Uncle Andy's Digest - August 2021
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We're excited to bring you our August 2021 digital edition. Get your own hardcopy magazine at nearly 1,000 locations in 19 different towns throughout Androscoggin and Oxford Counties and beyond! We hope you enjoy the Digest as much as we enjoy bringing it to you :)
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UNCLE
ANDY’S
DIGEST SINCE
DAILY, WEEKLY, & MONTHLY
RENTALS AVAILABLE!
For details, call Ryan Kennard
207-346-0279
Turn to page 24
GET REAL. GET HYUNDAI.
AUGUST
2021
1996
Whited Equipment Co. is your
New Factory Authorized Hyundai
Construction Equipment dealer
for Central & Southern Maine.
New & used available!
Sales • Lease • Rentals
Parts & Service
whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn
207-782-7113
Get Your FREE
Quote Today!
31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com
Live your most balanced, centered life
CRYSTALS
TUMBLED STONES
SALT LAMPS
FIGURINES
JEWELRY
CANDLES/INCENSE
SPIRIT ANIMALS
CHAKRA ITEMS
And More
120 Center Street #107, Auburn • 207-241-2356
Maine Mall, South Portland • 207-274-2539
Uncle Andy’s Digest
August 2021 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
1
I hate when people giving directions tell me to go North or East.
Okay, Lewis & Clark, do I head towards Burger King or turn left at Chipotle?
www.deepcleanjs.com
deepcleanjs@yahoo.com
10% REFERRAL BONUS
Know someone searching for a new cleaning company?
Mention this ad to them and we will pay you 10% of their full invoice when they hire us!
PROFESSIONALISM | QUALITY | RELIABILITY
Excellence in commercial cleaning &
janitorial services when you choose
Deep Clean Janitorial Services
207-712-2765
Commercial/Office
Construction Sites
Apartment Turnovers
Floors/Tile/Carpets
COVID-19:
Disinfecting services to help keep your
employees and customers safe.
Summer is here!
We are hauling
pool water!
Pool Builders
OF MAINE
CALL US FOR ALL YOUR POOL NEEDS!
10 Business Parkway Turner • 207-225-2013
I’ll call it a smartphone the day I yell, “Where’s my phone?”
and it responds, “Under the couch cushions with the loose pennies.”
The other day an attractive young woman told me my muscles looked ripped.
It’s too bad it was my orthopedic doctor.
MODERN WOODMEN
OF AMERICA
AUGUST
ACTIVITIES
Wednesday, August 11th
Dairy Joy
3:00-7:00pm
Auburn & Lewiston Locations
M & G: $1.00
Purchase Tickets on: 8-04-2021
(9-11am & 1-3pm)
Thursday, August 12th
Val’s Drive-In
4:00-7:00pm
925 Sabattus Street, Lewiston
M: $5.00 G: $6.00
Purchase Tickets on: 8-04-2021
(9-11am & 1-3pm)
Tuesday, August 17th
Taber’s
4:00-7:00pm
470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn
M: $7.50 G: $9.00
Purchase Tickets on: 8-04-2021
(9-11am & 1-3pm) or
8-11-2021 (9-11am)
Tuesday, August 31st
Fielder’s Choice (Auburn
Location Only)
4:00-7:00pm
680 Minot Avenue, Auburn
M: $2.50 G: $3.00
Purchase Tickets on: 8-25-2021
(9-11am & 1-3pm)
Tickets must be purchased at
the MWA District Office at 184
Webster Street Lewiston, ME on
dates/times listed for each activity.
Please follow all local/state
guidelines . Menus are subject to
change. No substitutions or addons.
Most importantly have FUN!
Maine State Park 1-Day
Vehicle Pass
M Only: $5.00
Purchase tickets on any
Wednesday in August from 9:00-
10:00am
York’s Wild Animal Kingdom
(Zoo Only)
M: $6.00
Purchase tickets on any
Wednesday in August from 9:00-
10:00am
Funtown
Combination Ticket: $33.00
Funtown Park Only: $29.00
Splashtown Only: $29.00
Online ticket program only.
Please call Jamie at 333-6052
or email at jamielevesque52@
yahoo.com for ticket instructions
or call your agent for instructions.
These tickets/discount code is
good for Members only and the
Guests that are attending with
you on the day that you attend
the park. Please do not give the
code out to anyone else or we will
lose the ability to participate in
this discount program. FYI-there
is a processing fee associated
with purchasing the tickets.
If Watson isn’t the most famous Doctor, then Who is.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
August 2021 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
3
Uncle Andy’s Digest
is published by the first
Friday of every month by
Maine Mountain Ocean
Group, Inc. with its world
headquarters located at
9 Grove Street, Auburn,
Maine, USA.
Published and distributed
since 1996 throughout
Central Maine and mailed to
subscribers all over the Free
World. Subscriptions are
$36/year.
UncleAndysDigest.com
Office: 207-783-7039
UAD Super Heroes
All I’m saying is that any point during the ride through the desert,
maybe America could’ve given that horse a name.
Smile in
Comfort
CAPTAIN
JIMBO
WONDER
WOMAN
TYLA
SMILE AGAIN DENTURES
801 Webster Street, Lewiston • smileagaindentures@gmail.com
SmileAgainDentures.com
514-0660
All work done on-site.
Repairs usually same day service!
Like our
name implies,
we’ll make you
SMILE
AGAIN
IRONSIDES
STEVE
BATGIRL
STEPHANIE
While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries
very hard to ensure the accuracy
of the information in our clients’
advertisements and our publication
in general, we are not responsible
for vendor availability, typographical
errors, technical inaccuracies, product
pricing errors, or omissions.
Joe & Mike
Adkins
Licensed
Denturists
Call us today for:
• Full Dentures
• Immediate Dentures
Joe & Mike
• Partial Adkins Dentures
Licensed
Denturists
• Rebases
• Relines
• Repairs
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
4 August 2021 783-7039
If I had a penny for every bad joke I’ve made, I’d be punniless.
S ABATTU S
MAIN STREET MARKET
A fight at the family reunion picnic isn’t complete without all the ants and knuckles.
Out ‘n About at
the Gendron
Franco Center
for Maine Event Comedy’s
Crabby Road Tour
Uncle Andy’s
Digest and Maine
Event Comedy are
the two best sources
for humor east of
the Mississippi!
22 Main Street, Sabattus • (207) 375-8502
Try us once,
you’ll be a
regular!
Come celebrate
with us! Daily
Specials, great
pizza, cold drinks,
groceries, fresh
meats, & MORE!
Thank you to all
of our fantastic
customers! We couldn’t
do this without
YOU!
Will & Lucie
Lagasse
I’m a
card-carrying
member of the Julie
Poulin Fan Club!
Scott & Elaine
St. Pierre
May not be combined with daily specials. Exp 8.31.21
Open 7 days a week: 6am - 8pm
Old age is when your favorite piece of software is a pillow.
Ina Small
Uncle Andy’s Digest
August 2021 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
5
Failure is the path of least persistence.
Out ‘n About at Uncle Andy’s Digest
World Headquarters in Auburn
Give your home the protection it deserves.
Your home is where you make some of your
best memories, and that’s worth protecting.
LET’S TALK TODAY.
Sue Lovett of SML Proofreading, from Gloucester,
MA stopped by the Digest office with her friend,
Felicia Garant of Lewiston.
Sue’s new book, Proof or Consequences, was a
hit with the team at Uncle Andy’s Digest!
School Daze
Submitted by Steve Simard
Little Suzie comes
home from her first day
at school.
Her mother asks,
“Well, what did you
learn today?”
Suzie replies, “Not
enough. They want
me to come back
tomorrow.”
Whenever there’s an outage, your KOHLER generator keeps
your internet on, your fridge cold and your family protected.
• Generator Sales and Installations
• Residential and Small Commercial
Electrical Service
Over 50 years of Trusted Professionalism
“MY GENERATOR IS MAGIC.
WE NEVER LOSE POWER.”
- ALEX L., KOHLER ® generator owner
1033 Sabattus Street, Lewiston
www.debloiselectric.com
207-783-6512
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
6 August 2021 783-7039
I keep hearing people talk about what they’re going to do when they retire.
I’m literally going to have to work up until lunchtime on the day of my funeral.
After my morning coffee, I like to show my empty mug to our IT guy
to tell him that I’ve successfully installed Java.
NEW UNITS, CLEAN & DRY!
Out ‘n About at
the Gendron
Franco Center
for Maine Event Comedy’s
Crabby Road Tour
It was a
no-brainer
moving back to
Maine! There is no
Maine Event
Comedy group in
Florida!
Online Account
Management
Online
Rental
GATED ACCESS
Coming Soon!
Well Lit Facility
w/Security Cameras
Paulette Martel &
Jeanne Lessard
People who don’t trust meteorologists have clouded judgment.
Hot Water Heater Need Replacing?
ACT NOW!
Efficiency Maine Rebate
is a limited time offer.
Don’t miss out!
