Digesting Jung: Food for the Journey - Inner City Books

50 True and False Brides/Bridegrooms
type, when not recognized as an inner reality, appears in the outside
world through projection. If a man’s anima is lonely and desperate
for attention, he will tend to fall in love with dependent women
who demand all his time and energy. The man with a mother-bound
anima will get tied up with women who want to take care of him.
The man not living up to his potential will fall for women who goad
him on. In short, whatever qualities a man doesn’t recognize in
himself—shadow, anima, whatever—will confront him in real life.
Outer reflects inner. If there are any psychological rules that are
valid always and everywhere, that is one of them.
The seductive lure of the false bride manifests in outer life not
only as a tie to an unsuitable woman but also as the wrong choice in
a conflict situation. This is due to the regressive tendencies of the
unconscious. Each new stage of development, each foothold on an
increase in consciousness, must be wrested anew from the dragonlike
grip of the past. This process is called by Jung an opus contra
naturam, a work against nature. That is because nature is essentially
conservative and unconscious. There is a lot to be said for the natural
mind and the healthy instincts that go with it, but not much in
terms of consciousness.
Analogous to these true and false anima-brides, there are true
and false bridegrooms. The latter may manifest as a woman’s feelings
of worthlessness and despair, and in her outer life as a compulsive
tie to, say, an authoritarian father figure or an abusive partner.
The true bridegroom gives her confidence in herself and encourages
her endeavors; as the man in her outer life he is interested in her
mind as well as her body.
In the best of all possible worlds, the true bridegroom finds his
mate in the true bride, and vice versa. Unfortunately, this is no
guarantee that they will live happily ever after. No matter how individuated
one is, no matter how much one has worked on oneself,
projection and conflict in relationships are always possible, if not
inevitable. But that’s no bad thing; we are human, after all, and
such things prompt us to become more conscious.