Happiful April 2021

You can find out more by following Katie’s
Instagram @mentalhealth_monsters
I could escape into my fantasy world of
colourful creatures and exciting characters,
forget about the world around me, and
completely lose myself. As life became more
difficult, horror stayed with me. I began to
watch films, read Stephen King, and my own
image became darker. Things that scared other
people felt like comfort to me. However, the
truth was that the real world left me terrified.
When I look back at my life, it amazes me just
how much of it I have spent afraid. Anxiety felt
like my normal state and I couldn’t shake it. I
was scared of people, scared of failing, scared
of judgement, scared of everything; and,
honestly, I did not make things easy for myself.
Becoming a goth in Liverpool in the early
2000s meant developing a whole new skillset
– the main one being how to run fast in
incredibly impractical footwear. I was a
moving target for abuse of every kind, and
even had men of my dad’s age spit in my face.
But at the same time, I found people who were
equally as hated as I was. Others who felt alone,
different, and often sad. Others who struggled
with mental health, who didn’t fit, and who
found safety in the darker things in life. I had a
community for the first time, and while I still
struggled, I didn’t feel so alone.
When I did have time to myself, I embraced
my fantasy worlds. In these spaces, I would be
a vampire, a werewolf, or a witch. Monsters
were powerful and exciting – they could take
Anxiety felt like my normal state
and I couldn’t shake it. I was scared
of people, scared of failing, scared
of judgement, scared of everything
on the world that judged them, and make it
understand their pain. I never saw monsters
as bad things; they were just different, and the
world couldn’t understand them. Frankenstein’s
monster, or Beast from Beauty and the Beast,
were seen as ugly and freakish, but I thought
they were beautiful, and they often just wanted
to be left alone. I could relate strongly.
That’s the thing with monsters and horror, they
have always had strong messages within them
and have always reflected the psychological.
Creatures who are made to feel unwanted or
96 | April 2021 | happiful.com