Uncle Andy's Digest - FEBRUARY 2023
We Know that dang groundhog gave us six more weeks of winter! Despite that, you'll find humor in the February 2023 Edition of Uncle Andy's Digest. As always, you'll find Great stories, Funny Jokes, Punny Fun, hilarious one-liners, and Fun at our out-and-abouts. Shop local, and find the best central Maine businesses to serve your needs and wants.
We Know that dang groundhog gave us six more weeks of winter! Despite that, you'll find humor in the February 2023 Edition of Uncle Andy's Digest. As always, you'll find Great stories, Funny Jokes, Punny Fun, hilarious one-liners, and Fun at our out-and-abouts. Shop local, and find the best central Maine businesses to serve your needs and wants.
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UNCLE<br />
DIGEST<br />
ANDY’S<br />
March 18 th & 19 th<br />
9am-4pm<br />
Norway Savings Bank Arena<br />
985 Turner St -Auburn<br />
<strong>FEBRUARY</strong><br />
<strong>2023</strong><br />
SINCE 1996<br />
Presented by<br />
Get Tix or Learn More at MaineHomeShow.com<br />
207-782-7113<br />
Get Your FREE<br />
Quote Today!<br />
GET REAL. GET HYUNDAI.<br />
Sales • Lease • Rentals • Parts & Service<br />
31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com<br />
CHECK OUT OUR<br />
LARGE INVENTORY!<br />
Call Ryan Kennard<br />
207-346-0279<br />
Whited Equipment Co. is your New Factory Authorized Hyundai<br />
Construction Equipment Dealer for Central & Southern Maine.<br />
New & used available!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 1<br />
whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn
Don’t knock the weather. Nine-tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation if it didn’t change once in a while.<br />
Show Your Love<br />
to friends, family, or co-workers with a dozen donuts or pastries platter.<br />
Donuts<br />
Whoopie Pies,<br />
Cannolis, Cupcakes,<br />
& more!<br />
Love<br />
always<br />
wins!<br />
Any large 1-topping pizza<br />
$2 OFF<br />
Comes with cheese - add your choice of topping<br />
Open daily 7am-5pm<br />
740 Minot Avenue, Auburn<br />
GEORGIO ♥ S<br />
Locally owned & operated<br />
783-2981 • mygeorgiosme.com<br />
Serving L/A & beyond since 1950!<br />
That’s why we bring health care to you.<br />
Skilled medical care in the comfort of your own home<br />
Recovery from illness or injury<br />
Chronic condition management<br />
Navigating emotional wellbeing<br />
Hospice care + Hospice House<br />
207.777.7740 | Androscoggin.org<br />
To prove I’m not a cheapskate, I offered to buy all of my friends a beer,<br />
but those greedy jerks each wanted their own.
I didn’t want to hire a chimney sweep; I was pretty sure I could do it myself.<br />
“Soot yourself,” my wife said.<br />
MODERN WOODMEN<br />
OF AMERICA<br />
<strong>FEBRUARY</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />
ACTIVITIES<br />
Saturday, February 4th<br />
KC Sabattus Bean Supper<br />
4:30-6:00pm<br />
Our Lady of the Rosary<br />
131 High Street, Sabattus<br />
M: $7.00 G: $8.00<br />
Purchase Tickets: 2-01-<strong>2023</strong><br />
(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />
Tuesday, February 7th<br />
Roy’s Breakfast<br />
7:00-10:00am<br />
5 Washington Street, Auburn<br />
M: $5.00 G: $6.00<br />
Purchase Tickets: 2-01-<strong>2023</strong><br />
(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />
Thursday, February 9th<br />
The Cheesy Skillet<br />
11:00am-Noon<br />
80 Airport Drive, Auburn<br />
M: $7.00 G: $9.00<br />
Purchase Tickets: 2-01-<strong>2023</strong><br />
(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />
Thursday, February 16th<br />
Fielder’s Choice<br />
4:00-7:00pm<br />
680 Minot Avenue, Auburn<br />
M: $2.50 G: $3.00<br />
Purchase Tickets: 2-15-<strong>2023</strong><br />
(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />
Sunday, February 19th<br />
Maine Nordiques-vs-Northeast<br />
Generals<br />
3:00pm<br />
The Colisée<br />
190 Birch Street, Lewiston<br />
M: $5.00 G: $7.00<br />
Purchase Tickets: 2-15-<strong>2023</strong><br />
(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />
Tuesday, February 21st<br />
Luiggi’s<br />
4:00-7:00pm<br />
63 Sabattus Street, Lewiston<br />
M: $5.00 G: $6.00<br />
Purchase Tickets: 2-15-<strong>2023</strong><br />
(8:30am-1:00pm)<br />
Reminder: Please do not call<br />
the restaurants. If you have a<br />
question, please call the office<br />
at 207-782-1833 or 207-333-<br />
6052 and speak with Jamie.<br />
Tickets must be purchased at<br />
the MWA District Office at 184<br />
Webster Street Lewiston on<br />
the dates/times listed for each<br />
activity. Menus are subject to<br />
change. No substitutions or<br />
add-ons.<br />
Most importantly-Have Fun!<br />
My doctor advised me to stop eating red meat.<br />
Weird – you’d think he’d be worried about the green meat instead.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 3
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
is published by the first<br />
Friday of every month by<br />
Maine Mountain Ocean<br />
Group, Inc. with its world<br />
headquarters located at<br />
9 Grove Street, Auburn,<br />
Maine, USA.<br />
Published and distributed<br />
since 1996 throughout<br />
Central Maine and mailed to<br />
subscribers all over the Free<br />
World. Subscriptions are<br />
$49 .95 /year.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys<strong>Digest</strong>.com<br />
Office: 207-783-7039<br />
UAD Super Heroes<br />
CAPTAIN<br />
SUZY-Q<br />
Happy Valentine’s Day to all the couples out there!<br />
Happy Independence Day to all the single folks out there!<br />
Smile Again<br />
Dentures<br />
Like our name implies - we’ll help you Smile Again!<br />
WONDER<br />
WOMAN<br />
TYLA<br />
BATGIRL<br />
STEPHANIE<br />
ELASTIGIRL<br />
PAM<br />
Call today for:<br />
• Full Dentures<br />
• Immediate Dentures<br />
• Partial Dentures<br />
• Rebases<br />
• Relines<br />
• Repairs<br />
WASP<br />
AMY<br />
All work done on-site. Repairs usually same day service!<br />
HULK<br />
SMASH<br />
THOMAS<br />
IRONSIDES<br />
STEVE<br />
While <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> tries<br />
very hard to ensure the accuracy<br />
of the information in our clients’<br />
advertisements and our publication<br />
in general, we are not responsible<br />
for vendor availability, typographical<br />
errors, technical inaccuracies, product<br />
pricing errors, or omissions.<br />
Mike & Joe<br />
Adkins<br />
Licensed<br />
Denturists<br />
801 Webster Street, Lewiston<br />
smileagaindentures@gmail.com<br />
SmileAgainDentures.com<br />
514-0660<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
4 February <strong>2023</strong><br />
I turned down a job at the farmer’s market because the celery was unacceptable.
