Happiful April 2021

a fresh perspective
keeping you away from
something new and improved. It
could well come from a place of
fear – perhaps about the future
and what that could bring – or low
self-esteem. Whatever it may be,
recognising it is the first step to
tackling it.
2. Get to know it
In order to start working with
your own saboteur, list the
circumstances in which it
appears. How does it sneakily try
to outmanoeuvre your positive
attempts for change? What do
you end up doing instead? When,
in particular, does it ruin your
dreams and intentions? Are there
some patterns you can find?
Next, check-in with yourself.
Consider whether you really do
want the change, or if your inner
saboteur is actually trying to
tell you something. Sometimes
we want something because
we think we should want it, or
because someone else thinks
it’s a good idea for us, and we’re
stuck in people-pleasing mode.
Ask yourself why you want this
change. Then, what will it give
you? And what will not making
the change mean to your life?
3. Accept that it’s just
trying to do its job
Once you’ve recognised your
saboteur character, and know
that you definitely want to
change, find out what it’s trying to
protect you from. Think of your
inner saboteur as having a job to
do: to protect us from something
our current identity perceives as
dangerous or frightening.
Change can feel scary. Certain
behaviours could be telling you
that you’re feeling vulnerable –
perhaps to criticism, failure, or
rejection. Of course, that doesn’t
make self-sabotaging actions
any less frustrating, but it does
prompt you to consider whether
there’s another layer to what
you’re going through.
4. Build a new connection
By building new bridges, and
even making friends with your
inner saboteur, you can stop
playing into its hands time and
time again.
Once you’ve taken the time
to understand it, next time it
stirs – perhaps, for example,
manifesting as silence in
an important meeting you’d
promised you would speak
up in – how about catching it
on arrival, greeting it warmly,
thanking it for protecting you all
these years, then gently saying to
it that you’d really like things to
change from now on?
When we’re kinder to that part
of ourselves, and sit with our
fears, we allow space for a new
and more nourishing relationship
with our saboteur to take place.
5. Nurture that relationship
Just as we know that ongoing
kindness, listening, and doing
our best to understand others in
our relationships yields positive
results, it also works for our
inner saboteurs, too.
So many of us find it easy to
react angrily towards ourselves
when we think we’ve ‘failed’
again in our attempts to change.
However, inner saboteur parts
don’t respond well to bullying.
They just want to be understood.
So, when we can nurture that
part of ourselves, to feel seen,
heard, accepted, and understood,
it’s much easier for the change,
and the transformation we seek,
to follow automatically.
Sarah Thayer is a transformational
coach helping high-achieving
individuals and organisations to slow
down, transform past patterns, and to
live more authentically. Find out more
by visiting lifecoach-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | April 2021 | 65