Direct
replacement of
an existing
electric hot
water heater
CALL MIKE TODAY!
207-754-4556
Rit & Madison
Leslie
We’re so
excited to see
the Gendron Franco
Center putting on
events again! What
a fun night out!
Final Cost after
discounts and rebates:
$ 1,224 .00*
*Plus permit costs
Mike@upwi.net
Plumbing & Heating • Oil • Gas
Residential • Commercial / 24 hour Emergency Service
Roger & Joan
Haman
Today I’m having some unsettling problems with my house foundation.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
August 2021 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
7
Out ‘n About at
the Gendron
Franco Center
for Maine Event Comedy’s
Crabby Road Tour
Is there
a doctor in the
house? These
comics have me
in stitches!
My wrinkled shirt shows a clear case of iron deficiency.
THE AMERICAN LEGION
FAMILY
We Are Standing Strong!
Our Executive Officers, staff, and
volunteers will continue to take necessary
precautions to ensure safety for all.
71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118
Members & Guests Welcome
NEW HOURS: Monday through Thursday: 12p-6p
Friday & Saturday: 12p-11p • Sunday: 11a-6p
MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS
FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS 7-11pm in August
Jerry Joe - August 13th & 27th • 4:30 - 6:30pm
Canteen is open! Ask about our drink specials!
Debra White &
Corey Beaulieu
I heard
Elton John was
giving up singing to
be a stand-up
comic.
IF YOU HAVE BEEN FULLY VACCINATED,
MASKS ARE NO LONGER REQUIRED.
IF YOU HAVE NOT BEEN FULLY
VACCINATED, PLEASE WEAR YOUR
MASK WHENEVER POSSIBLE.
For Veteran or Community services, call
207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229
Hall Rentals Available
Call for more
information
207-782-1118
MONTHLY MEETING EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 18 TH GENERAL MEETING, 7PM
Legion members attending have a chance to win $100, $50, or $25.
RED SHIRT FRIDAYS
WEAR YOUR R.E.D. SHIRT & SURPRISE!
SEE YOU AT THE POST!
IMPORTANT NOTICE: Due to COVID-19/Coronavirus, all activities
are subject to change. Follow us on Facebook page for updates.
Bloody Mary Sundays by Kevin from 11a-6p!
My boyfriend thought I said I was interesting. Really, though, I told him I was into resting.
His new
gig is just a little
bit funny.
Carol & Larry
Labossiere
Great Rates • Great Service • Great Staff
Move your
loan to us
for great rates!
We’re from
the same hometown
as Johnny Ater!
Yeah, bub!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
8
Meaghan Erlebach,
Kasey Erlebach, &
Karry Kane
Jimbo
August 2021 783-7039
Great Falls
Federal Credit Union
www.GreatFallsfcu.com
34 Bates St, Lewiston • 782-7192
760 Minot Ave., Auburn • 753-0500
Someone once told me that it takes five sheep to make a sweater.
I didn’t even realize they could knit!
August
Special
Your one-stop shop for:
• Amazing food (eat in or take out)
• Agency liquor store with beer cave
• Lottery tickets
• Redemption center
Large Hot
Pastrami Sub
Only $
7 .95
Full serve catering at the
location of your choice.
Book Your
2022
Events Now!
207-345-9009
DadsPlaceCatering.com
207-345-5551
23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com
Catering
Dad’s Redemption Center
6¢ a
bottle for
Make-A-Wish
Donations!
Redemption Center is
directly behind Dad’s Place
DONATE YOUR
BOTTLES TO
Help grant a wish to a local child
battling a critical illness
See our redemption ad on page 45.
Out ‘n About at
the Gendron
Franco Center
for Maine Event Comedy’s
Crabby Road Tour
Wouldn’t it be ironic if a scuba diving business went under?
I’m so
excited to be
performing here at
the Franco! There is
nothing that could’ve
made me miss this
performance!
Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!
Serving Breakfast All Day!
87 Mill Street, New Auburn • 753-0171
Oh wait...
it can’t be 6:00
already? I need to
get out of here!
Eggs Sunny-Side Up
w/bacon, home fries,
& Texas Toast
I tried to climb a really tall tower in France, but Eiffel off.
RollysNewAuburn.com
Mon – Sat 6 am – 2 pm,
Sunday Closed
Out ‘n About with Maine Event Comedy at the Gendron Franco Center
for the Night of Comedy fundraiser benefiting Make-A-Wish Maine
I’ve got
to be home in time
to watch the
Channel 13 news!
As a former
Wish Kid, this event
and this cause is so
important! I was proud to
be able to perform in
support!
Dawn Hartill
Maine Event Comedy Comic
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
10
Jimbo
August 2021 783-7039
The Night of Comedy raised $4,000 for Make-A-Wish Maine!
A special thank you goes to all the comics who donated their performances as well as the
Gendron Franco Center for donating the venue.
Casey Crawford, Mark Turcotte, Dawn Hartill, Jimbo, Ryan Gartley, & Nic Dufault
I hate people who can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.
MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSE
Take Out
Available!
Join us on
August 14th
for the 7th Annual
Summer Block
Party!
Summertime
dining is great here
at Mac’s! Come see
why the locals eat
here!
COME JOIN US!
SATURDAY, AUG. 14 TH
hosted by
See Page 24 FMI
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com
Parenting
Challenges
Submitted by Jimbo
As a member of the organization
that installs
computer systems
aboard Navy ships,
I am mindful of how
important the off-ship
email capabilities are
to sailor morale -
especially when some
vessels are deployed
for up to six months.
One day while shopping
at the base
commissary, I realized
another crucial aspect
of my job. I was trailing
a frazzled mother with
two active children.
I watched as she
stalked over to where
her young son had
perched himself on the
rail of the freezer case.
“If you don’t get off
there right now,” she
commanded, “I’m
going to email your
father!”
When you combine the wealth of Tesla and Microsoft the money elongates.
DON’T KNOW
WHAT TO DO
NEXT? WE DO. ®
WATER FIRE MOLD
For any disaster,
call ServiceMaster!
29 Brickyard Circle, Auburn
(800) 244-7630
(207) 539-4452 www.smfireandwater.com
www.smcarpetcleaning.com
I love movies about Greek mythology. You Odyssey them!
Out ‘n About with V&G Home Improvement
It’s in the Mail
Submitted by Jimbo
General Mills makes
Corn Chex, Rice Chex,
etc. If the Post company
bought these
brands, then I have a
new product for them.
Take some Wheat
Chex, add pieces of
fresh dates, and a little
cinnamon and sugar,
and voila!
New, Post Dated
Chex!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
12
Jimbo
August 2021 783-7039
Josh Easter, Girard Boucher (owner), Jason Bergeron
V&G Home Improvement generously sponsors
the Summer Block Party for Make-A-Wish Maine each year!
When I was a kid my mother told me I could be whoever I wanted.
Little did I know then that identity theft was a crime.
When we were young, we would sneak out of our home to go to parties.
Now, we sneak out of parties to go home.
•Brewery•taproom•Café•Pinky D’s Food truck•Coffee by Design•
«
«
Fill up your growlers before heading upta’ camp!
«
Phone in your order ahead of time
«
«
Order online
Come in and have a pint while we
fill a growler fresh to order!
Out ‘n About at
the Gendron
Franco Center
for Maine Event Comedy’s
Crabby Road Tour
I thought
my parents were
going to be more
supportive of my
dream of becoming
a stand-up
comic.
1110 MINOT AVE., AUBURN
207.689.3030
/SIDEBYEACHBREWING
WWW.SIDEBYEACHBREWING.COM
* PLEASE VISIT OUR WEBSITE FOR SUMMER HOURS
Out ‘n About at Poland Spring Golf Course for the
Pierre “Pete” J. Simard Benefit Golf Tournament
My sister,
Bella, thought I
looked too tired to
take on comedy.
Who invited
the W.B. Mason guy
anyway?
Troy Cailler, JP Adams, Matt Wiers, Richard Paradis
Roebucks Angus
Tell us you saw us in
Uncle Andy’s!
Visit, call, or text us
We Always Have
Specials!
• REGISTERED ANGUS
• NATURAL ANGUS BEEF
• MEAT PACKAGES
• GIFT CERTIFICATES
BURGER • STEAKS • ROASTS
OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK
Follow us on Facebook
for information on
Burger Night!
INSPECTED
jay - 207.754.1558
sue - 207.754.6558
783 UPPER ST. • TURNER
I told my carpenter I didn’t want carpeted steps. He just gave me a blank stare.
When I
tried to tell them
about my new venture,
they all just laughed
at me.
Julie Poulin
Maine Event Comedy Comic
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2021 UncleAndys.com 13
Out ‘n About at
the Gendron
Franco Center
for Maine Event Comedy’s
Crabby Road Tour
Whoa!
Look at all
these people, bub!
I hope I remember
how to be
funny!
In most beauty parlors, the gossip alone would curl your hair.
