Triffids Beard 2 - The Bearded Triffid

don't try and mangle it into something that it isn't.
The increasing popularity of word processing software and spell checking programs means that few
people these days make spelling mistakes (unless they abuse the program, or are too lazy to invoke it in
the first place or they fall into the homonym trap -- see later). However there exist, as yet, no grammar
checkers worthy of the name. The only ones I've come across seem to do little except make delphic
pronouncements concerning the passive voice; something that I find less than helpful.
As a consequence of this, many modern written communications tend to come littered with errors of
the "should've / should of" variety and again, meaning and precision are sacrificed at the altar of utility.
Four techniques form the basis of our written language, and if any of these techniques are misused we
progressively lose clarity of expression, and meaning vanishes before our very eyes. The techniques are
spelling, punctuation, grammar and rhetoric -- and I'm going to talk about all four of them and try to
demonstrate exactly what I mean.
Straight out of the box, a spell checker will tell you about the words you have misspelled, and you can
instruct it to fix them with a fair degree of confidence. However after a few months of carelessly hitting
the "Add" button and putting the misspelled words into your custom dictionary you start to let the
misspellings trickle through. Some of these mistakes are caused by accident and some by the honestly
held but mistaken belief that the computer is wrong and you are right. I am appalled, for example, at the
number of people who seem to think "alot" is the correct way to spell "a lot" and who have therefore
added it to their dictionary. However no spell checker will warn you about words that are spelled
differently but sound the same. Homonyms are not synonyms and English has rather too many for
comfort. Consider the following paragraph:
Their is only one way to discuss weather the whether is fine. Your on you're own if you think they're are
others. If you think their might be rain you should ask someone if you could borrow there umbrella, or
perhaps where an overcoat. If someone asks wear you got it, be discrete. If you are scene at the seen
of an umbrella burglary, refuse to talk on principal. Carrying a discreet number of umbrellas is not a
crime unless your school principle says so.
It passes my spell checker with nary a murmur, but every single use of
there / their / they're,
your / you're
weather / whether
discrete / discreet
principle / principal
seen / scene
where / wear
is completely wrong. I really don't know how many homonyms English has; I think it might be an open
ended list.
Punctuation symbols are used to divide sets of words into meaningful blocks. They indicate breathing
pauses and the word stress; the end of one idea and the start of another. Read your words out loud -you'll
soon see where the punctuation has to go as you breathe.
Most punctuation is actually pretty robust and can be mis-used without detracting too much from the
sense. Misplaced or omitted commas just add awkwardness and a vague sense of disquiet. The use of
the semi-colon is becoming a dying art. However the full stop is not so forgiving. Omitting it (or putting it
in the wrong place) can completely destroy the sense. Let's try the above paragraph again:
Their is only one way to discuss weather the whether is fine your on you're own if you think they're are
others if you think their might be rain you should ask someone if you could borrow there umbrella or
perhaps where an overcoat if someone asks wear you got it be discrete if you are scene at the seen of
an umbrella burglary refuse to talk on principal carrying a discreet number of umbrellas is not a crime