I don’t want to keep talking about stealing clothes. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.<br />
Come see Kathy & Joe!<br />
Scan<br />
here to<br />
see our<br />
menu!<br />
Out ‘n About<br />
with our <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Sweethearts<br />
Sponsored by<br />
Nutty Netties Cafe<br />
I only got<br />
you a little something<br />
for the holiday.<br />
It’s a Valentiny.<br />
John & Luane<br />
Roeger<br />
Married 26 years in February<br />
Tuesday - Sunday: 7am-3pm<br />
103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston<br />
207-333-5062<br />
Order Online! Visit our website: stationgrillrestaurant.com<br />
Now Hiring at Both Locations!<br />
2nd Annual<br />
Valentines<br />
Cornhole<br />
Tournament<br />
Mixed couples<br />
$40 per team<br />
Bag fly at 7pm<br />
SATURDAY<br />
<strong>FEBRUARY</strong> 18th<br />
551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston<br />
207-777-1155<br />
www.schemengees.com<br />
Seafood<br />
is back!<br />
Monday-Thursday: 4:00pm-12:00am • Friday-Saturday: 4:00pm-1:00am<br />
Bill & Judy Martin<br />
Together 11 years,<br />
married 1.5 years<br />
One<br />
year of dating<br />
led to 50 years of<br />
marriage!<br />
Jeannine & Paul<br />
Potvin<br />
Married 50 years in June<br />
I’m living proof that breathing is good for you.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 5
All the good chemistry jokes argon.<br />
Out ‘n About with our<br />
<strong>Digest</strong> Sweethearts<br />
Sponsored by Nutty Netties Cafe<br />
Life insurance is love insurance.<br />
Some things we all have in common.<br />
There’s nobody like me to protect the things<br />
we all value.<br />
Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.®<br />
CALL ME TODAY.<br />
Our Sweetheart Sponsors!<br />
Annette & Aaron Bucceri<br />
Owners, Nutty Netties Cafe<br />
Elevator Ride<br />
Submitted by Tyla Davis<br />
Jeremy had a doctor’s<br />
appointment on the 11th<br />
floor of a very large skyrise<br />
building. There was<br />
no way he was going to<br />
climb all those stairs, so<br />
he entered the elevator<br />
instead.<br />
At the 11th floor, the elevator<br />
operator turned<br />
to Jeremy, tipped his<br />
hat, and said, “Have a<br />
great day, son.”<br />
“Don’t call me son,”<br />
replied Jeremy. “You’re<br />
not my dad.”<br />
“No, but I brought you<br />
up, didn’t I?”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
6 February <strong>2023</strong><br />
For Valentine’s Day, I’m giving my wife a selfie photo inside a pistachio.<br />
That’s me in a nutshell.
NORDS GET READY TO ROLL !<br />
<strong>2023</strong> HOME SCHEDULE - Catch the action at The Colisée.<br />
SPONSORED BY:<br />
OPPONENT DATE TIME<br />
JANUARY<br />
Maryland 1/20/23 7:05pm<br />
Maryland 1/21/23 7pm<br />
<strong>FEBRUARY</strong><br />
Philly 2/3/23 7:05pm<br />
Philly 2/4/23 7pm<br />
Generals 2/19/23 3pm<br />
DON’T MISS THE UPCOMING HOME GAMES<br />
2/3 • 2/4 • 2/19 • 3/2 • 3/3 • 3/4<br />
OPPONENT DATE TIME<br />
MARCH<br />
Johnstown 3/2/23 7pm<br />
Johnstown 3/3/23 7:05pm<br />
Johnstown 3/4/23 7pm<br />
Titans 3/24/23 7:05pm<br />
Titans 3/25/23 7pm<br />
Johnstown 3/31/23 7:05pm<br />
OPPONENT DATE TIME<br />
APRIL<br />
Johnstown 4/1/23 7pm<br />
Titans 4/7/23 7:05pm<br />
Titans 4/8/23 7pm<br />
Philly 4/14/23 7:05pm<br />
Philly 4/15/23 7pm<br />
TICKETS<br />
ON SALE<br />
NOW<br />
VISIT THECOLISEE.COM<br />
Visit MaineNordiques.com to see our full 22-23 schedule.<br />
We’re MORE than a Club —<br />
We’re a Special Events Venue too.<br />
www.thecolisee.com<br />
Feb EVENTS<br />
Open every Friday at 4:30pm<br />
WE OFFER:<br />
• Seating capacity of 130<br />
• Catering services available<br />
• Fully stocked bar<br />
• Audio visual support<br />
BOOK YOUR EVENT or SCHEDULE a WALK THROUGH:<br />
email us at info@thecolisee.com.<br />
FRIDAY<br />
February 3rd at 9:00pm<br />
COMEDY CLUB<br />
FRIDAY<br />
February 17th at 8:30pm<br />
COMEDY CLUB<br />
FRIDAY<br />
February 24th at 7:00pm<br />
LIVE MUSIC<br />
thecolisee.com/the-colisee-club/<br />
SCAN THE<br />
QR CODES<br />
TO CONNECT<br />
TO OUR<br />
SOCIAL<br />
CHANNELS<br />
INSIDE THE COLISÉE CLUB
Out ‘n About<br />
with our <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Sweethearts<br />
Sponsored by<br />
Nutty Netties Cafe<br />
I love<br />
our picture perfect<br />
story!<br />
Peter & Louise<br />
Couillard<br />
Together 40 years<br />
Melanie Cyr &<br />
Tony Olmstead<br />
Together 3 years<br />
Owww,<br />
my neck! Have<br />
you always been<br />
this tall?<br />
I love Valentine’s Day when I get to make cupcakes for that special someone.<br />
And that special someone is me.<br />
• Fresh homestyle breakfast<br />
and lunch menu.<br />
• Artisan chocolates and<br />
pastries on-site and to<br />
order for parties.<br />
• Gluten free options<br />
• Personalized experience.<br />
85 Center Street, Auburn<br />
11a-9p daily<br />
207-784-8221<br />
The Right<br />
Coverage at the<br />
Right Price.<br />
Proud sponsor of the <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Sweethearts Contest<br />
Show us your Sweethearts Contest<br />
photo in <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> for a<br />
free chocolate pop! Expires 2/28/<strong>2023</strong><br />
207-705-1866<br />
Hours: Monday-Saturday 9am-7pm<br />
550 Center Street, Auburn Mall • nuttynettieschocolate@gmail.com<br />
You’ll<br />
Fall in<br />
LOVE<br />
with our<br />
Pizza!<br />
Discover insurance solutions from local industry experts<br />
dedicated to protecting your assets. From risk consulting<br />
to claims support, we’ve got you covered.<br />
John Blanchette, Sales Advisor | 207.784.9358<br />
john.blanchette@nfp.com<br />
Elaine & Scott<br />
St. Pierre<br />
Married 13 years<br />
Copyright ©2022 NFP. All Rights Reserved.<br />
For your business.<br />
For your people.<br />
For your life.<br />
NFP.com<br />
We’ve moved. Visit our new NFP office:<br />
681 Sabattus St | Lewiston, ME 04240<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
8 February <strong>2023</strong><br />
Don’t be worried about your smartphone and TV spying on you.<br />
Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
HAS IT ALL<br />
6¢ a<br />
bottle for<br />
Make-A-Wish<br />
Donations!<br />
DONATE YOUR<br />
BOTTLES TO<br />
Your one-stop shop for:<br />
• Amazing food (eat in or take out)<br />
• Agency liquor store with beer cave<br />
• Lottery tickets<br />
• Redemption center<br />
Help grant a wish to a local child<br />
battling a critical illness<br />
207-345-5551<br />
23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com<br />
Catering<br />
Full serve catering at the<br />
location of your choice.<br />
Book Your<br />
<strong>2023</strong><br />
Events<br />
Now!<br />
207-345-9009<br />
DadsPlaceCatering.com<br />
REDEMPTION CENTER<br />
6 ¢<br />
on all 5¢ returns with this coupon.<br />
Located in the building behind Dad’s Place<br />
Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm<br />
(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays)<br />
(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting) UAD exp. 2.28.23
Do you remember when being sent to bed was actually a punishment?<br />
Come be the Difference in Someone’s Life!<br />
NOW HIRING CNAs and DSPs<br />
Are you a compassionate individual who enjoys working<br />
with people in their home and in the community?<br />
Join our team of caring professionals!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> hires new<br />
marketing specialist<br />
Amy St. Hilaire has joined the<br />
team at <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
and LA Metro Magazine as a<br />
marketing specialist.<br />
St. Hilaire comes from a<br />
background of working in the<br />
mortgage industry as a loan<br />
processor and loan operations,<br />
as well as working in<br />
customer relations.<br />
She provides key attributes<br />
such as enthusiasm, resourcefulness,<br />
communication skills,<br />
and a steadfast work ethic.<br />
“I am very excited to start this<br />
new journey with the publications,”<br />
says St. Hilaire. “I look<br />
forward to being out in the<br />
community and working with<br />
business owners to help them<br />
with their future success.”<br />
Apply online at jfmh.org<br />
or visit us at 800 Center St, Auburn<br />
John F. Murphy Homes, Inc. is an Equal Opportunity Employer and complies with all<br />
local, state, and federal guidelines in its employment practices & services provided.<br />
Why is the day that you do laundry, cook, clean, iron and so on, called a day off?<br />
Out ‘n About at Side by Each Brewing Co. for the Cribbage League Championship<br />
“I was thrilled when I heard<br />
Amy was interested in<br />
becoming a part of our team.<br />
She is exactly what we were<br />
looking to add to our sales<br />
force,” states Publisher, Pam<br />
Ashby. “I am very excited to<br />
see what she can bring, not<br />
only to the magazines, but to<br />
our advertisers.”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> has been<br />
published and distributed<br />
throughout Central Maine<br />
since 1996, and LA Metro<br />
Magazine since 2016, with<br />
its offices located at 9 Grove<br />
Street in Auburn. For more<br />
information about their publications,<br />
call 207-783-7039.<br />
After 13 weeks of play, 468 games of cribbage, 543 combined points, and<br />
countless pints of beer... CINDY TAYLOR won the Side by Each<br />
Autumn 2022/Winter<strong>2023</strong> Cribbage League Championship. Cindy beat out<br />
Keith Davis in the best 2 out of 3 championship matchup!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
10 February <strong>2023</strong><br />
My dog can find out anything. He’s a labraGoogle.
