Autobiography

The only flying incident I have been involved in
as a passenger was when returning home from
Portugal one day. It was a normal scheduled
flight with no problems, except that as I took
my seat by the window, a truly huge woman
sat next to my girlfriend Penny in the aisle
seat. Not only was she extremely large, she
also needed a crutch to help her walk. My first
thought, all those years ago, was how had she
managed to lever herself into the seat? Also
travelling on the plane was Henry Cotton the
famous old golfer. Otherwise all was serene
and normal.
It was a route I had travelled many times, both
by commercial airline and flying myself, and I
knew the turns and the geography as well as
driving on a motorway at home. I even knew
the beacons, including Fifty North, the
demarcation line in the Channel, which is called
Ortec. At this point I was aware of the pilot
altering course and reducing power to begin his
approach into Gatwick and then we heard the
following announcement, ‘This is an
emergency, this is an emergency. We are
about to make an emergency landing on water,
we are about to make an emergency landing
on water. Please remain calm, please remain
calm. Put on your lifejackets and remain in
your seats. Remain in your seats. Do not
inflate your lifejackets.’
I sat there wondering how I was going to get
out and what the hell I was going to do. I was
in the worst possible place. Penny had taken
her normal travel pills and was fast asleep. She
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