Vanity. Ares

confliction of why I was doing what I was doing
and that would lead to a dead end.’ I then mused
on the gym as perhaps a fitness activity, but having
known many old people — even one ninety year
old man — that never went to the gym and
smoked like a chimney, according to him as we
spoke at a bus stop when I was stuck in Montpelier
years before—from this I came to the conclusion
that fitness was a mystical event just like waiting
for God. I assessed that fitness was to allegedly
become healthier, this as an allegation made me
conclude that I would rather just stay in my cell.
Besides at that time I had thoughts on freedom
and the court case, activities and other people
were like moving prisons for me.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
§§§
Though I remember Ronnie did in fact pay
a visit in the months leading to my trial. I walked
into the visiting area and he told me bits and bobs
of news; that he started a plumbing apprenticeship
and that he had this girlfriend that had extremely
big nipples, he said. The visiting area was loud,
and I felt indifferent to raise my voice because I
felt that Ronnie was only lip syncing friendship.
Or so I wondered, as I don’t remember fully but I
concluded that friendship was a mask for our
selfishness, and the concept that: 'no I am not
selfish I have friends or I listen to my friends', for
example. This means that such a person has got to
be good, apparently. Formalities were slowly
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