11th Annual
FIRE & SLICE
Golf Tournament
To benefit Poland Fire Rescue Department
Poland Spring Resort
September 2, 2021
Agenda:
This year’s tournament will
8:00am be assigned - Tee Times tee Begin times
11:00am NOT - a Mel’s shotgun Hilltop start Opens
A portion of this year’s proceeds will be directed
towards the H. Priscilla Waterhouse Scholarship
I solemnly
swear to do my
best to make the
people laugh by being
clear and concise
with my jokes...
SIGN ME UP
2021 Fire & Slice Golf Tournament
Team Captain: __________________________________
... and
not just stand
here drooling like a
St. Bernard.
Johnny Ater
Maine Event Comedy Comic
Team Name: ____________________________________
Address: _______________________________________
E-mail: ________________________________________
Phone: ________________________________________
$75 each or $300 per team of 4
Foursome Names
HDCP
____________________________________ ______
____________________________________ ______
____________________________________ ______
____________________________________ ______
Sponsorship Opportunities Available
FMI: Tom Printup
207-756-4487 • tomp@polandfd.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
14 August 2021 783-7039
Siri kept calling me Shirley this morning. I was annoyed until
I realized I left my phone in Airplane mode.
I just went to a concert and it only cost 45 cents. It was 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
We’ve got you covered!
Calling for
Backup
Submitted by Tyla Davis
Sabrina got pulled
over by the police one
evening, coming home
from work.
“Is there a problem officer?”
Sabrina asked.
“Yes Ma’am, you were
speeding. Can I see
your license, please?”
Peoples Insurance - Monmouth
832 Main Street, Monmouth
(207) 777-1877 or (888) 783-2246
Pinkham Insurance
8 Almar Street, Farmingdale
(207) 626-5810 or (866) 626-5820
THE CHAMPOUX GROUP
CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS
I N S U R A N C E
...Your Security is Our Concern!
Champoux Insurance Agency
150 East Avenue, Lewiston
(207) 783-2246
(888) 783-2246
A lousy skier often jumps to contusions.
Peoples Insurance - Ogunquit
716 Main Street, Ogunquit
(207) 646-7118 or (877) 840-7118
Rogers Insurance
38 Main Street, Lisbon Falls
(207) 353-6834 or (888) 353-6833
“I don’t have one,” Sabrina
answered. “I lost
it for driving to endanger
four times.”
“Well, I’ll need to see
your registration then,”
the officer requested.
“I don’t have that
either,” said Sabrina.
“This car isn’t mine, it’s
stolen. And I certainly
don’t want you looking
in the trunk either.”
Out ‘n About at the Gendron Franco Center for
Maine Event Comedy’s Crabby Road Tour
I think
Mark Turcotte is
one of the nicest
comics around!
Mark & Lisa Prevost, Joann Folsom, Carrie & Bear Parker
Yes!
He’s a real
stand-up
guy!
I started working at a factory that makes chess pieces. I start knights next week.
The officer was concerned
with all of these
revelations and called
his lieutenant for back
up. The lieutenant took
some time to investigate
the car and the
woman’s claims.
“Ma’am, I am confused.
I ran your name
in our system, and it
shows you have a valid
driver’s license. This
car is also registered
to you. And I found
nothing in the trunk.
But one of my officers
has called me in to
investigate all of these
allegations.”
“I’ll bet that liar told you
I was speeding, too.”
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2021 UncleAndys.com 15
Out ‘n About at
the Gendron
Franco Center
for Maine Event Comedy’s
Crabby Road Tour
I used
to have a great
job as a chemist, but
I gave it up to do
comedy.
Door frames are my jamb.
PROTECT Your Business.
PROTECT Yourself.
We are Maine’s largest
resource for background
searches
207-783-0000783-0000
corporateintelligenceinc.comtelligenceinc.com
I may have
to go back to
chemistry though.
My jokes don’t
get the best
reactions.
Out ‘n About at the Gendron Franco Center for
Maine Event Comedy’s Crabby Road Tour
Sally Witonis
Elizabeth McLaughlin
Lisa Sinclair
Mackenzie Belyea
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
16
I guess
that’s another
one to file under:
Jokes I’m Not
Proud Of!
Mark Turcotte
Maine Event Comedy Founder
Jimbo
August 2021 783-7039
John Blanchette
• RISK CONSULTING
• BUSINESS ANALYTICS
You just never
see it coming.
PROTECT YOUR COMPANY WITH THE
RIGHT PROTECTION AT THE RIGHT PRICE
Contact John today at 207-784-9358
• INDUSTRY EXPERTISE
• CLAIMS SUPPORT
www.nfp.com
Insurance services provided through NFP Property & Casualty Services, Inc.
(PC-19126-16) Copyright © 2016 NFP. All rights reserved.
Candles are wicked.
• ENTERPRISE RISK MANAGEMENT
•ALTERNATIVE RISK TRANSFERS
2
Fungi need as mushroom to grow as possible.
EDUCATION
Train online to do medical billing! Become a Medical
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HEALTH & FITNESS
VIAGRA and CIALIS USERS! 50 Generic Pills SPE-
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Dental insurance - Physicians Mutual Insurance Company.
Covers 350 procedures. Real insurance - not a
discount plan. Get your free dental info kit! 1-888-
623-3036 www.dental50plus.com/58 #6258
Attention oxygen therapy users! Inogen One G4 is
capable of full 24/7 oxygen delivery. Only 2.8 pounds.
Free info kit. Call 877-929-9587
MISCELLANEOUS
The Generac PWRcell solar plus battery storage
system. Save money, reduce reliance on grid, prepare
for outages & power your home. Full installation
services. $0 down financing option. Request free no
obligation quote. 1-855-270-3785
GENERAC Standby Generators provide backup power
during power outages, so your home & family stay
safe & comfortable. Prepare now. Free 7-yr extended
warranty $695 value! Request a free quote today! Call
for terms & conditions. 1-844-334-8353
Eliminate gutter cleaning forever! LeafFilter, the
most advanced debris-blocking gutter protection.
Schedule free LeafFilter estimate today. 15% off Entire
Purchase. 10% Senior & Military Discounts. Call
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Directv Now. No Satellite. $40/mo 65 Channels.
Stream news, live events, sports & on demand titles.
No contract/commitment. 1-866-825-6523
DISH TV $64.99 for 190 channels + $14.95 high
speed internet. Free installation, smart HD DVR
included, free voice remote. Some restrictions apply.
Promo expires 1/21/22. 1-833-872-2545
New authors wanted! Page Publishing will help
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AT&T Internet. Starting at $40/month w/12-mo agmt.
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WANTED TO BUY
Wants to purchase minerals and other oil and gas
interests. Send details to P.O. Box 13557 Denver, CO
80201
Sense of
Direction
Submitted by Jimbo
Driving to a new
restaurant, a woman
took several wrong
turns. When she finally
found the right road,
she asked her husband,
“Why didn’t you
tell me I was lost?”
“I thought you knew
where you were going,”
he replied. “You always
know where you’re going
when I’m driving.”
Out ‘n About for the
LA Metro Magazine
Summer Issue
Release Party
These
gatherings are
a blast! This is
a great way to
meet my fellow
contributors!
Michael
Krapovicky
Writer
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I used to know a couple of good landscapers, but not any mower.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2021 UncleAndys.com 17
Now
Hiring
Out ‘n About for the
LA Metro Magazine
Summer Issue
Release Party
LA Metro
Magazine’s summer
issue is fantastic!
I am excited to have
written the cover story
about Operation Reboot
Outdoors!
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES
NOW HIRING! Apply
Within
RoySnow.com
207.782.3734
Serving Maine since 1947
11 Library Ave.
Auburn
John Breerwood
Writer
What I if
told you that you
read that wrong?
Proofreading win!
IS YOUR BUSINESS HIRING?
Advertise in our
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES
section to get your job opening viewed by more
than 20,000 readers each month! Call today FMI!
207-783-7039
COME JOIN OUR TEAM!
You’ll be glad you did!
We’re hiring Direct Support Professionals
Toby Haber-Giasson
Editorial Director & Writer
Stephanie Arsenault
Chaos Coordinator
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
18
CHEESE!
Jimbo
August 2021 783-7039
To apply:
www.jfmhomes.org or 207-783-2726 x202
Mermaids are just sea gals.
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES
WANTED: Year Round Flaggers
Androscoggin,
Cumberland,
and Oxford
County Areas
Now
Hiring
Pizza
Delivery
Submitted by Steve Simard
A college pizza delivery
boy arrived at
Jimbo’s house to
deliver the pizza he
ordered.
After giving it to him,
Jimbo asked, “What is
the usual tip?”
Call Today 207-225-5627
Anyone who can spell “drawer” backwards will get a reward!
www.atwork.com
No Experience Necessary! Train Today, Work Tomorrow!
Starting Pay: $15.00+/hr
“Well,” replied the
youth, “this is my first
trip here, but the other
guys say if I get a
quarter out of you, I’ll
be doing great.”
“Is that so?” snorted
Jimbo. “Well, just to
show them how wrong
they are, here’s five
dollars.”
