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208 / ENLIGHTENMENT EXPERIENCESMIDNIGHT OF THE 29TH I I am at peace at peace at peace. Is thistremendous freedom of mine the Great Cessation1 described by theancients? Whoever might question it would surely have to admitthat this freedom is extraordinary. If it isn't absolute freedom orthe Great Cessation, what is it?4 A.M. OF THE 29TH I Ding, dong ! The clock chimed. This aloneis! This alon,e is! There's no reasoning here.Surely the world has changed [with enlightenment]. But in whatway?The ancients said the enlightened mind is comparable to a fishswimming. That's exactly how it is-there's no stagnation. I feel nohindrance. Everything flows smoothly, freely. Everything goes naturally.This limitless freedom is beyond all expression. What a wonderfulworld!Dagen, the great teacher of Buddhism, said: "Zen is the wide, allencompassinggate of compassion."I am grateful, so grateful.2 I MR. P. K., AN AMERICAN EX-BUSINESS­MAN, AGE 46 I DIARy EXTRACT S I NEWYORK, APRIL r, 1953 I ... Belly aching all week, Doc says ulcersare getting worse . ... Allergies kicking up too . ... Can't sleepwithout drugs. . . . So miserable wish I had the guts to end it all.APRIL 20, 1953 I Attended S-'s Zen lecture today. As usual,could make little sense out of it. . . . Why do I go on with theselectures? Can I ever get satori listening to philosophic explanations ofprajna and karuna2 and why A isn't A and all the rest of that? Whatthe hell is satori anyway? Even after four of S-'s books and dozensof his lectures, still don't know. I must be awfully stupid . ... ButI know this, Zen philosophy isn't ridding me of my pain or restlessnessor that damn "nothing" feeling . ...Only last week a close friend complained: "You're forever spout-1 A designation for the state of mind flowing from a deep realization chat, sinceinherently we suffer no lack, there is nothing to seek outside ourselves.2 Sanskrit words meaning satori-wisdom and compassion, respectively.