Vanity. Ares

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A
sleep at night with thoughts on my trial, and this
was so from the moment I had reached Bellmarsh.
I would sleep during the day, and then spent the
night conjuring up thoughts of how it would feel to
be successful, imagining perhaps driving a flash
car, eating great food, traveling without worries —
these thoughts would quickly take over my mind.
But the reality was a court case, which initially was
seven weeks away after my first interview with PC
Josef, initially.
§§§
One Tuesday, a week after the Bow
Magistrates Court hearing had set my trial date,
Connor came to visit me to go over my defence. I
remember getting angry because I was not
confident in him anymore and I said as much: “Are
you going to get me off! Perhaps I should change
Lawyer!” I yelled after he had mentioned The
Pronoun. I did yell. Connor replied, “Just calm
down. I am going through the procedures as best I
can.” After that slight fracas between us, perhaps
nervously playing with his tie and stuttering, I
could tell that he could see that I was angry and
serious, and maybe to build camaraderie he started
to gossip, as if it were a carrot and motivation for
me to not start another procedure removing him as
my lawyer. Due to the nausea I did in fact calm
down, as I was too tired not to; exasperated. He
then confided that there was quite a lot of media
surrounding the case, he usually never went into
too much detail but that day he said: “The thing is,
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