Where the<br />
locals eat!<br />
Catering!<br />
Weddings, Banquets, Birthdays,<br />
Corporate Parties, and more!<br />
No event too BIG or SMALL...<br />
We cater it ALL!<br />
NOW<br />
HIRING<br />
LINE<br />
COOKS!<br />
Competitive<br />
Pay!<br />
We thank our<br />
customers for your<br />
support and understanding<br />
as we are experiencing<br />
staffing shortages.<br />
Though we<br />
are closed on Tuesdays,<br />
we will be open on Valentine’s<br />
Day, February 14th. Treat<br />
your sweetheart to a<br />
steak dinner!<br />
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com
Out ‘n About<br />
with our <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Sweethearts<br />
Sponsored by<br />
Nutty Netties Cafe<br />
Josh & Vanessa<br />
Harlow<br />
Together 29 years,<br />
married for 11 years<br />
I just<br />
read that<br />
4,153,237 people<br />
got married last year.<br />
I’m no math wizard,<br />
but shouldn’t that<br />
be an even<br />
number?<br />
Chris & Bryanna<br />
Larson<br />
Together 1.5 years,<br />
married 5 months<br />
Dancing partners<br />
for life!<br />
Julie & Ronnie<br />
Poulin<br />
Married 37 years<br />
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures that you end up in the cast.<br />
Tickets: Advance – $28 each ~ Door – $33 each<br />
(includes fees)<br />
Join us for the 23 Show’s rd season sponsor: at our<br />
Performing Arts<br />
LawnGuard<br />
and Events<br />
Lawn<br />
Center,<br />
Care<br />
on the Riverfront in Lewiston.<br />
Check our calendar<br />
at francocenter.org to find out<br />
what’s Other going upcoming on at the concerts Franco. & events: March 9: La Rencontre with Marc Mailhot;<br />
March 31: StudioTwo Beatles Tribute: April 8: Silver More Circus; info April coming 15: soon. Don Campbell<br />
46 Cedar Order Street, tickets: FrancoCenter.org Lewiston or www.FrancoCenter.org<br />
call: (207) 689-2000<br />
Box Office 207-689-2000<br />
46 Cedar Street, Lewiston, ME 04240 • FrancoCenter.org • facebook.com/FrancoCenter<br />
UNDERWRITER<br />
2021-2022 SEASON<br />
Take May Your this Seats …<br />
Schooner Fare<br />
performance<br />
Show sponsor:<br />
Show’s sponsor: Hebert Construction<br />
La Rencontre Lunch and Entertainment<br />
Sponsor:<br />
Thursday, June 23 in Heritage Hall<br />
Doors open at 9:30 AM ~ 10:00 AM social time ~ Lunch 11:30<br />
Entertainment after lunch by Don & Cindy Roy<br />
CONCERTS<br />
It’s carry Showtime!<br />
you to a<br />
Chuck new place. and Steve Romanoff<br />
combine their talents on<br />
6- and 12-string guitars and<br />
banjo with distinctive vocal<br />
and instrumental arrangements!<br />
Friday, June 17 – 7:00 PM<br />
Friday, in Performance Feb. Hall 3<br />
1-800-966-9172<br />
Doors and open cash bar at open androscogginbank.com 6 at p.m. 6:00 PM<br />
Concert starts at 7 p.m.<br />
Cash bar is open before the show<br />
and during intermission.<br />
Josée Vachon<br />
A celebration<br />
of St. Jean de<br />
Baptiste Day!<br />
Lunch menu: Chicken pot pie, coleslaw and whoopie pie. Coffee & tea included. Bar available for other beverages.<br />
Advanced tickets only. Deadline is Monday, June 20 at noon.<br />
$15 ~ includes meal and entertainment. Tickets will not be sold at the door.<br />
Josée Vachon plays<br />
A<br />
traditional<br />
conversational French club for French speakers<br />
will be held at 10:30am in Heritage Hall<br />
and contemporary folk songs<br />
on alternating Thursday mornings: June 9;<br />
from Quebec and Acadia, as well<br />
June 23 ~ join us for La Rencontre, July 7, July 21, etc.<br />
as her own compositions.<br />
Starting July 14 – Thursday Night Live in Heritage Hall<br />
Saturday, Alternating March dance and 4 karaoke events!<br />
Doors Entertainment open at will 12 feature p.m. live music and DJs.<br />
Concert starts at 1 p.m.<br />
For The<br />
Crowd<br />
MEDIA SPONSORS<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
12 February <strong>2023</strong><br />
If you find your glass is half empty, pour it into a smaller glass and quit complaining.
I got an email on how to read maps backwards. It was spam.<br />
Out ‘n About<br />
with our <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Sweethearts<br />
Sponsored by<br />
Nutty Netties Cafe<br />
We are<br />
such an in sync<br />
couple that we both<br />
submitted a<br />
photo for this<br />
contest!<br />
Luane & John<br />
Roeger<br />
Married 26 years in February<br />
Us<br />
too!<br />
VOLUNTEERS - JOIN US!<br />
Our volunteers help make the Chapman<br />
House a comfortable and joyful living<br />
space. Your skills can help make a big<br />
difference for our residents. Rewarding,<br />
community service, & strong friendships.<br />
The Chapman House has private rooms available for residents,<br />
aged 65 and older, who need assistance with bathing,<br />
medications, and meals.<br />
Melanie Cyr &<br />
Tony Olmstead<br />
Together 3 years<br />
We provide a warm and<br />
comfortable home for our residents<br />
41 Pleasant Street, Auburn • 207-783-0961<br />
Bonnie Iwans<br />
Michelle & Scott<br />
Mason<br />
Together 26 years,<br />
married for 17 years<br />
My wife filed for divorce because I am a weather reporter. That was not what I predicted!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 13
Out ‘n About<br />
with our <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Sweethearts<br />
Sponsored by<br />
Nutty Netties Cafe<br />
Miranda Lowell &<br />
Tyler Merrill<br />
Together 18 months<br />
Every time<br />
we disagree, I always<br />
get outvoted<br />
1-1 by my wife.<br />
I thought it was the dryer that made my clothes shrink; turns out it was the refrigerator.<br />
THE AMERICAN LEGION<br />
FAMILY<br />
RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on Fridays<br />
and get a surprise!<br />
“SEE YOU AT THE POST!”<br />
Members & Guests Welcome!<br />
AMERICAN LEGION ACT<br />
Veterans who were honorably discharged<br />
but whose service did not fall into previously<br />
defined war eras may now join<br />
the American Legion immediately. The<br />
eligibility now spans from Dec. 7, 1941,<br />
until a time when the U.S. is no longer at<br />
war, as determined by Congress.<br />
RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on<br />
Fridays and get a surprise! “SEE YOU AT THE POST!”<br />
For Veteran or Community services, call<br />
207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229<br />
Hall Rentals Available<br />
Call for more<br />
information<br />
207-782-1118<br />
71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118<br />
HOURS: Mon: 12-8p • Tue-Wed: 12-6 • Thurs: 12-9p<br />
Fri & Sat: 12-11p • Sunday: 11a-6p<br />
MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS, FRIDAYS 7-11pm in January<br />
Jerry Joe - February 10th & 24th • 4:30 - 6:30pm<br />
MONDAY, <strong>FEBRUARY</strong> 13 TH , 5:30PM<br />
Sons of the American Legion Post 153 General Meeting<br />
TUESDAY, MONDAY, <strong>FEBRUARY</strong> <strong>FEBRUARY</strong> 14 TH 13 TH<br />
Happy Valentine’s Day<br />
MONTHLY MEETING<br />
WEDNESDAY, FEB. 15 TH<br />
EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM<br />
GENERAL MEETING, 7PM<br />
Legion members attending have a chance to win $100, $50, or $25.<br />
BREAKFAST BUFFET • SUNDAY, <strong>FEBRUARY</strong> 19 TH , 8-10AM<br />
Scrambled eggs, sausage, gravy, bacon, baked beans, fried potatoes, crépes,<br />
toast/creton w/coffee and juice • Adults: $10 • Kids under 10: $5.00<br />
Proceeds benefit Odyssey of the Mind<br />
SATURDAY, <strong>FEBRUARY</strong> 25 TH<br />
OPEN FACED PULLED PORK DINNER, 4-6PM<br />
w/coleslaw, assorted salads, pickles, & dessert, $12/pp<br />
Bloody Mary Sundays by Kevin from 11a-6p!<br />
I went to Vegas in an $80,000 Porsche and came back in a $400,000 Greyhound bus.<br />
Melissa &<br />
Richard Guite<br />
Together 18 years,<br />
married 7 years<br />
Out ‘n About with The Exchange Club for the Student of the Month presentation.<br />
Every<br />
day is Valentines<br />
day when you get<br />
to spend it with the<br />
person you love the<br />
most!<br />
Mary & David<br />
Crane<br />
Together 35 years<br />
Liam Hutchinson, Abigail Faucher, Miles Frenette,<br />
with Exchange Club member Bill Gladu<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
14 February <strong>2023</strong><br />
The abacus factory is counter-productive.
