Therapist's Guide to Clinical Intervention - Sigmund Freud

CAREGIVING OF ELDERLY PARENTS
It may be helpful to first clarify exactly what is taking place between you and your parents.
Caregiving is a supportive role in which you are helping someone who is actively taking care
of himself/herself. Caretaking involves doing for others what they are capable of doing for
themselves and what they should do for themselves.
If you currently find yourself in a caretaking codependent relationship with your parents,
you are likely rescuing and helping them to be less capable. These behaviors may result from
efforts to please or elicit some other response from your parents. Old family patterns that
may have had a negative influence on early emotional development can resurface and intensify
as you become more codependently involved in your parent's lives. There are many
issues that require attention and management:
1. The degree of help necessary
2. Transportation
3. Living arrangements
4. Health care
5. Financial issues
6. Emotional support
7. Issues of loss
The potential for blurred boundaries is significant. To avoid unnecessarily becoming a
caretaker requires awareness and appropriate boundaries. Consider using the following
information to create a healthy caregiving relationship while you continue to effectively live
your own life:
1. Set appropriate boundaries
A. Set limits
B. Decide what you will, won't, and can't do
1. Problem-solve alternatives
2. Effectively utilize community resources
2. Live in the here and now
A. Don't worry about what cannot be changed
B. Don't worry about "what if"—deal with "what is"
C. Live the feelings of today, stop anticipating what you may feel later
D. Do what is right for you to do (for your heart and your conscience)
E. Accept that parents may not follow medical recommendations (you can't control others)
3. Avoid excessive unnecessary worry
A. This coincides with living in the here and now
B. Don't second-guess decisions, acknowledge you are doing the best you can
C. Stay focused on self-care and self-responsibility
*If you are feeling anger and resentment, you may not be taking care of your own needs.
This is your first responsibility. If you are not the best you can be it will eventually take a
toll on your supportive care of others.
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