Triffids Beard 2 - The Bearded Triffid

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Anacrites Chief spy at the palace and no friend of our boy Footsie the Midget and the Man on the Barrel Members of Anacrites staff A prison rat Ditto, probably Severina Zotica A professional bride Chloe Her feminist parrot Thalia A curious snake A dancer who does curious things with snakes Gaius Cerinthus Somebody the parrot knows, suspiciously absent from the scene I simply couldn't resist, which was annoying because there are currently six books in the series and that's a lot of money. But I dug deep into my pocket and bought and read them all and I certainly didn't regret it. I can't remember when I last enjoyed a series more. When I got home, I took a bit of a rest from detective novels and picked up a non-fiction book called Nothing to Declare by someone rejoicing in the name of "Taki". Apparently he is an upper crust gossip columnist for the London papers. In 1984, while passing through Heathrow airport, he was discovered to be in possession of cocaine and was sentenced to three months in prison. The book is his account of his life behind bars. I bought it because the blurb on the back says "...easily the best book to emerge from a stint in one of Her Majesty's jails since Oscar Wilde's De Profundis nearly a century ago". Well I should have known better than to believe the blurb. It's an appallingly bad book. Taki is an unutterable snob and very little of the book has anything at all to say about life inside. Virtually all of it concerns the name-dropping exploits of his fast crowd of chinless wonders and Sloane Rangers. Don't bother with it. By now it was convention time, and I hopped on an aeroplane to Christchurch to visit Constellation, New Zealand's 17th annual SF convention. About ten minutes after the plane took off from Auckland it landed back at Auckland suffering from "a minor mechanical malfunction", to quote the pilot. Fortunately it turned out that it really was a minor problem and after sitting on the tarmac for about an hour listening to engineers thump things with big hammers we took off again. This time the flight south was uneventful and I passed the time by reading The Bloody Red Baron by Kim Newman. This sequel to Anno Dracula is set during the first world war. Dracula, having been driven out of Englandat the end of the previous book, has used the intervening years to make alliances with various of the royal houses of Europe and he plays them off, one against the other. Soon the continent is embroiled in a bloody war to end all wars. One of the heroes of the German offensive is the vampire air ace Manfred Von Richtofen. (whose biography is being written by Edgar Allan Poe). Opposing him are a small cadre of dedicated British air aces under the command of Edward Winthrop. They include Albert Ball, the shadowy figure of Kent Allard, and a certain James Bigglesworth and his pals Ginger, Bertie and Algy. Several other famous people also appear. Lady Chatterley's gamekeeper Mellors has a pivotal part to play in the affair and the spy Ashenden, fresh from his exploits in Switzerland, has a walk on part. Newman has enormous fun with these little touches, but behind the references and jokes there is a tense and exciting tale, brilliantly told. Anno Dracula was one the highlights of my reading last year. The Bloody Red Baron is one of the highlights of this year. And there may be more to come... One of the events of the convention was the launch of a collection of short stories by members of the Phoenix SF Society. The book, edited by Phillip Mann, is called Tales from The Out of Time Cafe. The stories, each of which describes an aspect of the Cafe's existence, are uniformly excellent. Phoenix and its writers deserve to feel very proud of themselves -- there isn't a weak one in the bunch. The book demonstrates highly professional writing skills and it can hold its head up proudly in any company. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. And I also enjoyed meeting Amelia Earhart, Elvis, Bob the duty manager (an inspired invention -- she is a brilliant character, brilliantly characterised) and all other people and things who drift in and out of the Cafe. One the great strengths of the stories is that the characters learn from their experiences and change and develop as the stories continue. This gives them an added dimension that brings them alive and makes the reader care. These aren't ciphers going through the motions (as are so many science fiction "characters"). So when we learn of Manny's ultimate fate, for
example, it is genuinely moving. On the way back from Christchurch I read Stephen Baxter's new book Ring. This is a super hi-tech novel in the grand old tradition. It has a convoluted plot, gigantic themes and devices and no characters about whom you can care at all. They go through the motions like robots, humbled into insignificance by the sheer overwhelming complexity of the universe. If you like your SF very, very hard you will love this book. Otherwise don't bother. There is no art in this book, no lasting values. It's a wiring diagram with dialogue. The other Stephen (Stephen King) keeps on coming at you with his his serial novel. We are now up to episode th and the tension is nail-biting. The plot is developing pleasing levels of complexity. The murderer Coffey is more than he at first seemed (there are even suggestions that he may be innocent, but we do not yet know whether or not he will escape his date with the electric chair). We are obviously heading for a crisis -- Mr Jingles the mouse is in trouble and the first rehearsals for the execution of Eduard Delacroix have been held. The next installment promises to be a cracker! The Green Mile is proving to be one of Stephen King's best novels. I WANT TO KNOW HOW IT ALL WORKS OUT (sob!). But like everybody else, I will have to wait for three more months. There is an internet discussion group about the novels of Stephen King. Recently someone posted a message hoping that Stephen King doesn't die before he finishes the last volume! Fans all over the world would explode with frustration if that happened. It doesn't bear thinking about. Lord Dunsany The Travel Tales of Mr Joséph Jorkens G. P. Putnams My Talks with Dean Spanley Heinemann Christopher Evans Mortal Remains Gollancz Lindsey Davis The Silver Pigs Ballantine Shadows in Bronze Pan The Iron Hand of Mars Arrow Venus in Copper Poseidon's Gold Last Act in Palmyra Taki Nothing to Declare Atlantic Monthly Press Kim Newman The Bloody Red Baron Simon & Schuster Phillip Mann (Editor) Tales from the Out of Time Cafe The Hazard Press Stephen Baxter Ring Harper Stephen King The Green Mile Part 3: Coffey's Hands Penguin
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Trimmings From The Triffid's Beard
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Foreword Unlike most holics, (if, a
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Buster Keaton and the lateral mind
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Movie Go Round Phlogiston Thirty-Fi
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crisps and a most revolting orange