I wish fathers took #1 Dad shirts seriously and fought each other<br />
whenever they saw another dad wearing one.<br />
HOMEOWNERSHIP IS SWEET<br />
Design-Build | Turn-Key Packages | Single or Multi-Level Homes | One Loan<br />
(No Construction Loan Needed in Most Cases)<br />
Go big this Valentines Day!<br />
Buy her a dozen eggs...<br />
or<br />
a house.<br />
Out ‘n About<br />
with our <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Sweethearts<br />
Sponsored by<br />
Nutty Netties Cafe<br />
I just<br />
asked my husband<br />
if he remembered<br />
what day it was<br />
today... scaring men<br />
is easy!<br />
368 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 207.333.6001 • mainesourcehomes.com<br />
David & Holly<br />
Mireault<br />
Married 25 years<br />
Jon<br />
Mercier<br />
Mark<br />
Turner<br />
Toni<br />
Ferraro<br />
Brandon<br />
Caruso<br />
Deb<br />
Morin<br />
Linda<br />
Dupuis<br />
Dustin<br />
Mallar<br />
Mason<br />
Dupuis<br />
Lindsay<br />
Wright<br />
I spent five dollars for a weather app on my phone.<br />
I got two dollars and fifteen cents back in climate change.<br />
Dawn<br />
Lopez<br />
Malayka<br />
Harriman<br />
Life’s a<br />
beach when you’re<br />
married to your<br />
bestie!<br />
Whenever there’s an outage, your KOHLER generator keeps<br />
your internet on, your fridge cold and your family protected.<br />
• Generator Sales and Installations<br />
• Residential and Small Commercial Electrical Service<br />
Jen & Ryan St.<br />
Jean<br />
Together 15 years,<br />
married 3 years<br />
Over 50 years of Trusted Professionalism<br />
“MY GENERATOR IS MAGIC.<br />
WE NEVER LOSE POWER.”<br />
- ALEX L., KOHLER ® generator owner<br />
1033 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • www.debloiselectric.com<br />
207-783-6512<br />
Lisa & Mark<br />
Laliberte<br />
Together 38 years,<br />
married 30 years<br />
The police are arresting me for downloading every Wikipedia article.<br />
“Wait,” I shouted, “I can explain everything!”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 15
Now<br />
Hiring<br />
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES<br />
Out ‘n About<br />
with our <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Sweethearts<br />
Sponsored by<br />
Nutty Netties Cafe<br />
We spent<br />
a very romantic<br />
evening for our<br />
second anniversary<br />
learning to play<br />
cribbage!<br />
24 Hour<br />
Service<br />
PRO-TECH REFRIGERATION<br />
IS GROWING!<br />
We are seeking<br />
EXPERIENCED<br />
SERVICE<br />
TECHNICIANS<br />
& INSTALLERS<br />
to join our team!<br />
Joshua & Natalie<br />
Pollock<br />
Married 2 years<br />
Bruce & Margie<br />
Bickford<br />
Married 38 years<br />
235 N. River Road, Auburn<br />
207-777-5600<br />
www.pro-techrefrigeration.com<br />
protechoffice11@yahoo.com<br />
Fully Insured<br />
My computer eats microchips for snack.<br />
Air Conditioning & Heating<br />
Proudly serving Auburn, Lewiston,<br />
and the surrounding communities!<br />
COME JOIN OUR TEAM!<br />
You’ll be glad you did!<br />
We’re hiring Direct Support Professionals<br />
Tina Rose & John<br />
Julian<br />
Together 14 years<br />
To apply:<br />
www.jfmh.org or 207-783-2726 x202<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
16 February <strong>2023</strong><br />
I bought a secondhand dress from Bonnie Tyler. But every now and then it falls apart.
75% of Twitter’s staff are fired and now the site works better.<br />
Imagine what you could do to the federal government.<br />
Out ‘n About with our <strong>Digest</strong> Sweethearts<br />
Sponsored by Nutty Netties Cafe<br />
Ransom Note<br />
Submitted by Steve Simard<br />
A blonde, out of money,<br />
and down on her<br />
luck, needed cash desperately.<br />
To raise the<br />
dough, she decided to<br />
kidnap a child and hold<br />
it for ransom.<br />
Kevin Morissette &<br />
Pam Ashby<br />
Together 1 year<br />
Billie Jo Ridlon &<br />
Bill Cunneen<br />
Together 12 years<br />
Trinity & Carter<br />
Remeika<br />
Married 3 years<br />
She went to the local<br />
playground, grabbed a<br />
kid randomly, took him<br />
behind a building, and<br />
told him, “I’m kidnapping<br />
you. I won’t hurt<br />
you, but I need to get<br />
a message to your<br />
parents.”<br />
Then she wrote a<br />
big note saying, “I’ve<br />
kidnapped your kid.<br />
Tomorrow morning,<br />
put $10,000 in a paper<br />
bag and leave it under<br />
the apple tree next to<br />
the slides, on the south<br />
side of the playground.<br />
Signed, “The Blonde<br />
Villain.”<br />
Maria Carbone &<br />
Maxwell<br />
Together 3.5 years<br />
Amber & Antoine<br />
Tolton<br />
Married 18 years in June<br />
Chase Emerson<br />
& Katie Crepeau<br />
Together 2 years<br />
She then pinned the<br />
note to the kid’s shirt<br />
and sent him home to<br />
show it to his parents.<br />
The next morning,<br />
the blonde checked,<br />
and sure enough, a<br />
paper bag was sitting<br />
beneath the apple<br />
tree. She looked into<br />
the bag and found the<br />
$10,000 with a note<br />
that said, “How could<br />
you do this to a fellow<br />
blonde?”<br />
Natasha & Scott Fyfe<br />
Together 15 years, married 13 years<br />
Jamie & Patrick Acord<br />
Together 2 years, married 1 year<br />
Yesterday my husband saw a cockroach in the kitchen and cleaned the room<br />
from top to bottom. Today, I’m moving the cockroach to the bathroom.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 17
National Anthems are part of the country music genre.<br />
Out ‘n About with our <strong>Digest</strong> Sweethearts<br />
Sponsored by Nutty Netties Cafe<br />
You have to<br />
love yourself before<br />
you can love anyone<br />
else!<br />
Kevin Smith II &<br />
Heidi Hawkins<br />
Together 2 years<br />
Aaron & Micaela<br />
Schmitz<br />
Together 3 years<br />
Brandon Morin &<br />
Kayla Hopkins<br />
Together 11 years<br />
Brenda<br />
Pelletier<br />
Together a lifetime<br />
Mike & Janice<br />
Barrett<br />
Together 16 years, married 8 years<br />
Cassidy & Ben<br />
Weisner<br />
Together 12 years<br />
Charles & Larissa<br />
Smith<br />
Together 16 years, married 14 years<br />
Courtney Marston<br />
& Josh Staples<br />
Together 3 months<br />
Trent Bryant & Avery<br />
Lamothe<br />
Together 10 months<br />
Daryl & Rose<br />
Lovejoy<br />
Together 42 years<br />
Venise Thompson<br />
& Dave Ainaire<br />
Together 4 months<br />
Diana Getchell<br />
& Ryan Jack<br />
Together 7 years<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
18 February <strong>2023</strong><br />
Some people think that Simon and Garfunkel songs are works of Art.<br />
But they were mostly written by Paul.
Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm it would be justwater.<br />
Out ‘n About with our <strong>Digest</strong> Sweethearts<br />
Sponsored by Nutty Netties Cafe<br />
Buried at Sea<br />
Submitted by Tyla Davis<br />
Two sisters, Bonnie<br />
and Connie, always<br />
did everything together.<br />
They even both<br />
married Naval officers<br />
and traveled the world<br />
together with their<br />
husbands.<br />
As Bonnie’s husband<br />
grew ill and was dying,<br />
he told the sisters that<br />
he wanted to be buried<br />
at sea since that was<br />
where he spent most<br />
of his adult life.<br />
Dylan Avila & Victoria<br />
Beaulieu<br />
Together 6 years<br />
Gary St. Laurent &<br />
Laurie Sidelinger<br />
Together 38 years<br />
Jason & Kelcey<br />
Kimball<br />
Together 22 years<br />
After his passing, Bonnie<br />
and Connie took<br />
his remains onto their<br />
small sailboat and cast<br />
off from the coast.<br />
After rowing for quite<br />
some time, Bonnie<br />
said, “Do you think<br />
we’re out far enough?”<br />
Connie slipped over<br />
the side said, “Nope,<br />
this will never do; the<br />
water is only up to my<br />
chest.”<br />
Jeffrey & Jennifer<br />
Carleton<br />
Together 17 years, married 12 years<br />
Jennifer Kimball &<br />
Dustin Littlefield<br />
Together 7 years<br />
Jesse Poulin &<br />
Amanda Kinsey<br />
Together 13 years<br />
So they rowed on<br />
some more, and Connie<br />
slipped over the<br />
side once again and<br />
disappeared. Quite<br />
a bit of time goes by<br />
while Connie is under<br />
water and poor Bonnie<br />
was really getting worried.<br />
Suddenly, Connie<br />
broke the surface,<br />
gasping for breath.<br />
“Well is it deep enough<br />
yet, Sis?” Connie<br />
asked.<br />
John Acker<br />
& Trisha Marston<br />
Together 19 years<br />
Leo Jennings &<br />
Talisa Cooper<br />
Together 1 year<br />
Melissa & Larry<br />
Hodgkin<br />
Married 30 years<br />
“Yes, finally! Hand me<br />
the shovel.”<br />
I, for one, like roman numerals.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 19
Out ‘n About<br />
with our <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Sweethearts<br />
Sponsored by<br />
Nutty Netties Cafe<br />
My frozen pizza says to cook for between 20 and 22 minutes.<br />
I’m no genius, but wouldn’t that be 21 minutes?<br />
The best way<br />
to remember your<br />
wife’s birthday is to<br />
forget it once.<br />
Kristyn &<br />
Benjamin Quimby<br />
Married 1 year<br />
Did you know that you can hear the blood in your veins if you listen varicosely.<br />
Dottie & Moe<br />
Bazinet<br />
Together 47 years,<br />
married 34 years<br />
You are the<br />
apple of my eye.<br />
Tyler & Savannah<br />
Leighton<br />
Together 5 years<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
20 February <strong>2023</strong><br />
Stephen King has a son named Joe. I’m not joking, but he is.
Do you know what makes restaurants so romantic? Me n U.<br />
Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!<br />
The Pepere’s Breakfast:<br />
Hugh Keene, Bruce LePage, Bert Cote,<br />
Don Towle, & Bob Harnois<br />
I played Scrabble with my wife last night. It was the only way I could get a word in.<br />
Locally Owned & Operated<br />
THE CHAMPOUX GROUP<br />
CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS<br />
I N S U R A N C E<br />
...Your Security is Our Concern!<br />
Breakfast all day<br />
as well as delicious<br />
lunch items!<br />
Happy<br />
Valentine’s Day!<br />
87 Mill Street, New Auburn<br />
207-753-0171<br />
rollysnewauburn.com<br />
Monday-Saturday: 6a-2p • Closed Sunday<br />
Home<br />
Auto<br />
Business<br />
and more!<br />
Out ‘n About<br />
with our <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Sweethearts<br />
Sponsored by<br />
Nutty Netties Cafe<br />
Two antennas<br />
met on a roof, fell<br />
in love and got married.<br />
The ceremony wasn’t<br />
much, but the<br />
reception was<br />
excellent.<br />
Kevin & Amy<br />
Arsenault<br />
Together 26 years,<br />
married 16 years<br />
I married<br />
a cribbage league<br />
champion... how lucky<br />
am I? Plus, she’s<br />
beautiful both inside<br />
and out!<br />
Ron & “Aunt”<br />
Cindy Taylor<br />
Married 38 years<br />
Let Us Insure All Your Outdoor Toys!<br />
150 East Ave. Lewiston 207-783-2246 • 888-983-2246<br />
James & Virginia<br />
Keel<br />
Together 11 years<br />
Mashed potatoes on Pringles are still potato chips.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 21
Out ‘n About<br />
with our <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Sweethearts<br />
Sponsored by<br />
Nutty Netties Cafe<br />
We may<br />
have 24 years as<br />
a couple, but we’ve<br />
been flirting for 29<br />
years!<br />
The sun is able to produce nitrogen because of daytrogen.<br />
Office for Sale: $510,000<br />
650 Main Street, Lewiston<br />
Perfect for Small Startup, Counselors, etc.<br />
Maine Realty Advisors<br />
FRANK<br />
CARR<br />
Your real estate investment advisor<br />
Brokering your buying & selling needs<br />
Sarah & Jason<br />
Burtchell<br />
Together 24 years,<br />
married 21 years<br />
Don’t mind<br />
me... I’m just the<br />
third wheel!<br />
207.252.4881 Frank@MaineRealtyAdvisors.com<br />
Check out our in-store Weekly Ad for our <strong>2023</strong> specials!<br />
Roy’s<br />
Beanie<br />
Babies<br />
on Sale<br />
Here!<br />
FOODLAND<br />
Best Chicken<br />
& Ham Salad<br />
In THE WORLd!<br />
Try our hamburger,<br />
it’s the best!<br />
Nancy & Michael<br />
Moyer<br />
Married 37 years<br />
My furrever<br />
valentine!<br />
SATURDAY<br />
Beans, bread/rolls &<br />
cole slaw<br />
$11.99<br />
WEDNESDAY<br />
Ham, Veggie, Salami,<br />
or Pepperoni Italians<br />
$2.99<br />
PIZZA PACKS<br />
Pizza<br />
Packs<br />
$12.99<br />
70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471<br />
www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com<br />
Mon.-Thurs. 8am-6pm • Fri. 8am-7pm • Sat. 8am-6pm • Sun. Closed<br />
Sara & Duncan<br />
Caron<br />
Together 4 years<br />
GGGGG<br />
LIVE MUSIC<br />
is back on<br />
Wednesdays!<br />
GGGGG<br />
MAKE<br />
RESERVATIONS<br />
TODAY!<br />
LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience!<br />
A PLACE<br />
THE WHOLE<br />
FAMILY WILL<br />
LOVE!<br />
40 East Avenue, Lewiston | www.sea40me.com | 207-795-6888<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
22 February <strong>2023</strong><br />
I needed a car I couldn’t get lost in. So I bought myself a new Nissan Pathfinder.