“Thanks,” replied the
youth, “I’ll put this in
my school fund.”
Moved two miles
up the road!
10 Memorial Drive,
Lisbon
“What are you studying
in school?” asked
Jimbo.
The lad smiled and
said, “Applied
psychology.”
Now
Hiring!
I just lost my job at the cloning lab. I’m beside myself right now.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2021 UncleAndys.com 19
Now
Hiring
Sterotypes
Submitted by Jimbo
Following a heavymetal
rock concert, one
punk rocker stopped
at the front desk of the
hotel and asked if she
had any messages.
The desk clerk handed
her an unsigned note,
and she asked for a
description of the person
who had left it.
“That’s easy,” replied
the clerk. “He wore
tight orange-leather
pants, high-heeled
black boots and a
T-shirt with strategically
cut holes. I remember
a row of colored
safety pins through the
outside edge of one
ear, and he wore purple
eyeshadow. And
his hair was orange
and spiked.”
“Oh, man!,” she said,
obviously disappointed,
“that could be
anybody!”
Bad Priorities
Submitted by Tyla Davis
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES
NOW HIRING PRODUCTION WORKERS!
Call Today 207-225-5627
www.atwork.com
Variety of Shifts Available!
Starting Pay: Days $15.50, Nights $17.00
Does anyone have poison ivy home remedies made from scratch?
PRO-TECH REFRIGERATION IS GROWING!
We are seeking experienced
service technicians to join our team!
PLEASE CALL 207-777-5600
Steve’s wife, Lori, was
mad at him one day.
“You spend too much
time thinking about
golf! Do you even
remember the day we
got married?”
Steve scoffed, “Of
course I do! It was the
same day I sank that
45-foot putt.”
protechoffice11@yahoo.com
Air Conditioning & Heating
24 Hour
Service
Fully Insured
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
20 August 2021 783-7039
My waiter just told me the restaurant was out of shrimp. This scampi happening.
I need to return my wine box to the store.
It says once opened it would last six weeks and only lasted three days.
Out ‘n About for the
LA Metro Magazine
Summer Issue
Release Party
Don’t mess
with us. We could
snap at any time!
David Fuller &
Jose Leiva
Photographers
Maybe
if I try playing
cornhole with my
eyes closed, I’d have
a chance at beating
Jimbo!
The Chapman House has private rooms available
for residents, aged 65 and older, that need
assistance with bathing, medications, and meals.
We provide a warm and
comfortable home for our residents
41 Pleasant Street, Auburn
207-783-0961
Long John Silver suffered from Restless Peg Syndrome.
Bonnie Iwans
Keith Davis
Proofreader
Highly
doubtful, Keith.
You should stick with
editing grammar!
Jimbo
Publisher/CEO
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2021 UncleAndys.com 21
Out ‘n About with the
Androscoggin
Networkers BNI Group
Thanks
for hosting,
Fred! This social
was fantastic! By
the way, what
happened to your
tooth?
My doctor asked me if I know what my fear of marriage symptoms are. Can’t say I do.
Eligible for Medicare?
CALL US TODAY
to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.
30+
Years of
Experience!
Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston
Angela Carter
Angela’s Computer &
Media Shoppe
You
should see the
other guy!
Fred Collins
Collins Carpet Cleaning
Dogs can’t dance because they have two left feet.
Out ‘n About at the Gendron Franco Center for
Maine Event Comedy’s Crabby Road Tour
The Old Kids
on the Block
Johnny Ater
Dawn Hartill
Mark Turcotte
Julie Poulin
If a cat sits and watches a Tweety Bird & Sylvester cartoon does he think it’s a documentary?
Shuga Shak Country Store
Maple Baked Beans
every Saturday!
Wine • Local Products
Honey • Pickles • Jams
Candies • Crafts...
and much more!
Open Thurs.-Sun. 10a-5p
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
22
Jimbo
August 2021 783-7039
450 Pigeon Hill Road
(Rte 26), Mechanic Falls
207-576-7886
The longest drum solo ever was 10 hours and 36 minutes and was performed
by the child sitting next to me on Delta Flight 963 from LA to Tokyo.
Steve: How many truly great men do you think there in the world?
Lori: I don’t know, but I can tell you this, there is one fewer than you think.
GENDRON
Comedy Night
Featuring: Dawn Hartill, Dennis Fogg, Tuck Tucker and Randy Williams
Thursday, August 5th – 7:00 PM
Tickets are $10 each
Show sponsors: Roopers & Central Maine Graphics
THE UGLY DUCKLING: a Modern re-telling
A Young Artists Retreat – by Royal Family Productions
Saturday, August 14th – 6:00 PM
Tickets are $10 each
Show sponsors: Mechanics Savings Bank & Roopers
GENDRON
Dave Rowe
Come see Dave before he heads to sea on his boat.
Friday, August 27th
7:30 PM
Tickets are $20 each
Show sponsors:
Norway Savings Bank & Roopers
Upcoming Events
46 Cedar Street,
Lewiston, ME 04240
FrancoCenter.org
facebook.com/FrancoCenter
in Heritage Hall
Underwriter: Maple Way Dental Care
Media Sponsors: Sun Journal, Turner Publishing & Uncle Andy’s Digest
Order tickets: FrancoCenter.org or call: (207) 689-2000
I accidentally took my cat’s medication today. Don’t ask meow that happened.
Loan Shark
Submitted by Steve Simard
My cousin just called
and asked if I would
loan her $300 to help
her pay her rent.
Those who know me,
know that I’m always
willing to help out
friends and family.
I told her to give me
some time to think
about it and I would
call her back.
Before I called her
back, my aunt called
and told me that my
cousin was lying and
not to give her the
money.
She goes on to say
that the real reason
my cousin wanted the
$300 was to get her
boyfriend out of jail so
she could be under the
same roof as him for
his birthday.
I thought about it for
a minute and decided
to loan her the money,
because we all need
help at times. So, I
called my cousin and
told her to come and
get the cash.
A couple of hours later,
I get a call from jail, it
was my cousin crying,
screaming and asking
why I gave her counterfeit
money.
My response, “So you
and your boyfriend
could be under the
same roof for his
birthday!”
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2021 UncleAndys.com 23
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
24
Celebrity
Sighting
Submitted by Tyla Davis
An old movie star
decided to go to the
nursing home from his
hometown to visit. He
figured he may see
some of his old classmates
or, at the very
least, bring some joy to
the residents since he
was a celebrity.
When he walked into
the facility, he was
immediately greeted
by a crowd of residents
and staff, all
eager to shake his
hand and chat him
up. The movie star
noticed that there was
one man, sitting alone
in a rocking chair, not
joining the others. He
hadn’t even looked up
when the movie star
walked in.
This puzzled the
celebrity. Didn’t the
man know who he
was? Surely, he’d seen
some of his movies
or TV shows over the
years. He finally decided
to go ask.
The celebrity walked
up to the old man and
sat down in a chair
next to him. “Hey
friend, do you know
who I am?”
The old man looked
at him and quickly
responded, “No, but if
you go up to the front
desk and ask the nice
lady there, she’d be
glad to tell you.”
Jimbo
August 2021 783-7039
Sometimes I enjoy my steak undercooked, but that’s pretty rare.
Saturday, August 14 th
1:00 - 9:00pm
OUTSIDE, NEXT TO MAC’S GRILL
1052 Minot Ave. Auburn
Fun for
Everyone!
• Kid’s Zone w/ 95' Inflatable
Obstacle Course
• HUGE Silent Auction
• Pie in the Face Challenge
• Face Painting
• Mr. Drew & His Animals Too
• Food Tent
• Beer Garden & Full Bar
• 50/50
A great
Community
Event!
PRESENTING WISH
SPONSOR
SPONSOR OF
HOPE
Did you know that Bruce Lee had a vegan brother named Broco?
UNCLE AND
pres
Food, Fun, & M
hoste
OUR AMAZING More
SPONSOR OF
JOY
DeBlois Electric, Inc.
Part o
Androsco
We’re committed Altern
to delivering
more equitable communitie
Fire
this means for you at
Join the movement.
800-966-9172 | AndroscogginBank.com
Y’S DIGEST
ents
Archeologists found a mummy tomb covered in chocolate and hazelnuts.
They believe it to be Pharaoh Rocher.
3
BANDS!
1:00-3:00pm – Cryin’ Out Loud
3:00-5:00pm – Fire in the Hole
6:00-9:00pm – Skosh
Out ‘n About in
Mechanic Falls
I love ham.
I love to ham it up
for the camera.
Nevermind...
just give me the
ham, will ya?!
usic to Benefit
Because of YOU
we’ve been able to raise over
$335,000 and grant 47 wishes to local
kids facing critical illnesses. Help us
make our 7th Annual event the
best yet!
Wrangler
Awww!
Who could say no
to that face?
d by
SPONSORS!
than a bank.
f a movement.
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ggin is now B Corp certified.
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« Bancroft Corp.
