Walking together: Healing and hope for Colombian refugees

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TALKING ABOUT TRAUMA
Remembrance and Mourning
Talking to refugees about traumatic experiences from their home country may seem like a delicate and
complicated issue, and rightly so. Conversations about past traumas have the potential to heal - or to
re-traumatize.
The church community has great potential to become a healing sanctuary, a space for refugees to share
their stories in their own time. In a refugee’s own words:
“We were able to share our story with the church and not only are we grateful for this, but we
were grateful that the people from the church felt solidarity with our suffering.” - José
In fact, for refugees, talking about their past is an important part of the second stage in recovery from
trauma, remembrance and mourning. In the remembrance and mourning stage the refugee needs
to come to terms with what happened to them and how it has affected their life. By listening to and
talking with the refugees about their losses the church community can provide a safe and supportive
environment for the family as they go through this stage.
It is generally accepted that being able to talk about painful experiences such as traumatic events is
part of the path to healing. The Colombian refugees interviewed in the process of making this guide
overwhelmingly agreed that having someone to talk to about their past is or would be important to them
in their journey of recovery from trauma. Some of their comments can be found in the side bars on the
following pages. You don’t have to be a trained psychologist or counsellor to listen to refugees tell their
stories and respond in a way that promotes healing and recovery.
Finding the balance between when and how to talk about trauma and when to leave the topic alone
will be a process unique to each refugee and their sponsoring church. It is good to keep in mind that
while talking about traumatic experiences in a healing way is important, talking about it too much, to the
extent that the conversations become a vicious cycle victimizing the survivor, is not desirable. Making
an intentional effort to know the refugee’s story and to validate their suffering and strength is a great
gift. Before approaching the topic of trauma, it is essential that sincere, trusting and mutual relationships
have been built between the refugee family and the church members that participate in conversations
about trauma. Without this, the experience of talking about past trauma could put the refugee at risk of
re-traumatization.
Telling their story will take time. While the refugee may yearn to unburden themselves by talking about
their past, they will also need time to build trust with you and gather the courage they know it will take
to re-live the painful moments from their past. Their story may come out in bits and pieces, over time,
as they feel ready to share different parts with you. Never put them on the spot or force the refugee
family to tell their story. Open opportunities for the family to share their story, but be sensitive to whether
or not they are ready to share and respectful of how much they wish to share - let them take the time