Issue No. 25

I never thought I would be so excited to see Jean-Francois, the village handyman. But I’d
spent endless days indoors not seeing another human (if you don’t count the husband). As I
hung a bag for the Bread Man on the gate so he could pop my bread delivery in, I spotted
the lanky Jean-Francois in his never-seen-out-of-them blue overalls (except once at the
village harvest party), trimming a hedge down the road.
We exchanged long distance waves.
“Ca va?” he called.
“Ca va!” I shouted back, “Ca va?”
The Good Life
Janine Marsh's life in lock-down France
That started the dogs barking in the back garden and he had to yell his answer “Ca va, ca
va.”
Mon dieu, the first conversation I have had with another human (again not counting the
husband) in real life in goodness knows how long consisted of just 3 letters. Now in case
you think I’m referring to a sparkling wine that’s spelled the same way give or take a space,
I’m not. “Ca va” is the universal general greeting of the French. You might have been taught
at school that “comment allez vous” is what you should say when you meet someone, but
unless you’re in a formal situation or rendezvous-ing with the President or Prince Albert of
Monaco, say that as a greeting to your mates and you will be greeted with a look of
astonishment.
In fact, the French I speak with my neighbours is nothing like the French I was taught at
school. All manner of words come up that fill me with astonishment like “bof” which is how
you reply to “ca va” if you’re only so-so, instead of saying you’re well which requires you to
reply “ca va”. And my French teacher, a sophisticated Parisienne, never prepared a youthful
me for living in the far north of France where they speak with such a strong accent that even
the rest of France can hardly understand the locals.
But gradually I’m getting this French language malarkey and can hold a conversation quite
well. At first it was like a game of tennis, I could volley a word in but couldn’t really hold an
extended rally of conversation. These days, after a lot of practice, I can score break points
by throwing in some “real French”, there’s always a way to fit “toho-bohu” (confusion) or
“Hurluberlu” (eccentric) or “ah, la vache” (which although it literally translates as “oh my
cow” means “oh my god”) into a conversation.
I still make mistakes though. I once announced to a bus load of Frenchies “je suis chaud”. It
was a sweltering hot day, I thought I was saying “I am hot”. Non. It’s a rookie error and to
Frenchies it means “I am hot” - as in 9 1⁄2 Weeks the erotic film. Napoleon Bonaparte once
said “Du sublime au ridicule, il n’y a qu’un pas’ – “From the sublime to the ridiculous there is
but one step…” and so it is!