Therapist's Guide to Clinical Intervention - Sigmund Freud

204 2. Assessing Special Circumstances
BEHAVIORS OF THE PARENTS
1. The preferred parent
A. Denies positives in relationship between the child and the alienated parent
B. Describes behaviors in absolutes of "always" or "never"
C. Emotional boundary disintegration
1. Merges his/her own feelings/views with the child ("We won't let them take
us to court and hurt us anymore")
D. Makes direct/indirect attempts to interfere with the relationship between the
child and the alienated parent
E. When the child is with the alienated parent, creates intrusive interference by
numerous phone calls
E Involves the child in spying and information gathering
G. Uses child as confidant, sharing adult issues about divorce, blaming,
and so on
H. Uses child as a messenger between parents
I. Creates family splitting and feuding
*The evaluator will need to take into consideration if the behaviors of the preferred parent
are associated with real or perceived deficiencies of the alienated parent. Depending on what
is found, there needs to be recommendations that address these issues. If the issues are
addressed in the recommendations in the form of intervention, to whom they are directed
depends on whether they are genuine or not (i.e., does the alienated parent need to modify
or cease certain behaviors, or does the alienating parent need to alter perceptions and
acknowledge the ways in which a child is negatively affected by the situation?).
2. The alienated parent
A. Healthy relationship with child prior to separation
1. Being shut out of the child's life
2. Insightful, willing to accept responsibility and examine a range of possibilities
associated with a child's behavior
3. History of actively participating in his/her child's life
4. Nurturing qualities with possible tendency toward passivity
5. May experience some difficulty dealing with overwhelming emotion
* These factors provide an environment for alienation to take hold. In such family systems,
the preferred or alienating parent is typically emotionally over-reactive and extreme, whereas
the alienated parent is empathic, sensitive, nurturing, and passive or avoidant of conflict
(peacemaker). Therefore, when the alienation is put in motion the alienated parent may initially
respond in a more passive manner, feel overwhelmed and not knowing what to do.
Unfortunately, there may be a tendency to detach to avoid conflicts, and this reinforces the
behavior of the alienating parent. Additionally, if the court system reinforces or rewards the
alienating parent's behavior, it creates a momentum to the alienation that seems impossible
to stop. In this situation, when the alienated parent has finally had enough and responds
with repeated efforts to participate more in the child's life, he/she is easily labeled with
harassment, and when he/she sets firm limits with the alienating parent, he/she is labeled
vengeful and often reprimanded and told he/she is fueling the situation.
B. The parent claims alienation is the source of estrangement, however, he/she is
defensive, avoidant, externalizes blame, and has difficulty with self-responsibility,
which are really the original souces of estrangement