Triffids Beard 2 - The Bearded Triffid

Microsoftie
Phoenixine Eighty-Three, August 1996
I began the month with a particularly boring book which I only bought because it was on special, but I
really shouldn't have bothered. Microsoft Secrets purports to take the lid off Microsoft's corporate
strategy and to reveal the methods that have made it such a successful company. Well, I suppose that it
does just that and to that I end I guess the book fulfils its stated purpose. But it is written in such turgid,
mind-numbingly boring prose that few people will ever manage to struggle through it. There are valuable
lessons to be learned here and the book really and truly does contain many nuggets of gold. It certainly
places Microsoft in its historical perspective and analyses quite keenly the tactical advantages that the
company has gained for itself in its pursuit of its long term strategic goals. The way the thing works is
eye opening (and the descriptions of just how the products are developed had its fascinations, given
that I am a programmer and I have a natural interest in how these things work). How such a deeply
interesting topic can be rendered so stultifyingly dull is quite a conundrum. But the authors succeed
despite themselves. The book is a perfect object lesson in how not to write.
In urgent need of something to prevent my eyes glazing over I turned to Wild Side by Stephen Gould,
an author you may well not have heard of. Every so often, I deliberately buy a book by an author I have
never read before, just to keep the interest up. Mostly there are very good reasons why I have never
heard of the author, but just occasionally I strike it lucky. About three years ago I read Jumper and was
immediately hooked. Not that it did me any good, Gould immediately fell silent and produced nothing
else. Imagine my delight when a new novel appeared. Even though it was a quite expensive hardback, I
bought it immediately and I was not disappointed. Charlie has inherited a farm from his uncle. Just
behind a heavy wooden door hidden at the back of an old barn, he discovers a tunnel into an alternate
Earth where mankind seems never to have evolved. The world is a primitive paradise. Animals and birds
long since extinct on our own world are here in abundant numbers in the unspoiled wilderness. This is
the wild side and it is Charlie's to explore. But to explore a whole world you need equipment and money
to buy the equipment. The secret is too big to keep and it isn't long before it leaks out. Then the
fireworks really start as an unscrupulous government tries to take advantage of the situation.
The story is a good old fashioned sense of wonder, edge of the seat, nail bitingly taut thriller and I
couldn't put it down. Indeed, having finished it and therefore being forced to put it down, I immediately
went and pulled Jumper down from the shelf and re-read it. It concerns a young boy who is able to
teleport. The implications of the idea are examined in fascinating detail as the hero uses his talent to
escape from various nasty situations. How he uses it to make a success of his life is the theme of the
first part of the book. The use(and abuse) of his talent becomes more and more blatent. The secret is
too big to keep and it isn't long before it leaks out. Then the fireworks really start as an unscrupulous
government tries to take advantage of the situation.
You may recognise the last two sentences. The last two paragraphs both finish with them. I am
beginning to wonder if Gould is a one theme writer.
Despite this cynicism, I still heartily recommend the books. They are thematically linked, there is no doubt
about that, but they both of them tell a rollicking good yarn, and I can forgive a lot of sins for that.
And then I arrived home from work one day and sitting on my doorstep was a parcel of books from
England and my cup ran over. The parcel contained the new Terry Pratchett novels -- Feet of Clay (a
Discworld novel) and Johnny and the Bomb (the sequel, sort of, to Johnny and the Dead). Not only
that, there was Dave Langford's quizbook as well (subtitled The Unseen University Challenge). I
became incommunicado and sat down and wallowed in Pratchettiana.
Feet of Clay is another story of the city guard. All our old favourite characters are here (together with
a few new ones). They are investigating a series of killings that seem to have been carried out by a
golem. The curator of the Dwarf Bread Museum has been done to death with some battle bread. The
museum has exhibits of close combat crumpets and deadly throwing toast, and the curator has written
the definitive work on offensive baking. Not surprisingly, Carrot finds it fascinating. Then he finds the