« Bilodeau Insurance
« Champoux Insurance
« Dirigo Federal Credit Union
« DuBois Realty Group
« Exchange Club of Auburn
« Fortin Funeral Homes
Media
Partners:
A Summer Event You
Won’t Want to Miss!
LASummerBlockParty.com
COMMUNITY
SPONSOR
« L-A Harley
« LA Metro Chamber
« Mixers
« Poland Spring Resort
« Portland Safe
« United Insurance
« Wishing Under the Stars Gala
Morgan Roy &
Tanner Marston
Grampy,
I love being silly
with you!
Connelly Jarman
Granddaughter of Jimbo
I’d like to welcome everyone to the Assumption Club. I think we know why we’re all here.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2021 UncleAndys.com 25
Transform lives,
one wish at a time.
Share the power
of a
wish
NOW HIRING
Experienced line cooks
Apply online or in person
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn
783-6885 • MacsGrill.com
Millie
MacDonald
207-330-8991
Proud supporter of
2331 Congress Street, Portland,
mildred.macdonald@crossagency.com
Paul Taylor, CPI
InterNACHI Certified
Professional Inspector®
ME Radon & Water Testing
License #SMC343
Home Inspections • Radon Testing
Water Quality Testing
Dave Biron
Productions
Booking &
Management Agency
Venue Bookings
39 Town Country Drive
Lisbon
Full service pet spa
VISIT OUR
207-782-7113
31 Blake Street, Lewiston
armandsautobody.com
207-558-2677
Mountainvhi@gmail.com
43 Presidential View, South Paris
207-353-4636
207-312-1467
dpbro19@gmail.com
Find us on Facebook!
207-739-9445
Proud sponsor of
RETAIL COUNTER
for all your grilling needs
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn
783-6885 • MacsGrill.com
NEED SOME LAUGHS?
Let us sell your home!
23 Pleasant Street,
Mechanic Falls
207-345-5551
Dadsplacemaine.com
Proud Sponsor of
FREE CONSULTATION!
Organization services
for your home & office
Elaine St. Pierre
207-376-7828
simplyorganizedspacesmaine@gmail.com
@TheRiverComics
Contact us to put on your comedy show:
BBQs • Theaters • Restaurants • Private Parties
Divorce Proceedings • Festivals ... and more!
TheRiverComics.com • 207-200-5366
“BUSY AS BEES
TO PLEASE”
www.BizRealty.net
158 Main Street, South Paris
Kacey LePage
Direct Line: 207-753-6204
Kacey@champoux-ins.com
A proud
wish granter
THE CHAMPOUX GROUP
CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS
I N S U R A N C E
...Your Security is Our Concern!
RANGE POND
CAMPGROUND
30% off Drafts
20% off Burgers
Every Monday at Mac’s Grill
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn
783-6885 • MacsGrill.com
Be Your
Own Boss!
Time for a change?
It’s worth a conversation.
1940 ~ 2020
Proudly Supports
470 Lake Shore Drive
Auburn
tabersgolf.com
207-797-6060
A proud, long-time supporter of
94 Plains Road, Poland
207-998-2624
rangepondcamp@gmail.com
Chris Wallace, RVP
207-653-3424
This message is brought to you by all of us at Uncle Andy’s Digest, and its advertisers.
Let’s support local businesses and frequent them at every opportunity.
Transform lives,
one wish at a time.
Tyla Davis, Editor-in-Chief
207-346-1488
editor@LAMetroMagazine.com
Proud Supporter of
Christopher D Wallace
Preparer/Owner
Office: 207-892-1480
Fax: 888-565-1173
chris@sbsme.biz
CATERING
Call Dad’s Place Catering Today!
207-345-9009
DadsPlaceCatering.com
Proud Sponsor of
Stone’s Trash Removal
Proudly sponsors
Shelley Kennagh
(207) 890-4942
Let us help buy your home!
“BUSY AS BEES
TO PLEASE”
Marketing & Technology
(207) 515-1594
shane@logikops.com
2160 Hotel Road, Auburn
39 Tuelltown Road, West Paris
(207) 446-1014
skennagh@cmgfi.com
Proudly Supporting
www.BizRealty.net
158 Main Street, South Paris
We’re here for YOU!
UFOs • Pizza • Donuts
Takeout • Door Dash
783-2981
georgiosmaine.com
Open daily
7am-7pm
NICOLE LAJOIE of
THE CHAMPOUX GROUP
CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS
I N S U R A N C E
Call today
to ask about the
amazing benefits
of emu oil
with CBD!
LAWN CARE
Offering
several lawn
services!
CALL TODAY!
207-705-7214
integritylawncaremaine@gmail.com
MAC’S GRILL CATERING
No event too big or too small.
Give us a call!
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn
783-6885 • MacsGrill.com
All Natural Pain Relief!
Locally Raised!
207-577-7366
earth-alternatives.com
...Your Security is Our Concern!
Proudly Supports
207-753-6222
nicole@champoux-ins.com
Steve Simard
Businesses & individuals can help make it
possible to grant a wish for a child suffering
from a serious illness. Please Donate!
Call me
to find out
how!
207-754-1815
steve@uncleandys.com
John Engelbert
Heartland
Payment Systems
207-592-6815
John.Engelbert@e-hps.com
Richard Moylan
(207) 777-0050
791 Kittyhawk Ave. Unit 5, Auburn
richardmoylan@allstate.com
Insurance and coverages subject to terms.
qualifications and availability. Allstate Property
and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Fire and
Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook, Illinois
© 2010 Allstate Insurance Company
Your Team for On-the-Spot Comedy!
Summer
Block
Party Wish
from its
first year
in 2015
Proudly Supporting
Proudly Supporting
(207) 595-6794
dclelectricme.com
Proudly serving Oxford Hills
Let us build that dream deck for you!
207-212-7791
www.vghomeimprovements.com
NOW HIRING
Experienced line cooks
Apply online or in person
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn
783-6885 • MacsGrill.com
207-225-5627
www.atwork.com/turner
This message is brought to you by all of us at Uncle Andy’s Digest, and its advertisers.
Let’s support local businesses and frequent them at every opportunity.
Transforming
lives,
one wish
at a time.
Roy’s
FOODLAND
Helping grant a wish to a
sick child is rewarding!
70 Broad Street, Auburn
WELCOME
BRI BARLOW!
Mac’s Grill General Manager
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn
783-6885 • MacsGrill.com
207-784-8293
Proudly Supporting
Pool Builders
OF MAINE
207-225-2013
10 Business Parkway, Turner
Proud Supporter of
William J. Rogers
Post 153
Auburn
25 Fern Street
Turner, Maine 04282
(207) 225-5012
www.dickautobody.com
Proud to Help
Veteran/Community Services
207-782-1118
Proud Supporter of
34 Center Street, Auburn
439 Lewiston Road, Topsham
(207) 401-2000
www.207chiro.com
Shelley Kennagh
(207) 890-4942
skennagh@cmgfi.com
Proudly Supporting
@MEDCoMaine
1-866-42-MEDCo
thcMEDCo.com
This message is brought to you by all of us at Uncle Andy’s Digest, and its advertisers.
Let’s support local businesses and frequent them at every opportunity.
A man has reached old age when he is cautioned
to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
Small Office Suites for Lease Month to Month
$350 Gross/Month • 124 Lisbon Street, Lewiston
Private Entrance on Park St. Alley, Steps from Parking
Perfect for Small Startup, Counselors, etc.
Maine Realty Advisors
FRANK CARR
Your real estate investment advisor
Brokering your buying & selling needs
207.252.4881 • Frank@MaineRealtyAdvisors.com
Out ‘n About at
Poland Spring
Golf Course
for the Pierre “Pete” J. Simard
Benefit Golf Tournament
I’d like
to thank all
those who came out
to play, as well as all
the tournament sponsors!
The proceeds from
this tournament benefit
the Maine Chapter of the
International Association
of Arson Investigators,
Annual Joseph C. Menezes
Scholarship Program.
It was such a great
day for a great
cause!
Out ‘n About in Turner with Pool Builders of Maine
Jimbo asked: How are you ladies doing?
Denise Marcoux,
Steve Simard
Katie Travers,
Doing
good
enough!
Doing
awesome!
Couldn’t
be better!
and
Amanda Hebert
Ron Gagne
Now Hiring
ALL positions!
Come in and
apply today!
The Village Inn
BEST SEAFOOD RESTAURANT
10 years in a row!
Open Wednesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com • 165 High Street, Auburn
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
Golf is
an awful lot like
doing your taxes. You
aim for the green,
but usually find
yourself in
a hole.
Tim Wheeldon &
Dave Heinitz
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2021 UncleAndys.com 31
Abracadabra
Submitted by Tyla Davis
A Spanish magician
tells the audience he is
going to disappear on
the count of three.
“Uno...dos...”
and then he disappears
without a tres.
• Chlorine
• Shock
My new roof didn’t cost me anything. It was on the house.
WE HAVE POOL SUPPLIES!
Get your pool ready for the summer
• Filters & Parts
• Pool toys!
