Digesting Jung: Food for the Journey - Inner City Books

Who Are We, Really? 23
Identification with a social role is a frequent source of midlife
crisis. This is so because it inhibits our adaptation to a given situation
beyond what is collectively prescribed. Who am I without a
mask? Is there anybody home? I am a prominent and respected
member of the community. Why, then, is my wife interested in
someone else?
Many married people cultivate a joint persona as “a happy couple.”
Whatever may be happening between them, they greet the
world with a united front. They are perfectly matched, the envy of
their friends. What goes on behind the curtains is anybody’s guess,
and nobody’s else’s business, for sure, but how many “happy couples”
feel trapped in their persona and stay together simply because
they don’t know who they are alone?
We cannot get rid of ourselves in favor of a collective identity
without some consequences. We lose sight of who we are without
our protective covering; our reactions are predetermined by collective
expectations (we do and think and feel what our persona
“should” do, think and feel); erratic moods betray our real feelings;
those close to us complain of our emotional distance; and, worst of
all, we cannot imagine life without it.
Assuming we recognize the problem, and suffer because of it,
what are we to do about it? Personal analysis is a possibility for
those who can afford it. Otherwise, some reading in the literature of
depth psychology would not go amiss. But avoid “quick-fix” books,
confessional memoirs by those who would seduce you into imitating
them. Your task is to discover who you are.
Here are some tips:
1) Pay attention to your dreams; mull over their content, and
don’t think you have to “understand” them to get the message.
2) Monitor your feelings in both intimate and social situations.
3) Become aware of how and when you use your persona for
legitimate reasons, and when you are simply hiding behind it.
4) Think about what it means to lead an authentic life.