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Lingua Frankly Phlogiston Thirty-Si
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tranquil islands of San Serif as th
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linguistic analysis. It is a theme
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up is laughable (feudalism across t
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perhaps over six feet." or "The per
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A Dozen Drabbles Phlogiston Thirty-
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This sort of thing had been going o
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In the story Jack Connie Willis cho
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(assuming the author describes them
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You should also consider whether or
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The Lesser Spotted Science Fiction
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. . . She peered at the cracked man
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stick. He hit the bed, and it was s
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Funny Business Phlogiston Forty-One
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...A large bottle. And in the bottl
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His wit and wisdom are highly prais
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16 novels, a Companion and a Mappe,
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weekends, many fine fictional works
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Zelazny brought Corwin's struggle t
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ordinary). He has also written some
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using them. Such ideas are reinforc
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that is quite frightening in the ra
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(v = velocity of aeroplane, c = spe
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press in recent years about people
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John Kilian Houston Brunner (1934-1
Page 77 and 78: In the Beginning Phoenixine Seventy
Page 80 and 81: It's Only Words Phoenixine Seventy-
Page 82: Alan Dean Foster Montezuma Strip As
Page 85 and 86: Drachenfels is absolutely brilliant
Page 88 and 89: There's a Pigeon in the Hole Phlogi
Page 90 and 91: detective story. Currently, under t
Page 92: Shock -- The unofficial Iain M Bank
Page 95: worlds (The Two Timers), interstell
Page 98 and 99: that were published in the Azazel c
Page 100 and 101: they came out and his new one is ju
Page 103 and 104: To Be Continued Phoenixine Seventy-
Page 105: searching out and nullifying sabote
Page 108 and 109: various acquaintances. Most of the
Page 112 and 113: The Mixture As Before Phoenixine Ei
Page 114 and 115: Paul J. McAuley's new novel Fairyla
Page 116: John Barnes Kaleidoscope Century Mi
Page 119 and 120: and move hastily on. It is also qui
Page 121: outside of these areas it is corres
Page 124 and 125: Bushell of the Royal American Mount
Page 127: Genre? Phoenixine Eighty-Two, July
Page 132 and 133: ody, and the game is afoot. The res
Page 135 and 136: Living in an SF Novel Phoenixine Ei
Page 137 and 138: Robyn Gossett is an entertaining wr
Page 140 and 141: Youthful Vices Phoenixine Eighty-Fi
Page 142 and 143: story is ever continued, I will be
Page 145 and 146: Connections Phoenixine Eighty-Six,
Page 147 and 148: have worried. She is on the top of
Page 150 and 151: New Things Phoenixine Eighty-Eight,
Page 152 and 153: novel with a lot of libertarian pre
Page 155 and 156: Oh Frabjous Day Phoenixine Eighty-N
Page 157: Falco, the detective in Vespasian's
Page 160 and 161: autobiography and several smaller a
Page 162: anyone to be proud of. But Malafren
Page 165 and 166: It sounded good and I dived into it
Page 168 and 169: Real Hols Phoenixine Ninety-One, Ma
Page 170 and 171: few months ago and complained that
Page 173 and 174: I Can't Lift up My Book Phoenixine
Page 175 and 176: There was a time, many years ago, w
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Moronicity Phoenixine Ninety-Three,
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my body opening in anticipation of
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Cats Phoenixine Ninety-Four, June 1
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With Higher Education, Sheffield an
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Food Phoenixine Ninety-Five, July 1
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through. His books pull you up with
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Snot Phoenixine Ninety-Six, August
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I have no hesitation in recommendin
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Tower Blocks and Graffiti Phoenixin
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picture had appeared on the wall an
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As I collected my luggage, the clou
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the Kay Scarpetta stories. Other th
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Ah -- so now I was having earthquak
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went back to the dentist. "Oh yes,
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Tony Phoenixine One-Hundred, Decemb
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ut when she puts her mind to it she
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Bouncy Phoenixine One-Hundred and O
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slammed shut as the wind screamed p
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A series of bizarre murders is shak
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The Universe Hates Me Phoenixine On
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humour with which this farrago of n
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Diatribe on Language Phoenixine One
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unless your school principle says s
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with large gaps in his memory and a
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Toilets Phoenixine One-Hundred and
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wall rather than recessed into it.
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Richard Matheson I am Legend Orb Ro
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almost a reprise of the war of 1812
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McConnell's book Code Complete proc
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Fiji Phoenixine One-Hundred and Six
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Every night the resident trio of mu
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The next day I flew home and the vi
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Triffids Beard 2 - The Bearded Triffid

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