I just got the U2 version of Monopoly.<br />
It’s like regular Monopoly, but the streets have no name.<br />
OXFORD HILLS FAVORITE<br />
PIZZA & SANDWICH SHOP!<br />
Deli Sandwiches • Fresh Dough Pizzas<br />
Breakfast Sandwiches and More!<br />
February Special<br />
French fry, chicken finger,<br />
bacon, cheese bowl<br />
ONLY $ 7 .50 plus tax<br />
Out ‘n About<br />
with our <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Sweethearts<br />
Sponsored by<br />
Nutty Netties Cafe<br />
You’ll Fall in Love with our Specials!<br />
POLLY’S VARIETY<br />
115 King Street, Oxford<br />
207-539-8254 • www.pollysvariety.com<br />
Expires 2/28/23<br />
Monday - Tuesday: 5:30am - 7:00pm • Wednesday - Saturday: 5:30am - 8:00pm • Sunday: 6:00am - 7:00pm<br />
Out ‘n About at the William J. Rogers Post 153 American Legion<br />
The Marine Corps League,<br />
Detachment 810 presented American<br />
Legion, William J. Rogers Post 153<br />
with a “Certificate of Appreciation”<br />
for participating in the 2022<br />
Toys for Tots program.<br />
Pictured are Clifford Plourde from<br />
the Marine Corps League and<br />
Post 153 American Legion Trustee,<br />
Steve Simard.<br />
Nicole Rogers &<br />
Neil Skelton<br />
Together 1 year<br />
Anyone<br />
can catch your<br />
eye, but it takes<br />
someone special to<br />
catch your heart!<br />
Meghan Marcous<br />
& Kai Idris<br />
Together 2 months<br />
Hey,<br />
do you have<br />
a date for<br />
Valentine’s<br />
Day? I<br />
sure<br />
do. It’s<br />
February<br />
14th.<br />
RoySnow.com<br />
207.782.3734<br />
Serving Maine since 1947<br />
11 Library Ave.<br />
Auburn<br />
Bob Plante &<br />
Linda Therriault<br />
Together 12 years<br />
My wife thinks I hate her relatives, but she’s wrong.<br />
I like her mother-in-law a lot better than my own!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 23
Out ‘n About<br />
with our <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Sweethearts<br />
Sponsored by<br />
Nutty Netties Cafe<br />
Pickup trucks are<br />
the best vehicles for<br />
flirting.<br />
Nine times out of 10 when I lose something, it’s because I put it in a safe place.<br />
•Brewery•taproom•Café•Pinky D’s Food truck•Coffee by Design•<br />
BRING HOME FRESH, LOCAL<br />
DRAFT BEER<br />
Stephanie Garrett<br />
& Joe Francouer<br />
Together 9 years<br />
I love being<br />
married. It’s so<br />
great to find that<br />
one special person you<br />
want to annoy for<br />
the rest of your<br />
life.<br />
Visit our Facebook page for events & beer menu!<br />
1110 MINOT AVE., AUBURN 207.689.3030<br />
/SIDEBYEACHBREWING<br />
WWW.SIDEBYEACHBREWING.COM<br />
Eligible for Medicare?<br />
CALL US TODAY<br />
to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.<br />
30+<br />
Years of<br />
Experience!<br />
Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston<br />
Jody & Jim<br />
Collins<br />
Together 18 years,<br />
married 15 years<br />
Josh & Brittany<br />
Brown<br />
Together 12 years,<br />
married almost 10 years<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
24 February <strong>2023</strong><br />
47 Broad Street, Auburn<br />
www.firehouseauburn.com<br />
207-376-4959<br />
Monday - Saturday 11a-9p<br />
February Drink Special<br />
Rugburn<br />
You’ll Love<br />
our Daily<br />
Specials!<br />
$<br />
9<br />
Irish Whiskey<br />
Chambord<br />
Lemon Juice<br />
Simple Syrup<br />
Cranberry Juice<br />
BURGER MONDAY Get $2 off your burgers! (dine-in only) • WHISKEY WEDNESDAY $1 off whiskey<br />
I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentines Day... when I think about romance,<br />
the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a medieval weapon.
Tyla asked Steve, “What do you get a man that has everything?”<br />
Steve replied, “Antibiotics!”<br />
Out ‘n About with our <strong>Digest</strong> Sweethearts<br />
Sponsored by Nutty Netties Cafe<br />
DID YOU<br />
KNOW?<br />
People started exchanging<br />
cards and<br />
handwritten letters to<br />
both lovers and friends<br />
during the 17th century,<br />
but it was in the<br />
1840s that the first<br />
Valentine’s Day cards<br />
were mass-produced<br />
in the U.S. The cards<br />
were sold by Esther A.<br />
Howland.<br />
Nichole & Chelsea<br />
Major<br />
Together since 2006<br />
Paula & Kevin<br />
Glatz<br />
Married 20 years<br />
Peter & Michelle<br />
Sharpley<br />
Together 28 years<br />
Known as the “Mother<br />
of the American Valentine,”<br />
Howland is credited<br />
with commercializing<br />
Valentine’s Day<br />
cards in America, and<br />
she is remembered for<br />
her elaborate, crafty<br />
cards made with lace<br />
and ribbons.<br />
Excuses<br />
Submitted by Steve Simard<br />
Rina & Denis<br />
Thibeault<br />
Together 40 years<br />
Ron & Laura<br />
Cloutier<br />
Together 8 years<br />
Victor & Misha<br />
House<br />
Together 3 years<br />
A man came in late<br />
for work one day for<br />
the second time that<br />
week. His boss called<br />
him into her office and<br />
said, “What’s your<br />
excuse this time?”<br />
He shrugged and said,<br />
“My clock didn’t go off<br />
and I overslept.”<br />
Josie & Howie<br />
Howaniec<br />
Together 8 months<br />
Jamie McClendon,<br />
Cassidy Currier, &<br />
Stephanie Arsenault<br />
She replied, “You could<br />
at least tell me something<br />
I haven’t heard<br />
before.”<br />
He replied, “You are<br />
looking lovely today.”<br />
The other day I sent my wife a pile of snow. I wonder if she got my drift.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 25
BUSINESS<br />
SP TLIGHT<br />
Richard Moylan<br />
(207) 777-0050<br />
791 Kittyhawk Ave. Unit 5, Auburn<br />
richardmoylan@allstate.com<br />
Insurance and coverages subject to terms.<br />
qualifications and availability. Allstate Property<br />
and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Fire and<br />
Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook, Illinois<br />
© 2010 Allstate Insurance Company<br />
207-782-7141<br />
Every day is<br />
PIZZA DAY!<br />
207-782-7141<br />
207.577.6484<br />
528 Lincoln Street<br />
Lewiston<br />
SERVING THOSE WHO<br />
SERVE OUR COMMUNITY<br />
Put Your Business<br />
in the Spotlight<br />
Great<br />
Valentines<br />
Ideas!<br />
557 Lincoln Rd, Lewiston<br />
207-783-1731<br />
BobsPeanuts.com<br />
Auto | Home<br />
Life | Retirement<br />
909 Minot Ave, Auburn<br />
207-783-3660<br />
agents.horacemann.com/AVIR<br />
Contact<br />
Amy St. Hilaire<br />
207-402-1070<br />
amy@uncleandys.com<br />
SWEETHEARTS PHOTO CONTEST<br />
Stay tuned to find out who the winner is...<br />
in the March issue of <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong>!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
26 February <strong>2023</strong><br />
As hillbillies age, they become hillwilliams.
