Student Life October 2019

So, instead of focusing solely on the
time that has passed, I’d like to focus on
what has happened along this somewhat
winding, occasionally mountainous and
often hilly path, which just so happens to
include chronic health problems.
There are of course, a multitude of things
that have happened along the way.
Diagnoses of M.E, migraine and much later
anxiety, were, on the face of it entirely
negative. The idea of facing chronic
health issues was (and at times remains)
overwhelming for me.
M.E has no cure, different treatments
can work for different patients, and each
patient’s symptoms are varied - where do
you start with that? Migraine is insidious
and the pain is exhausting, it makes me
feel small and at times utterly defeated,
but at least there are medications for that
right? Right – until they stopped working
for me. And then, three years ago, I was
diagnosed with anxiety – something that
was apparently obvious to those around
me, but came as quite a shock to me.
A label for a problem can be a powerful
thing – even if there is no cure or “catch all”
treatment. It can empower you to face it,
learn about it and search for treatments
and tools. Don’t get me wrong, that in itself
is overwhelming, but I have tried to choose
to be proactive and search for what helps
me. There has been a lot of trial and error,
but now I have a set of tools helping me
move forwards. I have been incredibly
lucky to find holistic therapies which help
with managing the pain and energy drain
from migraine and M.E.
Pain from chronic illness is its own beast.
But then there’s how being chronically
unwell makes you feel mentally. Chronic
illness creates a mess of emotions and
behaviours. For me the big one is guilt.
Deep-rooted, persistent guilt that I’ve
allowed to grow. I’ve spent years feeling
guilty for being un-well, for letting myself
down and those around me down, for not
reaching “Ultimate Lizzie”. It grew, because
I didn’t really talk about it much.
Talking about living with a chronic illness
isn’t something I do regularly, if I’m honest
I thought it unnecessary and actually pretty
boring – it’s my day to day life and I’m not
leading a boundlessly exciting existence.
But as it turns out, it is necessary. Finding
those holistic therapies led me, around
three years ago, to start talking therapy
(specifically NLP), originally recommended
to address my poor sleep because I was
waking up most nights panicking and
worrying unable to drift back off. It’s
amazing how different a thought or worry
sounds when you say it out loud and
someone helps you break it down. Therapy
has become an invaluable tool for me and
has had a ripple effect in making me more
open and honest.
Searching for these tools and using them
has been hard work and will continue to
be hard work. There are choices we make
daily, large and small and most days (I
stress most, because it’s definitely not all),
I choose to keep searching for new tools
and using the ones I have collected to
simply help me get through the day. Some
days that involves using lots of my tools
and other days I barely need to consider
using them. Whatever kind of day it is, I try
and choose to accept the day for what it is,
talk about it and do the best I can.
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