186 Sabattus Road, Sabattus • (207) 375-6253
Sundays are always a little somber, but the day before is a sadder day.
MENTION THIS AD
for $25 off of 100 gallons or more!
Exp. 9/30/21
207-225-3000
84 General Turner Hill Road, Turner • www.mhoilandpropane.com
EST
1950
Appointments
and walk-ins
welcome!
783-3444
OPEN:
Tues-Fri
7:30a-5:30p
Sat 7:30a-2p
Booth Rentals Available
54 Mill Street
New Auburn
It’s time
for back-to-school
haircuts!
Griffin Murphy with Ernie
My wife was so angry about the new dinner set I bought that she ripped up all the plates.
DID YOU
KNOW?
High School was not
introduced in the U.S.
until 1910 and it was
the 1930’s before most
students attended.
Before then, students
attended only through
Grade Eight.
Monday - Saturday 11a-9p
47 Broad Street, Auburn
www.firehouseauburn.com
207-376-4959
HAPPY HOUR
Monday-Friday
2p-5p
BURGER MONDAY
$2 OFF
August Drink
Special
Tequila Sunrise
$
7
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
32 August 2021 783-7039
Ban pre-shredded cheese. Make America grate again.
If pandas get enough sleep, do they lose the circles under their eyes?
We keep growing! So...We’ve Moved!
Come visit us at our NEW home at 368 Minot Ave in Auburn!
Whether you’re looking to buy, sell, or build a home, our growing
team works with you every step of the way!
Out ‘n About at
Poland Spring
Golf Course
for the Pierre “Pete” J. Simard
Benefit Golf Tournament
Golf is
strictly a numbers
game. You
yell, “FOUR,” score a
seven, while writing
down a five.
Jon
Mercier
Mark
Turner
Toni
Ferraro
Brandon
Caruso
Deb
Morin
Linda
Dupuis
Regina
Ritchie
Dustin
Mallar
Zach
Lutick
368 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 207.333.6001 • mainesourcehomes.com
Mason
Dupuis
The local mime just got arrested. He has the right to remain silent.
Out ‘n About with the Androscoggin Networkers BNI Group
Lindsay
Wright
Tyler Lambert &
Alex Schelling
My favorite
quality in a golf
partner is someone
who plays worse
than I do!
I want my
next referral served
up with a red solo
cup!
Crikey,
this party’s
awesome!
Irving Perez &
Raymond Proulx
Fred Collins, Joseph Drew, Dustin Boutin, Patrick Penley, & Mike Ross
You can always spot the folks that can’t count to 14
because they’ll be in front of you at the Express Checkout at the grocery store.
Aaron Ouellette &
Cy Thompson
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2021 UncleAndys.com 33
Truck Driver
Submitted by Tyla Davis
A truck driver stopped
at a roadside diner
one day to grab some
lunch. He ordered a
cheeseburger, an iced
coffee, and a slice of
apple pie.
Just as the trucker
was about to take his
first bite, three huge
bikers walked in to the
diner.
The first biker grabbed
the trucker’s cheeseburger
and took a big
bite from it.
The second biker
picked up the trucker’s
iced coffee and
downed it in one big
gulp.
The third biker walked
up to the trucker,
grabbed his apple pie,
and scoffed it down.
The trucker didn’t say
or do anything. He
didn’t react at all. He
just paid his tab, and
walked out of the
diner.
The first biker started
laughing watching the
trucker leave. He told
the waitress, “That guy
ain’t much of a man is
he?”
OXFORD HILLS AREA BUSINESSES
WE’RE HERE WITH GREAT DEALS!
• VIDEOS, GAMES
• TOOLS
PA’S
• FISHING SUPPLIES
• FURNITURE
TRADIN’
• TARPS
COMPANY Inc.
BUY • SELL • TRADE
PAWN
Federal Licensed Firearms Dealer
1447 Main Street, Oxford
Only 25 Minutes from
Auburn & Gray
Open Mon-Sat. 9am - 5pm
207-743-0709 or
1-877-743-0709
POLLY’S VARIETY
115 King Street • Oxford
CALL AHEAD
FOR ORDERS!
Take out window available
Voted one of
Maine’s Best
Pizza Places!
2016 WMTW
Facebook Fan poll
THE LAKE
STORE
14 Waterford Road, Norway
207-743-6562
207-539-8254
www.pollysvariety.com
No More Crackers
Polly W ants Pizza
• & MUCH MORE!
BUYING GUNS!
Buying & Selling
Camp Furniture!
Gun Background
Checks/Transfers
Fire Arms Transfers $ 25/each
Always Pawning
& Selling
Visit Us!
August
Special
Haddock
Sandwich
w/fries
$6 .99
Plus tax/deposit
Expires 08/31/2021
Monday - Tuesday: 5:30am - 7:00pm • Wednesday - Saturday: 5:30am - 8:00pm • Sunday: 6:00am - 7:00pm
“He’s not much of a
diver either,” the
waitress replied.
“He just backed his
18-wheeler over three
motorcycles.”
Enjoy our comfortable outside area!
I threw a ball for my dog. It was a bit extravagant, I know.
But it was his birthday and he looks great in a dinner jacket.
OXFORD HILLS AREA BUSINESSES
F ind Y ourself
in places no one else can
OFFERING
Residential
Commercial
Clean Outs
Roll Offs
844-ME-TRASH
844-638-7274
CALL OF THE WILD
RV CENTER
848 Main Street, Oxford
207-539-4410
www.callofthewildrv.com
The only thing we don’t throw away is our customer service!
SERVING
Oxford Hills • Lewiston/Auburn• McFalls/Minot/Poland
Bridgton/Denmark • Raymond/Naples
9 Marston St. Norway, Ste.3 • TiceWasteManagement.com
People are usually shocked that I have a Police record. But their greatest hits are awesome.
COOPER FARMS
We have native sweet corn!
Since 1971
We grow our own apples & vegetables
and we raise natural home-grown beef!
207-674-2200 • West Paris
Community Credit Union awarded $1.8 million CDFI Rapid Response Program Grant
The U.S. Department of the Treasury
recently awarded $1.25 billion in COVID-19
relief funds to 863 community development
financial institutions (CDFIs), to respond to
economic challenges created by the Covid-19
pandemic. The $1.8 million dollars awarded
to Community Credit Union will be used in
Androscoggin County to support lending programs
to underserved populations, provide financial
education in our community and more.
Since its creation in 1994, the CDFI Fund has
awarded more than $3.9 billion to CDFIs, community
development organizations, and financial
institutions through several programs. This
year’s awards include 244 credit unions across
the country, receiving $401.8 million in awards.
Community Credit Union is a member-owned, full service financial institution that has been serving its members and all of Androscoggin County
since 1945. Its branches are located at 144 Pine Street, Lewiston, 40 Stanley Street, Auburn and 1025 Auburn Road in Turner serving approximately
10,000 members.
See their ad on page 22.
Andrew Lunn, Betsy Sibley, JoAnn Jackson, Liz Campbell-Brown,
Jennifer Hogan, Marcel Gagne, & Elizabeth Keene
My wife was starting to calm down after an argument... until I told her to calm down.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2021 UncleAndys.com 35
Stopped Up
Submitted by Steve Simard
Old Aunt Barbara went
to her doctor to see
what could be done
about her troublesome
constipation.
“It’s terrible,” she
said to the doctor. “I
haven’t moved my
bowels in more than
a week.”
“I see. Have you done
anything about it?”
asked the doctor.
“Oh, yes,” Aunt Barbara
replied, “I sit in
the bathroom for a
good half an hour in
the morning and then
again at night.”
“No,” the doctor said,
“I mean do you take
anything?”
“Of course I do,” she
answered, “I take my
Uncle Andy’s Digest in
with me.”
Ninth
Hole
Naptime!
My wife asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall” to her.
I said, “Maybe…”
Roy’s FOODLAND
WEEKLY SPECIALS AT ROY’S
Saturday Bean Special
Beans, Bread/Rolls & Cole Slaw, $8.99
Wednesday Italian Special
Ham, Salami, Veggie or Pepperoni, $2.49
Pizza Pack Special
Pizza Packs only $ 9.99 • 2lb Pepperoni Pks only $ 6.99
Don’t forget your “Best
in Town” chicken salad
or ham salad!
We have supplies for your grilling needs!
70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471 • www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com
I sympathize with batteries, I’m not included in anything either.
Out ‘n About at Poland Spring Golf Course for the
Pierre “Pete” J. Simard Benefit Golf Tournament
Hours:
Mon. - Thurs. 8am - 6pm
Fri. 8am - 7pm
Sat. 8am - 6pm
Sun. closed
Dr. Nick Roy & Dan Roy
Captain Hook was the first person to sail around the world single-handedly.
Preorder online or mention this ad
and get 1 / 8 for $25.00!
934 Lisbon Street,
Lewiston, ME 04240
Entrance in back
Leaf it to us.
Medical Cannabis
New Patients Welcome
207-689-3626 • www.207high.com
Vehicle Problems? Come Visit Us!
