the PDF of her book - National Aphasia Association

2 Ruth Codier Resch Without Utterance:
The heartbreaking collapse begins moments off an
international Air Portugal jet in JFK airport. I’m returning with
my research assistant from a successful presentation in Estoril,
walking eagerly down the wide, busy hallway toward customs,
international baggage, and home.
Suddenly,
my body folds in half; still standing on my feet... my eyes gaze inches
from my toes.... why can’t i hear? ... then i hear like through a fish tank.
time suspends.
the bags that were on my shoulder are every-which-way across the
floor.
What? … i’m disoriented…then my hearing clears as i stand
something terrible. I’m vaguely terrified, nothing coheres. why are my
bags are strewn about my feet?
i turn to my research assistant traveling with me . . .
but i can not speak! there are no words coming to my mouth! i can see
the perfect mundane beige of the tiled floor. she talks. i listen but pay little
attention. i am acutely terrified now. i have to tell her that. with no words, I
struggle, “ca…… …n’t ... ……..sp…… …ea………k.”
Her face fidgets around her eyes trying not to look alarmed. She says,
lightly, “Maybe it is like ears clogging up with the descent of the plane and
will resolve.”
“N…o…o!” I say.
She chats about passport control, luggage, customs, anything to soften
the charged air of desperation around me.
i am falling into a daze. i can’t grasp what is happening ….. the breath
in my chest is blurry, edgy ...i’m thinking ... but not in words ...
Donna takes charge. I wait for her in a the lounge area near the end of
customs those rows of stuck-together chairs. She is somewhere behind the
barrier, getting us both through baggage then customs. My body doesn’t