Doing nothing is really hard to do. You never really know when you’re done.<br />
AMAZING FOODS FROM THE SEA & LAND!<br />
Come in and warm up with a hot meal or chowder!<br />
Crosswords<br />
Submitted by Tyla Davis<br />
My friend asked me<br />
to help him with his<br />
crossword puzzle as<br />
he was struggling with<br />
4 across.<br />
“What’s the clue?” I<br />
asked.<br />
Lobster roll, chowder & coleslaw<br />
The Village Inn<br />
Serving our customers for over 40 years<br />
Open Wednesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com • 165 High Street, Auburn<br />
“Overworked postman,”<br />
he said.<br />
I said, “How many<br />
letters?”<br />
“Thousands!”<br />
I went to McDonald’s and ordered two large fries. They gave me 75 tiny ones instead.<br />
YOUR #1 SOURCE IN THE<br />
GREATER LA METRO AREA TO<br />
ENTERTAIN, INFORM, & INSPIRE!<br />
LA METRO<br />
WINTER <strong>2023</strong><br />
MAGAZINE<br />
STEVE ROOP<br />
The man of many cheers<br />
Page 34<br />
SCAN HERE TO READ<br />
THE LATEST ISSUE!<br />
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Doesn’t it seem odd that you have to trust a bank with your money, but they don’t even trust you with their pens?<br />
Bringing the Ocean to your Table<br />
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Available<br />
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Take out • Dine in<br />
Homemade Goods<br />
Gift Certificates Available<br />
The freshest seafood around!<br />
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DID YOU<br />
KNOW?<br />
On February 14,<br />
1929, penicillin was<br />
introduced by a young<br />
bacteriologist named<br />
Sir Alexander Fleming,<br />
who discovered the<br />
mold by-product<br />
accidentally a few<br />
months earlier.<br />
Before they got married, Jay-Z called his wife “Feyonce.”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 27
HATS<br />
MUGS<br />
The police kept trying to arrest the hacker, but he kept eluding them. He ransomware.<br />
Call us for a quote<br />
TODAY!<br />
EMBROIDERY<br />
SCREENPRINTING<br />
Get your jackets,<br />
sweatshirts, &<br />
vests here!<br />
PENS<br />
BAGS<br />
Poisson & Sons Auto Care<br />
260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144<br />
FULL SERVICE GAS STATION<br />
February <strong>2023</strong><br />
Stickers are due!<br />
11 12 1<br />
10 MOTOR VEHICLE 2<br />
9<br />
8<br />
23<br />
7<br />
0215697<br />
6<br />
24<br />
5<br />
3<br />
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Winter is here!<br />
Clear your windows<br />
Check your fluids (oil, coolant, washer fluid)<br />
Test your battery<br />
Pack a winter safety kit<br />
Keep fuel at least half full<br />
CAMPING SEASON IS A FEW MONTHS AWAY!<br />
Will you be ready?<br />
WEAR<br />
Quality<br />
Products<br />
Reasonable<br />
Pricing<br />
205 Washington St.<br />
South, Auburn<br />
207-784-4184<br />
coastaltshirts.com<br />
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?<br />
CALL OF THE WILD RV CENTER<br />
848 Main Street, Oxford<br />
207-539-4410 • www.callofthewildrv.com<br />
Accounting<br />
& Tax<br />
Service You<br />
Can Trust!<br />
MICHAEL G. SPAULDING, P.A.<br />
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Tax Planning & Preparation<br />
for Individuals and Business<br />
207.782.1040 • PO Box 895, Auburn, ME 04212<br />
mspaulding@androscoggin.tax<br />
Out ‘n About with our <strong>Digest</strong> Sweethearts<br />
Sponsored by Nutty Netties Cafe<br />
Christina<br />
& Robert<br />
Edwards<br />
Together<br />
12 years,<br />
married 9<br />
years<br />
Robert &<br />
Sarah-ann<br />
Bouthot<br />
Together<br />
2 years,<br />
married in<br />
August<br />
Steve Simard<br />
Marketing Specialist<br />
207.754.1815<br />
steve@<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
9 Grove Street,<br />
Auburn, ME 04210<br />
Office:<br />
207-783-7039<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
28 February <strong>2023</strong><br />
When I was a kid, I wanted to play the guitar very badly.<br />
Now after years of practice, I can play the guitar... very badly.
The Earth’s makeup is 70% of uncarbonated water. Therefore, the Earth is flat.<br />
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<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
30 February <strong>2023</strong><br />
Surely, we can just call it Zealand by now. It’s been around for a while.
Out ‘n About with our <strong>Digest</strong> Sweethearts<br />
Sponsored by Nutty Netties Cafe<br />
The future of <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> &<br />
LA Metro Magazine – PAM ASHBY<br />
Emily Cormier<br />
with Acadia<br />
Together 2.5 years<br />
Anna McNeil<br />
& Richard<br />
Winchester<br />
Together 6 years<br />
Ben Wigant &<br />
Kyla Sturtevant<br />
Together 3 years<br />
Brittany & Jamie<br />
Robbins<br />
Together 11 years<br />
Don Iler & Kaitlyn<br />
Pelletier<br />
Together 3.5 years<br />
Lydia Ashby<br />
& Oakley<br />
Wanser<br />
Together 5 years<br />
Dee & Gerry<br />
Gagne<br />
Married 23 years<br />
Tricia & Jamie<br />
Downs<br />
Married 8 years<br />
Auburn, ME – Fans of <strong>Uncle</strong><br />
Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> and LA Metro<br />
Magazine will notice some<br />
small changes in the coming<br />
months, indicative of greater<br />
plans on the horizon. Pam<br />
Ashby, publisher for both<br />
magazines, is in the process<br />
of taking over ownership from<br />
current CEO, Sue Marston.<br />
While this announcement is<br />
news to those on the outside,<br />
the plan has been years in the<br />
making.<br />
“Jim’s vision was always for Pam to step into this leadership role,”<br />
says Marston of Ashby, who joined the <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s team as a<br />
graphic designer in 2013 before becoming editor-in-chief for<br />
both publications in 2017. “She has a deep knowledge of running<br />
each magazine, and his plan was to mentor her for a year to learn<br />
the business side of things.”<br />
Unfortunately, the best laid plans do not always come to fruition.<br />
A true pillar in the LA community known for his work with <strong>Uncle</strong><br />
Andy’s, LA Metro, and the Summer Block Party, which directly benefits<br />
the Make-A-Wish Maine Foundation, Sue’s late husband, Jim<br />
“Jimbo” Marston’s courageous battle with cancer came to an end<br />
on June 14, 2022. While Sue did not miss a beat stepping in to<br />
keep both publications thriving, her leadership over the magazines<br />
was only meant to be temporary, and Pam’s turn to take the<br />
reins – and bring Jim’s vision full circle – has arrived.<br />
Bringing more than 20 years’ worth of experience in graphic design<br />
and magazine production from Auburn, Maine to Dallas, Texas<br />
and back again, Marston and the publications’ teams are eager<br />
and enthusiastic to see the next direction for the magazines under<br />
Ashby’s leadership.<br />
“We are still determining next steps regarding future plans for the<br />
magazine, but the most important piece has been determined,”<br />
Marston explains. “With Pam, we have someone in charge with extensive<br />
expertise.”<br />
Heading into the springtime months, <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> and LA<br />
Metro Magazine will host a series of roundtable discussions open<br />
to both publications’ contributors and readership, asking attendees<br />
to weigh in on the ideas planned for future of the magazines.<br />
Details will be provided through each publication as well as social<br />
media.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong>, available at nearly 1,000 locations, has been<br />
providing highly targeted print advertising to the Lewiston, Auburn,<br />
and Central Maine areas since 1996, delivering local event highlights,<br />
humor, and short stories in a free monthly publication.<br />
LA Metro Magazine is a premium quality lifestyle magazine with a<br />
mission to entertain, inspire, and inform its readers with a unique<br />
variety of original stories about local businesses and individuals, all<br />
accented by outstanding photography that provides something of<br />
interest for everyone, while supporting the arts, literature, charities,<br />
and all things helping our communities move forward.