Summer Car Care Tips
Wash your vehicle. Check tires,
brakes, oil & battery. Replace
wipers & fluids if necessary!
Poisson & Sons
Auto Care
Full Service Gas Station
260 S. Main Street, Auburn
207.782.9144
August 2021
Stickers
are due!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
36 August 2021 783-7039
What does a nosy pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.
I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work.
Our Patio is Open!
We pride ourselves on excellent service & quality
food. Visit our outside dining that overlooks the
golf course.
Whether you are craving a hearty meal after a
day of golf, want a refreshing drink/cocktail, or
if you just want to hang around our fire pit...
Mel’s Hilltop is a great place to visit!
Out ‘n About at
Poland Spring
Golf Course
for the Pierre “Pete” J. Simard
Benefit Golf Tournament
When I said,
“Let’s hit Mel’s,” I
didn’t mean with your
golf ball, Corey!
Chuck Bennett &
Corey Ladd
When do you
think it’s too wet to
play golf?
(207) 998-4351
www.polandspringresort.com
Open Tuesday - Sunday, 11:30 AM - 8:00 PM
We are closed on Mondays
Elevator jokes are the best. They work on many levels.
WELCOME TO THE LA METRO CHAMBER
NEW MEMBERS!
THE BREAKWATER GROUP
AT MORGAN STANLEY
Andrew Ellison,
Andy Williams, &
Brian Peck
When your golf
cart capsizes.
Fontaine Family
The Real Estate Leader
FontaineTeam.com
The Breakwater Group
at Morgan Stanley
advisor.morganstanley.com
the-breakwater-group
Oldcastle APG
A CRH Company
OldcastleAPG.com
Transcendia Inc.
Transcendia.com
415 LISBON STREET, LEWISTON • LAMETROCHAMBER.COM
You’d never see me falling for a poison apple like Snow White did.
The wicked witch would have to use an eclair or something.
Lester
MacLaughlin
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2021 UncleAndys.com 37
BUSINESS
SP TLIGHT
Pop Quiz
Submitted by Steve Simard
The local elementary
school principal made
it a practice to visit
each class room one
day a week.
He walked into the 4th
grade class, where the
children were studying
the states.
“I’d like you to start
reciting all the states
you know and I’ll write
them on the board as
you list them,” the principal
told the class.
The students took
turns raising their
hands and listing
new states. When the
hand-raising stopped,
the principal counted
40 state names on the
board.
Call today for a quote!
207-754-2519
seatailor.ctaylor@gmail.com
New
centrifuge
area rug
cleaning!
Fully Insured
• Carpets
• Wood Floors
• Tile & Grout
• Water Damage Drying
Commercial & Residential
Call Today!
(207) 783-2933
207-333-5022
kaytdavispt@gmail.com
Therapy in the home.
Most insurances accepted.
207-782-7141
Now Hiring! Competitive Pay!
Benefits, Great People - Apply in Person!
Students welcome!
CALL TODAY TO ADVERTISE IN OUR
BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT SECTION!
ONLY $ 50 PER MONTH
207-783-7039
Out ‘n About at Poland Spring Golf Course for the
Pierre “Pete” J. Simard Benefit Golf Tournament
He jokingly told them
that in his day students
knew the names of all
the states.
One lad snickered,
“Yes, but in those days
there were only 13.”
Great day! Old
friends and new
ones... getting business
done on the
golf course!
Jon Mercier, Jimbo, Larry Roy, & Tony Olmstead
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
38 August 2021 783-7039
You can weigh a millennial in Instagrams.
A friend of mine just sold some vinyls for a record price.
NOW OFFERING
BREAKFAST
WEDNESDAY – SUNDAY!
Out ‘n About at
Poland Spring
Golf Course
for the Pierre “Pete” J. Simard
Benefit Golf Tournament
I never
miss a putt. The
ball just misses the
hole.
Wednesday: 7am-3pm
Thursday: 7am-8pm
Friday: 7am-9pm
Saturday: 7am-9pm
Sunday: 7am-3pm
Scan here
for our
menu!
Download
our app for
takeout and
delivery!
Check out
our outside
seating!
103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston
207-333-5062 • www.stationgrillrestaurant.com
Pete Nadeau &
Dan Roderick
Lisa & Mark
Laliberte
Wednesday - Thursday: 4:00pm-11:00pm
Friday - Saturday: 4:00pm-1:00am
DARTS
August 23 @ 6:00pm
or
August 30 @ 6:00pm
LEAGUE MEETING DATES
CORNHOLE
Tuesday League
August 31 @ 6:30pm
Wednesday League
September 1 @ 6:30pm
551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston
207-777-1155 • www.schemengees.com
POOL
August 19 @ 6:30pm
or August 26 @ 6:30pm
I hate when people say that age is just a number when it’s clearly a word.
Golf is a
four letter word
where players often
say four letter
words.
Bobby Weekley &
Joel Marchand
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2021 UncleAndys.com 39
Out ‘n About at
Poland Spring
Golf Course
for the Pierre “Pete” J. Simard
Benefit Golf Tournament
My gymnast daughter told me she was going to practice her aeriels.
She should probably practice the other princesses too, to be fair.
The Fortin Group
Proudly serving the communities of
Lewiston and Auburn for over 100 years.
Paul Heath &
Kip Kipouras
The cost of living keeps going up.
The cost of your funeral doesn’t have to.
Pre-plan now and your cost will be locked in.
How’d
you do golfing,
Dad?
AUBURN
217 Turner Street
207-783-8545
LEWISTON
70 Horton Street
207-784-4584
I bought some new snow skis, but they melted before I got home.
Jamie Lovejoy
I was
one under... one
under a tree, one under
a bush, and one
under water.
The Farm Stand is
OPEN!
Whiting Farm Stand
Fresh picked vegetables & local products for sale!
Watch for more
exciting items in the
coming months!
Come support your local farm!
Supported by:
Daryl Lovejoy
Uncle Andy’s Digest...with
Jimbo
40 August 2021 783-7039
876 Summer St., Auburn • 782-2726
I don’t need a mood ring; I have a face.
Make your
reservation
now!
I’m getting really tired of babysitting my mom’s grandkids right now.
• Title Insurance
• Abstracting
• Escrow Closing Service
• 1031 Exchanges
Androscoggin County’s Premier
Title & Escrow Closing Headquarters
Your Title Company
Since 1987
• For Sale by Owner
• Title Certificates
• Construction
Disbursements
WE’VE
MOVED!
Our new address is:
500 Canal Street,
Lewiston 04240
500 Canal Street, Lewiston | 207-784-6413 | generalmail@androtitle.com
PREMIUM CUSTOM-BUILT CORNHOLE BOARDS
Order Online at:
www.wickedcornhole.com
We Ship
Nationwide!
Offering Tournament Services, League Packages,
Wholesale & Sponsorship Opportunities, & More!
Be sure to check out our “Beast” no-bounce boards!
A place the whole family will LOVE!
LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience!
40 East Avenue, Lewiston • 207-795-6888 • www.sea40me.com
My grandmother, Mary Lee, was the inspiration for the song, “Row Row Row Your Boat.”
Pope Mobile
Submitted by Steve Simard
The Pope just finished
a tour of the East
Coast and was taking
a limousine to the airport.
Since he’d never
driven a limo, he asked
the chauffeur if he
could drive for a while.
The reluctant chauffeur
pulled over along
the roadside, climbed
into the back of the
limo, and the Pope
took the wheel. The
Pope then merged
onto the highway and
accelerated to over 90
mph to see what the
limo could do.
Suddenly, the Pope
noticed the blue light
of the State Patrol in
his side mirror, so he
pulled over. The trooper
approached the
limo, peered in through
the windows, then
said, “Just a moment
please, I need to call
in.”
The trooper called in
and explained to the
chief that he had a
very, very important
person pulled over for
speeding. “How do I
handle this, chief?”
asked the trooper.
“Is it the Governor?”
questioned the chief.
“No! This guy is even
more important!”
“Is it the President?”
asked the chief.
Continued on next page
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2021 UncleAndys.com 41
I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
Out ‘n About at Fianna Studios in Auburn
CALL US FOR A
QUOTE TODAY!
Reunions
Summer Camp
Road Races &
Charity 5k’s
Contractors &
Landscapers
See us for your
Fall Sports!
Quality
Products
Reasonable
Pricing
205 Washington St.
South, Auburn
207-784-4184
coastaltshirts.com
Doesn’t
hurt...
doesn’t hurt...
doesn’t hurt...
F***, this
hurts!
Jimbo and his daughter, Jamie Shaw, recently went to get
father/daughter “CANCER SUCKS” tattoos.
The tattoo designs were drawn and completed
by artist James McGrory.
Jimbo is a two-time cancer survivor, and stil recovering
from his second stint.
If an ice cream truck breaks down do they have to put out cones?
Continued from previous page
“No, Even more
important!” “Well,
who the heck is it?”
screamed the chief.
