a drink. Takes one sip
and starts coughing
hysterically.
Bartender asks, “are
you ok?”
Mario says, “wrong
pipe.”
Uncle Andy’s Digest...with
40
Jimbo
Oct. 2021 783-7039
Nick, Kellie & Malia Johnston
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do. – Larry Roy
Never trust atoms; they make up everything.
PREMIUM CUSTOM-BUILT CORNHOLE BOARDS
Out ‘n About at
Sturdy Hardware
in Sabattus for their
Customer Appreciation Days
We Ship
Nationwide!
Order Online at:
www.wickedcornhole.com
No
matter what you
dress up as on Halloween,
keep it safe. I’ll be
watchin’!
Offering Tournament Services, League Packages,
Wholesale & Sponsorship Opportunities, & More!
Be sure to check out our “Beast” no-bounce boards!
Joyce & Scott
Hinckley
It’s
been fun
reminiscing and
what a life you’ve
had, Rudy! And still
hunting at 79 years
old!!
• Title Insurance
• Abstracting
• Escrow Closing Service
• 1031 Exchanges
Androscoggin County’s Premier
Title & Escrow Closing Headquarters
Your Title Company
Since 1987
• For Sale by Owner
• Title Certificates
• Construction
Disbursements
WE’VE
MOVED!
500 Canal Street, Lewiston | 207-784-6413 | generalmail@androtitle.com
The last thing I want to do is hurt you; but it’s still on the list.
Our new address is:
500 Canal Street,
Lewiston 04240
Same here,
John. I remember
you getting in kinds of
trouble as a kid. How fitting
is it that your last
name is ‘Bad’ with
an ‘e’!
Rudy Gayton
& John Bade
My son made the
mistake of telling me
I was being over-dramatic
so I just changed
the WiFi password;
we’ll see who’s being
over-dramatic Uncle Andy’s Digest in about
5 minutes.
Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com 41
...with
Jimbo
Following
the Crowd
Submitted by Jimbo
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing someone’s cast.
Once a spider built a
beautiful web in an old
house. He kept it clean
and shiny so that flies
would patronize it.
The minute he got a
“customer” he would
clean up on him so the
other flies would not
get suspicious. Then
one day this fairly intelligent
fly came buzzing
by the clean spider
web.
Old man spider called
out, “Come in and sit.”
But the fairly intelligent
fly said, “No, sir. I don’t
see other flies in your
house, and I am not
going in alone!”
But presently he saw
on the floor below a
large crowd of flies
dancing around on a
piece of brown paper.
He was delighted! He
was not afraid if lots
of flies were doing it.
So he came in for a
landing.
Just before he landed,
a bee zoomed by,
saying, “Don’t land
there, stupid! That’s
flypaper!”
But the fairly intelligent
fly shouted back,
“Don’t be silly. Those
flies are dancing.
There’s a big crowd
there. Everybody’s doing
it. That many flies
can’t be wrong!”
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
42
(continued on next page)
Jimbo
Oct. 2021 783-7039
THE AMERICAN LEGION
FAMILY
We Are Standing Strong!
Our Executive Officers, staff, and
volunteers will continue to take necessary
precautions to ensure safety for all.
IF YOU HAVE BEEN FULLY VACCINATED,
MASKS ARE NO LONGER REQUIRED.
IF YOU HAVE NOT BEEN FULLY VACCINATED, PLEASE
WEAR YOUR MASK WHENEVER POSSIBLE.
IMPORTANT NOTICE: Due to COVID-19/Coronavirus, all activities
are subject to change. Follow us on Facebook for updates.
For Veteran or Community services, call
207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229
Hall Rentals Available
Call for more
information
207-782-1118
Maine National Guard, Master Sergeant Ryan Jones, Senior Enlisted Leader
for Legal Office, pays tribute to Veterans that reside at Marshwood Center in
Lewiston.
Jones is accompanied by Steve Simard, Commander, American Legion,
William J. Rogers Post 153 in Auburn.
Both Jones and Simard are employed by Uncle Andy’s Digest / LA Metro
Magazine
Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118
Members & Guests Welcome
NEW HOURS: Monday through Wednesday: 12p-6p
Thursday: 12p-9p
Friday & Saturday: 12p-11p • Sunday: 11a-6p
MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS
FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS 7-11pm in September
Jerry Joe - October 8th - 22nd • 4:30 - 6:30pm
MONTHLY MEETING
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 20 TH
DINNER
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 16 TH (4:30-6:30pm):
Spaghetti Dinner w/Salad and Garlic Knots - $10
EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM
GENERAL MEETING, 7PM
Legion members attending have a chance to win $100, $50, or $25.
Live music
October 30th
w/ Road House
7-11PM
RED SHIRT FRIDAYS
WEAR YOUR R.E.D. SHIRT & GET A SURPRISE!
SEE YOU AT THE POST!
Son’s of the American Legion MEETING:
Monday, October 11th @ 5:30pm
Bloody Mary Sundays by Kevin from 11a-6p!
