Viper Pilot_ A Memoi..

throbbing. “Because that’s where I expect to see you, and if you’re not there, then
I’ve got to find you. That takes up valuable time and pisses me off.”
“Why does it matter if you see me at all”
“Excuse me” His eyes went kind of pointy and his mouth tightened. Out of the
corner of my eye, I saw the F-4 instructor stop writing on the grade sheet and look
up.
“Well . . . you’re not a pilot so why does it matter if you see me or not” The
EWO’s lips disappeared and I clearly remember that his face turned a deep, dusky
red color. Like every blood vessel he had just exploded beneath his skin. “I mean,
aren’t you busy doing something in the backseat” Like winding the clock I didn’t
say that but I was thinking it.
It really was an innocent question; not contentious, because you had to earn the
right to argue. I was just confused. However, the EWO made a little choking sound
as he struggled to comprehend the enormity of what I just said. I saw his mouth
open and close like a guppy, and he sat there with a stupid, stunned expression on
his face. Lots of F-4 guys, this one included, had a cheesy mustache left over from
the 1970s, and his was pointed straight out with rage and indignation. From his
point of view, I was a peon. A Fucking New Guy. And in his world, he was a minor
deity who dispensed knowledge to peanuts like me. If he’d been a pilot, I would’ve
listened without question or comment. But he wasn’t a pilot, and in my world that
meant you didn’t tell me how to do my job.
When the F-4 instructor pilot blinked a couple of times and managed to clear his
throat, I was all ears, but it was too late to salvage the situation. As he pulled me
out of the briefing room, I swear I saw the soles of the EWO’s boots sticking out
from the ceiling, the rest of him having just shot up through the roof.
So it was a rocky start.
F-4 guys would also end every flight brief by adding, “Remember your crew
coordination items,” and then the pilot and EWOs would talk among themselves. A
few days after the exploding EWO incident, I was sitting in a four-ship briefing
when the flight lead closed with that statement. The other F-16 pilot, also a
lieutenant, with fantastic comedic flair but very bad timing, started talking to his
fingers. I mean, they were his crew, right The F-4 guys were not amused at all, but
it got me off the hook. See, I wasn’t the only one.
Some of these EWOs were bitter wash-outs hanging on by their teeth to a
doomed profession. A few of them just lived to belittle young fighter pilots,
because we were a constant reminder of something they could never be. However,
many EWOs were truly gifted, and I came to appreciate that fairly fast. They could