“I don’t know, sir,” replied
the trooper, “but
he’s got the Pope as
his chauffeur.”
Fishermen’s Net Gray
Bringing the Ocean to your Table
Take out, Dine in, Live Lobster,
& Homemade Goods
207-657-3474
59c Portland Road, Gray
Hours:
Mon. 11a-5p
Tues.-Thurs. 10a-6p
Fri.-Sat. 10a-7p
Sun. 10a-5p
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
42 August 2021 783-7039
Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance...
The five stages of waking up.
My wife said if I bought her another stupid gift, she’d burn it. So I got her a candle.
16th Annual
Since 1940
• Restaurant
• Miniature Golf
• Driving Range
• Ice Cream Stand
Glow in the Dark
Mini Golf
Out ‘n About at
Poland Spring
Golf Course
for the Pierre “Pete” J. Simard
Benefit Golf Tournament
Aye, laddies...
we’ve got to take
this tournament seriously!
I’ve got my
game hat on!
August 7th @ 7pm
rollback prices!
August 14th & 28th
9pm - 11:30pm
Great
Family
Fun!
Mark Schelling
Dad, nobody
takes you seriously
anyway. These hats
aren’t going to help
your cause!
Join Us!
The Maine Mini Golf Open*
August 8 th @9:30am
*The Maine Mini Golf Open is a 36 Hole Tournament
$20 entry fee • $ 500 1 st place • Cash prizes for top 5
Class nights every
Monday and Wednesday in August
Check out our website for details!
Golf Open 10am - 9pm • Restaurant 11am - 9pm
470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn • www.tabersgolf.com
My college professor told me that I’m failing my ethics class.
So I slid 20 dollars across the table and said, “What about now?”
Derek Schelling
Scott Sparks &
John Warden
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2021 UncleAndys.com 43
25 Fern Street
Turner, Maine 04282
(207) 225-5012
www.dickautobody.com
CALL THE PROS
COMPLETE
MECHANICAL REPAIR
I’ll have her
back on the road in
no time!
A/C got you down? We can take care of that!
BACK TO SCHOOL SPECIAL
15 %
OFF
For all
educators
during the
month
of August
Mon., Wed., Fri. 11a-7p • Thu. 9a-7p • Sat. 12p-5p
229 Center Street, Auburn
(207) 402-8654
www.lamassagemaine.com
marcositalian.com
Offering:
Dining indoors
or outside
Take out
Delivery
Open 11am-7:30pm
12 MOLLISON WAY, 12 Mollison LEWISTON Way, Lewiston | 783-0336
FULL COLOR DIGITAL PRINTING
Posters • Booklets
Carbonless forms • Envelopes
Business Cards & More!
Coach Terry’s
REDEMPTION CENTER
The friendly redemption center
Closed on September 5th & 6th
Open daily
8am to 4pm
207-225-2008
8 Tidswell Road
Turner
WEBSITES THAT WORK
Design. Build. Brand. Market.
60 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-782-0525 • evergreencustomprinting.com
DREAMING OF HOME OWNERSHIP?
Let us walk you through the process
Contact
Sean
Today!
Sean Doucette
207-754-5721
sdoucette@usamortgage.com
NMLS #509638
www.MaineWeb.co
Unlimited Wash Combos
Combo #2
24 .95
$
24 per
Combo #3
includes:
.95
month
.95
$ 29 .95
per month
exterior wash,
underbody, &
poly sealant
includes: exterior
wash, underbody,
rust inhibitor, wheel
brite, tire shine, &
wax
7 Lincoln St. Lewiston
207.782.4009 • YvonsCarWash.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
44 August 2021 783-7039
A truck carrying toupees and wigs crashed on the highway. Police are combing the area.
CALL THE PROS
REDEMPTION CENTER
6
on all 5¢ returns
¢ with this coupon.
(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting)
Located in the building behind Dad’s Place
Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm
(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays) UAD exp. 8.31.21
Book Your Appointment Now!
NEW
LOCATION!
Cuts | Colors | Foils
7 Clark Street
Auburn
207-312-5891
TEAM
KENNAGH
Shelley Kennagh
Loan Officer / NMLS 532306
(207) 890-4942
skennagh@cmgfi.com
BUFFY DUMONT
Real Estate Agent
207.576.9755
buffydumont@gmail.com
Buying or Selling...
I Get It Done!
Contact me for all of your home loan needs!
bigbearrealestatecompany.com
FARRELL ENTERPRISES
BUILDINGS AND PROPERTIES CLEANED
We get down & dirty so
you don’t have to!
Nearly Anything Removed
Trash • Metals • Demolition & More!
Fully Insured
Michael Farrell
207-576-2501
Office, Restaurant, & Light
Industrial Cleaning Services
Mike Magretto
Veteran Owned & Operated
EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 207-530-8890
RON’S
TRANSMISSION
375-4924
515 Gardiner Rd. Wales
LARGE VARIETY OF FIREARMS & SUPPLIES ON HAND!
Shown here: Smith & Wesson Model
63 22CR, 4" Barrel, 6 Rounds
✷
New
& Used
Available!
✷
Fine Line Gun Shop
590 Plains Rd., Poland • (207) 998-2374
My new mattress is back ordered.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2021 UncleAndys.com 45
CALL THE PROS
Call us
today for a
FREE
ESTIMATE!
Handyman Services
Men in faith practicing a program of recovery.
Services Include:
Yard cleanup • Light Carpentry • Painting • Cleanouts
And more!
(207) 797-7997 • cfrost@rmime.us
Snorkels, Masks, Wetsuits, Fins, RashGuards
Paddleboards, Paddles, Lifejackets, Windsurf
805 Main St.
Lewiston
784-7300
Protect your car from the summer heat!
Lincoln Street
RADIATOR SHOP
Family owned & operated since 1967
We are your A/C specialists!
207-784-9356
1522 Lisbon Street, Lewiston Monday-Friday: 8a-5p
Call
for your
FREE QUOTE
Today!
Your Vision.
Our Expertise.
Kitchens, Baths,
Decks & More!
207-212-7791
www.vghomeimprovements.com
Pat’s is a great place to enjoy a meal
inside or outside on the deck!
Serving
Great Food
Since
1985!
85 Center Street, Auburn
207-784-8221 • patsauburn.com
11a-9p daily
LEARN HOW TO DEFEND
YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILY!
rdtacticalhandgun.com
Training & Education = Confidence
NRA & USCCA Certified Instruction
Check our website & Facebook page
for current & upcoming classes!
Don Mailhot
207-576-5131
Top Gun of Maine
207-998-2806
Your trusted, nonprofit resource
for assistance and information
Medicare counseling • caregiver support
educational programming • Meals on Wheels
benefits and bill-paying guidance
seniorsplus.org • 1-800-427-1241
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
46 August 2021 783-7039
Why do they call it chili when it’s always served hot?
Don’t run out at
your cookout.
Stock the cooler with our monthly specials.
With an impressive selection of spirits, competitively
priced beer and wine, mixers, and hard-to-find favorites,
we make sure the celebration lasts all month.
The party starts with Roopers.
Stock up at any one of our SIX convenience package stores
Auburn
545 Minot Avenue - 783-2047
301 Main Street 783-9098
Lewiston
686 Main Street - 344-1200
794 Sabattus Street - 783-6353
1420 Lisbon Street - 333-3095
Oxford
980 Main Street - 539-6072
PROTECT YOUR VEHICLE WITH SALT ELIMINATOR!
Pricing Policy
RUST PROTECTION
Heavy duty pickup ...... $149.95
Full size van .......... $149.95
2 door pickup . ......... $139.95
X-large SUV . .......... $149.95
3 & 4 door pickup ....... $149.95
Any car .............. $129.95
Mini van ............. $139.95
Sm., Med., or Lg. SUV ... $139.95
25 OFF
Rust protection
$ 25
Plus applicable taxes
23 Lisbon St., Lisbon/Lewiston line • theshopclassicrestorations.com • 207-353-6100
with this coupon
Exp. 08/31/21
207-344-1800
34 Court Street, Auburn
My only competition is the person I was yesterday.
Ready for Summer Fun?!
Schedule your pool service today!
Monday - Friday: 9a-5p, Saturday: 9a-4p
Steaks • Seafood • Pastas
Pizza • Nachos... and more!
Sundays
Open Mike w/Bill Proctor, 3-7pm
Mondays
Open Mike w/Michael Krapovicky,
7pm-Close
Tuesdays
Trivia w/Ron Bergeron, 7-9pm
Wednesdays
Open Juke Box, 6pm-Close
Thursdays
Karaoke w/DJ Craigly, Old Skool,
New Skool (Craig Poland), 8pm-Close
Fridays & Saturdays
Live Music
Everyone is welcome
at The 1800 Club!
Ask us about our
eco-friendly line!
EARLY BIRD
SPECIAL!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
48 August 2021 783-7039
UncleAndysDigest.com
Jimbo
1975 Lisbon St., Rte. 196, Lewiston
783-0858 • www.abcpool.com
Low
Chlorine!