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Tales from the Other Side of Language 113 and think that maybe I can become human beyond human. No words required. light a candle for Sahaya she, flying on the night of balance of light and dark with red streamers and crow feathers on her wrists a braid of cowry shells and bells round her neck flying, prancing in her loveliness they will see her coming.
114 Ruth Codier Resch Without Utterance: I can’t articulate what it is, but my thinking is still problematic, not just the loss of words. I sit in the cubbyhole office of the neuropsychologist who has been following my progress since the first major problems with my speech here in the West. The desk nearly fills the room. Sitting close, he hands me beautiful little red and white cubes to copy patterns. The task is familiar, but I am straining. He gives me wooden donut shapes to stack in sequences of color and size on little pegs. The time runs out, and I continue on anyway for the solution I know is there. I am oblivious to my scrambling effort. It’s only when I get home that I fall apart, can’t think, forget that I have a patient waiting for me. In the third session with the neuropsychologist, I tell him, “I am trying much too hard. After both sessions I’ve been totally done in! The effort of trying to do well really costs.” “I’m glad you told me this,” he says, “I wondered about that; you do put on a really good show of competence. You’re trying to mask your difficulties and push on anyway. The testing is showing where your difficulties are.” I am relieved; I want to know the truth; I do want to know the worst. “It is a little like attention deficit disorder which affects the frontal cortex, distractibility in executive thinking. Only it isn’t the same for you.” He continues, “Your damage is in the sub-cortex, below the cognitive brain. What you have been experiencing is disorganization at a more basic level than attention deficit disorder. You are having difficulty putting together sensorybody information with perceptual-visual information in your brain. These specific changes are interfering with the organized functioning you want.” I’ve brooded all these months, the knowing there was something else. What he tells me has the ring of truth. In a practical way I don’t get it all, but I see a path forward now. Taking a walk in the old woods near my house is calming and peaceful. I’ve come to meditate along the trails, but the green foliage beside me juts
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We must be willing to give up the l
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LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS Weeds, ink dr
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PART ONE: THE PRECIPITOUS ABYSS
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Tales from the Other Side of Langua
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