Uncle Andy's Digest • August 2020

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HoneymoonToastSubmitted by JimboOne of my daughter’swedding presents wasa toaster oven. Soonafter the honeymoon,she and her husbandtried it out. Almostimmediately, smokebillowed out of thetoaster.“Get the owner’s manual!”my daughter’shusband shouted.“I can’t find it anywhere!”cried mydaughter a short timelater.“Oops!” came a voicefrom the kitchen. “Well,the toast is fine, butthe owner’s manual’sburned to a crisp.”Aye Matey!Submitted by Steve SimardA pirate goes to adermatologist, worriedthat the moles onhis back might becancerous.I got thrown out of the pet store when I asked the cashier how longbefore the seed I was buying would grow a bird?Monday-Wednesday: 11am - 7pmThursday-Saturday: 11am - 8pmSunday: 11am - 5pm207-782-2135 Auburn MallDAILY SPECIALSMONDAY75¢ WingsCheeseburger Special $6.9925oz domestic drafts $3.50TUESDAY75¢ WingsThatcher’s Burger $7.9925oz domestic drafts $3.50WEDNESDAY3 Beef Tacos $5.99Thatcher’s Burrito $6.99Well Margaritas $5 • Coronas $3THURSDAYStuffed Peppers $7.99Buffalo Chicken Salad $10.99All Microbrews $4.00FRIDAYFish & Chips $11.99Teriyaki Tips w/mashed $12.99SATURDAYFried Scallops $13.002 Hot Dogs w/fries $5.99Miller Lite Bottles $2.50SUNDAY12” Cheese Pizza $6.99Bloody Mary’s $5Bud Light Drafts $2Remember dad jokes are important. They are a vital part of pop culture.The Fortin GroupProudly serving the communities of Lewiston and Auburnfor over one hundred years.The doctor inspectsthem and says, “It’sokay, they’re benign.”The pirate replied,“Check ‘em againmatey, I think there beat least ten!”217 Turner StreetAuburn207-783-854570 Horton StreetLewiston207-784-4584Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withJimbo38 August 2020 783-7039Why can your car insurance rate go up for reckless drivingbut not down for wreckless driving?
What a crazy day! First, I found a hat full of money andthen I got chased by some guy with a guitar.TAKE THE PLUNGEABOVE GROUND POOL INSTALLATIONIN-HOUSE REPAIR & MAINTENANCEON-SITE WATER ANALYSISTOTAL POOL & PATIO RENOVATIONSCOMMERCIAL SERVICESECO-FRIENDLY PRODUCTSFULL POOL & SPA SUPPLIESCOMPLETE CHEMICAL INVENTORYLIKE USOut ‘n About withthe Auburn FireDepartmentFor the retirement of CaptainEugene “Chip” KeeneDid you knowthat Auburn has64 full-time firefighters/EMTs/Paramedicswho respond to approximately5,000 fire,EMS and emergencycalls annually?www.abcpools.com207-783-08581975 Lisbon Rd, LewistonI have a condition that stops me from dieting. It’s called hunger.Hot Water Heater Need Replacing?ACT NOW!Efficiency Maine Rebateis a limited time offer.Don’t miss out!CALL MIKE TODAY!207-754-4556Robert ChaseChiefI call dibson anything CaptainKeene may haveleft in therefrigerator!Consider anenergy efficientBradford WhiteHeat Pump HotWater HeaterFinal Cost afterdiscounts and rebates:249 .00*$249*Plus taxes, parts, & laborMike@upwi.netPlumbing & Heating • Oil • GasResidential • Commercial / 24 hour Emergency ServiceMike ScottEvery novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.Uncle Andy’s Digest...withJimboAugust 2020 UncleAndys.com 39
Page 1 and 2: It’s anhonor to sayI’ve been pa
Page 3 and 4: A coin shortage? America must be ou
Page 5 and 6: Due to my isolation I finished 3 bo
Page 7 and 8: Day 100 of quarantine: Watching bir
Page 9 and 10: HAS IT ALLYour one-stop shop for:
Page 11 and 12: MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSETake OutAvai
Page 13 and 14: Wanna hear a joke about a stone? Ne
Page 15 and 16: When I told the doctor about my los
Page 17 and 18: Dear Disney, why doesn’t Tarzan h
Page 19 and 20: OXFORD HILLS AREA BUSINESSESDogs ea
Page 21 and 22: 207.784.1541easy@easyrentall.com20
Page 23 and 24: State Farm Life Insurance Company (
Page 25 and 26: 777-3579Mon.-Fri. 9am-5pm, Sat. 9am
Page 27 and 28: CAREER OPPORTUNITIESNowHiringWe are
Page 29 and 30: My neighbors are listening to great
Page 31 and 32: Money alone won’t make you happy.
Page 33 and 34: I don’t need a hairstylist. My pi
Page 35 and 36: CALL THE PROSHopefullyLocated in th
Page 37: 733 Sabattus Street, Lewiston207-77
Page 41 and 42: You know you’re a bad driver when
Page 44: YOUR VEHICLE WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT!H

Uncle Andy's Digest • August 2020

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