Therapist's Guide to Clinical Intervention - Sigmund Freud

THE COMMUNICATION OF DIFFICULT FEELINGS
HOW YOU CAN DEAL WITH UNCOMFORTABLE FEELINGS
1. Talk to someone
A. Report the fact of the situation. Do not use the word "you." When you use the
word "you," the person that you are speaking to generally becomes defensive,
because they are responding like they are being blamed for something.
B. Use "I" statements. I feel... (angry, happy, scared, upset, etc.) when this happens or
when this is said. An "I" statement identifies that you are taking responsibility for
your feelings and are speaking assertively with the person to deal with the outcome
of any given experience.
C. Compromise. Ask: "what can we do about this?" This demonstrates respect for the
other person's point of view as well as facilitates desired changes, which can benefit
both parties.
2. Take action
A. Call a friend and get together.
B. Go for a drive.
C. Write in a journal your feelings and thoughts.
D. Write an uncensored letter that you do not intend to send.
E. Go to a movie.
F. Do something creative (paint, draw, needlework, etc.)
G. Help someone else.
H. Read a book that helps to relax and distract you.
I. DO SOMETHING!
3. Physical activity
Physical exercise is an excellent way to decrease stress and clear your mind so that you can
think more rationally. Often, when people are upset they say and do things which complicate
an already difficult situation. Emotional distress of any kind creates muscle/body tension.
When you feel less distressed you are in a better position to participate in constructive problem
solving—alone or with someone else.
Problems occur or get worse when you ignore or neglect to deal with your emotions, or
deal with them in a nonproductive pattern.
Three common errors:
1. Fight. If you know how to argue things through to resolution it can be helpful.
However, most people lack this skill. Therefore, they end up causing more
problems.
2. Flight. Walking out on others and on your own emotions can have negative
effects for your emotional and physical well-being.
3. Withdrawal. When you don't deal with things they pile up. Things that
pile up over time show up as headaches, fatigue, depression, anxiety, panic
attacks, etc.
Sometimes people are no longer able to talk constructively to their partner because either a
person lacks the skills of good communication, or they are in an emotionally difficult situation
that has been dragging on because they are unable to resolve it. The poor communication
266 3. Skill-Building Resources for Increasing Social Competency