Triffids Beard 2 - The Bearded Triffid

cockroach swarm.
"Who's there?" it bellowed angrily.
It grabbed a handful of cockroaches and rammed them firmly into each eye socket. Feelers waved
curiously from the holes as it got up and staggered towards John.
He turned and ran from the bug eyed monster.
Trade Secrets
The holy father shuffled his notes and looked out at the hopeful faces staring up at him.
"Now that you have ended your training," he said, "and you are about to go out and spread the word of
God among the heathen, there remains only one more thing for you to learn. You cannot convert the
unbelievers until your body language itself tells the world of your faith. Correct posture is vital."
With the support of a friend the holy father demonstrated his meaning, and a buzz of excitement filled
the room as all the eager missionaries assumed the position.
Virtual Unreality
John was getting the hang of the game now. You had to time things just right to kill as many aliens as
possible. The computer was unforgiving. One mistake and you were dead.
The computer was getting the hang of the game now. You had to time things just right to let the player
kill as many aliens as possible. But you had to be unforgiving. One mistake by the player and he was
dead.
John looked forward to killing aliens. The computer looked forward to killing John. Computer games are
metaphors for life on both sides of the screen.
Alien 5
The alien spread its tentacles and sang a Wagnerian aria. The troops surrounding its flying saucer
listened in awe as the perfect notes floated over them. When it finished, they burst into spontaneous
applause. The alien bowed slightly and cleared its throat. Then it began to sing a selection of songs by
Schubert.
Unfortunately the recital was interrupted by the arrival of the General, who was not a music lover. He
strode up to the alien and growled, "What is going on here?"
The alien stopped singing, stared at the General and smiled.
"Take me to your lieder," it demanded.
(The pun in this one is so obvious that I simply can't believe I am the first person to think of it. If any of
you are aware of any previous incarnations of it, please let me know.)
Circles
John stared angrily at the regular geometric patterns spread all over the field. His crop was completely
ruined, the stalks flattened and split, pressed down into huge circles and spirals.
There had been no warning—John had slept though the whole thing and when he awoke this morning,
there they were as far as the eye could see.