SandScript 2023 [Digital Exclusive]

109
Warmth
Photography
Isabelle Gard
There came a time when I decided I should tell my parents the truth on my fifteenth birthday.
Unfortunately, coming out to my parents did not go well for me. Although my father had more
positive feedback than my mother, he said he would believe me only after I confronted him
again when I turned twenty-five. He passed away a year and one month after that, so I will
never get the feeling of getting truly accepted by him. My mother’s words made me hit rock
bottom; by describing me as selfish and sinful for choosing this “lifestyle” and “destroying”
my future. I felt isolated in my home and thought I did not deserve to live, leading me to a dark
state of mind.
I recovered from that state eventually and had to accept that I would be living another secret
life for as long as I lived under my mother’s roof. Although I found myself, somehow, it created
a gap with my parents, especially with my mother. I went through numerous bumps in my
journey of finding peace with my sexuality. I learned that if I accept and love myself, I do not
need the validation and acceptance of others.
Hiding my identity was frustrating, and coming to terms with it was like wearing a good
outfit but having to stay home and not flaunt it. I had difficulty hiding and not sharing my
experiences with my family like other teenagers who could openly discuss their crush with
their parents. Growing up in a very religious and conservative household made finding
comfort in my skin hard.
Nevertheless, I found myself and became the proud queer woman that I am now. I have not
lost hope that someday, I will feel free from the fear of getting abandoned and unsupported
by my parents; hopefully, life will get better for me. If the closeted experience taught me
something, it would be that someone’s ignorance is not my cross to carry; life is too short to
spend it sacrificing my happiness trying to please everybody. What felt like a billion years of
exploration in the closet passed, and I finally found the perfect fit for me.