CALL THE PROS<br />
Boost Your Immunity<br />
Book Your Massage. Be Well.<br />
Office & Light Industrial Cleaning Services<br />
Mike Magretto<br />
Veteran Owned & Operated<br />
EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 207-530-8890<br />
RON’S<br />
TRANSMISSION REPAIR SERVICE<br />
YOUR FULL SERVICE<br />
REPAIR FACILITY<br />
OIL CHANGES<br />
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STRUTS<br />
INSPECTIONS<br />
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515 Gardiner Rd. Wales<br />
Ron<br />
Charpentier, Jr.,<br />
Owner<br />
Bring Your Car to<br />
Ron for a check up!<br />
229 Center Street, Auburn<br />
(207) 402-8654 • www.lamassagemaine.com<br />
Get Ready for Vacation with<br />
a Snorkel or SCUBA class!<br />
Scuba Class<br />
for the entire family<br />
Barclay’s Skindivers Paradise<br />
805 Main Street, Lewiston • 784-7300 • www.skindiversparadise.net<br />
FULL COLOR DIGITAL PRINTING<br />
Posters • Booklets<br />
Carbonless forms • Envelopes<br />
Business Cards & More!<br />
OFFERING<br />
Residential<br />
Commercial<br />
Clean Outs<br />
Roll Offs<br />
844-ME-TRASH<br />
844-638-7274<br />
60 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-782-0525 • evergreencustomprinting.com<br />
The only thing we don’t throw away is our customer service!<br />
SERVING<br />
Oxford Hills • Lewiston/Auburn• McFalls/Minot/Poland<br />
Bridgton/Denmark • Raymond/Naples<br />
9 Marston St. Norway, Ste.3 • TiceWasteManagement.com<br />
Your trusted,<br />
nonprofit resource<br />
for assistance<br />
and information<br />
Medicare counseling • Caregiver support<br />
Educational programming • Meals on Wheels<br />
seniorsplus.org • 1-800-427-1241<br />
Serving Greater Central Maine<br />
Ensuring<br />
Your Home<br />
is a Safe Place<br />
RICK BROWNING<br />
Certified Inspector<br />
207-619-0868<br />
upfronthi@gmail.com<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
32 February <strong>2023</strong><br />
Have you ever noticed if you scream in a library people tell you to be quiet,<br />
but if you do it on an airplane, everyone joins in.
CALL THE PROS<br />
Do you have radiator or engine problems?<br />
Our experienced professional technicians can help!<br />
Lincoln Street<br />
RADIATOR SHOP<br />
Family owned & operated since 1967<br />
207-784-9356<br />
1522 Lisbon Street, Lewiston<br />
We are skilled in<br />
diagnosing all kinds<br />
of mechanical issues<br />
Monday-Friday: 8a-5p<br />
Coach Terry’s<br />
REDEMPTION CENTER<br />
The friendly<br />
redemption center<br />
8 Tidswell Road, Turner<br />
207-225-2008<br />
Open daily 8am to 4pm<br />
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION<br />
Now is the perfect time to start<br />
your musical dreams!<br />
Main Street Music Lessons<br />
33 Dunn Street, Auburn<br />
www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com<br />
LA’S #1 STOP<br />
FOR ALL YOUR<br />
MUSIC NEEDS!<br />
Lessons<br />
Repairs<br />
Sales<br />
Rentals<br />
Welcoming new<br />
students for in<br />
person lessons!<br />
207-376-3376<br />
SHOW YOUR LOVE WITH A FIREARM<br />
HUGE SELECTION OF<br />
GUNS • AMMO • SUPPLIES<br />
Fine Line<br />
Gun Shop<br />
(207) 998-2374<br />
590 Plains Rd., Poland<br />
Call<br />
for your<br />
FREE QUOTE<br />
Today!<br />
Your Vision.<br />
Our Expertise.<br />
Kitchens, Baths,<br />
Decks, & More!<br />
Amy<br />
St. Hilaire<br />
Marketing Specialist<br />
Cell:<br />
207-402-1070<br />
amy@<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
207-212-7791<br />
www.vghomeimprovements.com<br />
9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME 04210 • 207-783-7039<br />
My new watch is so expensive I had to finance it. I’m living on borrowed time.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 33
Out ‘n About<br />
with our <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Sweethearts<br />
Sponsored by<br />
Nutty Netties Cafe<br />
I run a popular Plastic Surgery Addiction support group. Every week we see new faces.<br />
If my wife<br />
made whiskey, I’d<br />
love her still.<br />
Keith & Tyla<br />
Davis<br />
Together 13 years,<br />
married 10 years<br />
Thomas & Cara<br />
Duchette<br />
Together 6 years,<br />
married in 2022<br />
Wish Kid<br />
Abby<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> is a proud supporter<br />
of Make-A-Wish Maine.<br />
April Arsenault &<br />
Matt Schreiber<br />
Together 26 years,<br />
married 18 years<br />
Consider becoming a sponsor of our<br />
9th Annual Summer Block Party.<br />
Visit www.LASummerBlockParty.com or call 207-783-7039<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
34 February <strong>2023</strong><br />
To the person who stole my glasses: I will find you! I have contacts!
My sister is married to a coal miner. She met him on a carbon dating site.<br />
RoopersBeverage.com<br />
Lynn Bouchard<br />
Manager at Lisbon St Roopers<br />
Lynn started out working as a cashier for Roopers in July 2014. It<br />
didn't take long to see her potential. Within the first six months of her<br />
employment, Lynn worked her way up from Cashier to Assistant<br />
Manager and eventually to Manager. Over the years, she has been a<br />
great asset to the establishment, including helping train other<br />
managers.<br />
As a professional woman working in the fast-paced environment that<br />
is Roopers, Lynn's most significant struggle has been finding a good<br />
work/life balance. Yet, she has proven to be a great Mother, Wife, and<br />
Store Manager. When asked about the most significant transition<br />
Roopers has undergone during her years here, she replied, "This one<br />
is hard...the one big change that happened was the loss of Steve. The<br />
challenge now is to continue making Steve prouder of us all."<br />
Lynn is the Manager at the Roopers Lisbon Street location. Her<br />
favorite part of Roopers is the fantastic team of people she works<br />
with and all the customers that come in and out of the store.<br />
Jesse St. Laurent writes: "I am proud of her and her struggles. She is a<br />
very resilient, dedicated person and employee. Loyal to the end. So<br />
proud to work and watch her grow!" To our friend and loyal<br />
companion Lynn, thank you for being a dedicated employee and<br />
helping build Roopers up to what it is today.<br />
980 Main Street, Oxford |539.6072<br />
1420 Lisbon Street, Lewiston |333.3095<br />
794 Sabattus Street, Lewiston | 783.6353<br />
686 Main Street, Lewiston | 344.1200<br />
301 Main Street, Auburn | 783.9098<br />
545 Minot Ave, Auburn | 783.2047<br />
Home Support<br />
Physical, Speech, &<br />
Occupational Therapy<br />
Physical, speech, and<br />
occupational therapy services.<br />
Care & Comfort in your own home or our office.<br />
368 Minot Avenue, Suite 3, Auburn<br />
Phone: 207-333-5022 • Fax: 207-333-5089<br />
Cell: 207-513-2279 • Email: davispt2019@icloud.com<br />
The local meteorologist called for “Motown Weather.” We can expect Three Degrees... Four Tops.
YOUR VEHICLE WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT!<br />
Heavy duty pickup ...... $159.95<br />
Full size van .......... $159.95<br />
Plus applicable taxes<br />
RUST PROTECTION Pricing Policy<br />
Any car .............. $139.95 2 door pickup . ......... $149.95<br />
Mini van ............. $149.95 X-large SUV . .......... $159.95<br />
Sm., Med., or Lg. SUV ... $149.95 3 & 4 door pickup ....... $159.95<br />
23 Lisbon St., Lisbon/Lewiston line • theshopclassicrestorations.com • 207-353-6100<br />
DON’T KNOW<br />
WHAT TO DO<br />
NEXT? WE DO. ®<br />
WATER FIRE MOLD<br />
29 Brickyard Circle, Auburn<br />
(800) 244-7630<br />
(207) 539-4452<br />
For any disaster,<br />
call ServiceMaster!<br />
www.smfireandwater.com<br />
www.smcarpetcleaning.com<br />
Loving is not looking at each other. It’s looking in the same direction.<br />
RMS has joined the Guild Mortgage family<br />
We are stronger together<br />
It’s NEVER too late to<br />
rustproof your vehicle!<br />
the ULTIMATE in RUST PROTECTION<br />
Debbie Bodwell<br />
NMLS# 280336<br />
Debbie.Bodwell@guildmortgage.net<br />
181 Center Street, Auburn, ME 04210<br />
207.754.3962<br />
I am authorized to do business in the states of Maine, North Carolina, South Carolina and Virginia. (www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org)<br />
Guild Mortgage Company; NMLS #3274; Equal Housing Opportunity; www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
36 February <strong>2023</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys<strong>Digest</strong>.com
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