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128 / YASUTANI ' s INTERVIEWS WITH WESTERNERSSTUDENT: I have been trying to do just that-WlSuccessfully, Imight add. I also tried counting my breath only, but was unable todo even that.ROS:ff!:: You must not count absent-mindedly, as though in a daze.You must pour your whole heart into it. You must see each numberclearly and sharply. Did you lose count sometimes?STUDENT: Yes, sir. Perhaps my trouble is that I don't see the connectionbetween counting the breath and Buddhism.ROSHI: The purpose in counting the breath is to still the ceaselesswaves of thought set in motion by habits of thinking which havepersisted for a long time. With their quieting, the mind becomes onepointedand we can then directly perceive our Essential-nature. Countingthe breath is a necessary first step. Another method is to keepquestioning, "What is my True-nature?" or "Where is my Truenature?"But unless you have the firm conviction that you can discoveryour True-nature in this wise, your practice will degenerateinto a mere mechanical repetition and your effort will be wasted.You said you could not see the connection between counting thebreath and Buddhism. The Buddha taught that only by direct apprehensionof our Self-nature can we actually know who and whatwe are. The fundamental purity and clarity of the mind is obscuredby the ceaseless waves of thought which pitch and toss about in it;consequently we falsely see ourselves as individual existences confrontedby a universe of multiplicities. Zazen is a means of stillingthese waves so that our iimer vision can be brought into accuratefocus, and counting the breath is one type of zazen.* * *STUDENT: You have said that I should put more energy into mysitting. I have tried to, but I can't concentrate for more than fifteenminutes before my mind begins to wander. Toward the end of thelast sesshin I was able to concentrate fairly well, but when I sat bymyself l fell apart and couldn't for the life of me concntrate.ROSHI: It is difficult to sit alone, especially in the beginning; thatis why we have sesshin. 0mutual support and reinfon..than listen to lectures aJ., out it,'11.unal zazen is easier because there is·nt. When you practice zazen rather)r the first time you really taste Zenand through this experience cona.e to true Self-understanding. So sit