My therapist says I have a preoccupation for revenge. We’ll see about that.
He who hesitates is interrupted!
The Fortin Group
Proudly serving the communities of
Lewiston and Auburn for over 100 years.
The cost of living keeps going up.
The cost of your funeral doesn’t have to.
Pre-plan now and your cost will be locked in.
AUBURN
217 Turner Street
207-783-8545
If Cher were to get cloned, would she be Cher and Cher alike?
Out ‘n About at the Fire & Slice Golf Tourney
at Poland Spring Resort
LEWISTON
70 Horton Street
207-784-4584
(continued from previous page)
Well, you know what
happened. He was
stuck on the spot and
eventually died right
where he landed.
Some of us want to
be with the crowd so
badly that we end up in
a mess. What does it
profit a fly (or a person)
if he escapes the
web only to end up in
the glue?
– Charles Swindoll,
“Living Above the Level
of Mediocrity”
Outta Tune
Submitted by Steve Simard
It seems like every
time our piano tuner
John comes to our
house, he scolds me
for waiting too long
between tunings. I
agree with him that it
should be done every
six months, but I don’t
really think about it
until the piano sounds
off-key.
The last time he came
over, I was on the defensive.
“If you would
send out a postcard reminder
like the dentist
does every 6 months,”
I declared, “I would
make sure to call you
for an appointment in a
timely fashion.”
Top: Patrick O’Connor, Daniel O’Connor, Mo O’Connor, & Lee O’Connor
Bottom: Matt O’Connor, Dakota O’Connor, Patrick Summers, & Matt Dunn
Probably nothing in the world arouses more false hopes than the first four hours of a diet.
Without hesitating, he
replied, “OK -- from
now on, when the
dentist sends you a
postcard, call me.”
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
43
CALL THE PROS
From relaxation to pain management... We’ve got you covered!
Office, Restaurant, & Light
Industrial Cleaning Services
Mike Magretto
Veteran Owned & Operated
EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 207-530-8890
229 Center Street, Auburn
(207) 402-8654 • www.lamassagemaine.com
Mon., Wed., Fri. 11a-7p • Thu. 9a-7p • Sat. 12p-5p
(must present coupon at Redemption
Center prior to counting)
Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm
(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays)
We make you LOOK GREAT!
FULL COLOR BOOKLETS & MORE!
Call today for a free quote!
REDEMPTION CENTER
6 on all 5¢ returns
¢ with this coupon.
Booklets • Posters • Carbonless forms
Envelopes • Business Cards & More!
UAD exp. 10.31.21
RON’S
OCTOBER IS FALL CAR CARE TIME!
OIL CHANGES • SHOCKS • STRUTS • INSPECTIONS
515 Gardiner Rd. Wales
Call us
today!
Ron Charpentier, Jr.
owner
375-4924
WEBSITES THAT WORK
Design. Build. Brand. Market.
60 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-782-0525 • evergreencustomprinting.com
DREAMING OF HOME OWNERSHIP?
Let us walk you through the process
Contact
Sean
Today!
Sean Doucette
207-754-5721
sdoucette@usamortgage.com
NMLS #509638
www.MaineWeb.co
Unlimited Wash Combos
Combo #2
24 .95
$
24 per
Combo #3
includes:
.95
month
.95
$ 29 .95
per month
exterior wash,
underbody, &
poly sealant
includes: exterior
wash, underbody,
rust inhibitor, wheel
brite, tire shine, &
wax
7 Lincoln St. Lewiston
207.782.4009 • YvonsCarWash.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
44 Oct. 2021 783-7039
What do you call a country, where all the cars in it are pink?
A pink carnation.
CALL THE PROS
Book Your Appointment Now!
NEW
LOCATION!
Learn how to shoot safely and responsibly.
Training & Education = Confidence
NRA & USCCA Certified Instruction
Cuts | Colors | Foils
7 Clark Street
Auburn
207-312-5891
Check our website & Facebook page
for current & upcoming classes!
Don Mailhot
207-576-5131
Top Gun of Maine
207-998-2806 rdtacticalhandgun.com
TEAM
KENNAGH
SHELLEY KENNAGH
SENIOR LOAN OFFICER / NMLS#532306
155 CENTER ST, BUILDING C
AUBURN, ME 04210, BRANCH NMLS# 1968885
(207) 890-4942
skennagh@cmgfi.com
BUFFY DUMONT
Real Estate Agent
207.576.9755
buffydumont@gmail.com
Buying or Selling...
I Get It Done!
CONTACT ME FOR ALL YOUR HOME LOAN
NEEDS!
