Triffids Beard 2 - The Bearded Triffid

Break In
Phoenixine Ninety, February 1996
Some friends were staying with me, sleeping in the back room. One morning, around 12:45am one of
them snuck into my bedroom and woke me up.
"There's a prowler out the back," she reported. "I can hear him and see his torch."
I went to investigate and found several panels removed from the louvre window and one more on its
way and a hulking shape, disturbed by the lights and voices in the house, running away. I yelled at him
as I watched him disappear round the side of the house and vanish into the night.
I called the police and they arrived within three minutes. A couple of minutes later a dog handler turned
up. They searched diligently, but he was gone without a trace.
It was a frightening experience -- but there is no doubt the man was totally inept. I examined the
damage the next day and found that before removing the louvre windows he had tried to lever the
frame out instead! He only gave that up when it proved too difficult (and probably too noisy -- I suspect
it was that which initially woke my friend up). But why did he try to break in to a house with people in it
anyway? He must have known -- there were three cars in the drive and a rubbish bin placed out on the
pavement for collection. What a wanker!
At the time this happened I was reading Deception by Eleanor Cooney and Daniel Altieri. It is a detective
novel set in Tang dynasty China and the hero is Judge Dee, a real life person who was used by the Dutch
Sinologist Robert van Gulik in a series of detective novels published in the 1950s. I have long been a fan
of these novels and so I fell on this with glad cries of glee when I found it in a London Bookshops
remainder sale. I must admit, though, that this novel falls short of the mark.
For example, on several occasions, characters ask the Judge how he deduced the guilt of this or that
character. The Judge tells them, BUT HE DOES NOT TELL THE READER. We don't find out until much
later, since if the clues are explained too soon, some suspense will presumably be destroyed. I find this
technique infuriating. Furthermore, the plot of the novel revolves around arcane interpretations of
Bhuddist lore, a subject which I find less than enthralling. These things taken together mean that I
cannot recommend the book. Pity -- I really do like Judge Dee.
I boarded up the window the guy had tried to break in through (it was a superfluous window) and had
the two remaining louvre windows replaced with real ones. I've had security lights fitted -- the kind that
come on when movement is detected. These are currently causing the cats much consternation!
Futhermore I have put locks on the few remaining windows that didn't have them. The place is like Fort
Knox. The only way in is to smash something down (or chainsaw throught the walls). Do you think they
will finally stop? After all, this is the fourth bloody time, five if you count the time the cars were
vandalised and six if you count the graffiti on the house. Why me????
In between all the security work, I read the new Tom Holt, Paint Your Dragon and fortunately it was
very good and very funny. I needed a laugh. Bianca Wilson has carved a monumental statue of George
defeating the Dragon -- it is so good and so lifelike that George and the Dragon both reincarnate into the
statue and fight it out all over again. It turns out that the first time round, George had cheated and the
Dragon feels that evil got a raw deal. Add to the mixture a coach load of demons on holiday from hell
and the farce is with you. I laughed like a drain. This is Tom Holt on the top of his form.
My guests left behind a copy of Foreigner by C. J. Cherryh which had an intriguing premise. Humans
have landed on a planet and been soundly trounced in a war with the natives. Now they are restricted to
one island, with the exception of one human known as the paidhi, a technological liason officer between
the humans and the natives. An attempt to assasinate him fails and the aboriginals hustle him off to the
interior "for his own protection". Though isolated (and finding it hard to distinguish friend from foe) he
must still try to sort out the complexities of the plot against him.