Tony Burnett 173after work <strong>and</strong> a high speed race up the dales to beat the darkness. Climb<strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong>the dark however does not lead to accurate grad<strong>in</strong>g <strong>and</strong> the second ascentionists,namely Mart<strong>in</strong> <strong>and</strong> myself, were left to correct the grade from El-5b to E3-6a;so much for the team's ability to grade routes.September 1984 brought about the episode that earned the team its name. Itwas a wet day when Mart<strong>in</strong>, Chris, Mark <strong>and</strong> myself, closely followed byStreaky <strong>in</strong> his Tonka Toy, went to check out a m<strong>in</strong>or crag, Raverscar South, <strong>and</strong><strong>of</strong> course do a little explor<strong>in</strong>g on as yet unreported crags. As with all Yorkshire'sunexplored rock, from a distance they show a lot <strong>of</strong> promise, however, the closeryou get the smaller they become until f<strong>in</strong>ally you arrive at yet another esotericgem. With<strong>in</strong> four m<strong>in</strong>utes <strong>of</strong> arriv<strong>in</strong>g at the crag one ascent was under way fromthe bottom up <strong>and</strong> two other routes were be<strong>in</strong>g cleaned from the top down. Tosay the least, Streaky was impressed (so much so that he returned mid-week topick <strong>of</strong>f the last rema<strong>in</strong><strong>in</strong>g l<strong>in</strong>e); needless to say it was not by the quality <strong>of</strong> theroutes but by the ruthless efficiency with which they were be<strong>in</strong>g exploited.Even<strong>in</strong>g activity was centred on Kilnsey at this po<strong>in</strong>t <strong>in</strong> time, due partially tothe weekend climb<strong>in</strong>g ban <strong>and</strong> partially to the pry<strong>in</strong>g eyes watch<strong>in</strong>g our everymove at weekends. On one particular even<strong>in</strong>g Mart<strong>in</strong> was engaged <strong>in</strong> the firstfree ascent <strong>of</strong> Ice Spurt Special. Under normal circumstances an event such asthis would be preceded by an abseil <strong>in</strong>spection/clean; however, due to theimm<strong>in</strong>ent onset <strong>of</strong> darkness, Mart<strong>in</strong> considered the route looked fairly clean <strong>and</strong>pretty straight-forward so a direct assault was employed.It quickly became apparent that the route was not as clean or straightforwardas it appeared. Blocks cascaded down from on high <strong>and</strong> the meek cowered underwhatever shelter was to h<strong>and</strong>. It was about this time that a visit<strong>in</strong>g southernclimber had the misfortune to witness the ongo<strong>in</strong>g pantomime <strong>and</strong> appearedtotally unconv<strong>in</strong>ced as rocks <strong>and</strong> curses ra<strong>in</strong>ed down, <strong>in</strong> between which Mart<strong>in</strong>was extoll<strong>in</strong>g the virtues <strong>of</strong> his adopted crag <strong>in</strong> terms <strong>of</strong> quality <strong>and</strong> potential. Itwas after the umpteenth airborne <strong>in</strong>cident that Mart<strong>in</strong> disclosed that this was <strong>in</strong>fact the first free ascent <strong>and</strong> not an aid route. The route did <strong>in</strong> fact concedesomewhat later the same even<strong>in</strong>g.The Mach<strong>in</strong>e gathered momentum as the year drew rapidly to a close,culm<strong>in</strong>at<strong>in</strong>g with the exploitation <strong>of</strong> Gordale's upper right w<strong>in</strong>g, reputedly preempt<strong>in</strong>gMart<strong>in</strong> Atk<strong>in</strong>son by twenty-four hours, <strong>and</strong>, surpris<strong>in</strong>gly, the left w<strong>in</strong>gat Malham, with many thanks to Dave Cronshaw for po<strong>in</strong>t<strong>in</strong>g the way.Gordale's upper right w<strong>in</strong>g yielded seven excellent routes while Malhamrendered another fifteen. Possibly the most memorable (or, if you like, epic) wasthe ascent <strong>of</strong> Night Moves. Prior to sett<strong>in</strong>g out for Malham on the n<strong>in</strong>eteenth <strong>of</strong>December, Dr. Berz<strong>in</strong>s had just <strong>in</strong>vested <strong>in</strong> his latest piece <strong>of</strong> mounta<strong>in</strong>eer<strong>in</strong>gequipment, (probably as a charm to ward <strong>of</strong>f the possibility <strong>of</strong> any snow <strong>in</strong> theforth-com<strong>in</strong>g w<strong>in</strong>ter) a new-fangled head torch. I cleaned the route by abseil <strong>and</strong>due to the lack <strong>of</strong> runners decided to split the route on the half-way ledge,work<strong>in</strong>g on the pr<strong>in</strong>ciple that this would probably give the343
174 THE WELL-OILED MACHINE - TWELVE MONTHS ONsecond a chance to grab the unfortuate leader should gravity take control.Th<strong>in</strong>gs were not however go<strong>in</strong>g well. I had led the first pitch <strong>and</strong> returned toearth <strong>in</strong> order to allow Chris to cont<strong>in</strong>ue his siege (oops sorry Chris): eventuallythe crag submitted <strong>and</strong> Chris succeeded <strong>in</strong> climb<strong>in</strong>g the excellent Ship Of Fools.He was followed <strong>in</strong> double quick time by Mart<strong>in</strong> <strong>and</strong> myself. I returned quicklyto my position on the half way ledge <strong>and</strong> brought Mart<strong>in</strong> up to the belay.Frantically we changed places <strong>and</strong> I got to grips with the top pitch. It was nowtwenty past four, the sun had set about half an hour previously <strong>and</strong> I was gett<strong>in</strong>gnowhere fast. In the gather<strong>in</strong>g gloom I changed places with Mart<strong>in</strong> <strong>and</strong> passedhim the runners, one number three friend, one number two friend <strong>and</strong> anumber three rock. St<strong>and</strong><strong>in</strong>g on the edge <strong>of</strong> the ledge look<strong>in</strong>g up at forty foot <strong>of</strong>unknown rock he looked totally unconv<strong>in</strong>ced; unconv<strong>in</strong>ced the rock could beclimbed, unconv<strong>in</strong>ced the runners were good <strong>and</strong> unconv<strong>in</strong>ced that he could seewhere to put the runners. It was now completely dark. The bleat<strong>in</strong>g com<strong>in</strong>gdown from above my head would have put many a woolly sent<strong>in</strong>el to shame.Spasmodic lurches, grunts <strong>and</strong> curses were the only evidence that the ascentwas, if not go<strong>in</strong>g well, then at least go<strong>in</strong>g up. A tight rope around my waistsummoned me upwards <strong>and</strong> an hour <strong>and</strong> a half after sunset we let the root <strong>of</strong> ourproblems, Chris, ascend the route. Needless to say the new head-torch waslurk<strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong> the car boot.Another atmospheric addition to Malham's left w<strong>in</strong>g was the title track TheWell Oiled Mach<strong>in</strong>e. Fitt<strong>in</strong>gly, after lead<strong>in</strong>g one pitch each, Mart<strong>in</strong> <strong>and</strong> myselfwere jo<strong>in</strong>ed on the first ascent by Chris, Mark <strong>and</strong> <strong>of</strong> course Streaky Bacon.P.S. The team has always assumed Graham's title to be a compliment for itsefficient activity. It could <strong>of</strong> course be attributed to the time served by the teamat the barHI