CMG FINANCIAL IS A REGISTERED TRADE NAME OF CMG MORTGAGE, INC., NMLS# 1820 IN MOST, BUT NOT ALL STATES. CMG MORTGAGE, INC. IS AN EQUAL HOUSING
LENDER, LICENSED BY THE NEW HAMPSHIRE BANKING DEPARTMENT. TO VERIFY OUR COMPLETE LIST OF STATE LICENSES, PLEASE VISIT
WWW.CMGFI.COM/CORPORATE/LICENSING AND WWW.NMLSCONSUMERACCESS.ORG.
bigbearrealestatecompany.com
FARRELL ENTERPRISES
BUILDINGS AND PROPERTIES CLEANED
We get down & dirty so
you don’t have to!
Nearly Anything Removed
Trash • Metals • Demolition & More!
Fully Insured
Michael Farrell
207-576-2501
Lincoln Street
RADIATOR SHOP
Family owned & operated since 1967
Fall is a great time to get your
vehicle prepped for what’s com-
ing next. Give us a call TODAY!
207-784-9356
1522 Lisbon Street, Lewiston Monday-Friday: 8a-5p
OCT
Breast Cancer
BER
Awareness Month
25 Fern Street, Turner
(207) 225-5012
dicksautobody.me
Book your appointment TODAY!
COMPLETE
MECHANICAL REPAIR
I’ll have her
back on the road in
no time!
Fine Line Gun Shop
GUNS • AMMO • SUPPLIES
HUGE
selection of
hunting rifles!
finelinegun@aol.com
(207) 998-2374
590 Plains Rd., Poland
If at first you DO succeed, try to hide your astonishment!
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Oct. 2021 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
45
CALL THE PROS
Call us
today for a
FREE
ESTIMATE!
Handyman Services
Men in faith practicing a program of recovery.
Services Include:
Yard cleanup • Light Carpentry • Painting • Cleanouts
And more!
(207) 797-7997 • cfrost@rmime.us
Call
for your
FREE QUOTE
Today!
ONLY TREATS
HERE!
Coach Terry’s
REDEMPTION CENTER
The friendly redemption center
8 Tidswell Road, Turner • 207-225-2008
Open daily 8am to 4pm
Your Vision.
Our Expertise.
Kitchens, Baths,
Decks & More!
207-212-7791
www.vghomeimprovements.com
Add 4 Months to Your Watersports
Season with a Wetsuit
Swimming, Paddle Sports, Children’s
Snorkeling, Scuba, Water-ski, Sizes Too!
Triathlete, Gold Prospecting,
Free-Diving, or just getting wet.
We can help you stay warmer longer!
805 Main Street
Lewiston
784-7300
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PAT’S IS A GREAT PLACE FOR THE
WHOLE FAMILY!
85 Center Street, Auburn
207-784-8221 • patsauburn.com
Serving great food since 1985 • 11a-9p daily
You gotta
come try
our Potato
Pizza!
Happy
Halloween!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
46 Oct. 2021 783-7039
The only problem with buying a book on amnesia is that you are likely to forget
where you put it!
R O O P E R S B E V E R A G E . C O M
The Party Starts
WITH ROOPERS
A U B U R N
5 4 5 M I N O T A V E N U E 7 8 3 . 2 0 4 7
3 0 1 M A I N S T R E T 7 8 3 . 9 0 9 8
L E W I S T O N
6 8 6 M A I N S T R E E T 3 4 4 . 1 2 0 0
7 9 4 S A B A T T U S S T R E E T 7 8 3 . 6 3 5 3
1 4 2 0 L I S B O N S T R E E T 3 3 3 . 3 0 9 5
O X F O R D
9 8 0 M A I N S T R E E T 5 3 9 . 6 0 7 2
YOUR VEHICLE WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT!
Pricing Policy
Heavy duty pickup ...... $149.95
Full size van .......... $149.95
2 door pickup . ......... $139.95
X-large SUV . .......... $149.95
3 & 4 door pickup ....... $149.95
RUST PROTECTION
Any car .............. $129.95
Mini van ............. $139.95
Sm., Med., or Lg. SUV ... $139.95
Plus applicable taxes
23 Lisbon St., Lisbon/Lewiston line • theshopclassicrestorations.com • 207-353-6100
It’s NEVER too late
to rustproof your vehicle!
the ULTIMATE in RUST PROTECTION
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
48 Oct. 2021 783-7039
UncleAndysDigest.com
Jimbo
Watch for our HALLOWEEN BASH
announcement on Facebook!
207-344-1800
34 Court Street, Auburn
Steaks • Seafood • Pastas
Pizza • Nachos... and more!
A dog’s life wouldn’t be too bad … all a dog has to worry about is the toilet seat
falling on it’s head.
1975 Lisbon St., Rte. 196, Lewiston
783-0858 • www.abcpool.com
HALLOWEEN
BASH!
October 30th
Live Music with
Pop Rocks &
The Veggies
Follow us on Facebook
for our FUN
Daily Activities!
Everyone is welcome
at The 1800 Club!
FALL
is clearly great for
family pool time!
Let us help you keep your
water crystal clear!
Give us a
call to get
your pool
closing on
our schedule!
Monday - Friday: 9a-5p, Saturday: 9a-4p